


As Stars Through Our Souls

by LadyRhi



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Balance in the Force (Star Wars), Banter, Body Worship, Canon Divergence, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dark & Light, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Dominant Kylo Ren, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Intimacy, Emotional Sex, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Humor, Forbidden Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Bond Shenanigans, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Lore & Mythology (Star Wars), Force Sex (Star Wars), Intense Gazing, Mutual Pining, POV Rey (Star Wars), Possessive Kylo Ren, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Power Dynamics, Pregnancy, Protective Ben Solo, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Rough Sex, Secret Relationship, Sensuality, Sex as Communication, Skywalker Family Feels, Soft Ben Solo, Solo Snark, The Dark Side of the Force, Touch-Starved, Trust, Unplanned Pregnancy, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:01:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 154,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24542773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyRhi/pseuds/LadyRhi
Summary: Rey is the bright hope of the Resistance, but as loss piles upon loss she feels herself begin to crumble beneath the weight of their expectations. In the privacy of her room, she can vent her feelings and allow herself to fall apart with only the shadows to witness it. More lost than ever, Rey feels a growing desperation to find her place in all of this, heartbroken at the thought that it could mean going on alone.One night, when her sorrows allow the Force to reach out across the galaxy and through her tattered barriers, she rediscovers that sense of connection she'd felt so briefly months before...and turned away from. When she offers a second chance, Rey learns the man she'd failed to cut out of her heart still longs for her with equal intensity.Now, Rey and Ben Solo have a secret. Each committed to opposite sides in a war tearing the galaxy apart, they nurture the unusual Bond they share in stolen moments that grow more meaningful each time the Force draws them together. As the stakes rise ever higher, Rey and Ben learn just what it means to share a love worth fighting for.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 315
Kudos: 435





	1. Wake Me to Dream Once More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes, I think of the sun and moon as lovers  
> who rarely meet, always chase,  
> and almost always miss one another.  
> But once in a while, they do catch up,  
> and they kiss,  
> and the world stares in awe  
> of their eclipse."
> 
> ~ Unknown Author ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> Thank you for finding some time to swing by and check out this little fic of mine!
> 
>  **Note on Sexual Content:** Please know that there is a great deal of explicit sexual content in this story and it earns the tag right from the first chapter. If such scenes aren't your thing, then be forewarned ~ sensuality & intimacy are strong themes here, though I will say that they aren't gratuitous. There is a purpose behind each scene and the physical side of Ben & Rey's relationship plays an important role beyond emotional connection. It's totally fine to just sit back and enjoy the steamy bits...but there is more to them than may first be apparent.
> 
>  **Note on Canon Deviations:** Let me also let you know that while I try to keep the story as canon-compliant as possible (sans TROS), I do take liberties from time to time. Mostly, you may notice it with background material. I'm doing it knowingly and while I don't want to irritate anyone, my main intent is to craft a story to be enjoyed. I love the rich lore the _Star Wars_ universe brings with it and any instances of giving a detail my own spin is meant more as a tribute than critique.
> 
> With all that said, I hope you enjoy the kick-off to this emotionally intimate Reylo adventure of mine. Be sure to pop over and follow me on Twitter ([@TheLadyRhi](https://twitter.com/TheLadyRhi)) or Tumblr ([LadyRhi Romantic FanFic](https://ladyrhi.tumblr.com/)) for posting updates on ASTOS!
> 
> [ ♥ ASTOS Playlist ♥ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pDQ4ImXmRM&list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh&index=1)
> 
> Much love!

It hurt. Every time, without fail. With each battle, every raid on a First Order supply depot, and whenever a Resistance squad unluckily stumbled across or was tracked down by enemy forces, she knew there was sorrow to follow.

Rey didn't really know many of her fellow Resistance fighters, save Finn and Rose. Chewie was, of course, a sympathetic face when he wasn’t running missions with Poe on the _Falcon_. Leia, too, she supposed, as her new mentor since Master Skywalker had passed into the Force. At first, there had been more. Rey had started reaching out, trying to make friends after her return several months ago. There were so few of them left after the Battle of Crait and she felt the need to be with other people, forge relationships after the traumatizing events aboard the _Supremacy_ and the bitter disappointments she was left with. She had built a rapport with a number of the freedom fighters, but as one after another went off to do their duty for the cause, only to return in a bag or listed on a casualty report, she'd stopped.

Connection, it seemed, was far too costly when you were in a war that your side was gradually losing.

Another day. Another report of another run-in with yet _another_ Stormtrooper Death Squad that turned out badly for the Resistance. Just routine. She'd have thought she'd be numb to it by now.

Rey didn't even know Hamla Vakk'ar, did she? Had she ever seen him _—_ her? _—_ at a tactical meeting, around the broken-down base, or in the mess hall? If she had, she wouldn't be able to match the face to the name. It was ridiculous to be sobbing over so little, just a collection of letters that formed the name of someone she'd never meet, now. Or remember, if she already had.

But whether it was that she felt it _should_ mean something, even to a stranger like her, or was just the final blow Rey herself was capable of taking that day, she let the tears fall.

Rey sat there on the floor beside her bunk for hours as her eyes tracked the dimming square of light from her window across the floor until it was swallowed by the encroaching shadows. Finn had come by at one point, knocking on her door and inviting her to join him and Rose for dinner in the mess, but he'd quietly left when she didn't answer. She'd since stopped crying, eyes red-rimmed and cheeks tight from the salty tear-tracks that had dried there. A cavernous emptiness seemed to fill her, silent and stagnant. She almost believed, in that moment, that she'd never be capable of feeling anything again.

As if in answer to her morose musings, the stillness within Rey filled the air, sucking away the distant echoes of noise from the doings of those beyond her door and seeming to trap her in a bubble of reality separate from the rest of the galaxy. Her eyes remained nailed to the black patch of floor where the last ray of sunlight had shone before falling beneath the onslaught of night.

She knew he was there, felt him, but she didn't look up as he loomed above her huddled form. He looked at her, though. Rey could feel Kylo’s piercing eyes rove over her face, along her folded limbs, and back. It had nothing to do with their Bond, it was just intuition. She was always so hyperaware of him and the unexpected immediacy of his presence, separated by uncountable lightyears or not, made her double-check the lock she kept on her end of the mystical corridor that bound her heart to his. Lost in the storm of her grief, she'd let herself become too distracted to maintain her hold on it and the Force had taken advantage to slip him past her defenses. Why it should choose to do so now, when Rey was trying to hold her soul in one piece, she couldn’t fathom. The Bond had never seemed to care whether it was a good moment or not.

Rey let out a sigh of relief when she realized that while the Force had bridged the star systems between their physical bodies, Kylo wasn't able to brush aside the barrier around her mind. It gave him no hint, no clue as to what she thought, felt, or intended, but then it left her at the same disadvantage where he was concerned.

They were at an impasse.

The silence weighed on her, pushing her down further and further until she could barely breathe around the pressure. It made her frustrated, angry. Why didn't he just say something? He'd always been fond of the sound of his own voice before, pelting her with offers of mentorship, insults, accusations, and pleas. She'd thought it had been unbearable then, but now the unexpected lack of his ceaseless importunities was what she couldn't stand. Wetness leaked out of the corner of her eye, sliding down along the curve of her cheek, belying her belief that she'd been fully wrung out of tears.

Then he was crouching down before her, filling her senses with his immense closeness and the subtle spiciness of his cologne. Unexpected, that last detail. Rey had only ever been in close proximity to Kylo Ren when they'd been fighting _—_ against or alongside one another. He'd always smelled predominantly of sweat, but sometimes smoke, and often the blood of those he'd slain. Now, though, there were no lightsabers at-hand, no red-clad guards pressing in, and no blood-sown battlefield. Wherever he was and whatever he'd been doing before the Force had stretched out between them, it had nothing to do with punishment and death. At least, not delivered by his own hands.

Rey fleetingly wondered if anything else about him had changed in their months apart, but quickly yanked her thoughts back to the present concern of his face being mere inches from hers.

With no option but to look at him without standing from her slumped seat on the floor, and grudgingly fascinated by that new spicy scent, Rey finally peeked up at Kylo's face. He was much the same as she remembered. His skin was still pale from the artificial lighting of the starships he spent his days on, dotted with moles that traced across the surface of his face like dark stars, bisected by the deep scar she'd once branded him with. Hair like midnight fell in waves to rest along his collar, a bit longer than before, and those broad shoulders that carried the weight of whole worlds stretched beneath the severe black tunic of his uniform.

No, not much had changed, physically at any rate. However, she did see that his eyes looked tired, as though he lay awake long into the night before the relief of sleep came, if it ever did. Rey knew what that was like.

Kylo was regarding her with that intense stare of his, the one Rey always battled to meet, never willing to back down from the challenge it held. But though he had her face fixed in his sights, he wasn't trying to lock eyes with her. He was looking, instead, at the shiny line that fell along the skin of her cheek. She thought he almost looked bewildered by the sight, unsure what to do. Then his brow creased slightly as his hand came up and she felt the smooth leather of his glove stroke her skin before catching the falling drop of sorrow in his palm.

They both sat there, looking at the tear nestled in his hand, the fragile orb trembling as he breathed. After a few moments, Rey heard Kylo make a soft noise and she looked up, curious. A decision had clicked into place behind his eyes, she could tell, though what it was and where it would lead was a mystery.

He turned his hand and the precious tear fell into the shadows that surrounded them. Then his gaze tangled with hers, at last, as he reached out and cupped her elbows, raising Rey to her feet. She allowed it simply because it took her by surprise. His touch was gentle, though his expression was oddly shuttered. The only hint of what was going on in his head was that disarming intensity which always seemed to burn right through her.

Still off her balance, Rey didn't register it immediately when Kylo stepped forward and drew her into him, wrapping strong arms around her. She just stared up, lips parted slightly in confusion, but then her brain managed to catch up and process the steps that had taken place between her sitting on the floor and being held in the embrace of the Supreme Leader.

What was he doing? What made him think he had the right to touch her this way? How dare he, after all he'd done?

But Rey didn't stop him. She should. She wanted to _—_ _Don’t I?—_ but she lifted neither her hand to shove him away nor her voice to tell him no.

They stood together like that briefly, Rey staring up at his inscrutable face from the circle of his arms, before Kylo put his gloved hands around her waist and lifted, propping her on the edge of a counter or piece of furniture he must have in his unseen quarters. It was sufficiently deep for her to feel secure, but narrow enough that she felt a wall supporting her when she leaned back a little. If anyone were to walk in just then, she imagined she'd appear to be floating in mid-air. Normally, the absurd image would make her laugh, but not today. Not now, not here. Not with him. She just gazed helplessly up at his usually expressive face that he held immobile and waited.

His movements were measured, as though carefully planned and executed. She might have described it as 'military precision,' save for the fact that there was something softer to it that she almost, but didn't quite let herself identify as tenderness.

Large fingers hooked around the backs of her knees and started to draw them apart, finally sparking a reaction from her. Rey resisted, at first, startled and uncertain, but he just pulled resolutely without a word of either annoyance or reassurance. Then he stepped forward into the cradle of her pelvis and slid his palms up her thighs. She decided to take comfort from the sensual stroke, hoping he'd intended her to. Longing, against her better judgment, for him to want her to enjoy his touch.

And oh, she needed to be touched. She desperately wanted someone to hold her and make things a little more bearable. Rey would not have guessed that, after the _Supremacy_ , such compassion might come from this man, however.

He reached for the buckle of her thin leather belt and paused, meeting her eyes. The heavy silence between them held a question. How the two of them had arrived at this moment, she couldn’t understand. When she’d refused his hand and left him lying unconscious on the floor of his Dark Master’s ruined throne room, Rey had never thought to cross paths with Kylo again _—_ save to cross lightsabers. He’d broken her heart and in return she’d carved another scar into his. Now, though, he was holding her in gentle arms, touching to please, and offering something the would-be Jedi knew she _shouldn’t_ want.

Rey reached up and wound her arms around his shoulders, pressing her face into the stiff fabric at the curve of his neck. She nodded her permission into his tunic, unwilling to look at Kylo Ren as she let this happen. If he reacted with satisfaction to her silent capitulation, it didn't come across in his steady breathing or deliberate movements as he worked to undo the fastenings of her clothes.

She almost wished the mental link that the Bond further bound them with was still open so that her mind could touch his, sense his thoughts and puzzle out the emotions he was concealing. Unlocking that door would be so easy, a simple concession in her own head. His end of the connection was open wide, unguarded, if watched carefully, waiting hungrily for her to venture towards it. She could wander right through in a moment, brush her consciousness against his and allow herself to feel the sweet belonging she'd known so briefly when their fingertips had touched in a lonely hut on Ahch-To. To give herself access to him, however, was to grant Kylo entry to her. So, she tamped the temptation down, trying to silence the insistent voice in the back of her mind that urged her to let go, to trust.

She'd trusted him before and only been left with the emptiness of disappointed hopes. So what was she doing, now? Rey had no idea.

The belt clattered to the floor and Kylo's hands moved to ruck her shirt up over her belly to get at the waistband of her leggings. He lifted her slightly as he tugged them down and off her legs, her underwear soon following. He persuaded her to loosen her grip on him long enough to draw her shirt over her head and peel away her breastband. The chill of the room raised pricklebumps along Rey's bared skin and she pressed closer to his warm frame. He set her back from him as much as her grip on his shoulders would allow, though, gripping her hip with one firm palm to hold her in place. His other hand trailed lightly across the top of her thigh, back and forth in slow strokes that raised fine shivers along the base of her skull. It was soothing and she had to fight down the rising hope that it meant he really did want to help her through this, that his intentions were kind, and that he was still…that he was someone she'd told herself no longer existed.

His roving fingers slowly turned in a new direction. Higher, inward. Rey shivered, again, though not from the cold. Suddenly, she was impossibly warm, thoughts tumbling through her head frantically as she anticipated what was coming. Kylo hesitated briefly, as though giving her the opportunity to refuse him, a breath away from where all her awareness was now focused. Totally given over to this, she nudged her hips forward despite his firm grip, bringing her aching flesh to him. Rey cried out at the contact, muffling herself in his shoulder, feeling the quaking beneath her as his own breath hitched in reaction to her advance. Somehow, it was all more than either of them had been prepared for.

Taking Rey's invitation, Kylo immediately moved forward, gliding his fingers along her folds and pressing in to reveal the wet, wanting core of her desire beneath. Rey was overwhelmed by the supple texture of leather and moaned unhappily at the barrier separating her from the living skin beneath. His other hand squeezed her hip in rebuke as he continued to explore the most intimate parts of her body, known only to her until now.

Rey tried to hold still, but couldn't help panting into his neck as a seam covering one of his fingers dragged across the swollen bundle of nerves he'd found. She jerked and was frustrated by the restraining hold that wouldn't allow her to move. Her nails dug into the padded layers of his uniform and her heavy breaths turned into needy whimpers as Kylo continued to run the rough stitching in relentless circles, torturing the hot pearl of pure sensation. Pressure was building and he stoked the momentum to a fever-pitch when that finger dipped into her before returning upwards, causing her heart to stagger in its throbbing race as the friction was transformed by the slickness of her excitement.

She was coming apart. Rey could only gasp breathily as Kylo worked her, rubbing, flicking, and stroking her towards a crescendo she was almost afraid to reach. He didn't allow her to ease away, though, wouldn't accede when she mindlessly begged for him to slow down. He pushed her onwards and she could only ride out the storm as he gathered it around her, every movement carrying her on an electric current that threatened to overload her senses.

Suddenly, Kylo released her hip and pressed a thick finger into her, gliding like silk to be embraced by her untested flesh. The discharge of raw energy surged through her. Rey couldn't help a scream, biting down on black fabric to try and hold it back, unsuccessfully. She could only be grateful her room was at the end of an unused corridor as he brought her on hard, continuing to rub insistently against the frenzied bundle of nerves that prolonged her peak until she thought she could no longer bear it. Stars burst behind her eyelids and she thought she could map the individual stitches in the leather of his gloved finger as her body clenched around him, holding on as though she'd never let go.

Finally, Kylo slowed the demanding motions and drew his finger carefully from her trembling heat. She was cognizant enough to feel some embarrassment at the wet sound it made, but he soothed it away as he returned his hand to her hip, rubbing the palm in warm circles. Rey hid the tears that escaped at the sweet gesture, entranced by the slick trail left on her skin in the wake of his movements.

Rey slowly caught her breath, senses filled with the scent of spice as he held her in firm arms. She remembered how his alabaster skin stretched over muscle and bone as he’d turned towards her under the moonlight in a shared moment through the Force. The raging sea of Ahch-To had been a perfect backdrop for the emotions that roiled through him as his biceps flexed in brooding discontent. She loved the feel of them supporting her now as her heart rate settled and she couldn't stop herself from moving her fingers into the silky hair resting along his collar.

She drifted in contentment as she allowed her mortal enemy to cradle her against his chest, but Kylo was far from done with her.

His free hand came up to grasp her other hip, pulling her back into him with an abrupt, insistent motion that sent a spike of anxiety through her chest even as her lower belly filled with liquid want. Part of her was shocked at the surge of need she felt after having just come harder than she ever had in her life, his fingers proving far more adept than her own. She kept her arms firmly locked around his shoulders, face still buried in his neck, admitting to herself she was afraid to peer up and see the look in his eyes, afraid of what emotion they would reveal. His touch had been kind in the aftermath of his attentions, but the way his fingers dug into her now was far from solicitous. He was demanding something of her, again, and she could feel the rising agitation run through his body as she refused to acknowledge it.

Had she given in and opened her mind to him, he'd have been aware of the swell of tension that choked her into silence, perhaps soothed her with another calming touch. Maybe he'd even have removed his gloves for her as he had once before. The door remained tightly barred, however, and he didn't pause to ease her fears.

 _I've never done this before_ , she told him in her head, though he couldn't hear it. Her own decision didn't stop her need to commune with him, however, to reach out and know the man behind the unforgiving uniform in a way that so beautifully transcended the physical. What would it be to feel that, again, as he joined his body with hers? The idea made her lips tremble slightly, but she held firm and pressed her eyes shut against the fabric under her cheek as she readied herself for what was to come.

Rey knew the mechanics of it. Growing up on Jakku, sex wasn't the delicately-guarded mystery it was on more civilized worlds. She'd seen the pleasure tents pitched on the outskirts of Niima Outpost where anyone fortunate enough to net spare portions could trade sustenance for an hour of carnal relief. That's all it was for most who saved up Unkar Plutt's scraps until they had enough for an offering. Marriage wasn't an institution on the harsh desert planet. Life was far too transitory and miserable to be concerned with wanting to share it with someone else, though occasionally she'd seen a successful scavenger shack up with a companion, the offer of being provided for the only vow required. It was always a transaction, however, and the idea of trading the food that barely sustained her existence for the dubious delights of being groped had never appealed to Rey.

Especially at the genuinely lethal risk of swelling with a life-sapping pregnancy.

But with him? This wasn't about bartered favors, even if they were each seeking something from the other. What was being given and offered in return was intangible, though, for all it was acknowledged through their physical bodies, wrapped around one another.

He wasn't Ben. He _wasn't_ …right? But he was still…well, _him_. She didn't really know what that meant and right now she was struggling to decide whether it should even still matter, but it was enough for her to remain pliant in his arms as he shifted his hips, hands leaving her to undo the fastening of his trousers. It was the work of a moment and then hard heat was pressing against her with an intimacy that she'd never imagined allowing anyone to share with her before. She became keenly aware of how the whole of her body lay naked against his fully-clothed form. Save for the opening that freed his length, every button and buckle remained in place. And the feel of the warm skin of his hands that she recalled with longing was withheld by the leather between them. It made Rey want to cry.

Soft lips surprised her as they pressed against the sensitive skin behind her ear and it was the most amazing feeling she'd ever known, even more so than the way he'd plucked her to an extraordinary high only moments ago. Tears pricked behind her eyes, still squeezed shut against him. It was too much, that kind of caress, when he enforced a layer of separation even as he held her close. It _meant_ too much.

With an agitated shrug of her shoulder and an inarticulate sound of denial that came from the back of her tear-choked throat, she forced his mouth away from the sweet contact. There would be no kisses. Rey couldn't allow it and remain intact. They were something she could only ever have given to the half of his soul that he'd willfully killed. Kylo responded to her refusal with a noise of his own, and she didn't need to see his face or touch his mind to know that it was fury which caused his fingers to grip her skin hard enough to bruise.

 _Another rejection_ , she thought with a pang of guilt. _He'd see it no other way._

He would have been justified if he'd pulled away, adjusted his trousers, and lashed out with the Force in an effort to break their connection. Rey knew she'd cry if he did, too raw at this point to hold back the feelings and wishes she normally didn't allow to surface from the dark, hidden corner of her heart that haphazardly shut away almost everything pertaining to the man she still caught herself thinking of by the name he'd thrown aside. But he remained there with her, breathing deeply to calm himself, and she let a quiet cry of joyous relief escape. Her own fingers dug into the thick fabric of Kylo's tunic, clinging on with desperation. She'd pull him across whatever tunnel through space and time the Force had carved for them, if she could, no matter the danger. She wrapped her bare legs around his hips, hugging him with her whole body to keep him there with her, in spite of the fact that he had apparently already decided to stay.

They remained like that, suspended in a moment that seemed to stretch for hours as his breathing evened out and she wound herself as tightly around him as she could. Whatever came next, however it happened and whether it was soft and sweet as she hoped or rough and impersonal as she feared, she knew she'd break without it.

Rey felt the tension in his fingers as he lifted her hips, tipping her pelvis so that her back bowed slightly, face still refusing to be dislodged from her hiding spot. She held her breath as one gloved hand moved away and she felt the blunt tip of him pressing at her entrance. A finger started to rub coaxingly into that epicenter of melting sensation right above where they were just barely joined, and he began to push forward slowly as she rewarded his attentions with a sigh that allowed her muscles to relax around him. Rey moaned as she realized how unbelievably thick and hard he was, parting her and gliding forward inch by tantalizing inch. It hurt, and she felt her untouched flesh tear at the intrusion, but his earlier ministrations had teased out a generous slick of moisture to ease his passage, finding further welcome as the stitched seam of the leather glove continued to pluck at her, distracting her mind from the mild burn.

He stopped when he was sheathed fully within her, tracing circles into her hip again as he gave her time to adjust to the unfamiliar invasion. Rey was grateful for it, though this further offering of consideration continued to confuse her swirling thoughts. Kylo was undermining every decision she'd made about him as she'd slammed the door of the Bond shut, watching how he'd stared up at her imploringly through their final connection on Crait.

When he pulled back, drawing out of her and then plunged back in with a sleek movement that sent a frisson shivering up along her spine, Rey lost the will to worry over why he seemed determined to make this good for her and gave herself over to the pulsating surge coursing through her center. He withdrew and returned again, allowing his hips to press firmly against hers with each meeting. It was smooth and careful at first, allowing her to stretch and accommodate his girth, to take him deeper. When Rey's voice vibrated with a strange, rapturous sound she could barely believe came from her own throat, though, the thread of his control seemed to snap and he advanced with strong, commanding thrusts.

As the momentum built and each collision sent shockwaves raging along beneath her skin, Rey could only hold on tight as he rode her hard. It was perhaps more than he should have pushed her to, more than a virgin should experience her first time. Rey didn’t think he had much more control than she did, however. She could feel his chest straining with effort and his own breath sawing in and out. It hit her that as overwrought as she was by the power he held over her in this illicit moment, she was having an equally shattering effect on him. The thought was intoxicating and her mind sought to reach out in spite of her reservations.

Did she dare?

He slammed into her with jarring force as though he somehow sensed her wavering conviction, grinding upwards with a circular motion of his hips that made her breath hitch. He pulled her forward, trying to bring her closer to him with aching want. A drop of moisture landed on her back and slid down the curve of her spine. Sweat, surely, as they were both dripping with exertion. Her mind refused to deceive itself, though. Rey felt her chin pebble as her mouth curled at the agonizing feelings tearing through her heart.

She couldn't resist it any longer. She needed him too much.

Rey gave up trying to hide away, to put up a pretense of passivity, to uselessly avoid the prospect of sharing culpability for what they did. Firmly tossing aside the story she'd pieced together in her head that protected her from complicity, while implicitly damning _him_ , Rey raised her face from his shoulder.

He was no longer doing this to her _—_ they were doing it together. While he was taking, so was she, and for both to receive they had to give. She met his tear-laden eyes as she finally dropped the last barriers she'd held up between them.

Rey’s mind was overwhelmed. The Bond connected fully and she stared at him with wonder while she moved with him, rolling her hips to take more of his heated length in, deeper with each undulation. She wanted to hold him inside, keep him there with her, in her, and all around her. The heady sensations crashed over the edge as the waves built higher and higher.

She reached for his hands, tearing the kriffing gloves away and casting them into the shadows behind them. Grasping his bare fingers and weaving them through hers, she rejoiced in the glorious familiarity that ran along her skin wherever it touched his.

Rey felt his rush of elation at her surrender to this, to him _—_ to the man she'd finally opened her mind as well as her eyes to regard. His lips shivered with an unsteady breath and even in the dim light she could see the dark caf of his gaze glow with rising emotion. He pressed forward intently, eyes bound to hers, pushing her back so she couldn't move. They were connected to one another in every way. Their minds had been bridged months ago, and now they'd united their bodies, but it was Rey's capitulation to the desperate need to feel him in what was truly the most intimate form possible between them that had her gasping in rapture at the discovery she made.

_Ben._

He flooded her _—_ all that he was, all that he hoped and believed and dreamed as he hid himself away behind a mask constructed around a fearsome name.

She wanted to be closer, to really feel him. Annoyed by the thick uniform keeping her from his skin, Rey released his hands and started tugging at his collar. Impatiently, she pulled and tore away at the maddeningly long row of fastenings that ran all the way down the front. He went through the insanity of doing all these up _every day?_ He was out of his kriffing mind!

Ben let out an amused sound and he paused his captivating tempo while his hands came up to take over from her, seeing that she was determined to tear the shirt off his back one way or another. With practiced ease, he undid the interminable row only for Rey to groan at the sight of his undershirt. He snorted at her reaction, quickly ridding himself of both tunic and the loose shirt beneath before reclaiming his hold on her thighs and starting to move once more.

Rey's mind sang with joy as she clasped Ben close, reveling in the feel of running the skin of her body along his. The sensations he sent through her were so much more potent now that she knew whose touch she truly felt. He seemed equally elated, resting his forehead against hers in relief that the secret was finally shared with the only one he cared to know it. At hearing that thought pass through his head, Rey was tempted to argue for Leia's right to know her son was not really gone. Surely his own mother deserved that. Any righteous indignation flowed right out of her, though, as his hips pulled away and snapped back into her, grinding the ridge of his pelvic bone slowly upward in a way that sent shivers along every nerve in her body.

She decided to let the matter rest as her attention was once more overwhelmed by the sheer power of Ben's presence, the way he stoked the wildfire at her core ever higher even as he brushed enticingly along the edges of her mind with his. Rey allowed herself to sink back down into the enchanting passion he was seducing her with.

It was Dark, so very Dark.

For a moment, she thought she was drowning in it, but then Ben caught her, held on, and promised never to let go. The shadowed core within her responded eagerly, reaching out to the brooding thunderhead that roiled with the restless storm of all that he was. She reveled in the sensations as he drew her into his mind even as she took him into her body. They moved together, their metaphysical joining mirroring the gliding, grinding, heart-stopping motions that pressed her into the unseen wall at her back with each thrust.

She was a little surprised to realize there was still a stream of Light shining through them as they moved. Despite the profound sensuality they'd brought to life between them, the territory of the Dark Side, it was tempered by the enduring radiance that was tightly woven into the fabric of Rey's being. It found a small, but very real answering glimmer within him. As it tugged at them both, Ben brought his face in close, leaving only a breath of space between their sweating brows. But he didn't kiss her. The decision had to be Rey's, he wouldn't have it any other way. He needed her to want him in return, to have her accept all that he was, Darkness and Light. With the Bond blown open, Rey knew he could feel the depth of her desire not just for the physical ardor they shared, but everything that tied them to one another and led to this moment as an inevitable conclusion.

Rey wanted him, body, mind, and soul. So, when he plunged his hips forward again, bringing his pelvis flush against her and seating himself as deeply as he could reach, she gave all she could in return. Embracing Ben with her mind, she chose to seal their physical union with that which she'd previously denied him.

His lips were impossibly soft and supple. Rey's first movements along their sinful curves were curious and awkward, not entirely sure how this worked now that it came to it. If sex was a mere transaction on Jakku, and marriage a waste of time, then romance and tender caresses were practically mythological. She'd never kissed anyone before and she cringed inside as she found her mouth frozen against his, mortifyingly lost.

Rey opened her eyes to look up at him vulnerably before shutting them tight and quickly pulling away, face burning. He'd stopped moving when she'd initiated that horrid excuse for what couldn't even be called a kiss. She'd just mashed herself gracelessly against him and he had to think her pathetically inept. Rey wanted to cry all over again. Karking hell, but where had her hard-bitten survivor's backbone gone? Today had made a pitiful puddle out of her.

Ben continued to hold her, though, and through the haze of humiliation, she realized that he was waiting for her to meet his gaze again. If it weren't for the fact that he was still buried to the hilt inside her, making her inner walls pulse with each slight shift as they breathed raggedly, she'd have torn herself out of his arms. As it was, she didn't have much choice but to give in and lift her heavy eyes.

And then he smiled.

Rey forgot how to breathe as she stared in wonder at the expression she'd never thought to see on his face. Stern, sulky, unforgiving, and often furious, the lines of his face had seemed carved too deeply to be capable of anything else. Yet here he was, mouth lifting in a lopsided smile, smoothing away the habitual crinkles between his brows and replacing them with ones at the corners of his eyes. And kriff, did Kylo Ren actually have _dimples?!_ No, she told herself as she felt her own expression light up to match the one on his face.

But Ben Solo did.

It made Rey brave again. Still smiling she moved to brush her mouth against his, and this time he responded. Ben guided her, prompting her with his mind and sending his pleasure purring along their Bond to settle warmly in her chest. As he tenderly taught her how to kiss, he started to move his hips gently again, easing them into a rhythm that built to match the motions he drew from her lips. It was luxuriously poignant and Rey lost herself in the beauty of how they made one another feel, sensation echoing from one end of the Bond to the other.

Eventually, Ben led their mouths into a sultrier cadence, deepening their kisses. He sent a request across to her mind as the tip of his tongue pressed softly against her lower lip, asking her to open for him. When Rey did, something seemed to overflow in his mind and she felt him drag her over the edge with him. He delved past her lips with tongue and teeth even as his thick length thrust into her with reckless abandon, raising the fire in her core to an inferno.

She gladly burned with him.

It built and built, sending them to an impossible height that Rey wasn't sure she could safely find her way down from. She'd spiraled out of control, given herself over completely to the way he felt inside her, filling her with such searing pleasure-pain that stars flickered behind her eyes. If she fell now, she was sure she'd shatter into a million pieces. But Ben was with her, body holding her up as their minds writhed in a feverish dance, heedless of the emergency they were fast approaching.

Ben broke the kiss and pulled her close so that their bellies and chests molded against one another, resting his forehead on hers, once more. She'd squeezed her eyes shut as a wave rose up deep behind her navel, where the tip of him assaulted something inside her that throbbed with each breathtaking lunge he took. Ben squeezed her hip, demanding, and her eyelids lifted with difficulty in response. He caught her enraptured gaze with his, forbidding her to look away.

They stared into each other, sweat dripping to pool along the seam where her breasts pressed into his chest, the spicy scent of him driving her mad. He ground into her hard and fast, breathing heavily with exertion, and they rose together on the cresting wave. Ben let out a sharp huff when she felt him twitch against her inner walls and as she breathed him in, Rey's muscles hitched. She stilled in astonishment, her pupils bleeding outwards to consume the hazel of her irises.

She fell around him. His arms were there to hold her, but she barely felt them as Light and Dark tore through her, blowing her mind open wide. Rich, voluptuous sensation poured over her as she felt him begin to thrust urgently again, distantly aware he was chasing his own release.

Release? Was that what this was? It seemed far too tame a term. To her, it was an explosion. A whole star system was set alight by the blinding detonation of the sun it wound itself around when its end was reached.

Rey felt herself ignite.

She breathed his name, the name of the man she now knew he still was, a whisper he took in as his mouth claimed hers. Ben drove into her several more times before he gasped and threw his head back, neck bared, burying himself deep. The sight of him was magnificent and her still-stormy mind delighted in knowing that it was she who had pushed him to this precipice, wanting to throw herself over it and into his waiting arms again and again.

They came down slowly, nestling against one another with blissful contentment. Ben gathered her into the circle of his arms and pressed his lips into her hair before she settled her head beneath his chin. He remained deep inside her, his hardness ebbing away as they both relearned to breathe with unsteady progress. Rey had thought nothing could match the fiery build-up of their bodies moving together, but she realized that this was even better. The soft intimacy of Ben's warm embrace, basking in the afterglow with him as salty sweat and spicy scent charmed her healing heart.

What would she not give to hold onto this moment forever? To let the galaxy's conflicts pass them by, to allow the duties and expectations demanded of them fall aside and remain in their little bubble of reality, holding to one another. To escape their roles as the Resistance's Jedi and the First Order's Supreme Leader.

To simply be Ben and Rey.

Rey sighed, knowing none of that was possible. Wishes would not be enough to overcome what kept them apart. She raised her head to peer up at his somnolent gaze and thought resolutely, _Well, not yet_. She lifted her hand to run the pads of her fingers along the jagged path of the scar she'd marked him with months ago. Ben's eyes watched hers with the glow of such deep feeling as she traced the course down his face and along the column of his throat. When she reached the scar's end over the thick muscle of his chest she pressed her lips to it, smiling as his abs flexed in response. His fingers tangled in her hair, tugging her back up so that he could capture her mouth in another mesmerizing kiss that was no less hungry for the satiation that flowed along her tired muscles. Yes, she'd happily remain like this for all eternity.

But acknowledgment of the reality beyond their Force-granted interlude seemed to signal its conclusion. Her throat burned as she felt the Bond beginning to unravel, dragging them apart even as they gripped one another more fiercely. Ben drew out of her regretfully before lifting her and sliding her along his body to set her gently on the floor, knowing the surface he'd propped her up on would soon be withdrawn. As he faded from sight, Rey kept her eyes on his and then closed them so that she could see those dark depths in her imagination when he was gone.

She felt so empty, so cold, and so alone. After discovering all they could have if only they let themselves reach for it, Rey felt her heart break knowing that they would not be able to realize the new dream they now shared for a wrenchingly long time…if ever.

Angry that the beauty of the time she'd had with Ben had turned so quickly to bitterness, she looked across the floor of her lonely bedroom, aimlessly searching for her scattered clothes. She raised a surprised brow when she noticed a crumpled leather glove in the corner. It restored a smile to her face, if only a small one.

Taking long breaths, Rey tried to find calm and reached for the Light, letting it cradle her raw emotions in its soothing warmth as she regained her equilibrium. It was an impossible situation, true, but she hadn't fought through two decades of hardship and strife, abandoned and abused, only to cave in defeat when she finally found the person who made her hollowed-out heart feel whole.

For all that they remained on opposite sides of a war tearing the galaxy apart, she now knew that the Supreme Leader was more than he seemed. More than he pretended. Kylo Ren had kept a secret, hoarding it away until Rey was ready to look for herself and draw it out from the concealing shadows.

Ben Solo lived.

Matters were no less complicated than before this interlude of theirs. As Rey looked down at herself, seeing and feeling the results of their lovemaking, she admitted that everything had just become much more difficult for them both. Yet, recognizing that, the scrappy survivor in her knew that it didn't come down to how hard you had to fight, but how much what you fought for meant. Lifting a finger to run it gently along the swollen skin of her lower lip, Rey knew that Ben was worth it.

It wasn't even a question, whether they would meet again.

Perhaps he heard her thoughts or was sitting on his own in the isolating quarters of a Star Destroyer, thinking to himself and reaching the same conclusion. Whatever the future held, for better or worse, the words that rolled like sensual thunder along the reforged mental links of the Bond sent a fiery spark of anticipation through her before the connection faded with distance.

**_Oh, Rey. We're not done, yet._ **

The husky promise wrapped around her mind like an embrace, exultant and determined never to let go. Rey closed her eyes and smelled the heady blend of spiciness and sweat he'd left behind to linger on her skin. Reaching with her mind towards the bright star that always shone for her, even if she'd willfully ignored it until now.

**_No, Ben. We're not._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. This story really got away from me! Can you imagine that I'd originally intended to write a darker piece that featured a Kylo with far more ambiguous intentions? Ben and Rey clearly had other ideas, however, since the page unaccountably exploded with this, instead. When I leaned back and read through some of what I'd written I could only slap my hand against my forehead. So much for going into a project with what I'd thought were "very clear plans for where this would go." But hey, the world could always use more emotional Reylo romance!
> 
> **BTS Ramblings…**
> 
> **That Title:** Well now, that's quite the weighty title for something that started out as nothing more than a steamy one-shot. *shrug* If you're curious, the title is based on a beautiful line from Victor Hugo's _Les Mis:_ "I met in the street a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, his cloak was out at the elbows, the water passed through his shoes - and the stars through his soul." ♥
> 
>  **That Summary:** Yep. That's the trashy romance novel synopsis that I've been waiting all my life to write. Bring it, Avon Romantic Treasures!
> 
>  **Rey's POV:** In my first two fics, I wrote exclusively from Ben Solo's perspective, which was a fascinating experience. It made me curious, however, about Rey's thoughts along the way, especially once I started changing things up, plot-wise. When I committed to writing this, I immediately decided it would be told from her perspective. I had fun diving into her head, thinking through how she'd react to things, and deducing where this story would lead her based on how I think she would drive things forward. And if you feel that Rey's a little too weepy here, then I can only argue on her behalf that everyone has their weak moments, even the strongest among us. Watching her pick herself back up is just one more reason she's a hero we love to root for!


	2. Lay Bare Your Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My scars reminded me  
> of where I've been,  
> Your scars reminded me  
> of just how perfect you  
> really are."
> 
> R. M. Drake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this, now? Is that...is that a plot? Squint, and you might just make it out. But wait! Wasn't this supposed to be a one-shot?
> 
> Hey there! If you read Chapter I when it first came out, then you read a fic that was functionally complete and exactly as I intended to leave it before toddling back over to my other unfinished story. But alas, this version of Ben & Rey yanked me back and held my brain cells hostage until I'd plotted out a multi-chapter story for them. Blame them, not me.
> 
>  **Note on POV:** ASTOS is told 100% from Rey's perspective, though we will hear a great deal of Ben's inner musings & feelings as well. Now that Rey has allowed the Bond to reopen between them, she can sense his surface thoughts, emotional reactions, and general state of mind. Take special note of the fact that while this gives us a great deal of access to Ben's point of view, it is being filtered through Rey's own interpretations of what she picks up from him.
> 
> As a quick side note, because this story was originally intended to be a one-off, I've chosen to move forward with chapters that have the similar feel of an "interlude." This will be a very narrow story, focused on the connection between Ben & Rey. I have plans to bring in only a few other characters at specific points, but otherwise the only two people we'll be spending time with are our favorite space wizards in their moments alone together while they learn what their relationship means.
> 
> [ ♥ ASTOS Playlist ♥ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pDQ4ImXmRM&list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh&index=1)
> 
> Much love!

Rey hadn't bothered to count the passage of days in months, not since she'd found a spunky little droid in the desert, and left Jakku behind to set off on an adventure. Now though, that adventure of hers had returned her to the habit of tracking time. The only excuse she could make for herself was that she wasn't scratching hashmarks into the walls, at least.

 _Force, talk about small favors_ , Rey sighed to herself, returning to her bedroom after saying goodnight to Finn and Rose. Closing the door behind her, she eyed the plain, durasteel wall in question.

Not that it couldn't use a little adornment, mind.

Catching herself staring speculatively at the unmarked surface, she gave herself a mental kick. Ben Solo had wreaked enough havoc on her peace of mind after his famously memorable visit the other night. She wasn't going to let him inspire her to deface her bedroom.

Turning firmly away, Rey stalked over to her bed and collapsed onto it. Eyes closed, she drew a small line onto the wall of her mind.

Eight. Eight nights since he'd shown up and revealed that Kylo Ren was still the man she'd once rested all her hopes on. Eight nights since he'd proven that she hadn't delivered herself into the First Order's clutches only to flee with the limping remainders of the Resistance for nothing.

Eight nights since he'd made mad, toe-curling love to her.

Frustrated with herself, she grabbed her pillow and pressed it over her face, trying to block out the lurid memories of how he'd carefully undressed her with those big hands of his, running them along her skin and teasing out breathy noises she hadn't known she was capable of making. The sweet waves of sensation that he'd cast them both into, over and over. Pale skin sliding along her tan limbs with an intoxicating friction. And how he _—_.

"KRIFFING SON OF A NERFHERDER!"

She jumped up from the dubious padding that served as her mattress, chucking the pillow across the room with a furious growl.

And it froze in mid-air right before it collided with the broad chest of the Supreme Leader.

_Of. Karking. Course._

"Anyone I would know?" he asked mildly in that low voice that tugged at something even lower in her belly. The pillow dropped into his gloved hands, released from the Force hold he'd caught it with. Ben raised a brow at her and amusement tugged at the corner of his mouth.

Her mind was already instinctively reaching out for his, brushing along the silken edges of it and feeling the touch returned earnestly. She felt his enjoyment at catching her mid-temper fit. Rey flushed, trying to build up some anger at the interruption to throw in the way of her embarrassment without much success. And then her face burned even brighter when she realized that even as they stood there in an awkward stand-off, their minds were practically cuddling up to one another, all but purring in pleasure like a pair of loth cats.

Not what she needed right now. She took a deep breath, scrambling to center herself.

"That you'd know?" Rey responded to his taunting question, lifting her chin and raising a sarcastic brow of her own in pure bravado. "Intimately."

Ben's mouth twitched again at her word choice and his eyes smoldered as he let her try to stare him down. She gave herself another internal kick.

Casting about desperately for a new tack, she suddenly realized that something felt odd about this meeting. Embarrassment faded as she focused on the Bond. Rey's mind reached out, feeling along the fibers stretching between them, tied on one end to her heart and the other to his. It felt firmer, more substantial somehow, though she wasn't precisely sure in what way or why. She trailed her senses along until she reached the edges of Ben's consciousness, and then she realized what had changed.

"You're controlling this," Rey exclaimed, wide eyes flying up to meet his. "You're commanding the connection of the Bond _—_ influencing it directly."

That's why it felt so substantive, as though she could reach out with her mind and grasp hold of it, guide it. It's exactly what Ben himself was doing. He gave a small upwards tilt of his lips when he sensed that she'd deduced what was going on intuitively, nodding in confirmation.

"I've been studying how the Force ties us together since our last meeting," he explained. "We've both seen how its effects have developed over time, grown stronger with each link. It only allowed us to see and speak to one another at first, but we were eventually able to physically touch across it."

Ben looked down at the pillow he held, then cocked a brow at her as his head came back up. She took the mental step with him, remembering finding smooth, black leather crumpled where it had been impossibly discarded on the floor after his tall form had slipped away through the Force.

On the floor of her bedroom, not his.

"And now we can pass objects and have them manifest in one another's physical space," Rey said, earning another pleased nod. She wrinkled her nose at him for acting the teacher with her and got a genuine smile out of him. The sight was as arresting as the first of his smiles had been, and she struggled to focus on the conversation until it regrettably disappeared.

"So we can," he agreed, bouncing the pillow in his hands. "Whichever of us is the last to touch the object is the one it remains with, it would seem. Speaking of which," he shot her a pointed look. "I believe you have something of mine."

"Do I?" Rey prevaricated, knowing full-well he could read the fib in her mind, but not caring. She didn't want to give his gloves back, not after she'd finally gotten them off of him. Eyeing his leather-clad hands, it looked like he'd found a replacement pair, anyway. She had the ones she'd filched stashed safely away, wrapped carefully in an old shirt she used for sleeping in. That's where they were going to stay, as far as she was concerned.

Ben's brow twitched at her bluff, but amusement played in his eyes, and she realized he was going to let her have her way. Besides that, she could feel the testosterone-fueled rush of satisfaction at knowing she wanted to keep something of his. Rey rolled her eyes at that, though she couldn't help smiling.

"So, does that mean you can keep the Bond from closing before we're _—_. I mean, so that we're not _—_ ," she stumbled over her words, trying not to think of the regret she had felt as he'd pulled out of her right before disappearing. She didn't mean _that_ , not _exactly_. Well, it would be nice if that _didn't_ happen again, but what she was really trying to get at was…oh, _whatever_. She loosed an exasperated breath, recognizing the deep hole she'd dug for herself.

Ben had stood quietly, watching and sensing her inner battle with acute interest. Rey could tell how much he was enjoying himself and she narrowed her eyes dangerously, daring him to say the wrong thing.

"I can keep the Bond open for us until we're…done," he said without even a twitch of his lips. That was smart of him. The inflection he chose to put behind his words was clearly meant to goad her, though...which wasn't.

"Oh, switch off," Rey snapped, face flaming. She turned away to try and get a grip and find her bearings. His presence was almost overwhelming, her mind and senses flooded with the sudden immediacy of him in her personal space.

Rey startled when his breath stirred the fine hairs at the nape of her neck. Turning quickly, she tipped her head back to look up at him. How he'd managed to come so close without her realizing boggled her mind, given her fine-tuned spatial awareness, refined by her years of surviving the hell of Jakku. She'd paced beside him as he'd led her through the passageways of a starship, so she knew his heavy, commanding gait was far from stealthy. It just went to show how off-balance he'd thrown her.

It was infuriating to admit.

She opened her mouth to tell him off for sneaking up on her and crowding her space like that, but stopped when he held the pillow out to her. Taking it, Rey looked down as supple leather brushed against her fingers.

 _I'll bet he has a whole closet-full of those gloves_ , she thought pettishly, trying to avoid thinking about how even this indirect contact affected her, unaccountably easing her agitation. It was frightening to think that anyone could have such a powerful influence over her, especially him.

Peeking up, Rey reminded herself that though he'd shown her that Ben Solo remained behind those caf-colored eyes, he was still Kylo Ren to the rest of the galaxy. He was the enemy of the Resistance and all she fought so hard to protect.

Rey felt her throat constrict with fear, but wrestled it back down, hiding it away in the corner of her mind where she could pretend to ignore it. She knew it needed to be acknowledged, that they both had to face their situation head-on and determine what it meant for all that they were to each other.

And there was _so_ much between them. They'd set fire to one another's bodies the last time, but there was far more to it than that. The physical attraction was merely a manifestation of the enormity of feeling between them. She felt those emotions stir within her, coursing along the tendrils of fate that bound them together through the lightyears of space. For all they'd only met several months ago, and stood face-to-face a handful of times, Rey knew Ben better than anyone _—_ just as he knew her. Their souls were connected so deeply, they were inseparable at this point. She believed with terrifying certainty that neither of them would be able to exist in this life without the other.

Ben shifted his stance in agitation, unhappy with the track her mind had wandered down. She could sense that he was afraid to examine what threatened their nascent connection, knowing it would lead them along a path of pain and anger. Was what they felt for one another strong enough to withstand the tempest they'd unleash if they took that terrifying step? Ben was unwilling to risk it.

With a slight frown deepening the lines between his dark brows, he reached out to grab Rey, pulling her against him, and setting his soft lips against her ear.

"Shh," he soothed, though she still felt tension vibrating through him. She pressed closer, needing the comfort of Ben's embrace as he rubbed his nose against the shell of her ear, breath stirring her hair. He held onto her and she tried to let the warm circles he was stroking into her back quiet her fears.

What began with the intent to comfort and distract quickly changed, however.

His mouth wandered down to the skin behind her ear, the tip of his tongue sneaking out to curl into the delicate hollow he found there. Rey's breath caught and she arched helplessly into him at the erotic contact. Ben hummed with satisfaction, kissing a tingling path downwards along the curve of her neck, coaxing her to tilt her head to give him greater access.

He startled her when he bit down, gently but firmly. Drawing the fragile flesh between his teeth, he sucked on it, causing Rey's breathing to completely lose any sense of life-sustaining rhythm.

The spot throbbed when Ben finally released her, lips brushing their way back up her neck. Rey was grateful for the strong arms supporting her, since she wasn't altogether certain she'd be capable of standing on her own without them.

Fascinated by the pleasure-pain he'd sent crashing through her, tugging inexplicably at the sensitive tips of her breasts, Rey wanted to try and do the same to him. The image of Ben's head thrown back in rapture ran through her mind and she reached up to fiddle with the confounding fastenings of his tunic. He hummed against her skin again, but this time in denial. A gloved hand pulled her fingers away from his collar and she let out an indignant huff.

"What Ben, don't you trust me?" Rey murmured teasingly, but though he still pressed soft kisses along her throat, she felt the slight withdrawal of his mind from hers. He drew in close again almost immediately, his consciousness nuzzling hers tenderly as his nose traced along the path his lips traveled. It sobered her, however, as she considered what it meant for Ben to react that way, even when the quip had been meant playfully. But then, she thought, was it fair to expect him to trust her without hesitation when she struggled to stifle her own reservations about him?

Ben's mouth stilled, following her thoughts, lips only just brushing her skin as he waited silently for what she would choose to do now. She'd tried to tamp it down, but there it was again _—_ the fear. It threatened to ruin all that they'd precariously built in their few stolen hours together. Was it enough to tear it all down, to rip them apart again...this time for good? Rey couldn't face that, not now when he held her so close and she wanted nothing more than to feel his skin burn into hers.

It was cowardice, Rey knew, but she made her decision and firmly blocked out the fear to throw herself into the storm gathering between their wanting bodies.

Like a tether holding him fast had snapped, Ben tore himself away from her neck and he shot up to claim her mouth with his. He rubbed her lower lip with a bewitching friction that sent heat racing to pool in her lower belly, making them both forget the uneasy feelings that kept them on a tenuous edge. Rey wasted no time in looping her arms around his neck, stretching up on her toes to press closer, and take as much of him in as she could. Ben hummed approvingly into the kiss, which almost caused her brain to short-circuit as it vibrated along the sensitive skin of her lips. He reached down to gather her up, supporting Rey while she curled her legs around his waist, hooking her ankles together against the curve of his lower back. It put them on a level with one another and they both took eager advantage of the far more accessible angle.

_Kriff, the man's lips are addictive and he knows how to use them._

Rey sensed cocky pride swell along his end of the Bond and she cursed herself for letting her thoughts get away with her. His arrogance was insufferable at the best of times, he certainly didn't need her to supply an ego-boost. Then a hand appeared beneath her shirt, running leather-covered fingertips along the sharp notches of her spine, distracting her from her indignant thoughts. When Ben's tongue pressed against the seam of her lips, demanding entry, she gave up and gave in, ignoring the triumph radiating from his mind as he dove in.

Happily lost in the drunken bliss of Ben's tongue swirling smoothly along her palate, plucking at the ridges like the strings of an instrument, Rey couldn't help a muffled squeak when his hips rolled up into her. Layers of clothes separated them, but _kriff_ , the motion had sent a bolt of electric heat right up through her. She pressed her pelvis against him, loving the way they fit together even like this, him filling every inch of space that her curves created. The thought brought a blush raging across Rey's cheeks when she considered how else their bodies were able to…well, _fit_ together.

Ben's tongue slipped from her mouth as he shook with humor at how her mind had tripped over itself again. Rey refused to let her inexperience get the better of her, though, so she reached up and nipped at the curve of his lower lip vengefully. She only had a split second to watch in fascination as his pupils swelled before Ben turned sharply on his booted heel.

Then he had her up against the wall, his massive frame molding over hers. The air rushed from her lungs, and she found it nearly impossible to draw any back in as he sealed his mouth to hers, blatant lust pulsing across the vital cord connecting them through the Force like a heartbeat.

Rey felt like she was on fire, and neither of them had removed even a single article of clothing. Mind wrapped tightly around hers, Ben pulled back slightly in response, and reached up to start pulling apart the ties that held her shirt closed. It was exhilarating how he followed along with her desires, moving to fulfill each as it rose to the surface of her hazy consciousness.

Rey winced when the sore spot on the back of her arm hit the wall as she adjusted herself to give him better access. His hand came up to soothe the pain with an apologetic caress before returning to its mission. Any thought of the lingering tenderness fled her mind quickly, though, when Ben pulled her shirt apart and slipped his hands inside even as he ground her into the wall with his hips. Rey couldn't help remembering the spectacular sensations his heavy thrusts had sent flowing through her before.

And _that_ reminded her of another discomfort _—_ the soreness she'd been left with for two whole days after she gave her virginity so exuberantly to him. Rey had shuffled around the base rather carefully, unable to take a step without feeling the burning stretch left over from Ben's enthusiasm...and size. She didn't relish having to explain her winces as she sat down in the mess or climbed up to check the shield generator on the _Falcon_ to her friends all over again. Rose was sweet and Finn, her best friend, but this was _not_ something she was sharing with them.

Rey had to get control of this before it went much further. First, though, she had to untangle herself from around him because there was no way she'd be able to concentrate long enough to explain, even mind-to-mind, with his hard arousal pressed against her aching core.

Rey pressed her palms against Ben's chest, breaking the kiss and pushing him back, wriggling herself carefully down until she stood on her own two feet. Then she looked back up to laughingly mention something about…she had no idea what she'd been about to say as she looked into his face. She was shaken by the wounded torment bleeding through his eyes.

Ben turned swiftly away from her, trying to cover it, and she felt him gather the Force around him. He was about to cut the Bond.

"No, Ben! Wait!"

The moment she said his name he paused.

Rey rushed forward, coming around to look up into his carefully shuttered face. It hurt to see him close himself away again, and to feel him try to pull back from the way their minds rested against one another to hide the upheaval within. Would there ever come a time when he wouldn't take the slightest questionable gesture from her as rejection? Sighing sadly, Rey knew she had a lot of work ahead of her. Both of them did. She could only do so much to get him to trust her, though. He had to make the decision to give her that trust and accept that her affection wasn't fickle, offered and then so easily withdrawn.

They both deserved to believe in their relationship, if a relationship was what they truly were committing to. She certainly wasn't going to settle for any less, and she didn't think Ben would either.

Rey let what she was thinking filter across to him, knowing that this was how they understood one another best. They could withhold their thoughts, but when shared, their minds could not conceal the truth. So, she opened hers wide, holding little back, beckoning Ben in close and waiting for him to feel comfortable responding to it.

 ** _I could never turn away from you, Ben. Not now_** , Rey said silently, speaking directly to his mind.

Ben's shoulders relaxed a little, though tension still ran through them, and his lips pressed together as he swallowed with difficulty. He'd really thought she was refusing him, again. As his gaze continued to waver, uncertain, Rey decided she needed to try something else. She had no experience with flirtation _—_ well, she had no experience with _anything_ related to romance _—_ but she wanted to let him know he was special to her beyond the mysticism that bound them together. Something normal.

The memory of how he'd made her feel as they'd kissed, his hips pressing into hers as he built an inferno between their bodies came immediately to mind. Blushing, she tried to push it aside. It was too new and could too easily distract them from what she was trying to get through to him with. This needed to be simple, innocuous. As she considered, Rey's eyes settled on the defensive set of Ben's mouth, thinking of how she wanted to ease the tightness with which he held them, distorting the tantalizing curve she'd playfully scored with the edge of her teeth only moments ago.

Then an idea began to form.

 _As simple as you can get, I guess_ , she thought to herself.

Rey stepped up to him, close enough that their breaths mingled, but allowing him a modicum of space. Then she invited his mind in close as she raised her hands to press her palms softly to the sides of his pale cheeks. He'd shaved today, but it must have been several hours ago, since she could feel the prickliness of his stubble beginning to come in. Rey idly wondered what he looked like in the morning when he first woke, before his razor cleared away the shadow along his jaw. What would it be like to lie beside Ben and be the one to wake him by running her cheek along his, feeling the spiky texture as drowsiness faded into something else?

A heady roil of lust came through the Bond from Ben, reacting to the carnal turn of her thoughts. Rey scolded herself and yanked her head back in line. She'd meant to keep things innocent, here.

Sternly directing her mind back to the task at hand, Rey brushed her left thumb gently across his scar. She allowed Ben to sense that though she felt guilt for losing her temper on Starkiller Base, the mark made him more handsome, in her opinion. A dark brow twitched up when she shared that, skeptical, but Rey just let her eyes trail along the scar's path as it dove down his long face and disappeared beneath his uniform. On Ahch-To, she'd been treated to an unimpeded view of just where that jagged line ended. She shared the memory, feeling his amusement at her discomfort when the Force's perverted sense of humor brought them together at such an awkward moment. Smiling, Rey also recalled following the trail of the scar down to his firm pectoral with her lips the other night.

It was probably ill-becoming of a Jedi, but the scavenger in her who'd fought for years to survive respected the strength a scar represented. And _she'd_ given him this mark, branded him for all to see. Perhaps it was wrong of her, but looking at it sent fingers of electricity tracing down her spine.

 _C'mon, Rey. Focus. This is about_ _HIM_ _, not how much you want to JUMP_ _him!_

She peeked up at Ben quickly to see if he'd caught that, but the spark in his eyes could just be from the lingering memory of her graceless attempt to keep it together during that long-ago connection in the early days of the Bond. She hoped so, at least, tearing her gaze and libido away from the scar.

Breathing in his spicy scent, her eyes roved over his face, mapping each dark mole, every uneven ridge. He was fascinating to her, truly. The awkward angles and pronounced features combined to create a face that was unique, distinct from any standard of fashion. And framing it perfectly was his rich, midnight hair. She recalled how she'd felt a thrill when finally sinking her hands into it. It had been sweaty and mussed from their exertions, but she'd been unable to resist reaching for those thick locks.

Checking to be sure his mind was still with her, following along in her exploration, Rey gave into her curiosity again. She wove her fingers through the neatly combed hair that brushed his shoulders, delighting in how extraordinarily soft it was.

Ben made a noise in his throat and Rey looked up quickly, concerned she'd done something he wasn't comfortable with. Her fear was immediately allayed when she saw the growing heat warming the caf of his eyes. Rey smiled up at him as she let herself sink into those dark depths.

She loved Ben's eyes most of all. They had the extraordinary ability to tell her everything he felt without a word, as challenging as it was to face the intensity of those emotions at times. And when he'd smiled while making love to her, lighting a softly-burning flame in them as he'd encouraged her to kiss him, she'd never wanted to look away.

She could feel Ben's reaction to all she'd shared. It utterly undid him.

When a tear escaped to drip down his cheek, Rey caught it with her fingers and smoothed it softly against his skin. As delighted as she was that the way she thought of him affected Ben so powerfully, she didn't understand the sharp twist of pain that she sensed through their Bond.

Ben's expression turned thoughtful. He seemed to hesitate, but then came to a decision. Rey felt him draw her mind towards something he wanted to show her, and she willingly followed.

It was a memory…

* * *

Ben stood on the manicured gravel path of the Embassy gardens on Chandrila, small shoe kicking at the leg of a decorative bench. He'd been dragged along for one of the New Republic's charity events, doing his duty as the son of a prominent politician. At the age of seven, that amounted to keeping the stupid fancy clothes he had to wear tidy and trying not to snap impolitely at condescending notables who ruffled his hair.

He hated these things. Anxiety would slowly build up in his belly as he endured the hours of speeches and refined chatter, overwhelmed by so many voices filling his ears _—_ filling his _mind._ When it became too much to bear, he always looked for the right moment to escape. Just now, when he'd spied Mon Mothma stepping over to his mother's side to discuss Something Important, he'd dashed for the glass door leading out onto the terrace without a second glance.

Finding no one about, he focused on breathing. In and out, in and out. Steady. Just like Uncle Luke said to do when he started feeling upset, unbalanced. It didn't help much, but he did it anyway, closing his eyes to try and focus.

"What have we here? Are you lost, my dear?"

Startled, Ben opened his eyes and looked up at the couple who'd strolled over to him. The man was a minor statesman from…somewhere or other. The sweet-voiced lady who'd addressed him, though, was a lovely blue-skinned Twi'lek. He thought he remembered seeing her among the delegation from Ryloth, so she must be one of Ambassador Hesdan's attachés or perhaps even a junior delegate. She wore a shimmering dress that caught the sunlight and her lekku were wrapped with satin ribbons for the occasion.

As glamorous as she was, though, it was her expression that held Ben's attention. Her eyes seemed kind, and she smiled down at him as she pulled her companion to a stop.

"I-I'm fine," Ben stammered, overwhelmed by how friendly this beautiful woman was. Few ever genuinely were, but she seemed to actually be concerned for him, though she didn't know him. It made him smile, and he offered her a small bow of gratitude. "Thank you, ma'am. I'll go back to Mom _—_...I mean, to my _mother_ in a moment."

"And such a fine young gentleman she's raised," she exclaimed as her bright orange eyes danced with delight. Her head tilted in curiosity, causing tiny bells dangling from her ribbons to tinkle delicately. "Who is she, your mother?"

"Senator Organa, ma'am."

"The Princess of Aldaraan? _Really?"_ She seemed taken aback, and looked him over with a small line puckering the skin between her painted brow ridges. Ben was confused by her abrupt change in demeanor and shifted uncomfortably. The lady's eyes returned to his, narrowing shrewdly, as if finding what she was looking for. Then a smile reappeared across her face. "Well, don’t wander too far, pet. Her Highness wouldn't want her precious son getting lost, now would she?"

The lady and her companion swept away, and Ben watched her go, shimmering skirts floating about her swaying form. They hadn't gone more than a few steps, though, when her voice drifted back to him. She didn't even bother to lower it.

 _"That's_ Princess Leia's son? Poor dear, she must be mortified." Her laughter tinkled nastily, delighted by her own casual cruelty. "Such an unfortunate-looking child, all ears and gangly limbs. And that _nose!_ What a shame."

Ben was left standing in the sunny garden, listening to the sound of little bells fading away. He sat down on the bench, lowering his head to hide his face from the brightness of the sun's rays. To anyone happening to look out the window, Senator Organa's son appeared to be enjoying the quiet solitude of the sea air coming from beyond the hedge.

Safe behind the dark fringe of his hair, Ben let only the shadows witness his silent tears.

* * *

Rey continued to stare into Ben's eyes as the memory faded away, shoved back to be hidden away in a dark recess of his mind where too many others like it festered. She felt her heart ache for the little boy who'd had to grow up listening to the unkind words of his mother's rivals—the butt of others' jokes and always the odd one out.

Suddenly, anger snapped in Rey's mind, clenching like a fist in her chest. How dare that woman belittle a child who'd looked at her with admiration? How dare anyone have mocked Ben for what he'd looked like at an age when children were all knees and elbows? What did it matter who his mother was or if she cut his hair too short to cover his large ears?

Nothing excused leaving a child behind to cry. Rey knew that better than anyone.

_I bet that fine "lady" was a pimply little git at seven!_

Rey was shaken from of her vengeful inner tirade when Ben's hands came up to grip her shoulders. Blinking, she refocused on the adult version of him standing before her now. He was staring at her as though she were the most extraordinary thing in the galaxy. Lips trembling slightly, he seemed bewildered, and when she touched his mind she felt him trying to decide how she could possibly be real.

It brought Rey to a decision of her own.

She reached up and wrapped her fingers around his left wrist, drawing his hand down before her. One by one, Rey loosened the snug leather from each of his long fingers and then eased the glove away, raising the palm of his hand up to her mouth so she could press a kiss into its center. She looked up to see him totally entranced by what she was doing. Holding his gaze determinedly with her own, she lowered his hand down to set it at her waist before repeating each tender movement with his right hand.

Ben didn't blink once.

With his hands resting warmly above the curve of her hips, Rey took the half-step she'd left between them before and raised her arms to wrap them around Ben's shoulders. Hands resting lightly at the back of his neck, she tangled her fingers into the hair that fell there. She could sense the fine tingles her fingertips raised along his scalp, and she firmly pressed the length of her body against his. Ben's breathing quickened and she felt his mind fight to hold back his instinct to pull her to him and pick up where they'd left off against the wall. She smiled at his restraint, pleased he was letting her take the lead.

**_Trust me, Ben. I promise that you can._ **

Ben dipped his chin slightly in a nod. She could feel the reservations that remained, the fear that continued to try to erect walls around his heart. It was the devastating legacy of a life spent picking himself back up after one disappointment had knocked him down after another. If you didn't trust, didn't care, then you didn't give anyone the power to hurt you.

Rey, the survivor, understood him perfectly, and it was that understanding which she reached out along the Bond with as she eased back. Again, she lifted her hands up to the collar of his tunic. This time, he didn't stop her.

The row of fastenings was long and fiddly, but Rey patiently worked her way down them. Ben moved to help, but she just settled his hands back at her waist, returning to her task. When the last hook was undone, she finally allowed him to raise his arms so that she could push the thick garment off his shoulders. She pulled the hem of his undershirt from the waistband of his pants then, and lifted it over his head to let it fall away.

Ben watched her, mesmerized by her slow, tender movements. Rey could sense that it was taking an enormous effort of will not to crush her ribs in his grip as she raised her hands to press the palms flat against his abs. They tightened at her touch and she traced the swell of each muscle, appreciating how effortlessly he held the flexion. His was a body that had been molded into peak condition, physical strength to compliment his astonishing prowess with the Force. Rey avoided thinking of the bloody battles that training and preparation had been for, accepting that she was a coward for wanting to hide from the reasons this was happening through the Bond rather than in-person.

Purposefully setting those impediments aside again, and choosing to remain in this moment with the man whose hands shook as they held onto her, Rey let her own move to the fastening of his trousers.

Ben sucked in a harsh breath, but she simply undid the closure and nudged his arm lightly to ask him to let her go. Out of the corners of her eyes she saw his hands, robbed of their hold, clench into fists, veins standing out in sharp relief. Ducking her head as she tugged his trousers down, Rey bit her lip and she smiled. She let him feel it through the Bond, but kept her head down, movements slow and easy. Removing his boots, she was able to slip his pantlegs off one after the other as he lifted his feet when she prompted him to.

When he stood before her in nothing but his tight boxer briefs, she peeked up to where he watched her from above. He'd done her the courtesy of waiting for permission when he'd bared her body and she would do no less for him, though at this point there was only the one bit of fabric remaining. She felt his mind calm somewhat at her consideration, though the blaze in his eyes sent scorching shivers deep into her belly. She could tell he wasn't shy about nudity itself after what they'd already done, and didn't need to be handled with missish concern. All the same, he recognized her gesture as the acknowledgment of the care she wanted to offer him, equal to his for her.

Ben nodded, and Rey slipped her fingers beneath his waistband. They were black because _of course_ they were. She rolled her eyes at him and felt his answering amusement, as she'd intended. They both grew serious once more, however, as Rey pulled the soft fabric away.

At last, Ben stood before her, body bared.

She straightened and stood back, drawing her eyes along every line and curve of his immense figure. There was so much of him to look at, and Rey took her time. She kept a careful watch on his end of the Bond, sensing Ben's anxiety vibrate along it, though he worked to rein it in. She could feel how nervous he was to witness her reaction to what he saw as a hulking, ungraceful body that he'd only ever viewed in the mirror with a critical eye for its deficiencies.

What flaws he thought there were, though, Rey couldn't fathom as her eyes took him in.

She hadn't seen much of him the other night, between hiding her face in his shoulder and then being thoroughly distracted as he'd taught her to kiss. So, with him now revealed in all his glory, it was tempting to linger on the half-hard shaft she'd had to stretch the waistband of his boxer briefs wide to release. While her gaze ran over it with interest, though, the desire she felt at the sight was peripheral. That was just one part of the greater whole, and she had a more important mission than carnal gratification on her mind.

He waited patiently, standing tall above her, and she paused to consider how much she liked that about him—the way Ben was tall enough to make her feel dainty in comparison. Rey wasn't actually short, more average in height as far as humans went, but next to him she was practically petite. She slowly circled around him, eyes capturing every inch. He could so easily have made her feel overpowered, threatened by his superior weight and reach, but instead she felt utterly safe. She knew that if a Praetorian guard were to burst into the room right then, all that towering strength would immediately move to protect her.

Not that Rey couldn't take care of herself, but she appreciated it, all the same.

Ben smiled at that and she was glad to feel he was beginning to relax a little. She'd continued to share a running train of her inner commentary with him, hoping it would help as he stood under her gaze. A thought occurred to her, though, and she worried for a moment that her scrutiny was unfair. Was she treating him any better than Unkar Plutt looking over a choice piece of salvage to decide its value? That's not what she'd intended, but did he feel that way?

She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek, but Ben soothed her concern away with a soft pulse along the Bond. He knew Rey would never seek to demean him, and his reassurance steadied her as she came back around, closing the circle she'd paced.

Rey let her eyes drift over him one more time in contemplative silence, lingering a little on where the scar she'd given him trailed to an uneven end, opposite his heart. Then Ben shifted, hands still clenched, a muscle jumping in his jaw. She knew he wouldn't be able to take much more of this, and she hated the idea of prolonging his anxious vigil.

So, Rey raised her eyes to meet his and spoke the simple truth, ensuring he couldn't doubt her as she drew his mind in even closer to hers.

"You're beautiful, Ben."

His eyes widened and Rey felt the rush of his shock, wringing a ragged gasp from him. He wanted to reach out and crush her to his body, she could feel it, but he just dug his nails into his bare palms as he made himself remain still. Ben was still intent on ceding control to her.

Rey wanted to feel his touch, though, so she closed the distance and draped her arms around him. With her mind, she told him to let go, and his hands came up to hold her like she was the most precious thing in the galaxy.

She wasted no time and pulled his head down so that her lips could reach his. Into the kiss, she poured joy and the affection neither of them had yet named, her wonder at seeing his body for the first time, and the needy desire that heated the blood in her veins. She felt a tear slide down his cheek, landing against hers as their mouths moved to get closer, deeper. His spicy scent filled the air and she breathed it in greedily.

As their passion rose, so did he. Rey felt his hard heat pressing against her and pride surged through her chest. _She_ was the one this extraordinary man wanted and it was _she_ his beautiful body woke for. Her elation trickled across to Ben, and their kiss grew more fervent. It would be so easy to let the ardor build until they both lost themselves to the madness, but Rey managed to keep enough of a grip on her sanity to guide his mouth into a softer rhythm, easing them back from the steep edge they'd been about to tumble over.

Finally breaking away and looking up at Ben's flushed, panting face, Rey smiled. He collected himself enough to return it, gazing down into her with heavy-lidded eyes. She didn't look away from them as she reached down to strip her own clothes off, letting him help peel the thin layers away from her hot skin. Before, Rey would have been hesitant to do this, but after all that had just passed between them she felt a liberating thrill soar through her as the last garment fell to the floor.

She could never feel inadequate in the eyes of this man with the way he looked at her like she was the reason his heart continued to beat.

Taking a breath to gather her courage, Rey lowered herself so that she knelt on the floor before him, reaching up for one of his hands to pull him down to join her. When he'd settled, she climbed into his lap and leaned forward to press her forehead to his as her heart raced. Rey wanted him. She wanted to make it slower, more gentle this time, but with the control left completely in her hands she wasn't sure how to proceed. Meeting his eyes, so close to her own, she saw that he understood what she needed from him.

Ben's broad palms smoothed up along the outsides of her thighs, sending shivers up her spine, before coming to rest on her hips. He cupped her in his firm grip, moving as slowly as she had. When he lifted her up, he sent a suggestion to her mind, showing her what to do.

Rey reached down and took hold of him, a little bashful now that her focus was erotic. Her fingers rubbed lightly as she discovered with surprise that the hot, hard flesh was incredibly soft. Ben's arrested breathing and the jerk of his abdomen as his muscles flexed made her feel extraordinarily powerful.

Rey was fascinated by how he reacted to even the softest touch, but they both needed something else right now and she stopped gliding her fingertips along his length.

 _Another time_ , she promised herself and his eyes burned into her. She was more than ready for him as she guided his tip to her entrance and started to lower herself down. Still unused to the invasion, Rey had to concentrate on relaxing to ease his way, but Ben kept his gentle hold and helped press her down as she unlocked for him. When she felt his firm thighs under her, she took an uneven breath, shattered by the way he filled her so completely. There was the faint sensation of tearing and Rey knew there'd be blood again, and soreness afterward, but the luxurious feeling of embracing him with her sleek walls made it worth it.

Adjusting to having his heavy length inside her again, stretching her with a satisfying sting, Rey rested in the safe harbor of Ben's gaze. He grounded her, keeping her from flying apart as she feared she might. He made her feel so powerful, so extraordinary. Her palms pressed against his chest and she pushed until he was leaning back a little. He had to take his hands away to support his weight, which she regretted, but the new angle shifted where they touched, how he was seated in her. It was just enough to bring a throaty moan from between her lips. She almost imagined he grew harder, swelling even more within her at the sound she made, if that were possible.

Ben didn't move, but she couldn't hold herself still any longer. Balancing against his hard stomach, Rey began to rock, shaking as her slick flesh slipped tantalizingly around him with each shallow stroke. Confusion made her stop quickly, however. She loved the feel of him, the glide, the fullness, but the intense frisson of pleasure Ben had made her feel as he'd moved inside her before was agonizingly absent. Rey sensed that Ben was brimming with rising pleasure, so why wasn't she? A worried frown creased her forehead.

_Am I doing this wrong?_

Confidence drained out of her, and Rey dejectedly started her slow rocking again for Ben's sake, if not her own. Drunk as his mind was on the sensations she was building for him, though, Ben was aware of her growing sense of defeat and wasn't going to let her give so much only to receive nothing in return. He shifted his weight and brought an arm back around, startling Rey out of her aimless cadence when he pressed his wide thumb into the sweet bud that throbbed at his touch. Giving her a small nod, Ben urged her to try again, smiling with sensual satisfaction as her eyelids squeezed shut in bliss.

Rey rode him, increasing her tempo as she rose on wave after searing wave. She heard the way her hard, moaning breaths mingled with the sound of his equally unstable gasps, creating a vibrant harmony between them that sent tingles along the base of her skull. She couldn't get enough of it. Of him. She slowly found herself leaning back, grasping his wrist for balance until her other hand found his knee. The angle shifted again and she bit her lip to stifle the cry she couldn't hold back.

It built fast, much faster than the last time. Rey chased that beckoning electricity that lay just beyond reach, moving onto Ben with longer strokes, grinding fiercely into the pad of his thumb. Head flung back, she felt wild and free and glorious. But suddenly even that wasn't enough. He was too far away, beyond reach to hold her and for her to throw her arms around him in return. Rey growled, frustrated, too lost in her mad dash. She threw her mind at his, begging him, and Ben answered without hesitation.

He surged forward and wrapped his strong arm around her waist to drag her back up to him. Their chests came together, sweat making their skin slip with each harsh breath. Rey's arms locked around Ben's neck, pulling him close so she could claim his sinful mouth. She continued to rock into him, his hold too tight for anything but the shallowest of motions. He jerked suddenly and his hips began to roll up to meet hers with desperation, unable to remain passive any longer. His thumb had pulled away, to her dismay, but he only gripped her hip to hitch her up so that she rubbed against his hard stomach.

It took only a few more strokes for the universe to go up in flames.

Rey's vision went blank as ecstasy raged through her. Eventually, she fell back down to land safely in the cradle of Ben's arms. Her senses clearing, she took a long, slow breath filled with the spice-infused aroma of his sweat. Kriff, but she'd never get enough of that, either.

At some point, Ben had fallen backwards to lie flat on the floor, pulling her with him. His breaths came hard and deep, lifting her upper body with each inhale as she lay over him, still clasped tightly in the circle of his arms. As her synapses began to fire again, Rey realized something while she allowed herself to bask in the afterglow of what they'd just done. It occurred to her that, though she'd been too high to notice at the time, Ben had stopped moving the instant she'd peaked. It took her sluggish mind a moment to recall the strong shiver that had run through him when he'd pulled her further up against him, his fierce lunges up into her, and the eruption against her inner heat. Rey realized he'd come before she had, too overcome by the unbridled fury riding him to stop himself.

Lifting her head so she could look down at him, Rey saw a twinge of chagrin in Ben's heavy eyes. He'd wanted to last for her, his mind told her, to give her pleasure before he took his. He was frustrated with himself for failing, but Rey shook her head at that. Reaching out with a finger, she traced his lower lip, battered and swollen from her attentions, before moving in to kiss it gently. As she held her mouth against his, she allowed the pride and exhilaration she felt at having completely undone him to flow through the bond and wash over Ben.

Each time she unraveled him, Rey longed to do it again, to see Ben let himself go for her— _with_ her.

His arms tightened and Rey smiled against his mouth, feeling him do the same as she stared into the velvety depths of the gaze she'd once struggled to meet. She couldn’t imagine ever wanting to hide from it, now.

Regret tugged at the corners of her lips as she wished she could hide away from what she was sensing slowly fall around them. She could see it in Ben's face, the strain to hold the Bond together. He fought to stay there, holding her close in every way they were capable of. Exhaustion dragged at his control, though, and he was unused to the challenge of consciously mastering the connection. He couldn't hold on.

Rey smiled sadly, but poured all the happiness he'd given her this evening across the passageway between their souls. They kissed again, deeply and with a lingering warmth that made her grind her pelvis down against him one last time. She relished the vibrating groan that escaped from him, feeling it against her lips, chest, and down through her belly to where they remained defiantly joined.

They stayed like that, hands sweeping comforting caresses across sweat-beaded skin and eyes staring into one another, as they felt the Force collapse around them. Rey removed her hands from Ben's hair just in time to catch herself when his firm body disappeared from beneath her.

She let out a soft breath.

Sitting up and gathering her knees to her chest, Rey hugged herself around the lingering feel of him. She held onto the receding presence of his mind for as long as she could, trying desperately to draw the strength from him to endure this parting for the second time. She felt Ben's efforts to find the same fortitude for himself, however, and couldn't stop the tears from slipping down her cheeks as he was torn away from her. Only the awareness of his vibrant lifeforce remained behind to nestle against her aching heart while she sat on the floor among his discarded clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Way to go, Rey! I've always loved it when fanfic authors address the cruel way people mocked Ben's appearance as he grew up by having Rey prove them all wrong. When I saw the opening to include it myself, I jumped at the opportunity. What do you guys think? Bullying of any kind, but especially when it's an adult showing unkindness towards a child, absolutely infuriates me. It was just one more horrible thing piled on top of Ben's past and I honestly struggled with it when I first read about that background detail. I hope that anyone subjected to such casual cruelty finds someone like Rey who won’t stand aside and let the hurt fester. We all need someone to lift us up, and Rey is going to be there for Ben, just as he will be for her. ♥
> 
> **BTS Ramblings…**
> 
> **Son of a Nerfherder:** Oh Rey, you have no idea how on the money you are. I really couldn't resist adding this in. I knew I wanted her to snap and yell something as Ben showed up and then this came to mind. And as we all know, Ben Solo is, in fact, the son of the original nerfherder himself!
> 
>  **Controlling the Bond:** Check it out, Ben's learned a new trick! I've always figured that, with time and study, Ben and Rey would have been able to gain more control over their Bond. Each time they were brought together, it seemed to grow stronger and show off a few more bells & whistles. So, I'm running with that. Fortunately, passing objects through the Force is canonically established by TROS, but Ben's ability to open and close the Bond at will (or he will be able to eventually, with a bit o' practice) is new. I thought it might be a natural progression for the Bond, however.
> 
>  **We've Got Baggage to Unpack, Here:** Oh boy. These two have a LOT to tackle before they get to have their HEA. In this story, Ben and Rey are firmly entrenched on their respective sides of the war and being in love with the enemy isn't going to change that for either one of them. It's going to take some heavy-lifting on both their parts to find their way though it, but then, nothing that matters is ever easy...


	3. Remnants of Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Quite simply it is love.  
> It is the unconditional love that says,  
> regardless of what you do or where you go,  
> I will always be there for you."
> 
> Elijah Wood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, things left off on a bit of a sad note last time. Having gone all Enemies-to-Lovers, believed they'd be together only to be torn apart, and now having to juggle the long-distance element while trying to discover the physical side of their relationship? Yikes, that's a LOT. And I'm afraid their difficulties are only just beginning. We're about to get into some tough stuff in this act of the story, but I do promise you that things will get better. 
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNING:** An anxiety attack is vividly described in this chapter.
> 
> [ ♥ ASTOS Playlist ♥ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pDQ4ImXmRM&list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh&index=1)
> 
> Much love!

__

_Force, why can't we catch a break?_

Rey pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes as she knelt on her bunk, trying to block out the horrors that seemed engraved on the walls of her mind.

Screams of terror. Blaster bolts scorching through the air. A shocking concussion as a thermal detonator exploded behind the warehouse. Bodies falling to the ground, blood smeared obscenely along the walls of a neighborhood that had been filled with the laughter of playing children only minutes before.

It was supposed to have been a routine supply run. Easy and practically guaranteed to be safe. Everyone had loaded up in the transport with grins and the odd joke, believing it was a chance to get out and leave the war behind for a few hours. Poe had promised everyone a round on him at the cantina, raising a roaring chorus of cheers. Rey herself had even lowered the walls of her personal space for a change, letting herself smile a bit. Finn had told her how great it was to see her coming out of the haze she'd been in, wrapping her in one of his bear hugs that always eased her heart. Maybe she could start trying to connect with people, again, make friends.

How foolish she'd been.

Another First Order Death Squad, tipped off to their location and sent to eradicate the rebel scum, had shown up. Most of them had managed to get out safely, but they'd lost Delken Voss and a playful-eyed Kuati. Rey hadn't had the chance to ask her name before it no longer mattered.

_What's wrong with me? Of course it kriffing matters!_

Rey fought to hold the tears back, to stay strong, but she couldn't stop herself from choking out a sob at the thought of who else had paid the price for the tragic way they'd all let their guards down.

In a fight, Rey tapped into the Force to enhance her senses, allowing her to perceive approaching threats with keen vision and overcome her foes with astounding reflexes. Which meant that the sound of Finn's agonizing screams had pierced her ears with horrifying clarity.

He was alive, thank goodness, but that was the best thing that could be said of it. Some of the Stormtroopers had come equipped with D-93 Incinerators, flamethrowers that would have set the whole town aflame. Finn and Poe had focused on them, trying to prevent the hideous weapons from spreading too much destruction. They'd managed to take down all but one when Finn was knocked to the ground. Poe had been distracted by Snap's call for help, but Rey had seen and run to defend her friend. As she'd pelted forward, she'd watched as the trooper stepped over to stand above the fallen fighter. Finn, brave Finn, had sat up and spit the blood from his split lip on the white armor in front of his face before shooting up to drive the sparking head of an electroprod into the fuel pack attached to the Incinerator.

Rey let her hands drop into her lap, unable to drive out the nightmare images. In her head, she saw the blast of flames, heard the crash of the Stormtrooper's body slamming into a wrecked speeder, and felt the same dread as Finn writhed in the dirt.

They'd eventually managed to get away, loading the wounded, including Finn, onto the transport ship and punching in the base's coordinates as quickly as possible. The Resistance medical staff, if you could call two doctors and a retired midwife a 'staff,' had gotten to work the instant the ship had touched back down. Kalonia herself had taken Finn's case in-hand, not even blinking as she saw the extent of the damage. When she'd stepped out of the recovery room to find Rey waiting with a haunted look on her face, the doctor had taken her right in to see him. She knew it had been kindly meant, the intent to reassure her that her friend was still alive behind it, but the sight of Finn brought Rey to her knees.

He'd lost his right arm and eye, burns covering that entire side of his body. They'd arrange a prosthetic to replace Finn's arm when the wound was healed enough, Kalonia said, though a functional eye implant would have to wait. The Resistance's stock of medical supplies was pitiful, at best, and most of it was either old or stolen from questionable sources. Even their bacta patches were expired for the most part, though they were kept because some relief from pain was better than none. With affairs as bad as they were, they certainly didn't have the necessary tools to replace Finn's eye.

It had been almost a week since the attack and Rey had checked in on her friend multiple times each day. Kalonia was kind about it, but insisted that her patient needed peace and rest. She'd only allow one visitor in at a time and Rose had planted herself firmly in the chair beside Finn's bed. As desperate as she was to see for herself that the first person who'd ever come back for her was recovering, she knew that the bright-eyed mechanic had the right to be the one by his side.

When you were hurt, it was the ones who cared about you that you wanted the most.

 _ **I need you, Ben**_ , Rey said in her mind, attempting to feed her words into the Bond. She'd tried this several times since Ben had reappeared before her and shared that their connection was something he believed they could learn to control. There had been twinges felt through the fibers of the Bond every now and then, like they were being prodded and plucked at. She'd guessed that Ben was continuing his study of their connection and trying to determine in what ways it could be mastered. Her awareness of him, of his lifeforce, had grown. He was a bright star she could unerringly hold out her hand and point to.

Rey closed her eyes, looking towards the light of his star with her mind. She'd been doing this frequently to help calm her thoughts, especially since Finn had been injured. It brought her some solace, like she could almost reach out and touch the chest containing the throbbing heart at the other end of the string which tied her to him. Letting out a frustrated sound, Rey wished she could give that string a yank, drag the man she needed so badly across the light-years to her side.

_**I want you with me. I want you to hold me tight and make it be okay, at least for a little while.** _

She continued to speak to Ben, imagining to herself that he could hear her. He'd look up to where her star, the twin to his own, shone and feel for her mind, closing the impossible distance between them.

Rey stroked the Bond with her mind, inanely trying to encourage it to carry her message across the stars. And as she did so, the Force swelled and every molecule of air seemed to arrest in unnatural inertia as the rules of reality bent around her.

_**Rey?** _

She ran into his arms the moment he appeared before her.

Ben caught her, his face filled with concern. His heart hammered beneath her ear as she pressed into him, shaking with relief at having him here with her, however they'd managed it.

"Rey, what's wrong?" His voice was urgent, his arms holding her tight. She could feel his mind try to get a sense of her surroundings to discern what had upset her, where the threat was. Just the comforting connection as their minds settled against one another in what was becoming a ritual of habit helped to calm Rey, balancing her turbulent thoughts. Ben sensed her disquiet slowly easing and it seemed to assuage his alarm, in turn. His arms came more fully around her waist, now cradling her into his chest instead of gripping her sides in readiness to defend her however he could, even from an unseen enemy. His intent brought a wobbly smile to her face and Rey deliberately worked to relax her muscles and slow her breathing, which was strained already.

Ben stood there, holding her close, even after Rey had sighed and tipped her head back so he could lower his to rest their foreheads together. She loved doing that with him and she could tell he did, too. Perhaps it had something to do with the way not just their hearts and souls were connected, but their minds, as well. Whatever it was, it made her feel closer to Ben, and she needed that right now. They both did.

After several minutes, Rey took a deep breath and let it out slowly, coming fully back to herself. She opened her eyes and was met with the dark depths of Ben's. She smiled, again. Years-worth of daydreams had been spent on imagining finding belonging with someone. Rey the scavenger, whiling away her life on Jakku, would never have believed she would one day stand like this with a man like Ben Solo.

_**I could never have dreamed of being with someone like you, either.** _

Hearing his voice in her mind as she stood staring into his eyes made warmth bloom in her chest, pooling out to every inch of her that pressed into him. It affected them both, she saw, and didn't hesitate when he closed the space between them. Rey sank into Ben's kiss, indulging herself by lifting her hands from around his neck to bury her fingers into the thick, black waves resting against his collar. He groaned into her mouth, inflamed by having her stoke through his hair and drag her nails along his scalp. Kriff, but it didn't take much for either of them to work themselves up into a state once they got their hands on each other.

Rey let out a small, short laugh against Ben's lips. She was a little giddy, she admitted to herself, feeling off-kilter. His arms remained solid around her, though, and she continued to wind silky strands of hair around her fingers as the kiss ended.

"I'm glad you're here," Rey said quietly, feeling the need to preserve the moment.

"I couldn't believe it when I heard your voice in my head. I thought I was imagining it, at first," he said, looking down at her with avid interest. She almost laughed again at seeing the scholarly fascination at this new development in their Bond. "I've been trying for days to reach for your mind, but I was stymied at every turn."

"Did you try asking nicely?" she deadpanned, unable to help herself as high spirits bubbled up inside her.

"What?" Ben frowned, looking at her with confusion and the laugh escaped Rey. He huffed when he realized she was heckling him. "Cute. Now, tell me how you did it."

Rey was charmed by his studious expression and stifled her mischievous impulses. Part of her was elated that he'd let her tease him, even reluctantly. She'd definitely have to try again when he wasn't quite so intent on unraveling the cosmic secrets of the Force.

"Honestly, I'm not entirely sure," she replied, shrugging her shoulders. "I've been feeling stirrings within the Bond every now and then, so I suppose that must've been you."

Ben nodded, looking pleased that his efforts hadn't gone completely awry.

"I was trying to connect to you, speaking through the Bond like when we're together," Rey emphasized by giving his shoulders a squeeze. His muscles flexed in response, which sent a thrill through her, but she managed to keep her mind on-track. "I reached out to the Bond itself and sort of … I'm not quite sure how to explain it. I _encouraged_ it to bring my words to you."

"You asked it nicely," he snarked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yes," she said, scrunching her nose at him in revenge. Ben sighed, wincing at the suggestion that the Force would expect them to start using their best manners to get things to work. It caused a bubble of laughter to rise in Rey's belly, but she held it back, keeping her amusement at his annoyance to a twitch of her lips. He spotted it, sensing what she was thinking, and narrowed his eyes in mock severity. He wasn't frustrated with her and he was too contented by having Rey in his arms again that he let her buoy him out of his typical broodiness. Then something occurred to him.

"I might be able to figure it out if you _—_ ," Ben hesitated, searching her eyes with trepidation. "Rey, if you'll allow me to look at the memory I might be able to determine what you did."

Starkiller Base. A metal interrogation chair with straps that held her captive. A creature in a mask lying in wait to torture her for information she'd had no intention of giving.

Rey let out a shaky breath, the circumstances of the day she'd met Ben _—_ or rather, Kylo Ren _—_ painful to revisit, no matter what he was to her, now. The agony he'd put her through by ripping into her head, laying bare her mind, and shuffling through details of her miserable existence on Jakku, was something she would always carry with her. She'd made peace with it within herself, but she'd never forget what he'd done.

But that wasn't what he intended, not this time. This was Ben, she told herself, looking anxiously into his eyes. He was asking her to give him what he needed, rather than taking it by force.

_That's Princess Leia's son? The poor dear, she must be mortified!_

He'd already offered her what he was now seeking, proved that it didn't have to be a violating experience. Rey nodded at Ben, granting her permission. At her gesture, he pulled her back into him and touched their foreheads, once more.

As her eyes closed, Rey felt along the edge of her consciousness where Ben's rested contentedly. He advanced slowly, giving her the opportunity to stop him if she changed her mind. She shivered a little, but gave way to allow him entry, guiding him to the recollection of kneeling on her mattress, calling out through the Force in need. Ben watched carefully, examining the scene several times, mulling over what she'd done and working it out. She felt the instant he grasped it, a thrill of triumph rushing through him as he withdrew.

When Ben opened his eyes with excitement, exultant over the discovery his brilliant Force-mate had made, he was brought up short by the fury on her face.

As the memory had played through her mind, the emotions that had driven Rey to reach out to Ben in the first place had reignited. She'd been sunk into the pain and fear all over again. Her fingers flexed, digging into the black uniform he wore, the hooded cloak that marked his identity for all to see. Her best friend had lost an arm and an eye to the murderers who terrorized the galaxy. Delken Voss, Hamla Vakk'ar, the Kuati she'd not gotten the chance to know, and countless others had paid for standing up to the First Order with their lives.

And here stood the man who ruled over that empire of death.

Rey tore herself from the Supreme Leader's arms, backing away while staring him down with incandescent rage. He followed her thoughts, though she tried to yank her mind away from where it snuggled into his. Ben held on, though, refusing to let her pull away from him and determined to find what had sparked her ire. She was more than willing to share it, practically throwing her heartache for the way this cycle of hatred tore the galaxy apart at his mind. He shuddered as he endured the onslaught.

"It's war, Rey," Ben bit out, teeth clenching and making the vein at his temple pulse agitatedly.

"Yes. It's war. Cruel, bloody, horrible, useless war," she said, voice shaking a little.

"You're not naïve, little Jedi," Ben said with a sneer, doing nothing to help her regain her equilibrium. His look held derision and she could feel the wounded spite looking to lash out within him. "Stop talking as if you don't know the truth of the people whose cause you fight for. The Resistance is no less guilty of 'cruel, bloody, horrible' acts than the First Order, and _all of it_ is kriffing useless."

"Then why do you insist on perpetuating it?" she cried, feeling herself beginning to crack around the edges. She was struggling to breathe, lungs unable to draw in enough air.

"Why do you?" he struck back viciously.

Why did they keep on fighting like this? The Resistance against the First Order. She against Ben. If it was all so pointless, then why did it keep going on and on?

Rey had no answers for either of them.

The cracks began to split, threatening to break her apart entirely, and Rey's face crumbled. She took harsh, gasping breaths as pain began to blossom behind her eyes. She was so ready to give up.

Then Rey was caught up in warm arms. They pulled her against a strong chest that offered safe harbor to shelter in as the storm overtook her. She clung to those arms, pressing her face into the stiff fabric of his tunic as she shuddered under the pressure that sought to crush her. Ben held her tight as she cried, silently working to conquer his own temper. He didn't speak, just tucked her head beneath his chin and let her mourn all they'd endured and would still have to face, come the dawn.

"I just want it to end," she choked against him, fighting to regain control over her frayed breathing. "I don't want all the killing and the hurting to go on like this. I can't take more of it, and I _—_ I…," Rey lifted her head to peer sadly up at him. Ben returned her look solemnly, knowing the terror that haunted her, the same nightmare that plagued him whenever he closed his eyes. "And I _can't_ bear the thought of what could happen to you. That I might lose you now, only just as I've found you."

Ben comforted her in the only way he could. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to Rey's, holding her both with his arms and mind. As she fell apart, taking pieces of him along with her, he sought to help put her back together again. It was an impossible task, but they managed to hold enough of one another in place to find the will to continue on along the treacherous path they were forced to travel.

Rey's cries finally slowed, soothed away by the support of Ben's unwavering strength. She'd have been mortified to lose her composure like this in front of him once, but now he was the only one she wanted. Even with Finn or Rose, she couldn't imagine being easy enough to let herself go, to vent such powerful emotion. She especially couldn't picture doing so in front of Poe. Leia or Chewie, perhaps, but her relationship with the man they both had such complicated ties to made Rey shy away from even considering laying her vulnerability before them.

The realization that she had no one here among the people she lived and fought alongside to truly be herself with made her ache. Rey knew what it meant to be alone, isolated. It made her almost long for the much simpler seclusion of absolute abandonment that she'd learned to live with on Jakku. And that was truly devastating. She shook her head at the twisted irony. She'd never have thought she could feel that way surrounded by so many who claimed to understand and care about her.

"The people around me think they know me. I'm afraid no one does," Rey's voice broke on the words, revealing the desperate loneliness she held inside, hidden away from everyone but the one person she could not conceal anything from.

"But I do," Ben said, his voice resonating in her ears, stroking along their Bond like a caress.

And he did. Oh Force, he really did. She looked up into his eyes and knew it to be true. Being with Ben was like having a piece of her soul returned to her after a lifetime of wondering at the feeling of being unaccountably incomplete. He fit perfectly into place as their minds met to hold one another in a union that was more fulfilling even than the joining of their bodies.

"What is this, Ben?" Rey asked, voice no more than a whisper. "What are we?"

"I don't know," he murmured in honest answer. His face held the same awe and confusion that Rey felt and she could see in his mind how he had scoured through every tome and holocron of Force lore and mysticism he could lay his hands on. He'd sent out commands to archives, conclaves, and religious orders throughout the galaxy, requiring that every scrap of information that might offer a detail, a hint about their unusual Bond be delivered into his hands. So far, he'd come up with nothing.

Rey ran her fingers along his jaw to ease the frustration that held the muscles there tense. He relaxed beneath her touch, leaning into her hand and bringing one of his own up to hold it against his cheek. Their minds curled around one another as if to mimic their physical contact. The yearning for this man, this mate of hers in the Force, grew fiercer until she couldn't stand it.

She rose up on her toes, pulling at Ben's shoulders to bring him closer, clasping her mouth to his with fervor. He answered her with passion of his own, willingly shoving aside their quarrel and the uncomfortable questions that still demanded to be answered. They turned away from all of it and into one another.

It was Rey's tongue that pressed into the seam of his lips, begging for entry, that unleashed the burgeoning hunger they could barely hold in check the moment the Bond brushed aside the layers of reality separating them.

Lust scorched through her veins as Ben's hands shifted, coming down to grasp her waist, transforming the comforting embrace into something untamed. Eager to dive headlong into it, Rey leaned herself into him, pressing close and moaning at feeling the hard ridge that strained against his restricting uniform. She was shaking, almost jittery with need. Her hands reached for the fastening of his trousers, fingers tugging with rash urgency.

Ben pulled back, breaking the kiss and looking down into her eyes. He saw something in them that had him reaching down to grab hold of her hands to halt her efforts. Rey growled in frustration. She _needed_ him, _had_ to have his skin against hers. Inside, deep and deeper. She'd lost herself in her frenzied craving for Ben's body and the promise of relief only he could give her.

He held her hands in a firm grip, refusing to let go even as she tried to yank them away. Her eyes were fixed intently on the clasp she'd only managed to partially undo with her trembling fingers, but they were forced back up to look at Ben when his mind nudged hers insistently. He moved her wrists so they were both held in one of his hands, lifting the other to drag her face upwards the rest of the way. Rey panted, almost wheezing beneath the stress, and she was vaguely aware that his mind had come to a resolution.

"Rey," Ben said gently, but firmly. "Rey, you need to breathe."

She shook her head sharply, still too keyed-up to speak. She needed him, kriff it! But he just nodded, calm understanding easing across the Bond to enfold her mind. Rey resisted it, not wanting to be pacified.

"No, Rey. Not like this," he said in that same benign tone that only served to agitate her further. He seemed to realize that and though he didn't change the timbre of his voice, Ben shifted tacks. She felt the decision as he made it, sensed the discomfort of exposing yet another inch of his feelings, but the determination to get through to her made him tamp it down.

"I'm here with you," he murmured, staring into her eyes. "You're not alone, Sweetheart."

Those words. The vow he'd made to her long ago, in the fateful moment when she stopped thinking of him as a monster and saw the glimmer of Light that called to that which her own soul was made of. Hearing it cut the tension crashing through her immediately, releasing the suffocating grip on her lungs and clearing her frantic mind.

Then it registered. The additional sentiment that he'd woven into the words of promise that already held worlds of meaning for them both.

"What did you call me?" Rey whispered, her own voice strained after the whirlwind that had raged through her. She blinked up at him, entranced.

Ben seemed to struggle with himself. His shoulders shifted uncomfortably and his lips twisted a little as he swallowed. He was horrible at hiding his emotions, his face far too expressive, especially with her. Rey itched to dip into his mind to look more closely at what she could see swirling through his eyes, but resisted the urge. After a beat, Ben managed to take a breath. His gaze was nervous, but steadfast.

"It's how I think of you," he said, roughly, and Rey's eyes stung as her lips stretched into a tremulous smile.

"Say it again, Ben."

"Sweetheart," Ben offered, filling the word with so much emotion that the Bond connecting his heart to hers hummed.

Rey's smile broadened, the tear tracks on her face drying as she kissed him, again. This time, though, it was soft and sweet. The earlier disquiet had been dispelled and she was filled with so much joy she couldn't express it any other way.

 _ **Neither are you**_ , she recited back to him, an affirmation of his declaration.

Ben leaned into her, deepening the kiss. His nearness overpowered her, but this time it was from ardor rather than anxiety. He nuzzled his mind against hers, telling her he was going to take control, that she needed to let him guide her through this time. Rey exhaled against his mouth, acceding to his wishes as he drew her breath in.

Keeping his lips on hers, he shifted Rey's body away so that he'd be able to get at the ties at the front of her shirt. It was quickly tossed away and she sighed as his fingers started to unwind her breastband. The linen unraveled and fell to the floor disappearing from her sight. A spurt of amusement made her laugh quietly into the kiss Ben continued to entice her lips with. They were going to have whole collections of each others clothes before long. Ben's mind answered with humor of his own, spreading a warm glow across the Bond as his hands cupped her breasts.

Rey savored the new sensations the soft leather of his gloves sent along her skin, raising pricklebumps all along her arms. They caught on the tender tips, tugging at delicate flesh, sending sparks to burst behind her eyelids. She delighted in it, but it was too harsh, too much. A swell of tension rose in her chest, again. Ben reacted instinctively as he picked up on her uneasiness and moved his hands away to wrap around and support her back. Drawing away from the kiss, he left Rey to watch with dilated eyes as his head descended towards her chest.

The pleasure his gloved hands on her breasts evoked was powerful, but _Force_ , it was nothing to the rapture that swallowed her consciousness as his soft mouth closed around one pebbled peak. He ministered to her gently, keeping his movements slow, but a weak cry came from Rey's throat all the same. She was intoxicated by him, but where his earlier attentions had inundated her mind with too much feeling all at once, the way Ben's tongue traced its way slowly around her nipple held her in a bewitching trance that comforted even as it stoked the heat that drew forth liquid excitement to gather between her trembling thighs.

She moved towards him to press herself against his body, again, but Ben just set her back, once more. Rey tangled her fingers into his soft hair to give it a gentle tug of reproof that had his breath huffing against the dampness he'd left on her well-tended breast. Infuriatingly, Ben ignored her and simply moved to give the other soft mound his devoted attentions. She grew increasingly unsteady while he laved her solicitously, but then lost the ability to stand all together when he suddenly drew her into his mouth, suckling hard.

Ben raised his head, her fingers still caught in his hair, holding on as though her life depended on it. He smiled as he caught her weight and slowly knelt down to lower her carefully to the floor. Rey could only rest listlessly in his hold, attempting to contain the tremors he'd sent rocking through her. Ben broke away only for a moment to pull his cloak from his shoulders and toss it aside, then he was back, filling her senses.

He rose up over her, a knee planted to either side of her thighs, the position beneath his massive frame making her feel tantalizingly vulnerable.

With affection warming the rich caf of his eyes, Ben held his hands out to her. For a moment, she just lay there, staring at him. Then Rey's smile burst across her face like the sun coming out as she realized. She reached up, happily tearing the leather away and gathering his bared hands together in hers. She brought them to her lips, peppering kisses over his knuckles, and Ben leaned down to plant one of his own firmly on hers. They stared into each others eyes, basking in the vibrant emotions flowing through them, between, and all around them, making the Bond practically sing. Neither had said the words, hadn't even thought them where the other might hear the whisper of it in their mind, but Ben and Rey knew what filled their hearts with such enchanting tenderness.

She almost said it. She felt it flood every fiber of her being with undeniable certainty and saw it reflected in his gaze, but Rey held back.

Sadness passed briefly through Ben's eyes, a sorrow she shared. Rather than acknowledge it, though, he released Rey's hands and lowered himself over her to press his lips into the dip of her throat. He kissed her there, drawing the tip of his tongue lightly along the unfurled wings of her clavicle. Rey breathed long and deep, letting the unhappiness slip away. She lowered her eyelids and allowed herself to float along on the heady flow of sensation Ben set her adrift in. It was quiet, almost peaceful, though each wet brush of his lips tugged at that aching point low in her belly, raising the heat steadily to an alluring simmer.

He made lazy progress down her chest, bestowing kisses along the valley between her breasts, pausing only briefly to give each tip a languid lick before moving inexorably downwards. Ben's mouth stopped when he reached her belly, pressing a kiss into her navel, causing her to shake under his lips with a breathy laugh. Ben smiled into her skin and rested his head on the flat plane of her middle, pressing his face against it.

Rey was still a bit underweight, though she'd been enjoying three square meals a day for months, now, as well as taking the nutritional-boosters Kalonia had prescribed when the doctor had seen how malnourished growing up on Jakku had left her. As a result, Rey didn't have a soft, giving belly like most women did, but rather firm muscle from years of scavenging cradled between flaring hip bones that stuck out a little too prominently. The man nuzzling into it right now didn't seem to care, though, and she could feel how Ben admired her warrior's musculature. In the way that she found the scars on his body attractive, he was entranced by her strength, the physical as well as that which she drew from the Force.

It seemed they had almost been designed to complement one another in every way.

Ben lifted his head after a moment and surprised Rey when, instead of moving on, he flicked his tongue into the dip of her belly button and then blew against it. It made her quiver again, but with desire rather than amusement. The feeling of his tongue laving down into the thin, sensitive skin had sent bolts of sensation shooting through her belly, tugging powerfully at what was coming alive further down. The searing twinge made Rey very aware of how hot she'd become and, sensing it himself through the Bond, Ben's hands gripped the bands of her leggings and underwear to drag them down over her thighs as he moved to see for himself the luscious moisture that awaited him.

Watching him, Rey saw Ben's face as he took her in. He sat before her, just looking at her bared core for what could only have been a few moments, but seemed like an eternity as she felt her face burn. It was ridiculous, really, to be embarrassed by this when he'd touched and entered her there twice, now. Why a simple look should be so much harder to bear made no sense, but perhaps it was the expression in his eyes that made the difference. Ben stared down at the most intimate part of Rey with the same intensity he did when he gazed into her eyes right before he kissed her, as if he could see her very soul.

Abruptly, without moving his head, Ben's eyes came up to snare hers. He had to see the utter wreck he'd made of her, sensed it through the Bond as her mind quaked and fell to pieces beneath his. If Kylo Ren had possessed this consuming power over her when they'd first met, Rey never would have made it off Starkiller Base. The thought was almost unbearable, remembering the way they'd fought with such reckless hate, then, seeking to tear one another apart until there was nothing left but the echoes of their fury. It tore a raw cry from her as a tear burned a course down her cheek.

Ben was there, leaning forward, coming back to her immediately. He held her face in those strong hands of his and pressed his forehead to Rey's while his mind held tight to hers, soothing away the heartache of might-have-been. His kiss was soft and giving. She could feel the rampant demand running through Ben, urging him to sate his hunger and draw a feast of pleasure from her flesh. Ben fought it back, though, mastering his own need and allowing her the time and solace she needed to find her way back from the Dark path her mind had been drawn down. It was all too easy a thing when passion rose. The Light struggled to find purchase within the chaotic emotions that the Dark Side ruled over, needing an anchor to keep it from being overcome completely.

Ben Solo was her anchor and Rey held fast to him.

Once she could breathe again without the harsh clench of fear wrenching at her chest, Ben eased back, searching her eyes. His thumb brushed away the tear track, rubbing along the proud ridge of her cheekbone. His touch was a balm, but even as it helped to ease her disquiet, Rey began to feel another tension tug insistently on her, again. Ben smiled as he sensed it and leaned down to kiss her brow before settling himself back.

Large hands cupped the backs of her knees when the rest of her body was laid bare before him. Maneuvering her legs to give himself space, Ben lay down on his front between her thighs, arms coming up to curve around her hips, holding her securely. As he again turned his eyes downwards, Rey shut hers, unable to completely tame her nervousness at this unfamiliar form of intimacy. Her heart beat fast, half in anticipation and half in anxiety. His hands stroked her skin gently where they rested, trying to reassure her. The gesture reminded her that this was Ben, that he cared for her and wanted to bring her pleasure. Her mind stroked along the edge of his and found confirmation of all that and more.

When his lips pressed a kiss into her overheated flesh she gave herself over to the burst of pure sensation.

Ben moved his mouth along her entrance, pressing his tongue inside, making Rey cry out as she pulsed helplessly around the shallow invasion. He groan, the vibrations tearing away at her sanity. She sensed the way his mind was overcome with the taste of her, the way she smelled, the silkiness of the beautiful pink skin that hid behind soft curls. He pressed open-mouth kisses against it, reveling in how she shivered beneath his touch, his enjoyment reverberating along the Bond to enhance hers. Rey felt Ben's nose press against the swollen bud at the apex of her thighs and arched up into his face as strong ripples of exhilaration spread out from her core, lapping up through her belly. It made her rub her own palms over her breasts, the memory of how his tongue had tortured the tight peaks making her yearn for his touch there, again.

Lips and tongue continued to kiss, lick, and tease, moving up to worship the sweet pearl that his nose had found. While Ben's mouth closed around it, he unwrapped his right arm from about her hip, bringing his hand down and rubbing the wide tip of his thumb along her grasping slit. Gently, he pressed into her with it, and as he pumped slowly, his skin was coated in the slick wetness that emerged for him. She felt it drive him half-mad, augmenting her own barely-contained turmoil.

Rey was trying desperately to find purchase as the waves of pleasure rolled through her. She lifted the leg that had been freed and hooked it over Ben's shoulder, praying that holding onto him would help her hold onto herself. The shift only amplified the feelings raging up through her, though, as his thumb thrust deep and his mouth started to suck on the inflamed bud as he had the tender flesh of her breasts. Rey pressed her palms harder into her chest, trying to hold her body together even as her mind came apart.

Her breath began to hitch, her lungs unable to pull in enough air. Rey's sense of reality quaked and she fought weakly to reach out for Ben's mind.

She needed him to stop. It was too much. Too strong. Too…

Rey's vision went dark and pain stabbed through her chest. A buzzing filled her head as it felt like a tight hood was being pulled slowly down over her face.

Her lungs wouldn't work properly. She was suffocating.

Rey choked in panic, trying to call for him, to beg for him to make it stop, to catch her.

_**Save me!** _

Arms came around her. She was lifted off the floor and held against something coarse, but warm. The stimulating sensations had stopped, but the tremors continued to jolt through her.

Air wouldn't come. She couldn't breathe. The buzzing increased and her hands jittered uncontrollably.

_I think … Am I going to …?_

***

Rey became aware of a distant sound as something confined her body in a firm hold. She couldn't move. The surface she was leaning on vibrated. It disturbed her and she tried to block it out.

The buzzing had faded away, echoes of reverberation lingering on the inside of her skull. It was annoying. She tried to roll her head away to escape it.

Something soft came out of nowhere to turn her head back and she grumbled in complaint. The sound returned in response and she slowly realized it was a voice.

"…eed to wa…kay. I'm he…you're no…lone, Sweetheart…"

As Rey listened, she began to understand. The last word brought warmth to her chest and she felt it begin to flow outwards into her chilled limbs.

The voice was near. The surface beneath her cheek resonated in-sync with it. Someone was talking to her. Once her brain had managed to put those pieces together, Rey then realized she was being held against the speaker's chest.

Her awareness began to surface. Sluggishly, she opened her eyes. Everything was blurry, indistinct. She squeezed her eyelids tight and then opened them, again. The world around her began to solidify.

There was a face above her. A man. Worry carved deep lines between his dark brows. His mouth was moving and she heard the voice.

His voice.

"I'm here. I've got you."

She blinked again, slowly. Recognition sank in and her mind slowly found itself falling back into the protective hold of his.

 _ **Ben**_ , she thought to him, the feeling of waking up in his arms making her happy. She smiled weakly, so incredibly tired.

"Rey!" he gasped, lips shaking as he took an unsteady breath. She felt relief through the Bond. He'd been afraid. Terrified.

She started to remember. Ben's head nestled between her thighs, his mouth making her cry out as his thumb thrust her towards ecstasy. She'd wanted to shatter against his lips, been so close.

Then she recalled the way she'd struggled to breathe, the horror of her senses being dulled, control over herself slowly stripped away.

Rey gasped out a sob and Ben's arms lifted her up to tuck her beneath his chin. Her tears dripped down his neck and he rocked her slowly. When she started to shiver, both from the coolness of her room and enveloping shock, she felt him call on the Force and then a thick blanket came around her naked body. It was soft and smelled of spice. It smelled of Ben, and that comforted her as her senses were cocooned in him.

Her cries began to stutter to an end, after a time. She wasn't sure how long she'd pressed her face against Ben's skin, but whether it was seconds, minutes, or longer, he never once loosened his embrace. It made her feel safe, secure. Rey burrowed into him, wanting to be as close as possible, even parting the edges of the blanket where it was carefully tucked in so she could press her skin against whatever bared flesh of his she could reach. A sad sound broke through her lips when she could only feel his palms and the skin under his chin, but when he moved to undo the fastenings of his tunic she shook her head. He'd have to let her go to remove it and that was the last thing she wanted.

They settled together, there on the floor. Ben had her in his lap and she let herself focus on small details as she slowly recovered. The slight prickle of his evening stubble where the top of her forehead brushed against the underside of his jaw. The way his breath blew across the skin she'd bared, warm and light. How his thumbs traced soft circles against her where his hands held her close. Ben's cologne, blended with a hint of sweat from his earlier excitement. The way his mind wrapped tenderly around hers, mirroring the way he curved his body to enfold her.

Rey almost said it, again. Drowsy and beginning to truly relax as she rubbed her face against his neck, she felt ready to tell him.

This time, though, it was Ben himself who interrupted, prevented the words from forming on her tongue.

"It's okay, Sweetheart," he murmured, using the endearment he'd long held in his heart for her. "I can wait for you."

Rey didn't want him to wait, though. She wanted to tell him now, but she heard his mind think about what it would feel like to have her say the words like this. He longed for her to, had been devastated when she'd held back as they'd kissed, but Ben wanted to hear it when she was standing before him under her own strength, her head clear of post-shock exhaustion.

When he felt like he could say it back without feeling like he was taking advantage of her. When neither of them would question the honesty behind it.

Rey frowned. She knew how she felt, had known for longer than she thought he realized. She understood Ben's reservations, though. He'd watched her eyes fill with disappointment when the words he'd intended to win her with on the _Supremacy_ had ultimately driven her further away from him.

He'd cared for too many people who'd ended up walking away. Ben had seen it bungled too many times to risk this chance at hearing her say the one thing he longed for the most being ruined by misinterpretation or eventual regret.

So, it remained unsaid. Rey tucked the words carefully away in her heart where they'd abide until they were both ready for them.

Ben pressed his lips to her hair, soothing himself as much as her. She could feel the shakiness he strove to hide and it moved her to sit up in the cradle of his crossed legs. Meeting his eyes, Rey saw the anguish there and reached out with hands and mind to show him she was all right, repay him for the comfort he'd given so freely to her.

A shadow lurked in his mind and when she noticed it, he tried to hide it away. Undeterred and refusing to let him withhold his pain from her, regardless of the circumstances, Rey stayed him, asking to see.

It broke her heart.

Ben believed he was at fault for the panic that had torn her apart. Self-loathing was welling up inside of him, twisting at his heart, and she could tell he was slowly convincing himself that he had no right to hold her in his arms. The irrationality sharpened Rey, and she held his face between her palms, staring into his eyes unflinchingly.

"You didn't do this to me, Ben," Her voice was firm, refusing to entertain the slightest argument. "You made me feel wonderful and I'd never have wanted you to stop if it hadn't been for what happened. I can't explain it, but _it wasn't your fault."_

Ben's eyes clung to hers, tears gathering in them. He was still blaming himself, she could see.

Rey sent her heart flowing through the Bond to him, wrapping Ben up as he so often did her. She wanted to let him know that even at her weakest she was there for him. Cared for him. Wanted him. There was so much more, but she respected his feelings, and refrained from going any further with it.

Their minds could not lie to one another. Ben sensed the pure honesty of Rey's emotions and the absolution of any blame, for she knew he'd continue to hold himself responsible no matter what she said or shared.

**_Thank you for being with me tonight. For coming when I called, and trying to help me forget the pain. For being what I needed...what I'll always need._**

Rey sent each word to him like she was blowing him a kiss. Even if she couldn't articulate it, she ensured Ben felt the depth of her feelings for him.

He let out an unsteady breath, shoulders drooping a little as he let it go, at least for the present. Ben nodded against her hands and Rey pulled herself up his chest to press her mouth to his. A hint of desperation fed through his lips. She figured there would always be a lingering need for reassurance between them, and chose to accept that. Rey would offer it as many times as he needed it, and she trusted that he would reciprocate when her own doubts pressed on her soul.

Rey sensed the strain on Ben's mind as she pulled away, lowering herself back down to rest on his thighs. He was exhausted from the riot of emotions they'd put themselves through tonight, but was holding their connection open, adamantly refusing to leave her until he was sure she'd be all right. It made her smile, warm and bright, just for him.

"I'll be okay," she told him. Nervy shivers still rolled through her, but she'd come safely through the emergency and she made sure Ben knew who she thanked for it, gliding her thumb along the scar on his face. "You saved me."

He gave her a small nod, unready to claim any such credit, but letting her persuade him she would be fine. Ben's arms tightened gently around her as he loosened the grip of his will and let the Force draw them apart. As before, they held one another's gazes until the connection faded completely.

Lowering her empty arms, Rey pulled the blanket up around her bare shoulders and buried her nose into the soft fabric. It was thick and large enough to enfold her more than twice-over. Breathing in Ben's spiciness, she smiled.

Then Rey's eyes popped open at the unexpected sensation of ravishing elation that flowed across the Bond. Looking inwards, she realized their minds were still holding onto one another. Focusing, she tried to figure out what had caused the sudden, very carnal tingle to dance along her skin. Then she found herself choking back a giggle of delight.

Ben was…attending to himself.

Rey had realized he hadn't done anything to satisfy his own arousal, giving all his attention to her. Now, though, in what he'd thought would be the privacy of his own quarters, he was finally seeing to the increasingly pressing issue.

If she drew in close enough, Rey could feel the firmness of his grip and the long, rapturous strokes. It made her heart trip with anxiety, though, so she pulled back from the proximity. Taking a calming breath, she opened herself to him again, made curious by the image of Ben holding himself. She could almost see him clearly if she closed her eyes and concentrated.

His head was thrown back, eyes closed, and mouth hanging slightly open as his breath came faster. Those bold brows of his frowned in fixation as his fingers jerked along his thick, throbbing length.

Rey felt her own body react to the sight, but kept herself safely back from the sensations that beckoned alluringly. Oddly enough, watching Ben like this eased her. She smiled at him, feeling her eyes glow as she let them wander.

Ben paused suddenly, releasing a startled breath as his eyes opened in surprise. He'd felt her, and for a moment he held himself perfectly still, unsure. Not wanting him to stop, Rey let her fascination fill his mind, seeking to alleviate his concern. He let out a sigh of relief at that, then reached to draw her close, keeping her well away from the physical feedback once he noted her caution.

Then Ben started to move his hand again. His eyes remained open as he vigorously pumped his hard shaft. She saw how it pulsed in heightened reaction now that he was aware of her presence. It excited him, she realized. He tightened his grip, jaw clenching, and increased his pace as his orgasm built. Abruptly, he tensed, the chords in his neck standing out in stark relief, and he let out a harsh grunt. A stream of liquid erupted, spattering across his straining abs.

She watched raptly, eyes going to the trail of glistening moisture along Ben's belly as it began to quake with his release. Rey wanted to reach out and run a finger through it, to feel the very essence of the man she cared so deeply for. The more tangible connection had broken, though, and neither of them were in a condition to attempt to reestablish it. So Rey bit her lip and promised herself she would satisfy her curiosity next time. Ben felt the erotic thought, and his mind smoldered through the Bond at her, sending her a burning vow of his own.

Rey smiled as their minds drew slowly apart. Climbing onto her uncomfortable bed, she lay down, wrapped in the generous folds that filled her senses with Ben even as they drifted away from one another until they were parted once more.

Breathing deeply, she closed her eyes to look for his brightly shining star.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **BTS Ramblings...**
> 
> **What Are We?:** Hmm. What, indeed? *wags eyebrows significantly*
> 
>  **Rey's Anxiety Attack:** I hope everyone who read this chapter made it though okay. In my story, the Resistance is really struggling and the future isn't looking at all bright for them. With all that stress, I figured that Rey would be having a hard time coping, particularly when she's simultaneously juggling the issue of literally sleeping with the enemy. Anyone can have an anxiety attack. Anyone. At any point in their life and for just about any reason. It doesn't make them weak or ill or less human. I've had them myself, one in particular that was truly terrifying, so please don't think I made the decision to have Rey go through this experience lightly. I did ensure that Ben would be there for her, though, and that he would give her the support she needed to get through it. He hasn't said it, but he really does love her, and when someone loves you that much they'll stick with you through anything.
> 
>  **Poor Finn:** Please don't think I'm letting Finn suffer because I dislike his character or anything like that. I genuinely adore him, honestly. I needed to establish something, however, that will come up in a more significant way for Rey & Ben later on. Also, I wanted Rey to have a clear catalyst for all the stress that leads to her anxiety attack. Like I said before, anyone can have an anxiety attack over literally anything. However, since I had the need to have someone end up hurt for Rey to worry over, I decided to tackle the two plot points together. Finn is Rey's bestie, so he was the logical choice. Don't worry, though. Finn's tough and I foresee him making a full recovery and learning to kick major ass once he's gotten the right prosthetics. You can never count him out!
> 
>  **Ben's Abs:** Yeah, okay. I guess I have a thing for nice, hard abs. Next question, please.


	4. Dreams Made Flesh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "While I sleep, I dream of you,  
> and when I wake, I long to hold you in my arms.  
> If anything, our time apart has only made me more certain  
> that I want to spend my nights by your side,  
> and my days with your heart."
> 
> Nicholas Sparks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! If you made it through Chapter Three and are still around, then I think you'll be rather happy with this one. Things got pretty heavy very quickly in this story and we're headed into some even weightier moments in the next few chapters. I wanted to give everyone—you guys, myself, and Ben & Rey—a little breather. The timing seemed apt, considering what was tackled last time and the fact that Reylo still need to deal with the aftermath of it.
> 
> So, here is my little gift.
> 
> [ ♥ ASTOS Playlist ♥ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pDQ4ImXmRM&list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh&index=1)
> 
> Much love!

Hands smoothing downwards as she settles into place. The elation of fully sheathing him deep inside.

A fire brought to bright, new life within her.

Sweat dripping down between her breasts, landing on his stomach as he bounces her faster, the momentum stealing her breath away.

Pressure growing, the need for air increasing. But only the demand of his strong hands working her up and down mattering.

A moan of heady pleasure-pain that brings an answer from him. Muscles tensing, ready and aching for release.

Sparks fly as she begins to ignite, the sweet affliction growing as the conflagration approaches faster and faster…

* * *

Rey groaned as she came unhappily awake. The image of Ben's devouring eyes disappeared as her dream faded, consciousness robbing her of what she was sure was going to be a truly star-shattering climax. Annoyance simmered, but was secondary when she felt the twinge of discomfort she'd thought part of the erotic fantasy.

She'd woken with a headache, again. Closing her eyes with a frown of concentration, she breathed deeply to center herself. Rey reached out to the Force, drawing on it gently and directing it towards the pain. Energy flowed through her mind, smoothing away the small points of inflammation. The pulses of pain eased slowly away and Rey sighed with relief. There were still minor reverberations of sensitivity behind her eyes, but the headache had mostly receded. She was getting better at that.

Keeping her eyes shut as she released the tendrils of Force energy, Rey almost unconsciously turned to look towards the shining star that always lay at the edge of her vision. She smiled, enjoying the soothing glow. She'd started incorporating this into her morning and evening mediations, turning towards where Ben's mind lay at the other end of the galaxy, as she sought the peace and wisdom connecting to the Force granted. She looked to him any time she had a spare moment since their last encounter, in all honesty.

Rey had been nervous after Ben had held her through the panic that had taken her over, concerned what might set her off, again. There was a veteran rebel on-base who'd been the sole survivor from his squadron after the First Order raided the settlement they'd been assigned to extract a spy from when his cover had been blown. Since it all happened, he'd sometimes collapse or lock himself away in his bunk, fighting a losing battle against his own mind. The most surprising and commonplace things could set him off, send him into a world of horror and pain. Rey had been terrified she would end up the same way, a ticking time bomb ready to go off at any moment.

To her relief, though, she'd been calmer and more focused in the days since it'd happened. Rey had woken the morning after feeling well-rested for the first time in months, wrapped snugly in the large blanket Ben had enveloped her in to keep her warm. She kept it hidden away beneath her mattress during the day, just in case Rose came by to update her on Finn's recovery. Leia had stopped by once or twice, as well, checking in on her surprised pupil, though they met each day to train and meditate. She certainly didn't want her spotting the blanket that was far too fine for her to explain the presence of in her otherwise unrefined bedroom.

The keen gaze of the general made Rey a little nervous these days, given she'd been having an affair with the Supreme Leader of the First Order for over a month, now. Well, to be honest, it wasn't so much that, but the far more personal issue that lay between them. Trying to focus on the eternal wisdom of the Light was a little difficult when she was sitting across from the mother of the man who'd brought her to heart-stopping ecstasy multiple times.

And couldn't wait for him to do it, again.

Rey shifted restlessly, rubbing her thighs together at the lingering sensuality of her dream. It had been almost three weeks and Ben hadn't attempted to close the distance that separated them. She had tried to be patient, hoping he'd truly listened to the words of gratitude and affection she'd given him. It hadn't been Ben's fault that she'd fallen apart, and afterwards he'd been the one to help her put herself back together, again. Rey couldn't have gotten through it and felt some measure of healing without him, but she'd known he'd inevitably blame himself.

Maybe giving him time had been a mistake. Rather than showing Ben that she respected his space, it might just have given his inner demons the opportunity to convince him of his guilt. Self-contempt was a dangerous habit of his and Rey knew how easily Ben fell back into it when he felt he'd failed in some way.

She needed to see him. If Ben was trying to close himself off from her, she needed to break down his walls before he was able to reinforce them.

Rey rested her palms flat along her abdomen, taking deep breaths, pulling her thoughts inwards and finding her focus _—_ his star.

Ben hadn't gotten around to showing her how to open the Bond to allow them to physically appear before one another. Admittedly, though, they'd been…otherwise occupied. Rey's cheeks warmed a bit at thinking of just how they'd been _occupying_ their time together, shaking her head at herself for still blushing over it. She set it firmly aside, re-centering.

Rey could figure this out. She directed her attention to the woven strands of the Bond itself. Light and Dark flowed along its length, a little Darker towards his end, a little Lighter at hers. Neither was entirely one or the other. Drawing on the Force surrounding her, Rey reached for the Bond as she had before and prodded at it uncertainly. It remained unresponsive, however.

Not one to be deterred so easily, she turned the concept she was trying to work out over in her head. She'd successfully connected with Ben's mind before and she knew she could easily do it again. He would certainly be capable of establishing the physical connection himself or guiding her through the process, but Rey wanted to do this herself. She was stubborn that way, but she wasn't about to apologize for it. Besides, she was pretty sure it was something that Ben liked about her.

A thought occurred to Rey and she looked inwards towards the Bond, again. The Force was a freely moving energy that flowed through and around all living things. It touched more deeply in some people than others, but ultimately belonged to none of them. Luke had taught her that there was no ownership when it came to the great power of life and death. The Force itself did not belong to her or to Ben, yet as she regarded the Bond she realized that even the cosmic rules of the universe must have their exceptions.

Power pulsed through the connection, travelling between Rey and her Dark counterpart in an endless, unbreakable cycle. The surrounding Force concentrated around it, drawn by the epicenter of the strength the soul-binding tie created, but eventually drifted along to other sources of life throughout the galaxy. The vital energy that it was made of was, astoundingly, contained by it.

The Bond was somehow an entity of the Force and yet separate from the larger, universal power which moved through the rest of the galaxy. A microcosm of the Force.

A power like life itself.

Opening her eyes, Rey looked up at the scratched durasteel above her bunk in confusion. Ben had insisted that they were something unique, something special, but this was far beyond anything she'd imagined. Whatever the universe had in mind by creating this Bond, this…whatever it was, Rey knew that she and Ben were no simple fluke of fate. A chill ran through her at the thought, knowing that destiny was rarely kind to the tools it chose. She thought of Anakin Skywalker, the 'Chosen One,' himself, and all that he and those he'd loved had been forced to endure to see some ancient prophecy fulfilled.

_And what his grandson has had to suffer as a consequence,_ Rey thought sadly. What more was going to be demanded of Ben _—_ of _them—_ as the Skywalker bloodline continued to serve its purpose? Would the legacy of tragedy continue to haunt them? Would it be inherited by their children?

_Woah! Let's not get ahead of ourselves,_ she laughed a little breathlessly. Rey knew what she felt for Ben. Sensing his lifeforce burning like a guiding star from across the systems between them, she couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else. Even without the mystical ties that bound them, Rey didn't think there'd ever be another man who could touch her heart so deeply as Ben Solo. But planning for their future children when they'd only slept together a few times was a touch premature, she figured.

Rey decided she'd let her mind wander a little too far off-course and pulled herself back to her examination of the Bond. If it was a self-contained entity, she reasoned, then maybe she was going about this all wrong. She thought back to how she'd managed to call out to Ben when she'd needed him and remembered how she'd 'encouraged' it by reaching for the connection itself, not the Force energy surrounding it.

That must be it. When she'd lifted the stones blocking the tunnel through which the Resistance forces escaped on Crait, she'd drawn upon the energy all around her, taking it into herself to direct its course. Where her ties to Ben were concerned, however, that didn't seem to be necessary. They had everything they needed between them, already.

Working the mental maneuver out in her head a few times, Rey felt certain she was right. Deciding that now was as good a time as any to test her theory, she took a deep breath and _pulled_ on the Dark end of the Bond. With triumph, she felt his burning lifeforce draw closer. In the material reality around her, her ears popped as the air stilled in that almost surreal sense of anticipation. Opening her eyes, she turned her head on her pillow.

Ben lay at her side, mind reaching out to flow across to hers, settling peacefully into place even as he slept on. Rey ran her eyes over him, eagerly taking note of the intimate details of his form in slumber. He lay on his back, one arm thrown up around his head, the other resting on his stomach, fist gripping the black sheets loosely. Everything further down was little more than a hulking mound leaving just about everything to the imagination, but Rey thought from the way the duvet draped over him that he slept with one hip cocked outwards, knee bent in an open position. Trailing her gaze back up along Mount Solo, she took a moment to soak up the sight of his throat and chest peeking out from the unbuttoned collar of his sleep shirt, before taking in his shadowed face where it lay, turned partially towards her.

Curiosity made Rey inch closer to his side. She slowly rose onto an elbow, moving carefully so as not to jostle and disturb him.

Relaxed in sleep, Ben looked ten years younger. The lines of chronic frustration and impending anger smoothed away, the tension she'd learned to recognize as worry, eased. Rey let herself look at him from a perspective she'd never really considered before. Eyes roving along the long lines of his face, she saw Ben for the young man he was. His immense power, the bloody deeds he'd perpetrated, and his rule over a regime bent on oppressing the galaxy made it difficult to really see the human being behind them.

His physical features, she'd already explored in great detail, but they were suddenly all the more enthralling. Ben's face was the oddest blend of strong and subtle. The large ears, prominent nose, full lips, and bold brows contrasted sharply with the almost delicate line of his jaw, the fine angle of his eyes, and dark moles that were scattered across his pale skin like kisses. He was a living contradiction in so many ways and it was almost as if life had designed his physical appearance to match the constant internal conflict.

Rey frowned as she reconsidered. Looking him over, again, she mused that while Ben's features provided such a jarring first impression, the contrast wasn't necessarily discordant. The way their Bond pulsed with Light and Dark energies came to mind. Each was stronger on one end, milder on the other, but they ultimately evened out between them.

_Balance_ , she thought. Rey smiled as the Force seemed to swell a little in pleased confirmation. She and Ben were two halves of a whole, neither entirely stable without their counterpart. True, they pushed and pulled at one another ceaselessly, challenging and demanding. But the Force wasn't a sedentary thing. The two halves of it ebbed and flowed in a constant dance that assured neither could achieve true dominance over the other, at least not indefinitely. When things were thrown out of balance, the galaxy eventually sent along something to disrupt the disharmony, reasserting the proper order.

What did that mean for her and Ben, though? Rey knew that the Force, though often inscrutable, moved with purpose. By whatever strange design, they'd been bound together for a reason. She remembered the sense of peace that had flowed through her when Luke's lifeforce passed into the embrace of the Cosmic Force. He'd found that purpose for himself, even at the end of a life that had diminished as it drew to its close. Rey hoped that a similar sense of actualization lay ahead for her and the man fated to stand by her side. She wished for it with everything she had, wanting to know what they were intended for, aching for it to at last demolish the barriers which kept them parted, save through these stolen moments through the Bond.

A yawn escaped her before she realized that this particular illicit moment was dragging on her unpracticed mind exhaustively, and all she'd done was lay there, watching Ben dream.

Rey chewed idly on the inside of her lip as she considered the situation she'd landed them both in. She'd expected Ben to sense the opening of the Bond and wake up. Now, she lay there at his side, watching him sleep _—_ a state of extreme vulnerability. Ben was sensitive to sharing his weaknesses, even struggling to do so with her. Was it fair to take advantage of this happenstance?

She quickly discarded the concern. Ben had shown that he trusted her more than she thought he'd ever trusted anyone before. He knew she wouldn't harm him intentionally _—_ well, not anymore _—_ and would, in fact, fight to the death to defend him. Besides, she didn't doubt for a second that, were their roles reversed, he'd be perfectly happy to look his fill of her as she slumbered. The thought made her heartrate jump to hyperspace before she shook her head at her own lechery.

Bringing herself back to the current situation and the very delectable presence of her lover appearing in her bed, Rey tried to decide how to wake him up. Eyeing the mouth-watering dip where his collarbones met, she was tempted to set her lips there and trail them along his neck. Her attention was drawn a little further upwards, however, and when she spied the rough prickles shadowing his jaw, Rey recalled the intriguing daydream she'd entertained while sharing her perceptions of his body with Ben.

Smiling at the thought, Rey leaned over and set her cheek against Ben's. For a moment, she let herself rest there, feeling the sleepy warmth and smelling the hint of his spice. Lowering her eyelids, she breathed him in, delighting in the way touching him, being with him, felt like coming back to something. Like settling into a place that had been made just for her, held in reserve until she found her way back to it. To him.

_Dear child, the belonging you seek is not behind you…it is ahead._

Releasing her breath lightly to let it ruffle the dark hair lying against his ear, Rey gently rubbed her face along Ben's jaw. She felt the prickles of his stubble and it sent a thrill tripping down the back of her neck. Unexpected tears gathered behind her closed eyes, but it was at the impossible joy of sensing the awakening of his mind and the way his lungs drew in a deep breath as consciousness came. Rey held still, allowing this to be the sum total of the universe for just a little while. When Ben's cheek pressed lightly into hers, returning the caress with drowsy affection, she wanted to freeze them both like this for eternity.

With a sigh, she allowed the moment to slip away and leaned back, drawing her skin along his as she withdrew. The regret of it dissolved as she pulled back enough to watch his eyes open to meet hers. The deep caf-colored gaze stirred with warmth as he looked up at her, but the glow almost immediately faded away. Ben fought to shutter his expression, hiding away his thoughts, but not before Rey's suspicions were proven correct.

_Oh, Ben._

He did blame himself and the churning miasma of self-loathing and guilt within him made her heart break. He'd kept hold of it, blaming himself until it had festered like an open wound left untended for far too long. Rey cursed herself for failing to read him properly, to anticipate the conclusion his conscience, warped by so many years of bearing up under Snoke's venom, would inevitably come to. She needed to pull him from the poison of his own despair now before he could convince himself he should not be allowed anywhere near her.

Before he made himself believe that she could never feel for the monster he knew himself to be...even as he so desperately longed for her to. That thought bled to Rey across the connection between them, making her throat tight.

She realized with horror just what she'd done to Ben when she'd slammed the Bond shut on him all those months ago. Rey thought it might kill her if he tore them apart like that in this moment.

Rey rose over him, sweeping her leg out to straddle Ben's body and resting herself along his chest so she could bring her face close to his. She claimed his eyes, refusing to allow them to escape her. Surprised, Ben's hands came up around her waist, fingers digging into the soft skin as though he never wanted to let go. That was the opening she needed from him, the chink in his armor that she could reach through to touch the heart he was trying so hard to hide away from the pain he was putting himself through. Rey wasn't going to let him.

"I love you."

She spoke the words they'd both held back so many times during the hours they'd clung to one another, silently affirming the truth of them with every gesture, every tender look. Rey knew Ben and the chaotic storm of emotions that filled him. She'd felt what lay at the heart of it all when the Force closed the distance between, allowing them the chance to mend the more insubstantial but no less significant bond of sentiment that had been so devastated in the wake of their star-crossed meeting aboard the _Supremacy_. Her own heart answered it in equal measure and Rey tore aside the all-too-safe barriers behind which they'd both been concealing their feelings.

"I love you," she repeated, echoing the words with her mind and making the Bond hum with the strength of them. The truth flowed into Ben via every connection they shared until there was no room left to doubt or deny.

_**I love you, Ben Solo.** _

She watched his eyes fill with tears, his chin trembling, feeling the mix of elation and heartache as he finally allowed himself to accept it. Ben did not consider himself worth loving, no matter how much he ached to be. Rey knew it and the bitter disappointments that had reinforced that belief, but she tore it all away from him, delivering every ounce of devotion her soul held to take its place. It was an uncomfortable, even painful supersession, but Rey held him tight as he endured her coup, writhing with the near-violence of it. She bore it along, mind wrapping protectively around his as her hands cupped his face. His eyes never left hers as the universe they carried between them reoriented itself.

And the stars themselves ignited when Ben rose up to kiss her.

As Light and Dark moved through the Bond and within each of them, the two powers were united also in that kiss. Fiery passion and sensuality came to meet affirmation and genuine tenderness. It was all that they were together, symbolized in one caress that was the catalyst for so much more. Rey knew she would never stop wanting to kiss this man.

_**I know** ,_ his mind sent to her, vibrant with emotion as his tongue begged her pliant lips for entry.

Wait. What?

I know? _I know?!_ She'd poured out her heart to him and _that's_ what she got in return?

_The kriffing nerfherder!_

Rey pulled away from Ben, glaring down at him in affront, but he just looped his arms around her and yanked her back down against him. Collapsing across his chest with a muffled _oomph,_ her face landed close enough for them to kiss again if it weren't for the bodily harm her eyes threatened if he tried after such a dirty trick. Ben looked back at her with a raised brow, the corner of his mouth tensed like he was trying to suppress a smirk. Her eyes narrowed at his twitching lips dangerously.

**_Go ahead and see where that gets you, you infuriating luggabeast!_ **

And he did, but the smile that spread Ben's mouth wide earned him no retaliation, as it came along with the softening of his gaze and the words that flowed along the Bond to embrace her with the full depth of all she'd offered in her turn.

**_I love you too, Sweetheart._ **

Rey stared down at him, the head of steam she'd built up rapidly draining away. The words and feelings washed over and through her, burying themselves into the fibers of her heart to make a home there. She understood the turmoil he'd endured moments ago, feeling the same tectonic shifts within her very being. Aligned along a thread of destiny's design now acknowledged in full, she looked into the face of the other half of her soul.

Lips met, tongues intertwined, and teeth nipped at eager flesh, but it wasn't enough. It could never be enough.

Rey felt Ben's hands reach to tug her hips up against him so she felt his growing desire against her own. He was hot and ready where she lay against his recumbent body, and she tasted the hunger raging through him. She wanted to feed it, to satisfy them both.

Ben followed her as she sat up in his lap, holding her close and stubbornly keeping her lips captive. Rey allowed him to continue to devour her mouth as her hands moved down to throw the covers back and start tugging at the hem of his shirt. It fit snuggly, highlighting the contours of every impressive muscle rippling along his chest. Rucking it up, she bared his stomach and felt his excitement spike. He broke the kiss to rip the shirt over his head, practically throwing it across the room in his haste. Ben grabbed for her own shirt, but Rey stopped him before it could go flying off across the galaxy to land on the floor of his bedroom. She didn't have many spare shirts that were comfortable to sleep in, so she'd rather hold onto this one, thanks.

Besides, she had other plans for the direction their interlude was headed.

He growled when she pushed his hands away from her sleepwear, frowning at her sulkily. Rey just smiled up at Ben, placing a small kiss on the tip of his aquiline nose before scooching herself back to get at the waistband of his sleep pants. The material was silky-soft and slithered along his skin when she tugged them down his legs. With a spurt of mischief, Rey met his heavy gaze as she lifted the pants and tossed them over her shoulder. They landed beside her bunk in a satisfying heap.

_Mine, now,_ Rey thought delightedly. She knew he'd hear it and was thrilled to see his eyes fill with molten lust at her show of possessiveness. She wanted Ben, felt the need to keep reminders of him close even while they were parted, and it stroked his ego.

Rey was well and truly enjoying herself. Pushing aside the covers that surrounded him, she smiled as her fingertips ran along the familiar fabric of a thick blanket identical to the one Ben had given her. With the two blankets laying side by side between her bunk and the apparition of his bed, it was like the two were one and the same. She leaned up to peck him on the lips, drawing away quickly when he tried to snag her in close and plunder her mouth. He let out a noise of good-humored frustration, letting himself be teased with Rey's deliberate advance-and-retreat stratagem.

Minds touching, she could tell Ben was enjoying their little game, trying to read her intentions without spoiling it all by delving too deeply and figuring her out before she was ready for him to see.

Rey remounted him, settling comfortably on his thighs and nudging at his chest until he lay back down for her. His flushed, pulsing arousal stood to attention before her and she ran her eyes over it as intensively as she had his slumbering face. She felt Ben watching her fixedly as she surveyed the taut skin, the straining veins along the shaft, and the blunt tip. She remembered how he'd felt in her hand before he'd helped guide her down onto him.

She loved how he felt inside her, but Rey decided that wasn't going to be what tonight was about. Ben had postponed his own satisfaction in order to first sate hers last time and then to support her through the horrid panic which followed. He'd only found release afterwards, and without her to share it with. Rey wanted to give him the same demonstration of selfless devotion.

She turned her mind to the vivid memory of watching Ben in that short span of time after they'd been physically separated, minds still bridged. Thinking of how he'd held himself, the jerking movements he'd made, the noises that had wrenched from of his throat as he'd squeezed, Rey wrapped her own hand around his engorged flesh. Ben let out a heavy breath through clenched teeth, his abs flexing in reaction. She looked up at him and felt herself blush at the open lust in his eyes.

Meeting them, Rey didn't bother to hide what seeing the effect she had on him did to her, in turn. His shaft hardened even further against her palm and he let out a long, agonized groan.

Rey had wielded a lightsaber against him, flown above the battle on Crait in the _Millennium Falcon_ to taunt him, and heard his voice break as he pleaded with her to remain by his side. Yet, she'd never felt greater power over Ben than she did now.

She saw it, then—the raw power between them that flowed along its own unique course, unbeholden to the laws of the Force around them. Though a Dark flood of passion heated her skin and made her long to be filled by him in every way possible, Rey was moved by the tender admissions that they had exchanged. She was radiant with joy and a resurgence of hope.

Rey brimmed with Light and Ben, smoldering with the Dark, lay subservient before her. Willingly. Longingly.

He recognized it, too, eyes widening a little as he saw how the energies mirrored what they did, the dynamics of power shifting to suit the wishes of the human hearts it bound together. The Bond truly was an entity all its own and they ruled over it. Rey's eyes held Ben's as this new understanding asserted itself, altering their preconceptions, yet again.

He lifted his hand, stretching his arm out towards her in a gesture she knew. The fingers trembled slightly, as they had in the firelight all those months ago. Rey released her hold on his throbbing length and reached out to meet them. Fingertips touched and slid along one another in acceptance. It was as intimate and full of meaning as a kiss.

_**I love you** ,_ sang along the Bond from both ends in a harmony so perfect it almost hurt.

Drawing an unsteady breath, Rey released Ben's hand, holding his gaze as her fingers came back around his hot girth. His jaw tightened and his chest shivered with sudden strain. She smiled and grazed her light grip along the hypersensitive skin, up and down in slow, easy strokes. Ben's belly clenched again and she could see his throat working as his mind staggered under the onslaught of sensation. Even this light touch was driving him mad.

With a surge of confidence, Rey took him in a firmer grip and experimented with a twisting squeeze, drawing her hand up from the base towards the head. Ben choked on a half-shout and his hand shot out to grab her wrist. Beyond speech, his thoughts reached for her, letting her know what he needed if he was going to last under her exquisite torture. Rey flushed at the request, but felt desire fill her tantalizingly at the idea.

Dropping eye contact, unable to bear up under it for this, Rey leaned down. Nervousness made her hesitate, but the wish to give this to Ben caused a swell of affection to fill her chest and she pressed her lips against the soft skin of his tip. She sensed the chaos that sent his mind into and it brought a smile of pride to her face. More sure of herself, now, Rey opened her mouth and drew her tongue along the underside of his hard shaft, leaving a trail of saliva. Reveling in the heaving gasps coming from Ben, she licked him wetly again before pulling back to wrap both hands around his arousal.

As she tried her twisting stroke this time, turning her hands in opposite directions as she went, the movement was eased to a slick glide that even had her releasing a trembling breath. Looking more closely at their connection, her back arching with the phantom stimulation, she realized Ben had drawn her mind close enough to tap her into the physical feedback of what he was experiencing. It was as though by touching him, she was bringing herself the same pleasure. Looking back up, Rey smiled into his dark eyes. Even like this, when he was nearly insensible from the overpowering fervor of what she was doing to him, Ben was still trying to put her first.

_**Shh, Ben. Relax and let me be the one to give this time** ,_ her mind whispered to him with a caress along the edges of his. Reluctantly, he acceded to her wishes, allowing her to draw back a little. She remained nearby, nuzzling her consciousness against his blissfully. It wasn't quite close enough now that she'd had him draw back mentally, though, so Rey released one of her hands from his heat and climbed over him, again. Planting her palm beside his head, she stared down into his face, exchanging his breath for hers.

Pumping him one-handed, Rey found she was no less stimulated as she watched emotion play over those dramatic features of his. She alternated between long, sleek strokes and twisting squeezes that made Ben's neck arch. One of his hands rose to shove her shirt up, pressing his palm against her belly as though he needed something to ground himself with.

Force, but she loved seeing what she did to him.

_**Tighter** ,_ Ben's mind struggled to get across to her, completely overwrought.

Rey was a little concerned about holding him more forcefully than she already was, but she sensed he was almost frantic with need. Listening for his responses carefully, she stiffened her grip only to feel the demand in him grow.

**_More!_ **

Bearing down on Ben harder than she'd thought he could stand, she put the strength of her whole arm behind her hard strokes, but even that wasn't enough. Ben was losing control, but struggling to reach the threshold. Dipping into his consciousness, Rey realized what the dominant-minded man beneath her needed.

She leaned back a little, maintaining her pressure on his shaft, and allowed Ben to flip her onto her back. He practically threw himself over her, punching his fists into the mattress on either side of her head. His eyes snared hers and his teeth clenched as he thrust his hips, plunging himself into her fist with abandon. He was wild and when Rey beamed up at him with excitement of her own, she felt every muscle in his massive body arrest as he tipped over the edge.

Ben's face was a fascination to her, a new and distinct appearance from every angle, with the shift of each emotion. He was mesmerizing in repose, majestic in rage, and surprisingly endearing when embarrassed. While she would always love the look on his face when he leaned in to kiss her most of all, seeing him in ecstasy was extraordinary. Rey followed the rise and fall of his release in wonder, never blinking as his expression evolved.

Shuddering, arms twitching slightly as his muscles fired in unsteady aftershocks, Ben barely managed to prevent himself from crashing down onto her when he collapsed. Rolling over, he came to rest on his back by her side.

Rey looked down at herself. She drew a finger through the warm fluid that had splashed in glistening streaks across her bare belly. It coated her fingertip and she brought it up to her face, looking more closely. With curiosity, she flicked her tongue out to taste it. The slightly salty flavor of Ben's essence spread through her mouth even as the scent of sweat-tinged spiciness rose from his damp skin beside her, the combination of all these things that were so intrinsically _him_ lifting her spirits.

She heard him let out a strangled sound and turned her head. He was staring intently at her mouth. Catching onto what had affected him so powerfully when he was so completely drained, Rey kept her gaze on his and reached down to gather more of his spend, slowly easing her finger back up towards her lips. Ben's throat bobbed and the hand by her hip gripped the sheets as though it was the only thing holding him in place.

"Force Rey, you're going to be the death of me," he said hoarsely.

"I hope not," she answered sweetly. "I'd hate to think we'd only ever get to do that once."

Ben's eyes closed as he took a deep breath and she knew he was trying desperately to find some semblance of balance. She was enjoying this immensely.

"By the way," he gasped out, chest rising and falling heavily as he recovered. He looked back over at her, a satisfied glow filling his eyes while he looked her over where she lay next to him in their shared bed. "I'm impressed."

Rey smiled. She knew Ben loved the way she touched him, even more so because she'd never been intimate with anyone else before and she was learning with him. She could further tell that he was turned on by the knowledge that he'd been her first lover, and as far as he was concerned, he'd be the only one she ever had. Having him express his pleasure so blatantly, though, filled her with giddy gratification.

But then he huffed and she looked at him in question.

"I meant the way you've figured out how to open the Bond," he said, eyes sparking with mirth as her face burst into flames.

_Oh, karking hell._

She groaned, turning her face away to hide how red it was. But Ben only laughed lightly at her, not a sound she associated with him. He was too intense for "light," but there it was. The sound made her turn back towards him and he moved his face in close as he stroked his fingers into her hair, palm cupping the nape of her neck. His deep eyes were warm, the shadows that always roiled in them quiet for the moment. The look he gave her was sincere and full of the love he finally allowed himself to feel.

"I'm eternally amazed by you at every turn, Sweetheart. I look forward to seeing you each time the Bond draws us together so that I can see how you'll take my breath away next," Ben murmured, so earnest that Rey could hardly breathe. To think that this man thought that way about her. Then the corner of his mouth brushed against her ear as he leaned across to it, his breath stirring the fine hair along the edge of her scalp. He whispered to her in a voice full of sin. "And because I now know that your fingers are much more satisfying than mine."

Rey's eyes widened, first in shock and then in vengeful outrage. Oh, was she going to get even for that!

Moving before he could read her intent, Rey agilely sought the leverage she needed to flip Ben backwards. She quickly moved to reclaim her perch on top of him, but when he tried to lift himself on his elbows to snag her lips, she wrenched away and reached down to dig her fingers into the tender skin below his ribs.

Rey tickled His Supreme Leaderness mercilessly.

Using her mind to sense when she'd found a particularly sensitive bit of flesh, she ruthlessly tortured Ben until he was gasping. The sight of him was breathtaking. His smiles were rare enough, as it was, and Rey didn't think she'd ever heard more than a playful huff from him to indicate amusement before. Here he was, though, his whole body positively quaking with laughter. Greedy for it, Rey kept at him until tears streamed from the corners of his eyes and his hands came up to pull her wicked fingers away.

"I surr _—_ I surrender," Ben choked out, struggling to breathe. "You've had your revenge."

"Oh Ben, we're not done yet," Rey taunted him with his own words, voice weighty with promise. Ben cocked a brow at her and that's all the instigation she needed to rip her hands free, burying them in his hair to hold him still as she dove for his neck.

She latched on, dragging the moon-pale skin under Ben's jaw into her mouth, sucking hard. He twisted beneath her, hands gripping her hips and grinding them down onto his. He was spent, but they both moaned at the friction. When she was done, Rey released him and sat back to admire the florid mark she'd branded into his skin, right along the track of his scar. She traced a finger over it, feather-light, making him wince a little at the tender ache.

" _Now_ we're even," Rey breathed, sending his mind the image of the love bite he'd left on her. She'd had to wear a scarf around her neck until it faded and though Ben wore high-collared tunics anyway, at least she'd know he'd have the reminder of it as the fabric chafed the bruised skin.

He returned her gaze with heat, wrapping his arms around her hips to hold her sensitive core against him. His own hips moved in the smallest undulations that sent delicate tingles along her spine, but no more. He knew she wouldn't allow it. She was beginning to droop wearily, anyway.

Ben's eyes grew sad as she felt his mind brush along hers, feeling the way she struggled to maintain the connection of the Bond.

"Not quite," he murmured. There was one last blow to withstand.

Rey kept her fingers in Ben's hair, gentling her hold so that she could run them softly through the midnight strands. She leaned down to kiss him, brushing her lips along his and breathing in his enticing scent, regretting the impending loss of him. Tonight wasn't going to end on a sad note as it had before, though, she vowed to herself. Rubbing the tip of her nose lightly against his, Rey let herself be filled with the wonderful emotions she'd unlocked within herself this night.

"I love you, Ben," she whispered, letting her heart overflow across the Bond and into his. She was rewarded when he smiled, acquiescing to her determination to part in happiness.

"And I love you," Ben responded, sobering. "I always have, Rey. Even before I met you, I felt there was something missing. It was you all along."

His hands squeezed her lightly, thumbs rubbing along the thin fabric of her sleep pants. _Force, I love those thumbs,_ she thought. Ben's stomach vibrated against hers in laughing response to that and Rey beamed down at him, glad that she had brought out his elusive humor, before growing serious herself. There was a truth in his words that resonated in her soul. Some part of her had been absent her whole life and only now was she coming to understand why.

"I know," Rey said, tossing his words back at him playfully with a wrinkle of her nose. "I found the other half of myself when I met you, too."

When they faded from each other's arms this time, there was still a stinging sorrow, but also a sweet sort of quiet joy. Another piece of the puzzle had fit into place. Though they had yet to tackle the true challenge between them, this was enough for now.

Rey reached down to scoop up the silky fabric puddled beside her bed before shuffling back under her blanket alone. She smiled a little wickedly as she ran Ben's sleep pants through her fingers, enjoying the fact that he'd either have to go find himself another pair or…

Sending an inquisitive nudge towards Ben's drowsy mind, Rey suddenly hugged the pilfered garment to her chest in delight at his answer. Closing her eyes, she let her mind cuddle happily against his, imagining her fingertips gliding along Ben's bare skin. It soothed them both and she fell asleep feeling almost as if he was still at her side, the thought far better than any dream could ever be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the softer moments these two share when they get the chance. Even in canon, they are at their best when the lightsabers and diatribes are put away. I think that's why TLJ was ultimately my favorite of the ST, since it allowed them the chance to find out who they could be together when they managed to communicate effectively.
> 
> I want to take a moment to address feelings that may be lingering after Rey's anxiety attack and the emotional struggle Ben had to deal with in this chapter. I saw a tweet that expresses how I feel perfectly…
> 
> "You are NOT A BURDEN if you are sad often. You are NOT A BURDEN if you are living with constant anxiety. You are NOT A BURDEN if you need a lot of reassurances. You are NOT A BURDEN if you reach out for help. You are NOT A BURDEN if you are fighting with your negative thoughts." —@SukhRai16
> 
> I'll just leave it at that, I think.
> 
> **BTS Ramblings…**
> 
> **I Love You:** THEY SAID IT!!!
> 
>  **I Know:** Ha. I couldn't resist letting Ben give Rey a little snark. In TROS we saw hints of a very Han Solo-style sense of humor and downright cockiness once Ben Solo came out to play. I love letting it come through and peek itself out in my writing from time to time. Since I don't think Rey would know Ben's family history with the phrase, it was a perfect opportunity. Of course, WE know what he meant! Softie that he is for Rey, though, Ben went ahead and spelled it out for her. She deserved to hear it, after all.
> 
>  **Long Chapters, Huh?:** I realize that big, meaty chapters aren't everyone's cuppa tea. If you're looking for a quick-fic fix, then I suppose I'm not really the author for you. It makes me sad, but I write the kind of chapters I like reading. And I LOVE long chapters that my head can just sink into for a good hour or so. To each her own, I guess!
> 
>  **Top Ben?:** There are some men who really do struggle to achieve orgasm unless they're either on top or in a position of control. It's just the way they're wired. That's not to say they can _never_ come while on the bottom, but it's their _typical_ need to have their partner in a lower or submissive position. Not the guy's fault—no judgment! In Ben's case, I gave this some serious thought. I wanted him to have a sexual quirk, and when I considered how he's struggled his whole life for relevance, affection, power, etc., I decided this would be a natural way of having that come out.
> 
> But what about Chapter 2?? Ahh, good catch! Rey was the one on top and in charge there, wasn't she? No, I didn't forget about it ~ the thought I had there was that Ben wanted to give her the control she was looking for and while he was able to come that way, it wasn't the ideal situation for him. It's not that he didn't enjoy it, but remember how embarrassed he was that he'd climaxed before her? Yeah, he's a control freak. Understandable, I think, given what he's been through. All the same, it was sweet of him to relinquish the dominant position when it obviously isn't easy for him to do.
> 
>  **Again with the Abs, Rhi…:** Yes, I know! Okay? Sexy, hard abs are my weakness. I apologize for nothing.


	5. To the Very Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are we all lost stars  
> Trying to light up the dark?"
> 
> Maroon 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I apologize that this installment took a bit longer than its predecessors, but I needed to go back and finish up my other fic, ["And Wash Away the Sky,"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24414754/chapters/58900264) before I completely lost track of my plans for it. I had a lot of fun wrapping it up, and am honestly really delighted with how the epilogue came out. If you're interested in a revision to the ending of _TROS,_ some Force mysteries, and hot Reylo make-out sessions, then please check it out.
> 
> But enough about other stories. Let's dig into this one...
> 
> I want to give a HUGE shout-out to the wonderful [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife), who was kind enough to beta this chapter for me, since I was nervous about coming back to it after writing different versions of Rey & Ben. She was fantastic & helped make sure this new installment lived up to my hopes. Ty, ty!
> 
> We're slowly working our way into the serious issues…Reylo have a LOT to tackle! They can agree about love and great sex, but there's so much more they can't find common ground on.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNING:** I just want to give you guys a heads-up that this chapter will briefly reference the anxiety attack Rey had back in Chapter 3. It doesn't go into detail and the conversation moves past it quickly. Still, be prepared if this is something that makes you uncomfortable. Please take care.
> 
> [ ♥ ASTOS Playlist ♥ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pDQ4ImXmRM&list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh&index=1)
> 
> Much love!

In her dream, a star shone out in the depths of space. It was far away, yet its radiance stretched across the light-years for her in an instant. She reached for it in return, beckoning. At her invitation, its glow drew closer and closer until she could feel the warmth of it all around and watching over her as she slipped leisurely towards consciousness. When Rey awakened she knew that he was there.

The Bond settled in happily, almost as if the small universe of Force energy they held between them was pleased to have the Light and Dark they embodied reunited.

It hadn't even been two full standard days since Rey had bridged the distance between them for the first time, her sense of triumph over mastering an aspect of their connection all on her own second only to the elation of sharing the words that had been left unspoken for too long. She’d wanted to reach out for him again the next night, but she quickly realized why Ben hadn’t connected them more frequently before. The effort had stretched Rey’s mind in ways she hadn’t been ready for and it had been exhausting, mentally if not physically. To feel him so close now, when she had resigned herself to waiting until her strength recovered, was like waking from a dream only to find reality was far better.

When Rey opened her eyes, she was already smiling as she turned to look into the face of the man she loved.

"Good morning, Sweetheart," Ben murmured quietly, tone filled with a reciprocation of the sentiments reaffirmed in her mind as it nuzzled affectionately along his, already weaving themselves together.

"Morning, Ben," she replied. No lover's name was needed for him. To her, 'Ben' held a greater meaning than anything else could, and she felt a pleasure that he'd never expected the sound of it to bring spread through him every time she said it.

For several long moments, they remained silent and unmoving, gazes resting happily in one another's. Emotion and whispered endearments passed silently along the tendrils of their Bond, repeating one thing over and over, neither believing they would ever grow tired of sharing it.

With a contented sigh, Rey allowed the near-sacred communion to drift to an end, though their minds continued to twine effortlessly around each other. Having Ben close like this felt so wonderful and so right. Rey questioned how she'd ever felt complete without him. Of course, she knew that she hadn’t. Not really. As he'd confessed of himself, some part of her had always been missing, and the rest had been waiting to love him upon his return. She didn't know how that was possible or what it meant, whether she should resent that fate had dictated to whom her heart would belong, but she also understood that the Force had some specific design intended when it had placed them in the galaxy to find one another.

Rey didn't linger over the great mystery of their Bond, though. Her mind was still sluggish from sleep and there was…so much they still had to tackle that she just wasn't ready to face, still. She wanted to revel in the simple pleasure of waking up to find her lover, if not in bed with her, nonetheless by her side.

Looking tired himself, Ben reached his hand out to the air beside him and a steaming cup appeared, picked up from a table she couldn't see. Bringing it to his lips, he took a sip, eyes closing briefly in drowsy enjoyment.

"Caf?" she asked, smiling at his expression. She felt similarly about starting the day with her favorite beverage.

"Mm," he confirmed, before tipping his cup towards her in invitation. "Want some?"

Rey looked longingly at it, something telling her that the caf the Supreme Leader got to drink was much better than the sludge they served in the mess. She shook her head with regret, though. She'd just enjoy the aroma.

Watching him take another drag, she eyed Ben appreciatively. He was still in his sleep clothes, loose pants and stretchy shirt showing his muscular form off to advantage with no blankets to cover him up. The impossibly soft hair she loved to run her fingers through was still mussed from sleep. Best of all, though, was that his hands lay bare before her, gloves absent.

 _Then, of course, I suppose he doesn't sleep in them,_ she figured, running her eyes over the smooth skin along his knuckles.

 _ **I HAD considered adding them to my nightwear, just in case there were any return visitors,**_ Ben passed across to her mind, and when her gaze flew up, he actually winked at her.

Rey answered him with a grin. He knew just how much she liked to strip the leather from his fingers.

Force, she couldn't remember the last time she'd smiled so much. It still amazed her that the two of them had settled into such a comfortable rapport in the hours they'd spent together.

Reclining almost negligently in his seat, one ankle rested on the opposite knee, Ben cradled a datapad on his thigh. She tipped her chin at it, indicating her curiosity. Though she'd half-expected him not to, he lifted it for her to see.

"Nothing?" she looked at the dark screen, bemused.

"I had been planning on going over some reports while I waited for you to wake up, but," Ben paused, drawing his eyes appreciatively over her chest, barely concealed by the thin fabric of a tank too worn for anything but sleeping in. "I was a little distracted."

Rey fought the urge to bring her arms over her breasts, despite all that had already passed between them. It was fairly ridiculous to be bashful with him at this point.

 _It's not like he hasn't seen them before,_ she told herself.

 _ **And is looking forward to seeing them, again…**_ Ben's voice slipped into her mind suggestively, catching her thoughts unrepentantly.

Narrowing her eyes at his cheek, Rey didn't even think as she whipped her pillow out from beneath her head and tossed it at him. Clearly in a lighthearted mood, he didn't catch it with the Force as he had before, and even allowed it to careen into his face before falling to his lap with a rather pitiful flop. There wasn't much padding left in it that still contained any amount of body, so it was a bit disappointing as a form of revenge, but seeing the way he braced for it and then the slight twist of his lips as he looked down at the offending bolster was all the satisfaction she needed. When Ben raised his eyes back to her they plainly told her what he thought of her ridiculous attack. Rey couldn't help it, and burst out laughing.

This was easily the best morning she'd ever had. The playful repartee, the lazy flirtation, and the way Ben looked with his hair still tousled from sleep were a tonic. Rey wished she could partake of the feeling of rejuvenation he gave her every time she woke.

The bittersweet flavor of that longing slowly stole away her humor, but she dismissed the sad thoughts of their impossible situation. She kept hold of her smile and let it widen a little when she saw him staring at her mouth.

"Can I have my pillow back?" Rey asked sweetly.

"So you can take another shot at me?" Ben snarked, dragging his heated eyes away from her lips. Rey just snorted.

"You barely even felt it the first time," she tossed back. "Why bother? I _would_ like to have it to sleep on tonight, though. It's not especially comfortable, but it's better than nothing."

"I'm not so sure," he mused, squishing it in his hands, the depressions from his fingers remaining behind when he released his grip.

"Ben…" Rey stressed the ending of his name in mock-warning.

"Hmm." Ben's lips twitched as they sparred, not the least bit concerned. He was enjoying this just as much as she was, his mind gliding along the welcoming edge of hers flirtatiously.

Then he lifted the limp pillow in question and met her eyes as he tossed it over his shoulder, much as she'd done with the sleep pants she'd purloined after slipping them off him the other night. Rey's mouth fell open in an exclamation that was half outrage, half amusement.

"Ben!" she rebuked him, watching the stained fabric of her pillowcase disappear as it landed on the floor of his bedroom. "You give that back! It's the only one I've got!"

A smile broke across his face as she ranted at him, actually letting out a small laugh. It took all Rey's willpower to hold onto her indignation, though it was only half-serious in the first place. The sight of his lips bending upwards, causing crinkles to flare out from the corners of Ben's eyes was practically hypnotic, though it was becoming a more familiar one, she noted with delight.

Leveraging himself out of his seat, Ben rose and sauntered over to where her pillow had landed - and walked right past it. Rey watched him, confused. When he returned, it was with a larger, significantly fuller pillow in a case that had a satiny sheen to it. Ben held it out to her, but she shook her head at him.

"I can't take your pillow," Rey said, sitting up on her mattress. All the humor drained out of her in an instant, Light receding before encroaching Darkness in her mind as agitation filled her.

It felt odd being offered something so fine, almost frightening. It was one thing for his clothes to wind up left behind after she’d stripped them to get at his skin, or to hold onto the blanket she’d ‘forgotten’ to return after he’d wrapped her in it when he’d held her through the aftershocks of panic. Even his silky sleep pants had been rightfully pinched _—_ scavenger’s rules. But this? Nothing was ever free, and she had nothing even remotely comparable to give him in exchange.

Ben sat back down in his chair, eyes growing a little sad. His mind followed along in the wake of her distress, reading her discomfort at the offering.

"It's a gift, Rey," he said quietly. "You don't need to give me anything. I just want you to have something better to sleep on than that sack of worn-out convor down."

She was actually starting to shake a little, fumbling as she tried to stop the way her tension was sending small vibrations along the Bond towards him. For the girl who'd grown up with nothing, deprived of every basic comfort from warm food to the loving embrace of her family, this simple present spoke volumes. True, Ben could likely replace the pillow easily, ordering an identical one to show up on his bed before the day was done.

That took nothing away from the beauty of the gesture, however. The desire to have her share the same luxuries he himself enjoyed, to know that he'd made her life a little bit better and that she wasn't having to just make do, represented so much of what she'd come to realize she meant to him. For Rey, Ben gave earnestly and without hesitation. This insight into the heart of the man she'd finally allowed herself to admit that she loved continued to catch her by surprise. Her nerves began to settle.

"I can't have something like that here," Rey continued to resist, though she was itching to stretch out her hand and touch the soft fabric Ben laid his head on. "If one of my friends sees it or _—_ " she paused, catching herself before she mentioned his mother. She cleared her throat to cover it, though she suspected from the slight tightening at the corners of Ben's mouth that he'd known who else she was concerned about. Rey rushed to continue. "If someone sees it, they’ll want to know where I got it."

"Hide it," he said, shrugging. "You have half my wardrobe and one of my blankets stashed away under your bed. Just shove this under there, too."

"I don't have your things stuffed under my bunk!" she exclaimed, discomfort evaporating completely with ire at the suggestion she'd be careless with items so obviously valuable. His sleep pants alone would have fetched enough portions to last her a week or more on Jakku. Besides, they were reminders of Ben when he was far away, and she hated the thought of ruining them by jamming them into the space beneath her bed where she stored her grease-stained tools.

Then she caught the hesitantly teasing light in his caf-colored eyes, and she couldn't help but let it lift her spirits, again. Letting her gaze wander her room, running over the various hidey-holes she kept her misappropriated prizes in, Rey let a smug little smile tilt her lips upwards.

"No scavenger worth her salt would ever _stash_ her take in one place," she informed him haughtily, assuming the air he did when he was trying to teach her the ways of the Force. "Far too easy for scoundrels to find and abscond with."

"Scoundrels?" Ben inquired with a wicked tilt of his own lips that sent liquid heat straight to her lower belly. "Don't you like scoundrels, scavenger?"

"Depends," she said silkily, a thrill dancing through her at the heat in his expression.

"On what?"

"On whether they're after the scavenger's hoard," Rey responded, voice dropping. "Or the scavenger."

Ben put the pillow aside and sat forward in his seat, resting his forearms on his knees as he moved into her space. Once, such an intrusion would have felt threatening, but now, Rey's heart rate made the jump to hyperspace in anticipation.

"And how do you deal with marauding scoundrels?" he asked, voice lowering to an octave that stroked right along the base of her spine.

Rey leaned forward, meeting his challenge halfway and stared into his smoldering gaze without blinking, giving him her own fierce fire in return.

"I tickle them," she whispered, crooking her fingers sinisterly in his face.

Images of Ben writhing beneath her as she assaulted the ticklish skin below his ribs flashed through her mind and tripped merrily across the Bond to him. He huffed in amusement at the memory, still fresh and wonderful, then leaned back and held the pillow out to her again. This time, Rey took it. It was just as plush as it looked and as she turned to place it on her bed she took a subtle sniff, smiling at the spicy scent woven into the fabric of the cover. Ben saw her do it, though, and testosterone-fueled satisfaction filled his end of the Bond. She just rolled her eyes at him, though a sudden yawn took the punch out of it.

"I'm not boring you, am I?" Ben asked teasingly.

"I'm just tired," she assured him, aware he was watching as she reached her arms into the air and arched in a stretch, managing to hold back her blush as she deliberately put the curves he'd been admiring while she slept on full display. Thankfully, she had a little more to show off these days, thanks to Kalonia’s nutrient boosters. "We got in late last night and I was barely able to make it back to my bunk before I collapsed."

"You weren't hurt?" Ben's voice was soft, but an edge of worry colored it.

"No, I'm fine," Rey answered, looking at him with a small smile to allay his concern. "There wasn't even a fight."

While she was more than happy to prevent him from worrying over her, Rey wasn't about to share any details about the missions she was sent on. She was careful to keep her memories of them secure behind a discreet partition in her mind so that he couldn't access them inadvertently. Most of them involved a lot more reconnaissance duties these days, anyway, or had her rubbing elbows with boring old aristocrats who might be persuaded to open their credit registers by meeting 'the Resistance's Jedi.' She wasn't particularly thrilled by the propaganda they'd built around her, in no small part because she wasn't certain she had a right to that title with so little training, never mind her reservations regarding the intolerant dogma. She'd been told it helped boost morale, however, so she gritted her teeth behind her smile and bore it.

Last night had been a little different, though.

Meeting Ben's eyes, she asked him to respect her reticence on the subject through the Bond, and she let out a breath of relief when he reluctantly nodded. He frowned, but he agreed.

That didn't mean he wasn't going to try an alternative tack, of course.

"Who's your spy, by the way?" he asked casually, taking an idle sip of his caf as he fixed her with an intense gaze.

Rey stared, caught by surprise, and Ben shot her a satisfied smirk, knowing he'd caught her out. She didn't like that.

"We move a crucial load of munitions to Ord Mantell, and within a standard day the Resistance shows up to strip the depot," he cocked his head to the side, eyes narrowing perceptively. "Your intel on our movements has been far too accurate lately for there not to be someone within the First Order feeding you information. I'd like to know who it is."

Rey watched him, nervous. Of course, there was a spy. The only one who'd proven remotely successful, in fact. It had been their biggest break since the devastating defeat on Crait. They'd been receiving a steady stream of information for weeks now. Troop movements, plans for new bases to be established, tech reports of new mods for TIEs that were in development, and even the itinerary for the Supreme Leader's visit to Cantonica, where he was to meet with the arms dealers who frequented the high stakes tables in the casinos of Canto Bight. All that and more. It was a huge relief that had significantly raised everyone's spirits around the base. Even the raid on the munitions warehouse last night had been simple, given that their mole had provided them with the guards' schedule. They'd been in and out, clean. She hadn't even had to unsling her staff from her shoulder.

With the stabilization of their situation, the Resistance was starting to reach out again, winning some allies back and meeting new ones. Rey uncomfortably thought of how their recruitment agents touted the story of how Luke Skywalker had bested and humiliated the new Supreme Leader in single combat, allowing the freedom fighters to escape. It had proved a popular method of shaking confidence in the First Order and wooing support for their side in the war. All the same, she hated that they were resorting to such underhanded methods.

Rey hadn't really considered, though, how the knowledge the spy delivered and the Resistance's subversion tactics might impact her relationship with the Supreme Leader himself. It was a conflict of interest, at no mistake. They were both compromised by the fact that they met like this in secret. Thus far, however, their illicit meetings had only involved…well, not military intelligence. It mattered, though, and she was suddenly facing the very immediate problem of what it meant to be sleeping with the enemy.

Rey turned on her mattress to face him head-on, crossing her legs underneath her. Ben was waiting with a deceptive patience that didn't fool her one bit. They needed to settle this right now.

"I'm not going to tell you about the Resistance's secrets, Ben," Rey said softly, but firmly.

In his mind, she felt the cold influx of the Dark as his temper rose at her obstruction, and she squeezed her knees with her hands to keep calm in the face of it. He stared her down, sitting so still he could have been carved from stone. A familiar phantom peeked out through his eyes, and Rey felt genuine terror at the sight, but she wasn't going to relent.

 _"No,"_ she said in an almost-growl.

His eyes passed back and forth between hers, looking for any sign of wavering, any weakness. There was none to be found, however. When he dropped his gaze, she let out a quiet breath, shaking a little inside.

"Besides, I don't know who it is," Rey offered, hoping to ease the tension between them somewhat. It didn't really matter if he knew this, after all. "No one here does. They're keeping their identity encrypted."

After a beat, Ben released a heavy sigh through his nose and nodded before looking back up.

"But don't ask me, again," she leaned towards him, voice softer, looking not just for his acceptance, but also understanding. "I won't betray the Resistance to you, and I don't expect you to share anything about the First Order's plans with me. Respect that, Ben."

She watched surprise fill his face. Rey never made demands. She requested, persuaded, or offered an exchange, but she was never one to give out commands. Ben searched her face, considering. She could sense the Darkness slide through his mind as he debated whether or not to respect her wishes, calculating if there was a way to get what he wanted without upsetting her. It didn't take long for him to decide it was pointless.

Ben worked his jaw as he grabbed his caf and knocked some more back. The air practically vibrated with frustration, tension coursing along the Bond, making them both extremely unhappy. This wasn't how it was supposed to be between them, Rey knew.

Equally affected, Ben looked back to her as he set his cup down beside his seat. He didn't meet her eyes, gaze wandering a bit as she felt his mind search out something to say. He didn't want to address this any longer, stymied as he was. Also, it was leading them far too close to the actual issues that festered and had still yet to be addressed. Rey could tell Ben wasn't in the mood to risk teasing that out, resolved to avoid it at all costs.

Then his eyes settled on Rey's hair, falling down around her face. It had grown a little in the past several months and she just hadn't gotten around to cutting it. No longer finding herself crawling through metal exhaust vents and shafts where loose hair was a hazard, though, there wasn't really a necessity any longer. She sensed his spike of interest in it, and tipped her head to the side in question.

"I've never seen it like this," Ben murmured. "Down, I mean."

"Oh," she responded, hands going to her sleep-tangled tresses. Her hair was always a wild mess in the morning, and she hadn't really thought about it when he'd been there as she'd opened her eyes. "I usually tie it back at night, but I was too out of it when I got in. I just changed and fell into bed."

"Don't," he said quickly and leaned forward, grabbing one of her wrists in a light hold as she tried to scrape her hair back and out of the way. "I like it this way."

He was so close, stretching past the edge of the bed to hold her hand still. The unanticipated proximity caught them both by surprise, and they froze. Rey heard him struggle to control himself, to not just tackle her there and then. In that moment, though, with his eyes filled with the words they'd passed between them the other night, and in spite of the quarrel they'd almost sparked up just now, restraint was the last thing Rey wanted.

Making the decision for him, she closed the distance and settled her mouth against Ben's, sinking happily into the warmth of him with a sigh. She really couldn't think of anything in the galaxy that was softer than Ben's lips. They were all generous curves and a tender give that filled her mind at the most inappropriate times during the day.

Ben pulled her hand away from her hair, and then his own rose to take her place, drawing the brown locks through his fingers. For such a massive man, he could be so astoundingly gentle. His fingertips passed through it softly, tracing along her scalp, leaving shivery tingles in their wake. It made her gasp breathily, adoring the sensation, and Ben took advantage of the parting of her lips to slip his tongue between them.

As he angled his head to deepen the kiss, it inevitably stoked the desire rising between them. Rey grazed her hands up Ben's chest, delighting in the feel of his dense muscles rolling beneath his shirt at her touch, slipping upwards until she could sneak her hands over his shoulders and claim his own hair in her eager fingers, mimicking the slow caresses he was lavishing on her.

They moved together in perfect harmony, tongues, lips, and the occasional scrape of fingernails that teased out an aching groan. His mind wrapped around hers, seducing her into a sensual dance.

Leisurely touches soon became far too little for them both, however, and as much as she wanted to hold them both in this enchantment as long as possible, a deeper, hungrier need was growing ever more urgent as the friction of their mouths imitated a different form of intimacy.

Ben pulled back a little, looking down at her, and she searched his eyes. His pupils were blown wide and his precarious perch on the edge of her bed emphasized the bulge those loose sleep pants of his did nothing to hide. Rey felt the Bond between them flood with passion, Darkness swirling to encompass the Light. It didn't seek to choke out and eradicate the Light, however, but rather hold it in brief submission as adoration morphed into carnal want, inverting the power dynamics of the other night as Ben moved to claim the lead. He traced his hands down, skimming the sides of her breasts, savoring it.

Rey dropped her hold on his hair, fingers seeking. She smiled when Ben groaned as she traced across the love-mark she'd given him, still bruised a deep purple. Allowing the Dark to seep just a little further into her mind, she dragged her fingernail across it, enough to inflame. His hands clenched into fists in the fabric of her tank, gazes colliding as he struggled to steady his ragged breaths.

"I love you," she said softly, her gentle tone contrasting starkly with her moment of lustful Darkness as she drifted back into the Light.

It had a powerful effect on Ben. He struck quickly, grabbing her lips and kissing her with a searing fire that burned away any lingering thoughts of frustration or divergent loyalties.

 _ **I love you, too,**_ his words came through the Bond, as fervent as his kiss.

After plundering Rey's mouth until her lips felt as bruised as the mark on his neck, Ben released her and drew back. Lowering himself, he knelt down on the floor before her, consuming dark eyes fixed on hers. His large hands reached for her knees and then slid up towards her hips mesmerizingly slow. When he'd reached his destination, Ben abruptly yanked her forward, startling a cry of surprise from Rey. She threw out her hands behind her, catching herself as Ben unfolded her legs and smoothly slipped the old pair of leggings she slept in off, her underwear following.

 _There goes another pair,_ Rey thought in amused resignation. She really didn't look forward to explaining to the supply officer why she was submitting a request for more ‘intimate apparel,’ as he stuffily put it. Again…

Ben's breath played across her bare skin as he laughed softly at her thoughts. Leaning down, he scooped her underwear up and passed it back into her hand so that it would remain on her side of the galaxy this time.

"Any chance of getting the others back, too?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Any chance of getting my gloves back?" he parried, cocking his own with a smirk.

Rey wrinkled her nose at him in answer, gasping when Ben surged forward to plant a kiss on it. She laughed delightedly up into his face, but stopped when he resumed his place on the floor, drawing her legs up and over his shoulders. The bed was a touch short, so the angle pushed her backwards until she found herself reclining on her elbows, looking down along her body at him and biting her lip in anticipation. Ben's eyes flicked to her mouth and she watched them dilate even further in reaction, almost completely swallowed by velvet-rimmed midnight.

He pulled her mind in close to his, holding on as securely as his arms cradled her hips between them. As he brought her right to the edge of the bed, he made clear his intentions. She felt something behind it, a doubt within himself that he wanted to prove wrong. Looking more closely, Rey realized that Ben needed this, to prove that he could share this with her after what had happened the last time they'd tried.

Rey shifted herself a little so she was able to reach out and touch his cheek, running her fingers across his scar. She let all the belief and love she had for him flow across the Bond. There were no doubts in her heart. Ben's breath hitched in response, eyes going a little glassy. Turning his head, he pressed a kiss into her palm, lips lingering briefly before returning his attention to the dewy pink flesh before him.

As Rey settled back onto her elbows, Ben nuzzled into her heat and brought an unsteady moan from her throat. His mind meticulously attentive to hers in spite of his lascivious occupation, he ran his tongue along her entrance, up and down in lazy laps that caused her legs to curl over his shoulders as much as they could, holding on tight. Rey's fingertip never stirred much of a response when she did that, but kriff, Ben's tongue worked a carnal magic.

Rey was continually discovering just how many things were infinitely better when he took a hand in them. Or a…well.

After several more slow laps, savoring the wetness that emerged for him, Ben drew his tongue up along her one more time before wandering further upwards. Once he reached the little bud that was already swollen in readiness for his attention, he placed a kiss upon it as he met her eyes. He barely brushed her there, lips feather-light, but the combination of that caress and the tempestuous look in his eyes amplified the sensation, stealing her breath away.

Ben kept Rey's gaze captive as he moved in to press his mouth against her more fully, earning a shivering gasp. Her eyelids tried to slide shut at the sensual wave that sought to overtake her, but his mind urged Rey to keep them open. To keep her gaze on his. There was a heady wickedness to it that had her suspended between embarrassment and eagerness. She was trembling already and when one of his hands released its grip on her side she let out a whimper, knowing its destination. 

At the sound, Ben stopped, freezing his hand in place and releasing the flesh he'd been lavishing. His mind sent a soothing caress along the Bond. Rey nodded her head, beyond words, silently reassuring him that she was fine, that she wanted him to keep going. With a small smile and a gentle rub over the hip he still cradled, Ben's mouth descended once again, his gaze even more heated than before. When the broad tips of his fingers rubbed along her entrance, Rey couldn't help a groan, the obscene sound leaving no doubt that it was from passion, not panic. Ben's tongue flicked out to lave her as one of his fingers slipped inside, and Rey's arms lost the ability to hold her up any longer.

Stretching her hand down in desperation, Rey reached for Ben as he continued his ministrations, but then hesitated, unsure. At her indecision, he sent his own longing across the Bond to her, and the neediness of it released her fingers to dive into the thick black waves of his hair. A groan vibrated through her core, coaxing an answering cry from Rey's throat. She couldn't help tilting her hips and grinding up into Ben's mouth. The pleasure intensified and she sensed his own arousal raging to a fever pitch at her responsiveness to his attentions, her inclination to interact rather than merely accept what he so enthusiastically gave. It pushed him along with her towards that extraordinary height from which she no longer feared to fall.

His ardent assault stimulated her until she could do nothing but hold onto him, breaths breaking loose from her in pants. She clenched his hair in a fist, pulling at it unintentionally. Rey winced in remorse, but then felt Ben's lustful reaction as feedback through the connection between them. The faint pain of her grip sharpened every sensation and drove him to dive deep, drawing her aching bud between his lips and suckling it vigorously.

A second finger joined the first, thrusting into her slick heat. Rey felt the easy stretch, loving the way her body held on tight to him. In and out, those thick fingers pumped, making her lower back curve upwards, wanting so much more. Ben increased the momentum as she pressed up into him, again, swirling the tip of his tongue around her needy nub. The friction, enhanced by the moisture from his mouth and her melting core combined, was enough to send her falling to her back on the mattress, straining her neck to hold those dark eyes as they demanded. In reward, Ben moved the hand still on her hip over to press warmly into the quaking skin beneath her navel. The pressure from without and within was incredible and Rey rode it, waiting for the growing pace to guide her over the precipice.

When his thrusting fingers suddenly curled as they drew outwards, dragging roughly along something she hadn't known was inside her, she clenched in response, molten sensation gathering at the base of her spine. Like a string drawn taut that suddenly snaps, Rey broke over him. Her vision went white, and she felt pleasure rush along every muscle in her body in a raging surge that stole her ability to draw breath for a moment.

It was like being filled with pure star fire.

Rey had no idea how long it took for her mind to float back to awareness, but she welcomed consciousness happily as her vision cleared to reveal Ben's loving expression. His mind held hers in a tight embrace, joy overflowing from him at having given her pleasure this way despite his fears that he couldn't. Beaming down into his eyes, she mouthed those precious words to him, blissfully happy.

Then he was above her, rising from the floor and pushing Rey's body back to perch on the bed with her, though he barely fit. He ripped his shirt away, shoved his sleep pants down without ceremony and with a reckless snap of his hips, Ben sunk into her, pressing hard and deep. She gasped as the abrupt invasion enhanced the aftershocks coursing through her, dragging Rey from the languid sea he'd set her adrift in only moments ago. Her slick passage embraced his hard length, luring him in further as the pulses she was still feeling strengthened in welcome.

Fully-seated inside, Ben paused, staring fixedly down into her face, releasing a sharp exhale as he fought not to come with the first thrust. He shut his eyes tight, a muscle jumping in his jaw, and Rey felt him wrestle for control. He'd let himself become too wrapped up in her culmination and now he was so close, but he wanted to last. He wanted to push her back to the threshold and throw himself over it alongside her.

Rey moaned when she read his intent, wrung out from what Ben had already done to her, yet burning to let him drag her back to that precipice and feel him bury his ecstasy inside her.

Regaining some measure of equilibrium, Ben began to move, withdrawing his heat from hers only to lunge back in forcefully. His fingers had stretched her so tantalizingly, but nothing could compare to the feel of his heavy length.

Ben's thrusts came faster and harder, and Rey disbelievingly felt the pressure begin to gather within her again. They both knew neither would be able to last long. He threw himself into her, breaths tearing hoarsely from his throat, but just as she sensed the end coming he slowed his motions. Eyes widening in anguish, Rey felt her body cry out as release was stolen away without warning.

Desperate and panting, she reached for his mind, begging for him to give them both what they so badly needed. She felt him, knowing he was as ready as she was, but the unstable touch of his consciousness promised that he wasn't done with her yet.

With a soft grunt, Ben withdrew, making Rey call out in disappointment only to squeak in surprise as he rolled her onto her side. She watched him in bafflement, still too dazed to make sense of what was happening. But then he was lifting her top leg and turning it so that it hooked over his shoulder before he straddled her other thigh and plunged back in. She bit the thick blanket to hold back a shriek as he slid so deep that his tip collided exquisitely against the end of her.

Ben set a furious pace, wrapping an arm around her leg and gripping her hip with his other hand. He lunged into her and pummeled that sweet spot over and over. Ripples of breathtaking sensation coursed through her relentlessly. Rey was gasping out, trying not to scream.

Again, as they rose together he denied them both the final push, easing his strokes back and changing to a slower rhythm. It was enough to make Rey latch onto his arm and dig her nails into his skin, half-mad from the torturous teasing. Advancing gradually, though, Ben rebuilt his tempo, filling her to the brim until she didn't think she was capable of taking more.

As though he’d caught that thought and wanted to prove her wrong, Ben leaned backwards and slammed his pelvis forward powerfully, letting his tip kiss that secret part of her deeply. Then a supernova sent fire raging along every nerve. She felt Ben lose his hold as well, falling with her.

Rey threw her head back and couldn't help it. She screamed.

Euphoria rolled along her limbs and up her spine in a voluptuous current, pleasure overflowing within her until she felt she would be swept away by it entirely. Finally spent, Ben let her leg fall before collapsing over her, turning Rey onto her back as he came down. Her arms felt weighted and she didn't think she could lift her head if she tried. She slit her eyes open to watch aftershocks of emotion flow across his remarkable features.

They lay there in the afterglow, trying to remember the natural cadence of their breathing. Ben's face fell to press into her neck and he trailed his thumb along the curve of it wearily. She ducked her chin to nestle a lazy kiss into his silky hair. Rey would gladly lie there with him forever if she could.

She froze in horror when that wish was promptly denied as a knock sounded on her door. Ben's lips paused in his efforts to explore the skin beneath her ear, feeling her tense, but all her focus was on Rose's voice as it called out in concern.

"Rey?" her friend asked, knocking again. "Rey, are you all right?"

"Yes! Yes, I'm fine," she responded, wincing at the anxious strain that was clear in her voice. Ben dragged himself up onto his elbow and peered down at her with interest, waiting to see how she'd handle this.

_Very helpful._

"Are you sure?" Rose pressed, unconvinced. "I heard a scream from down the hall. Did you hurt yourself?"

"Uh, yes. No! I mean, yes. I had a little accident," she said, scrambling for something believable. "I was doing some exercises with my staff and lost control of it, that's all."

Ben snorted, raising a brow at the euphemism she'd not intended. Rey glared daggers at him as she poked at his muscle-heavy bulk to get him to shift off of her so she could get up. He chose to remain where he was, clearly having great fun at her expense.

"But you're okay?" Rose persisted, and Rey wasn't sure which of them she wanted to feed to a rathtar more.

"Yes, Rose, I am. Promise. It's what I get for pushing myself right after a supply run."

Not even trying to resist the temptation, Ben's mind mischievously relayed images of just how she'd 'pushed herself' this morning with her 'staff exercises.' The look she gave him promised dire consequences if he didn't kriffing cut it out.

 _This one's definitely for the rathtar,_ she fumed silently, perfectly happy to let him catch that thought.

"All right," the voice on the other side of the door said, still sounding a bit uncertain. "Meet in the mess for breakfast, yeah?"

"Sure. See you soon," Rey called, willing to agree to just about anything to get her friend away from her door. When she heard footsteps moving away at last, she let out a sigh of relief, then fixed her sights on the more immediate _—_ and _smirking—_ irritant.

"Enjoy that, did you?" she asked with a sweetness bearing thorns behind it.

"Thoroughly," Ben answered, eyes laughing down at her where she was still pinned beneath him.

Between the adrenaline rush of nearly being discovered and his infuriating smugness, Rey felt herself start to grow angry. Sure, Rose might not have been able to see the spectacularly nude form of the Supreme Leader lounging on top of her, but her friend would've gotten an eyeful of the equally naked and obviously debauched would-be Jedi still dripping with sweat from exertions that could never be mistaken for footwork practice.

"Honestly, Ben! What if she'd come in?" Rey demanded, fighting to keep her voice below screech-level. "I don't lock my door."

"You might want to start," Ben came back, smirk only deepening.

"That's not the point!" she snapped, losing her grip on her patience.

He seemed to catch onto the genuine frustration roiling through her and the smirk faded.

"She wouldn't have been able to see me," he said, frowning slightly as he agreed with her hypothesis. "It would have been awkward, but we weren't in any danger of discovery. What's the problem?"

"The problem?" Rey asked, staggered that he'd ask. "The problem is that while the identity of my lover would be safe, the fact that I have one in the first place would not. I've a reputation, Ben. I'm supposed to be held to a higher standard, and I don't think I could bear that kind of judgement."

She choked a little, tears trying to get the better of her. She’d spent too many years isolated and alone to lose the regard of the only people to ever have accepted her. It terrified her, too much like abandonment. She forced the burning stone in her throat back down, but her distress was clear as she met his worried gaze.

"Rey," he murmured, running his fingertips along her face to try and soothe her. "It's just one person. You could remove the memory from her mind in an instant."

She froze, tears forgotten. She'd thought he understood her.

"Rose is my friend," Rey told him. "I could never do that to her."

"Not even to protect yourself?" Ben challenged.

"Not even if it meant my life," she answered firmly, voice rising with heat. "I would never hurt an innocent like that. To cause pain. To rip someone’s mind apart. To violate them like _—_ "

Rey broke off, but as before, Ben knew exactly who she'd been about to name.

"Like me," he finished for her, his own tone flat and eyes sparking, but then the fire went out. He pulled Rey in close and cupped her cheek in his palm. There was more to her statement than what she'd spoken out loud and he knew it. Along the way, it had stopped being about Rose.

"I love you, Rey," Ben said as he looked down into her with the eyes of a little lost boy. "I would never hurt you. Not now."

"Not intentionally," she said softly, sliding her own hands up to pull his face forward, letting their foreheads touch. He flinched at her words, thinking to pull away, but longing for the same closeness she did.

Even as their minds twined around one another and their bodies clung to every possible inch, though, she realized the distance between them was never so obvious. They lay together, skin on skin, the evidence of their lovemaking mixed with sweat from their exertion, but before long he would disappear. Whatever twist of reality's fabric that allowed them to come together, it was not enough to remove the true barrier.

It always circled back to that. The looming menace of the truth they were both too afraid to acknowledge.

Ben tracked her thoughts and his patience snapped. Pulling sharply away and shoving himself off the edge of her bed, he paced away, arms folded across his chest in irritation. In denial.

Rey sighed. Staring at the vast planes of his back, she followed the jagged lines of the scars carved into it, matching those on both their hearts.

Was now the time? Had they finally run out of excuses for avoiding it? Rey felt her hands start to tremble, again, terrified of what they could end up doing to one another's souls. In his mind, she could sense him coming to similar fearful conclusions and shying away from travelling down that road of anger and regret.

"Why, Rey?" Ben fumed. "Why do we need to do this? Why hurt each other over what we've put behind us?"

"'Let the past die, kill it if you have to,' right?" Rey bit out, throwing his own words back in his face. She rose from the bed to stand, unsteady hands fisted at her sides.

"Exactly!" he exclaimed, temper rising as he whirled to look back at her, though she felt him fighting to wrestle it back down. He took a step forward, reaching out to her, but she pulled away, hurting to see the pain it brought to his eyes.

"No. We can't just move on and forget it all. Not this," Rey said quietly, tears she was trying to hold back staining her voice.

"Why?" he begged, eyes openly desperate, and something gave inside Rey.

"Because this is wrong and we both know it!" she gasped out, control over her emotions finally collapsing beneath the sheer weight of them. "I'm with the Resistance, they trust me, and you're the Supreme kriffing Leader, Ben! Not only that, but you're the most powerful Dark Force user alive and I'm supposed to be training to be a Jedi. How can either of us justify _any_ of this?!"

A dangerous silence fell over them for a moment and Rey's heart began to pound. The Bond bled with Dark energy.

"Are you really asking me this, Rey?" Ben asked softly, a challenge. A dare.

She should be. She needed to. _They_ needed her to.

"No," she choked, chin pebbling as the tears she couldn't suppress anymore burned her throat. "I'm not."

 ** _But we have to do this. We HAVE to face this,_** she whispered to his mind pleadingly, in spite of herself.

 _ **Do we?** _Ben questioned, eyes hardened, though she could see the entreaty in them still.

He didn't want to risk what they had falling apart around them. Rey understood his fear, shared it. She had a feeling that if she forced this out neither of them would be able to hold back, and there were far too many regrets and resentments between them to trust they'd get through it whole. But though she wanted to cling to the safety of the love they'd built, eyes safely shut, Rey knew that if they were ever to have a future together they'd both have to face what kept them apart, now.

**_Yes, Ben. We do._ **

Holding his gaze, she watched him fight it. She hated that her emotions were betraying her when she most needed to be strong. She felt Ben's mind drowning in a similar chaos, and reached out instinctively with a soothing stream of Light, but he pushed it away roughly. Rey felt like she'd been slapped, rejected so coldly when he’d only ever offered tenderness since that first night weeks ago. Frustrated with himself, Ben gave up and eyed her with remorse, shoving his fingers through his hair before releasing his hold on the Bond. He retreated back across the galaxy, allowing them to part in anger for the first time since he'd offered her his hand and she'd turned away from him.

Though Ben worked to tear his mind from hers rather than wait for the distance to slowly ease them apart, wrenching an agonized cry from her throat she knew was echoed in his, he wasn't able to draw away in time to prevent her from hearing the sound of something breaking. In the quarters of the Supreme Leader, a caf cup lay shattered into a million pieces beyond repair, she knew. Feeling that the reckoning was finally coming, and that what they'd forged together was to be put to the test, Rey couldn't help but feel as though her heart were about to do the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Le sigh* Poor Reylo. Things were looking so bright and beautiful at the end of Chapter 4 and now we're back to the doom and gloom. Never fear, though, there's plenty more story to look forward to and with these two, you should never lose sight of hope.
> 
>  **IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE:** All right. I'm giving you the heads-up now that Chapter Six will feature some interactions between Ben and Rey that may make some readers uncomfortable. Specifically, 'Rough Sex' will be getting added up top with the tags.
> 
> **BTS Ramblings…**
> 
> **Back So Soon?:** Less than 2 days in-between smut sessions this time? Woah, they're a thirsty pair, aren't they? *waggles eyebrows appreciatively* Heh. To give you all some context, as you've seen, connecting and holding the Bond open takes quite the exertion of power. The reason Ben took over a week between meetings in the first few chapters was because it was so exhaustive an effort and he had to recover enough to attempt it again in addition to having to find time around battles and his duties as Supreme Leader. Rey was the one to put out the effort last time, however, and it had already been enough time for Ben to recover by then, so this time they were able to see each other much sooner. 
> 
> **TIE Technical Reports:** Fun fact! According to the _TROS Visual Dictionary,_ Kylo Ren often test-flew TIE prototypes, giving his recommendations for improvements to the First Order's engineers. The reports that were passed to the Resistance by the spy in this chapter were written by Ben himself!
> 
>  **Scoundrels!:** Oh, Han. Your son really does have so much of your heart in him. Honestly, I added this bit in after the debut of the charity story, "The First Lesson" by Charles Soule and Will Sliney. "My kid's going to be a scoundrel when he grows up, just like his old man." *chef's kiss*
> 
>  **The First Fight:** Well. The first one since Ben & Rey have become all _official_ and everything. We all knew this was coming, yeah? Their first argument as a couple and man, they have a hella big bone to pick! Arguments are an incredibly illuminating test of a relationship, not just to see how the two people handle themselves in the moment, but where they choose to go from there.
> 
>  **What, No Abs??:** *eyes slowly open wide in shock and dismay* Aaaaah!! _What have I done?!_


	6. The Monsters Within Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You must realize that fear is not real.  
> It is a product of thoughts you create.  
> Do not misunderstand me,  
> danger is very real,  
> but fear is a choice."
> 
> Will Smith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! I really appreciate that you've decided to swing by to spend some time with my fluffy-smutty-getting-kinda-angsty Reylo fanfic. We left off last time with a bit of a tiff, and if you're not heading into this installment expecting the big blow-up … well … um … SURPRISE!
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNING:** Please note that 'Rough Sex' has been added to the tags up top. Things are getting a bit heated between Rey & Ben and they have a major issue to tackle, so expect emotions to be running high. Everything depicted is fully consensual.
> 
> I want to give some more love to **[MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife)** for returning to wrangle my unruly commas into line & for being the awesome cheerleader she is ~ Major thanks goes out to **[darkknightdarkside](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkKnightDarkSide/pseuds/DarkKnightDarkSide)** for casting an eye over the smutty bits and helping this fluff writer get things just right on a scene that was a step out of her comfort zone! ~ A massive thank you to **[Everren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everren/pseuds/Everren)** for helping me work out the characterization for Ben/Kylo in this chapter, brainstorming and throwing ideas around until things started to come together ~ Lastly, my heartfelt gratitude goes out to another **wonderful lady** who will remain unnamed, but nonetheless helped me look at this chapter in a new light, ultimately leading me to rework it significantly. I don't know if you'd approve, but the story is all the better for it.
> 
> I am so thrilled to have found the The PL community, and you four gems are priceless. There were many eyes on this chapter as it developed and though I almost scrapped it entirely at one point out of a genuine belief that I just couldn't get it right, it is stronger for the trial by fire it was put through.
> 
> [ ♥ ASTOS Playlist ♥ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pDQ4ImXmRM&list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh&index=1)
> 
> Much love!

She caught herself doing it again. Muttering a curse under her breath, Rey yanked her fingers out of her hair. With it down around her shoulders, she was always reaching up to weave a lock between her fingers absentmindedly, and it frustrated her. Every time she realized she was twirling the strands distractedly, it made her think of _him—_ and it brought the pain back.

She didn't want to think of him. Every time she did, Rey just ended up frustrated, confused, and filled with indecision.

It hadn't helped her nerves that Leia seemed to have picked up on her worries, eyeing her with concern during their daily lessons. The woman had even come to visit Rey's room the other evening, asking if she was okay, and whether there was anything she needed - or if she just wanted to talk. Rey knew it was meant kindly and appreciated the general's care, truly she did. Seeing her teacher in her private space, though, the place where Ben came to her _—_ or _had_ , at least _—_ just made her stomach lurch with anxiety. Perceptive as ever, Leia had caught onto her distress and stood to leave. Before she'd gone, however, the older woman had paused as though considering something, eyes fixed thoughtfully beyond Rey. Then she'd paced back to wrap her arms around her student in an embrace that had made the abandoned daughter of nobodies want to bury her face in the maternal shoulder and let out all her troubles.

That couldn't happen, however. Not with anyone, but especially not with the mother of Ben Solo.

Thankfully, Rey had been spared any other intrusions since. Even Rose had caught the hint that she didn't feel comfortable with visitors anymore. She’d started waiting for Rey at the end of the corridor in order to meet up for meals or visits to Finn, now that Kalonia had decreed her charge fit for more than one visitor at a time.

As tough as things were, it did Rey a world's-worth of good to see her best friend recovering. He still wore bandages over most of his body and he couldn't stand on his own, but the former Stormtrooper was nothing if not resilient. He'd even cracked a few jokes and asked to hear about the rumor going around that Poe's most recent liaison had gone awry when the pilot had tried to set up a romantic tryst aboard the _Millennium Falcon—_ only to have his evening ruined when his date realized the cargo hold he'd stashed them in was infested with nesting porgs.

Rey sighed with a sad smile. They'd laughed and had a good time, but she knew it wasn't as easy for Finn as he was trying to make them all believe. Rose had confided in her about the bouts of tears and the phantom pain in his missing leg that sometimes left him staring numbly at the ceiling above.

Now, closing the door of her room and clicking the lock into place, Rey shoved her tools under her bed disconsolately. Despite the lighthearted visit with Finn, it'd been a hard day spent fixing the _Falcon's_ compressor…again. The ship took a beating whenever Poe took her out on a mission, the new method of lightspeed-skipping a strain on the old girl's battered parts. The cocksure ace had brought her back in flames this time. If Rey had access to proper equipment and the time to overhaul the whole system as she'd wish, she would have the freighter in peak condition, no question. Unfortunately, though the Resistance's fortunes were looking up with the new allies they'd gained and additional funding coming in from anonymous donors who wanted to see the First Order fall, but didn’t wish to have their names tied to incriminating evidence, the means to whip the most famous ship in the galaxy back into shape was more usefully spent elsewhere.

Rey sighed. Things _had_ gotten better, she needed to hold onto that.

 _Well, some things are better,_ she thought sadly before catching herself and venting her irritation by slipping her vest off and chucking it across the room. It didn't make a particularly satisfying projectile, just flopping to the floor after hitting the wall. Rey stared at the pitiful heap sourly, wishing she had something breakable which was also expendable that she could send flying, instead. She was in the mood for a nice, satisfying smash.

Nineteen. Nineteen hash marks etched onto the walls of her mind. Nineteen empty days since she'd fought with Ben and he'd shredded their connection, escaping back across the galaxy before he had to face the troubling questions that even she had cringed away from. She'd felt cautious nudges along the fibers of their Bond over the past few weeks, but he hadn't closed the distance. It was cowardice, pure and simple, but it was impossible to blame him for it. She was no braver.

Igniting a lightsaber to face her Force-mate across a battlefield was easier than trying to confront him with the issues that kept her here at a broken-down Resistance base and him aboard a Star Destroyer out there somewhere in the galaxy.

Closing her eyes, Rey pressed the heel of her hand into her chest over the throbbing organ that couldn't stop hurting no matter how hard she tried to distract herself. She figured she knew a small fraction of Finn's pain, feeling for something that seemed so heartbreakingly absent.

Unable to help herself, she subtly looked towards the star at the edge of her vision. She still did this each day, wanting the reassurance of knowing he was there, that he was safe, and that the Bond still connected him to her. Whatever angry words passed between them when last they'd met, Rey still needed to feel him there with her, and just to ever-so-lightly touch the vibrant lifeforce that remained resolutely distant, but nonetheless brought a bitter sort of comfort.

With a sigh Rey started to withdraw, but then a furtive warmth brushed along her awareness and she froze in surprise. In an instant she recognized him, felt his intent to do just as she had done, to quietly reach through the light-years, gain some reassurance from the brightly-burning lifeforce of the one he loved and then hastily retreat before she could sense him.

They'd caught each other out and now they hung awkwardly in a state of uncertainty. She sensed resignation from him and the immensity of his presence came closer. Heart pounding, Rey accepted that whether it was the Force ensuring their paths crossed or sheer karking luck, the time had come.

She opened her eyes and there he was.

Ben stood before her in his usual uniform, smartly turned-out. His hair was a little out of sorts, though, looking as though he'd run his fingers through it a few times. Not a speck of pale skin below his chin was visible, his collar high, tunic neatly fastened, and gloves in place. She tried not to let it bother her.

As was their habit by now, Rey felt their minds instantly reach for one another as though there were a constant gravitational pull drawing them together. For the first time, however, Rey felt uneasy with it. She wasn't ready for this, hadn't settled her thoughts in her head enough to feel confident facing him, yet he was here and they were both stuck with it.

Upset by the unaccustomed discomfort, she turned away to put some physical distance between their bodies, even if their minds insisted on closer quarters.

When she turned back, Rey saw the way the muscles in Ben's jaw rolled and the flare of hurt he quickly flicked his eyes away to hide. She could still sense the thorn of it pricking beneath the surface of his mind, though.

"Ben," she said by way of a stiff greeting, unable to bear up under the awkward silence.

He nodded in return, still looking away. Then she noticed where his eyes were fixed and let out a little huff of frustration, kicking herself internally. She tugged her fingers from her hair, again.

 _Not in front of him!_ she railed at herself.

"It looks beautiful," Ben said, indicating the unbound locks diffidently. She could sense his pleasure, despite the tension, at seeing it down after he'd told her he admired it.

"It keeps getting in the way," she griped, though she felt guilty for sniping at him when he was only trying to ease things between them. She wasn't trying to be rude, not really. Rey just didn't know what the kriff to do with him now that he was here _—_ and it was setting every last one of her nerves on edge.

Apparently, he didn't have any more of a clue about how to escape the corner they'd boxed themselves into than she because her response left him standing there, lips tight in frustration.

Rey had to grudgingly give him credit, though. Ben didn't give up.

"You were happy earlier," he observed quietly. He tilted his head inquisitively, offering her an opening to step into the breach alongside him.

Their Bond had developed further in the few weeks since they'd last seen one another. Though he'd torn himself away from Rey as quickly as he could, forfeiting the brief, but usually poignant extension of their connection that bridged their thoughts beyond the separation of their bodies, she had found herself sensing more of his mind over time. If she focused on Ben, she could feel whether he slept and when he woke, if he was sore from taking a hit during sparring practice, and the way he passed through the phases of his moods, emotions often turbulent and rarely entirely calm. It would seem that he could sense the same things from her across the lightyears.

"I was," Rey answered him, shrugging, too guarded to let herself relax into the conversation.

"What made you happy?" Ben pressed, stepping forward a little in overture. She wasn't quite sure what to do with his attempt to soften the rigidity between them, but chose to drop her arms from where they'd been defensively crossed in front of her.

"I was visiting Finn in the Medbay," she told him. Rey smiled a little at the memory. "He made me laugh."

"The Stormtrooper," Ben's voice was dry and held an edge of resentment. His mind was unable to conceal the seething knot of jealousy that twisted in his gut at the mention of someone she cared for besides him. It made her furious.

"The _former_ Stormtrooper. My _friend_. One of the most important people in my life. Yes," Rey replied, voice hardening again.

Ben's chin came up sharply, but his face fell with consternation almost immediately. Turning away from her, he shoved his fingers savagely through his hair as he fought to tamp down on his envy, knowing she'd seen it.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, his mind wrestling with his instinctive possessiveness. Getting himself under control, he turned back and finally met her eyes. "I'm sorry, Rey."

The apology, so out-of-character for him, helped her temper cool, and she released it with a steadying breath. He really _was_ making an effort, and it gave her hope that they might actually be able to overcome this together without tearing each other's hearts to shreds. At that thought, Ben’s shoulders stiffened and he fixed her with eyes that held as much trepidation as she felt, but Rey read from his mind that he had also come to realize they couldn't keep circling around it any longer. They'd come to this point time and again, always shying away in fear, neglecting their mutual need to know that what they had together wasn't conditional on ignoring the truth.

Rey took a breath, Ben watching her carefully, and set their course. No more running. No more cowardice. They would finally face this.

And hopefully they'd still have one another when it was over.

"I'm asking you now, Ben," she said, voice gentle, but firm.

He just stood there, silent. In spite of his own recognition that this had to happen, Ben's eyes begged her not to do this, to take it back, give them more time. She remained strong, however, unmoving in the face of potential disaster for them both.

“Why do you fight for the First Order?” Rey pressed, deciding to start with the easier, less soul-shattering of the matters that lay between them. “Our information tells us that, as Supreme Leader, you leave most of the administration to your generals. You don’t even lead your army directly, except for your Knights, and that sadist, Hux, is still in charge of the fleet. So, why? Why are you with them?”

Rey had moved towards him as she spoke, mind reaching out in an invitation of her own. She wanted to understand. It had never made sense to her why Ben had remained behind after she’d learned the ‘New Order’ he’d tried to convince her to stay with him to create had ostensibly come to nothing.

He looked down at her for a long minute, uncertainty filling his mind.

“I sense the conflict in you,” Rey continued when Ben didn’t respond, placing a hand on his arm in entreaty. “Snoke is gone, and you’ve set yourself free. Why fight for a cause you don’t believe in?”

That finally drew him out. She felt his arm tense beneath her fingers and watched a frown score a line between his brows.

“You may feel conflict in me, but it’s not about leading the Order,” he said, shaking his head at her charge.

"Then tell me," she urged, eyes begging him. "Give me something to believe in, Ben."

Suddenly, his own gaze went horribly cold and remote.

"I thought I had," Ben said, voice low, something dangerous slipping into it.

Rey knew she'd taken a misstep. Closing her eyes for a moment, she tried to pull her thoughts together and to find the right words.

"I didn't mean it that way," she said, looking back up to him with apology in her gaze. "But Ben, we're on opposite sides of a war. You're the Supreme Leader. How am I supposed to square that in my head? How do you?"

"Because I believe in us," he said, tone dropping to an ominous register. "Do you?"

"Of course I do!" Rey answered immediately, releasing her hold on his arm and stepping away again. "But this isn't just about how we feel about each other."

"Isn't it?"

"No!" she cried. "I love you, Ben. I do. That's not even a question, but what gives us the right to meet like this when your troops are out there right now hunting down the Resistance?"

"I thought we'd been over this," he said, teeth clenched. "The Resistance is far from innocent in this conflict."

"I know that! It only reinforces my point," Rey said. "Neither side is prepared to surrender, and you and I remain enemies because of it."

"We don't have to be," he said suggestively.

"Don't start that. Please, Ben," she pleaded, shaking her head at his insinuation. "I'm not leaving them, and you've certainly not given me a reason to consider otherwise."

"You can't have it both ways, Rey," Ben fumed. "When last we met, you dictated that I wasn't to ask about the Resistance's plans, that you would never betray them to me. You also said you wouldn't expect me to pass on information about the First Order, but now you’re asking it of me anyway?”

"This is different!" she exclaimed, though she knew it wasn't. He saw it in her mind and knew it wasn't necessary to call her out on the hypocrisy. So, he just stood there, watching her struggle against the boundaries she'd created herself. She wanted him to reassure her, to offer her something that made her feel less of a traitor for the hours she'd spent in his arms, for the way she lay in bed every night they were apart, wishing he was at her side.

Ben's gaze softened as he followed along in the trail of her thoughts, sending her a warm caress of emotion that told her without words she wasn't alone. It was the first tender outreach between their minds either of them had allowed tonight _—_ and it almost made her abandon her convictions. He moved closer, holding his hand out. Having missed the warmth that was in his eyes for her right now, Rey took it.

"The Order is not what it was under Snoke," Ben said. "Your spy may have passed along guard schedules and supply depot locations, but there's more going on than you and your rebel friends realize. I have different aims, new aspirations. Once the war is over, the galaxy will not be made to suffer as it did, either under Snoke's regime or the Republic's neglect."

Rey frowned a little at that. What did he have in mind if he viewed both of the previous approaches to galactic leadership as misguided?

“That’s more than you’ve given me, Rey,” Ben said, trying to keep a tight rein on his resentment. “Unless you’re prepared to offer up intel on the Resistance, then you can’t expect more from me.”

She nodded regretfully. He was right. She’d been unfair, and they had to leave things where they were. She'd given them no other choice.

Rey agreed to allow their positions in the war to be set aside for now. Whatever else, her mind could sense he was sincere in the intent he'd expressed to improve on what had been. Perhaps it showed a certain evolution in his philosophy of destroying the past. They were still enemies and that tore at her soul, as she knew it did his, but for now they'd respect the line she'd drawn.

But there was another matter to be settled that had no such restrictions placed on it, though she almost wished there were.

They shared a look that asked whether they dared step further down this path. Yet in Ben’s eyes Rey saw that now they’d begun, even he needed to see it through to whatever end it led them. He squeezed her hand and let out a breath before she pulled away.

“I am who I am, Rey,” he began, voice a little rough. “I’m the Supreme Leader, the enemy of the rebellion you fight for, but we both know none of that is what really makes you doubt that what we share is right—what makes you question why the Force bound your soul to mine.”

“I don’t question that,” Rey refuted, thinking of how the Light and Dark energies the Bond was made of waxed and waned like the phases of an unending eclipse that ultimately created a unique balance.

“Don’t you?” Ben asked. “Or is how I respond to you and your Light what you’ve come to accept?”

“I don’t understand,” she said, frowning in confusion. “You have Light within you _—_ ”

“I am committed to the Dark Side and all that entails,” he interrupted. “I may not have rejected the Light for myself entirely and yes, the wellspring of it within you calls out to me, but I am not seeking a path to some glorified redemption.”

“But you’re capable of such _good_ , Ben,” Rey insisted. She’d seen it in his mind, but also read it in his actions, the way he was with her. “Despite the terrible things you’ve done, that isn’t how you really are, not now that you’ve set Kylo Ren aside.”

“Set aside?” he demanded, staring at her in astonishment. Then his face clouded over like a thunderhead, his thoughts simmering with disbelief that she had so willingly deceived herself. He stepped in close, towering over her as he started to work himself up to something his mind told her he didn't want to do. Rey sensed dread in him, but also determination.

"Whatever evils may be placed at Kylo's door, what of Ben, hmm?” he challenged. “What could be more unforgivable than giving myself to the Dark Side, _little Jedi?”_

"But you _—_ "

"I _let_ myself fall. I _chose_ it, Rey. No matter the reasons, nothing changes what I did then or have done since. Don't hide away from the truth of it. If I'm given credit for nothing else in this life, at least I refuse to conceal my own guilt behind convenient lies."

It was true. Ben had never lied to her, not once. Though his words often hurt and could be misconstrued, they were always the truth as he saw it. He’d never willfully misled her.

“Can you love the man whose sins render him, as you once put it, nothing more than a monster?”

"I've said I love you!"

"No. You've said you love _Ben Solo_ ," his eyes burned into her. "But you don't love Kylo Ren, do you, Rey?"

"Of course not! That's not who you are to me."

"Then you don't love me."

"But it's _just_ a name," she said, trying in vain to hold onto that belief.

"No, it's not," he refuted, scarcely able to believe she'd hide behind such a weak lie. "We both know that there's so much more to it than that. The Darkness and every bloody deed the galaxy attributes to it are part of what 'Kylo Ren' is made of. Either way, it's _my_ name. I am Kylo Ren just as I am Ben Solo. There aren't two different men living in this body. Just one. Just me."

"But _—_ ," she couldn’t seem to stop herself from saying, though unsure what rebuttal she could possibly offer.

"No. _No_ , Rey. Stop closing your eyes and pretending the parts of me you hate don't exist," he snapped at her, voice rising. Her eyes widened at his tone. Seeing her reaction, his shoulders dropped on a frustrated exhale before he continued on in a softer voice that sounded as though he were on the edge of breaking. "Otherwise, you're lying to us both."

Rey turned away, trying to create some space, to center herself and achieve a measure of calm. She just couldn’t bring herself to accept this.

Any hope of peace was dashed, however, when she felt the familiar rise of fulminating anger behind her. She hadn't felt this since that night on Starkiller Base when she'd called a brilliant blue blade to her hand and crossed sabers with the Dark Side user who'd unintentionally initiated her awakening. Even when he'd ignited that same lightsaber to slaughter his Master and then stood to face the man he blamed for giving up on him long ago, he hadn't gathered shadows this deep around himself.

No. This was a Darkness she'd only been made to face once before, and it lay in wait with claws bared directly behind her.

**_Never turn your back on a monster, Rey._ **

Before she could process the words he sent seething along the Bond, she gasped in pain. Her mind was abruptly cut off from his. Whirling around, forgetting the Dark energies amassing around them, her only fear was that Ben had left her. She came up short as she just barely avoided careening right into him. Confused and bereft, Rey opened her mouth to ask what had happened, why they'd been ripped apart. Then she realized. Rey stared up at him, face pale.

Ben had put up a barrier between them, locking her out of his thoughts. She could still feel him through the Force, their Bond alive and connecting her soul to his, but he had shut her totally out of his mind as she had once done to him.

"Ben?" she asked in a shaky whisper, hand rising to touch his face. Before her fingers could reach his scarred cheek, a gloved hand snapped up to grab her wrist.

Shocked, Rey didn’t know what to do. Jerking her hand away and stepping back, she found herself up against the wall, the door and escape blocked by his towering form. Her eyes shot between his, desperately searching for some hint of his intentions. Fear clenched a tight fist around her throat. She'd seen this man's face wear expressions that were surprisingly soft and full of the love that they shared for one another, but it was impossible to imagine him assuming one of them now.

He stepped in close and placed his hands against the wall on either side of her, caging her in. Rey's mind raced, desperately trying to figure out what to do or say to calm Ben down. The look in his eyes was volatile, as though one wrong gesture or word would set him to combust. Before she could come up with something, though, he started to slowly lean in towards her and she knew what he intended.

Rey braced herself for the monster’s kiss.

When his lips came to hers, though, they ran gently over her skin, back and forth in soft caresses as their breaths mingled. A hand came away from the wall and traced leather-covered fingertips up along the column of her throat, pausing to curl enticingly into the tender skin in the hollow behind her ear before coming up to cup her jaw. His hold was gentle, as though he cradled the fine wings of a butterfly.

Gradually, the kiss deepened, his tongue slipping along the seam of her lips, asking for entry. When she granted it, he stroked along the insides of her cheeks and the roof of her mouth with feather-light grazes, sending fine tingles rippling outwards from his touch.

Rey had enough presence of mind to wonder at his charm as he teased needy noises from the back of her throat. Then she remembered the thrashing of demons behind his eyes as he'd moved in to corner her, the sense of icy dread at the approach of a familiar phantom closing in on his prey.

The Dark Side dealt not only in pain and death, but also passion and the seduction that led so many down a path from which they lost the will to return.

Opening her eyes, Rey found that Dark-infested gaze waiting for her to face him. Rey's heart lurched as she recognized the trap he'd lured her into so easily.

As understanding crashed in, he dug his fingers into Rey's hair and jerked her head back, baring her throat. When he bent to drag tongue and teeth along the throbbing current that rushed directly from her heart, Rey reached up to wind her own fingers through the soft strands at his neck. Panting at the sensations radiating from the searing heat of his mouth, she fought to focus. She gave his hair a sharp pull in revenge, but Ben would have none of it. He drew away from her skin briefly to shake himself from her grasp. Using the Force, he captured her wrists and pinned them above her head. Dark eyes glared into hers, making her shiver.

The look. That furious chaos. She knew him. 

_Kylo Ren._

When he saw her submit to the truth he was forcing her to open her eyes to, Kylo dove back down on her, finding the wet trail where he'd left off. Rey let out a choked shriek when she suddenly felt his teeth biting down hard. He sucked relentlessly, pulling the ravaged flesh into his mouth before releasing it, pressing the tip of his tongue roughly to the blemish left behind. He found more tender skin where her ear met her neck and his teeth sunk into her again. Rey could only gasp as he marked her, leaving a livid trail behind.

The monster was very much alive. He had been unleashed. And he held her in his clutches.

But Rey didn't turn away. She didn't try to fight his Force-hold or push him off. Deep in her gut, she knew that if she turned from him now, like this, it would be over between them. Regardless of the Bond, their expressions of love, or the way holding onto each other felt like coming home, he would never be able to be with her if she couldn't accept all of him _—_ even the furthest depths of his Darkness.

_I love you, Rey. I would never hurt you. Not now._

She'd told Ben that she knew he wouldn't do so intentionally, believing it at the time.

Rey made her decision.

As he demanded something of her tonight, she would seek something from him. He would have to prove that if she accepted the Darkness within him she would emerge unscathed and that they would still be all that she’d hoped they could be together.

They were lost to each other otherwise.

Rey jerked her chin to draw his attention and locked gazes with Kylo when he straightened. Deliberately, she leaned back fully against the wall, canting her head down slightly in surrender. The black abyss bled the color from his irises as she watched his whole body angle into her, his focus intensifying, arousal swelling to fill the air around them in a terrifying, Dark miasma.

Fingers came up to brush along her jaw. Rey swallowed with difficulty, but held herself still, waiting for him to show her what he needed to. When he took the final step, leaving no distance between their bodies, no escape, she was as ready for him as she could be.

He slid down until he was kneeling before her, gloved hands gliding over her breasts, along the contours of her belly, and coming to rest on the swells of her hips. Looking up at her like that, he could have been a gallant lover wooing his sweetheart, but the eyes which bored into hers held no such innocent romance in their turbulent depths.

"The door. Is it locked?" he asked in that haunting voice. Unable to speak from the effort of controlling her warring emotions, Rey could only nod. She'd learned her lesson last time and had started locking it every night, just in case. In reward, he released his hold on her wrists.

Hooking his thumbs in the waistband of her leggings, Kylo began to pull them down her legs. The glint in his gaze brought her hands down reflexively to stay his efforts, but he only shrugged her hold off and reached for her underwear next. It took all of her courage to allow him to strip her bare. When the last garment fell to the floor, Kylo's fingers curled around the backs of her thighs and forced her knees open. With a breath to steel herself, she rested her hands on his shoulders and held on for all she was worth, hoping it would see them both through.

Rey felt her cheeks burn when he buried his face between her thighs, tongue parting her folds to find the wetness that already awaited him there. Whatever her fears, her body longed for his touch, and she felt his pleased growl vibrate through her core. She gripped him more tightly, squeezing her eyes shut.

Furious, he worked her hard and fast, agitating her swollen flesh into a frenzy of sensation that had her drowning in the storm of chaos she was being dragged down into. Then a gloved finger drove itself inside her, pressing in deep and demandingly. A second joined it almost immediately, and though the stretch she hadn't been prepared for was uncomfortable at first, Kylo’s ungentle ministrations had made her slick enough that it didn't hurt. Rey couldn't help a groan, half discomfort and half excitement, at the feel of her inner walls clinging tightly onto his thick fingers. The thought of them, clad in that supple leather she always tried to tear off him so she could feel his warm skin against hers, drove her a little mad.

He pumped them firmly, plunging them into her with jarring strength. His mouth continued to torture her over-sensitized bud, sucking and plucking at it relentlessly. Rey could barely hold onto her sense of reality.

Then there was a third finger and her knees gave out entirely, unable to hold her up any longer.

Kylo's free arm caught her, a surge of Force energy aiding him and holding her up even as he continued to push her on with insistent strokes. His fingers shoved upwards repeatedly, sloppy wet sounds making what was left of her sanity cringe in mortification. It was obscene. There was no sentimentality in what he was doing to her, just raw passion, want, _lust —_ his _and_ hers. Rey felt exposed and vulnerable, utterly at his mercy. For all that he had his face and hand buried in the most secret part of her in the way that usually led to a sense of emotional connection beyond their Bond, the act was almost completely devoid of intimacy.

It was selfish. It was possessive. It was Dark.

Yet, there was a wicked sort of excitement to it that made her dig her fingernails into the stiff fabric of his uniform, trying desperately to find a way to hold on as the tempest began to rage. Aching, almost pitiful cries trailed from her throat as he built that extraordinary pressure within her, his gloves adding a dimension to their contact that at once heightened the ecstasy of each thrust and made her heart bleed.

She hated it. She loved it. 

_Force, I love you._

Perhaps he'd somehow heard her as her Light reached for him across the Bond, crying out for her Dark mate, or maybe he was struggling to survive the storm of his own making, but Kylo suddenly tore his mouth away as though she’d burned him, fingers slipping from her. The abrupt loss of his touch made her look down to see his face twisted in agitation, shadows lashing within his gaze. Rey stared as her body cried out for the return of his touch, waiting. Wanting.

Kylo stood, grabbing Rey's face and claiming her mouth in a rough kiss. His tongue delved deep, dominating and refusing to allow her to respond. She could only submit and allow him to have his way, moaning into his mouth. He broke away quickly at the sound, though, releasing a snarl and digging his fingers through his hair, again.

"The bed, Rey," Kylo bit out, voice low and torrid. He was eyeing her warily.

Swallowing with difficulty, she straightened from the wall and walked to her bed, moving carefully. Though she didn't look, Rey felt him stalking close behind her through pure instinct. Cut off from his mind, she had no way of knowing what he planned. She could only depend on her survivor's courage and her hope that she could handle this. She had to hold onto her faith that he still truly was the man she was gambling her heart and soul on tonight.

Sitting gingerly on her mattress, Rey looked up to see Kylo standing before her. Clad in unrelenting black from neck to booted feet, he made her feel extraordinarily vulnerable as she waited, naked before him. At a small, commanding jerk of his chin, she eased back to lie on the bed. Obeying was one of the hardest things Rey had ever done, but she’d come this far, and she wasn’t going to shy away now. Her body was still humming with need, tension wound tight and begging for release as he climbed over her, straddling her thighs and pressing his hands into the wall so he could lean in close to her face.

For an eternity, Kylo stared down into her eyes. He didn't touch her, didn't move. All he offered was the brush of his breath on her face.

Gazing back, Rey searched the roiling shadows in those eyes — eyes that she dreamed about every night. Yes, she recognized that look. She'd first seen it as she'd lain, strapped to an interrogation chair. The creature crouching as he waited for her to wake up had stood and removed his mask, then awakened something between them that destiny had led them to uncover. Though he'd been thrown off-balance by the revelation neither had understood at the time, something in him had sought to connect with her, even then. And here he was now, challenging her to reach for him in return.

Kylo Ren had felt compassion for the lonely scavenger, his carefully concealed inner Light breaking through for her, and her alone. He'd murdered his father that night, tried to kill her best friend, and fought to beat her into submission. He'd never been so Dark as he had been then, but a flicker of Light had nonetheless burned through the choking shadows to stay his hand when it would have been far simpler to strike out for her life rather than attempt to win her allegiance.

Since then, he'd shown her that spark of Light was stronger than she'd realized, more pervasive than he'd cared to admit. He'd slain his Master to save her life, refusing to sacrifice her even after having offered up his identity, his family, and his very soul to the Dark Side. Whatever deadly vows he'd made in anger, his actions spoke louder and far more clearly. She chose to let hers do so now.

Pushing herself up, Rey brushed her lips softly over Kylo's, and for an instant he allowed it, but then took her jaw in one of his hands and set her away from him. To her astonishment, he grazed his thumb lightly along the curve of her lower lip before quickly retreating.

With a growl, he grabbed her and threw her over onto her front. Rey gasped in shock, squirming to gain some purchase on the sheets with her elbows, attempting to twist back, but an intangible pressure pressed down between her shoulder blades, power wielded to hold her in place.

He'd taken advantage of his superior physical strength in bed before, but only playfully or to offer pleasure, and never had he exerted his mastery of the Force to do so. Now, however, he used both to dominate her.

Yanking her hips up so that her back arched sharply, face pressed into the mattress, Kylo pulled her towards the edge and forced Rey up onto her knees. She felt him pull away and climb off the bed, moving to stand behind her as she heard the faint clink of the fastening of his trousers being undone. She had only a moment to brace for what was coming, to try and convince her body to relax for it, and to wonder whether she'd make it through intact.

_Will either of us?_

Without a word. Without a gesture or warning, he rammed himself to the hilt inside her. Rey cried out at the sudden penetration of his hot length, despite her efforts to ready herself and the slick moisture he'd called forth with his tongue. Just as he'd entered her, he wasted no time in setting an implacable pace that jerked her breath in and out with every sharp thrust. It wasn't fast, a race for the finish, but the powerful collisions of his tip against that secret place inside her as he plunged down so impossibly deep drove her back towards that extraordinary horizon.

Raw, panting gasps escaped her, though she didn't hear a sound from Kylo. She wanted to see him, to look into his eyes and touch his hair as he fell into her with each stroke, but the force with which he drove her into the mattress made it impossible. Rey could only grip the soft fabric of the blanket beneath her cheek as fire raged through her veins.

Kylo never changed his tempo nor the fierce strength of the thrusts that sent sparks to burst behind her eyelids. The only hint she had as to how close he was getting was the way the leather of his gloves started to bite into her skin. Feeling the delicate muscles low in her belly begin to quiver and the liquid heat pool at the base of her spine, Rey leaned back into his grip, reaching up to push against the wall above her head for leverage.

He was going to come, she could tell, but the pressure inside her was only just behind. He'd preceded her once before, still giving her a release, but she'd been on top and in control. In this position, entirely at his mercy, she didn't think she'd be able to reach the peak alone. Already moaning rhythmically to the cadence of Kylo's surging thrusts, Rey choked a little on a cry at knowing she wouldn't surmount it this time.

Then a hand unclenched from where he held her hips in a vise, and the coarse fabric of his tunic brushed along her spine. The leather covering his finger pressed into the needy center of sensation above where he continued to roll his hips into her in that unbroken pace. He rubbed her vigorously, pushing her along, bringing her right to the brink. Then he threw her over it.

Kylo continued to slam into her as she throbbed helplessly around him, enhancing her pleasure as she felt her inner muscles bear down on his hard shaft while he shoved his way in. When the hand still on her hip dug in painfully and the massive bulk of him over her tensed with a sharp sound escaping through clenched teeth, she knew he'd made it, too.

His hand left her trembling flesh and pushed down into the mattress beside her head, fingers curled into a fist. Rey's eyes rested on it as he continued to push forward in short lunges, though with dwindling force.

Kylo slowed until his movements relented all together. They remained there, his softening length still buried deep and Rey's gaze on the black-clad arm beside her that trembled almost imperceptibly. Perhaps he saw the direction of her languid scrutiny, because suddenly the arm and its tight fist disappeared from before her and she felt him resume his original position, standing firmly on booted feet, her hips grasped in both his hands.

"Do you hate me?" he asked quietly. There was a note of resignation to something he felt must be inevitable that made the words come out raw. Though Rey couldn't sense his thoughts or feel the swell of emotions that were at constant war within him, she understood him well enough that she nonetheless heard the despair he tried to conceal.

He'd done his worst, proven that Kylo Ren was not dead and forgotten, as she'd tried to let herself believe. Rey didn’t think he realized, however, that as vile as he believed he had been to her, that he’d ultimately fulfilled every hope she’d been clinging to.

In the past few months, she'd created a fiction that Ben Solo had broken through the cage of Kylo Ren to reveal his true self to her. Now though, she was finally forced to recognize that he'd merely shared the part of himself that she'd responded to, hoping she'd eventually come to see that it was but half of the whole when she was ready. Rey had seen the moments of Darkness, felt his mind turn towards it willingly, even as he'd held her close and embraced the Light within her. She'd believed she'd accepted that about him, but he was right. She'd been lying to them both.

It didn't matter that she was walled off from his feelings. Rey knew him, her Ben. Her Kylo too, both in one. She knew what he wished and longed for, and after facing what he'd shown her tonight, even with her face still pressed into her mattress, she wanted to give it to him _—_ all of him.

"No," she whispered, still a little breathless. She stretched a hand back to lay it against his hip.

Pulling himself roughly from her, he made her cry out as he stepped away. Suddenly bereft and throbbing with the ache of it as she hadn't since the first time, Rey struggled to turn, to find her balance and face him. When she had finally pulled herself around until she could tip her head back to look up at where he towered over her, she gazed into his nightmare-ridden eyes. Rey met them without fear.

For all he'd conquered her with the Dark Side raging through him, her yielding Light had still called out to him. Even taking her as she imagined he would have if he'd done so before the barriers between them had come down all those months ago, he'd stretched out his hand to help her find the zenith, put her before himself. He was Dark, but it was a Darkness which sought not to destroy her or her Light, even in anger.

After this, she didn't believe him capable of it.

But as the Light within Rey had captivated and influenced him, she had not gone unaffected by his Darkness. Hungering passion had surged through her. Palms to the wall, she'd sought to give more of her herself to him, every inch possible. She'd hungered to reach that pinnacle, to have him batter and pound her towards it. Where once the Dark might have drowned her for fear of its seduction, tonight she had drunk of it willingly.

Master Skywalker would have been horrified, but Rey wasn't any longer. She'd seen what they were together too many times now, felt the way the Bond between them thrived on the shifting energies that created a rare and precious balance.

They were equals, she and Ben. In the Force, strength of will, and their passions. She believed also that he matched her in her capacity for good, as she’d said before, but there must be balance in all things where they were concerned. The nature of their unique Bond made that abundantly clear. If the man who'd named himself Kylo Ren could bring hope and happiness, then she herself must provide the counterbalance.

Rey wasn't naïve. Though she aspired to live within the Light, she refused to be a coward when it came to admitting the truth about herself, even if she'd turned away from it in Ben's case. Master Skywalker had shown her how foolish it was to deny one's inner Darkness, that core of shadows which an individual could either nurture or repress. Whatever the choice made, it was there. Rey had reached for it instinctively when it offered her what she'd needed. The old Jedi had admonished her the first time he'd witnessed it, but she'd wondered, even then, whether it was right to repudiate the other half of the power which dictated the currents and cycles of the galaxy itself.

She'd looked to Ben, considered how he'd given himself to the Dark Side, but still clung to the spark of Light he hid deep inside. She thought of how he reached for the nexus of lucent energy within Rey, embracing not only her, but her very nature.

Yes, she was the beacon which could call forth the flame that endured against all odds within Ben Solo, and he was the font of Darkness that tugged seductively at the shade of midnight within her.

Rey's hands trembled a little, but she refused to back away now. She told herself that if she could bear to face it with anyone, it was with the man the Force had bound her to stand beside in this lifetime. With a breath, she prepared herself to face her own demons as only the other half of her soul could show them to her.

"Is there a part of _me_ that you hate?" she asked him softly.

"Yes," Ben responded after only a slight hesitation. The heat sparking behind his eyes finally cooled, revealing something else _—_ heartache.

Rey nodded for him to go on, frightened but determined.

"I hate the part of you that turned away after you'd said you'd be there for me, that I wasn't alone," Then he delivered the finishing stroke. "Just like everyone else."

It twisted deep in her gut. Rey pressed her fist into it, trying to make it stop, knowing that it wouldn't. Eyes filling, she struggled to hold his gaze. It would've been easier if he was fierce and implacable as before, but facing that endless sea of desolation was so much harder.

"Would you have stopped the attack, allowed the Resistance to leave, if I'd stayed?" Rey whispered, dreading his answer. She wasn’t certain she could withstand the blow.

"I would have ended the war for you that day," Ben murmured.

Rey felt her lips tremble as her back curled in on itself. She fought to remain upright, but the sincerity in Ben's voice as he spoke those words utterly defeated her.

"It’s still there, in your eyes when you look at me and wonder whether you'll be damned for loving me," he said. "And it will be until you can stop asking yourself if this is wrong."

Incapable of bearing up under it, Rey bowed her head, fighting to breathe around the crushing weight of his charge.

"We've torn each other apart," she forced past the pain, daring to look up again. "But I love you, all the same. I’ve never loved you more."

" _Why?_ Answer your own question, Rey," he ground out, nailing her with his tormented gaze. "How do you justify it to yourself, hmm? Allowing your sworn enemy to touch you. For loving a _monster_. The monster who just _forced_ himself on you."

Oh, he was intent on driving her to the brink. Perhaps he actually wanted her to reject him now, even after how ardently he'd sought to win her trust and affection in the first place. There was something about Ben Solo that didn't _want_ to be loved after having been taught through the years that he was unworthy of the gift of emotional attachment.

It centered her. The lump eased away and she was able to breathe steadily again. Straightening, Rey felt a serenity that seemed impossible after what they'd just put themselves through.

"You didn't force me," she said quietly, evenly. "You wouldn't have done it if I'd refused."

He sneered at her, angry and beginning to pace like a discontented creature held in a space far too small for it. She just watched him calmly. It only made him more agitated and he whirled, stabbing his finger in her face as though she were a troublesome pupil who'd failed to grasp a lesson.

"You couldn't have stopped me," Ben snarled, baring his teeth. "Muscle or Force, you'd not have been able to."

"I wouldn't have had to, Ben. You would have stopped yourself," Rey responded, unfazed. She knew this man and now she _finally_ understood him, as well.

Dark eyes searched hers, filling with disbelief when they found only unwavering certainty. Her hair was trailing around her shoulders in hanks from the way his hands had pulled at it, strands sticking to her sweaty skin. Bruises were already blooming from where his fingers had dug into her too roughly, a purpling trail of teeth marks drawn boldly along her throat. She looked beaten, debased, and used _—_ a victim of Kylo Ren's unsalvagable soul. Yet, Rey felt only serenity. Light resurfaced along the Bond, freed from its submission to the Darkness, flowing across from her with a renewed radiance that burned more brightly than ever before.

Ben's finger dropped and he stood there in front of her looking utterly lost. Reaching for his mind, Rey gently eased herself along the barrier he'd erected between them, asking for entry. It came down almost immediately, and her consciousness moved to settle in along the silken edge of his in joyous reunion. It felt even more right than before when she'd first told Ben what she felt for him. He still held himself back from reciprocating her mental touch, though, unready to believe she really did want him after what he'd done.

"Love doesn't need to be justified. It can't be," Rey said, and at its most fundamental that was the truth. For all that she'd doubted and questioned and told herself they didn't have the right to do this, what it really came down to was that her heart needed his.

"I love you because I do. Because when you're near, I feel whole. Because even as Dark as you were, you bothered to give me pleasure before taking it yourself tonight. Because I've felt the good in you, living within the Darkness, and it makes me believe that whatever your plans are you want to be better. But more than anything, I love you because you came back for me. For _me_. Not your enemy or rival, not your equal in the Force. It may not be acceptable as far as the calculus of war is concerned, and everyone I stand alongside would condemn me without question, but you're right. This..." She stretched her hand up to rest over his heartbeat. _"This_ isn't about the Resistance or the First Order."

Rey rose before him on her knees. She was a little shaky, but without fear she pulled herself up along his body until she could reach out to place her palms on his cheeks. She felt Ben's hands take hold of her waist, supporting her, though he kept his grasp loose, almost as though he were afraid to touch her, that he felt he shouldn’t after what had transpired. Refusing to let him doubt any longer, she pulled on his face and brought his forehead to rest on hers, meeting his eyes.

"You wanted me, and despite the fact that I tried to deny part of what makes you the man you are, to tear your soul in two just like Snoke, your eyes are telling me that you still do."

"I will always want you, Rey," Ben affirmed, hands moving to her back, pulling her up against his chest.

"And I will always need you, Ben. Kylo. Every part of you," she murmured, the words landing on his lips, a breath from hers. "Who else but Kylo Ren can face my own inner monster and bear to love me afterwards?"

"You're not monstrous," he denied with a frown, arms tightening around her.

"There is a horrible cruelty in giving up on someone you vowed to believe in," Rey said, lips trembling a little. "To leave when staying could have made all the difference. To be too afraid to give just one more chance to the man I'd already given my heart to."

He came back to her, then. Ben's mind wrapped around hers as tightly as his arms held her body, pulling close and letting the threads of their lives entwine once more _—_ as they were meant to.

Rey closed her eyes, relishing the restoration and the newness of it, all at once. She thanked the Force he'd been brave enough to make her face the part of him he'd had to suppress for so long.

Then she sensed the twisting despair in him. Reaching for it, she saw that he had hated doing what he'd done to her tonight. He despised himself for taking pleasure from it, coming even as his hands deliberately bit bruises into her skin.

"I fucked you, Rey," Ben said hoarsely as he felt her concern, eyes haunted. "That wasn't love."

"It _was_ love, Ben," she insisted, rubbing her thumbs along his face. "I needed to see the full truth, to finally stop hiding from the part of you that's Kylo. There may have been other ways to do it, yes, but this is the way it happened."

"Don't try and spare me," he ground out. "I _violated_ you."

He tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let him. Never again.

"No!" Rey insisted, releasing his face to wrap her arms around his neck, to hold him closer. "Ben, it would have been the greatest violation of all to allow ourselves to live with the lie until it poisoned everything we have."

She rose up enough to reach his cheek, placing a kiss where she'd marked him once in fury. She'd given into the blackest depths of her own Darkness that night in the snow-covered forest on a doomed planet, fighting herself as much as him. A voice had whispered to Rey, urging her to strike him down, slay the monster who called out to something inside of her that had seemed so terrifying at the time.

The thought of what that moment of rage had almost cost her made her tremble. Ben's arms pulled her even closer and his mind sent affection and forgiveness freely to hers through their Bond.

Pulling back again, Rey looked at the face she'd feared and hated, by turns, before coming to love the man who wore it with all that was in her.

"Whatever face I show the rest of the galaxy," Ben said, following her thoughts, voice barely more than a whisper. "The one I wore tonight is not the one I want to wear when I'm with you. That's not who I want to _be_ with you, Rey."

She nodded, understanding. It was a choice. He was Kylo Ren to everyone else because the terror he inspired and his Darkness were how he held onto his power, his edge in battle. It had made him strong and meant survival when Ben had given his life over to Snoke, and over time it had become a necessity. He’d depended on it so long it would always be part of his identity. But he set it aside so that he could be Ben Solo with her. Not his 'true self,' as she'd believed, but just the part of himself that could hold her with such exquisite devotion _—_ to feel peace as he drew close to the Light within her. So long as she recognized Kylo Ren was still there in the eyes that regarded her and the hands that drew across her skin, he was content.

There must be night to see and appreciate the dawn. Rey accepted the truth of that, pulling on Ben's neck and drawing him down onto the bed with her.

Laying back, she looked up at him as he settled on top of her, a heavy weight crushing her down into the mattress, though she would never complain. He made her feel safe. The fabric of his uniform chafed a little on her still-bare skin, but she didn't mind. They rubbed along, she and Ben, despite the way they sometimes wound up hurting one another. That they could come back together to be like this, to rest in one another's gazes with such a feeling of loving welcome, made it all worth it to her.

Sensing her thoughts as they'd grown accustomed to, Ben's lips twisted a little, overcome by the forgiveness she gave them both. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to hers. There was only warmth and affection this time as their mouths came together again and again in celebration of what they were together.

The Light. The Dark. All of it.

"Stay with me," Rey whispered to him.

"I wish I could," Ben answered, an edge of heartache coloring his words.

"As long as you can," she insisted, knowing it was selfish, that holding the Bond open was taxing despite his growing expertise. "I want to fall asleep in your arms."

He kissed Rey again for that, lingering just to taste her breath on his tongue before rolling off of her, working at the fastenings of his clothes. When he was bare from the waist up, he settled back down and tucked her head into the crook of his shoulder. A warm glow bloomed deep in her belly, peace and a lifetime's-worth of possibility radiating from it. She turned to press her lips against the beating heart beneath her cheek, then hitched a leg over Ben, hugging him close.

His arms were wrapped firmly around her, secure and strong, but Rey reached to tug on the one laying over her. Ben looked down at her with curiosity as he loosened his hold and allowed her to pull it around so she could look at his hand. She glided her fingers along the skin kept remarkably soft by the protection of his gloves, tracing the raised veins over the back. She slowly, meticulously mapped his hand, memorized every detail from his long fingers to his strong wrists. Then Rey dropped a kiss into the center of his palm and, turning her eyes up to meet Ben's soft gaze, pressed her own against it, clasping them together.

She'd reached out for him in the months since he'd returned to her and gladly wrapped her fingers around his when he'd offered them. It had always been Ben she'd clung onto, though, because she had willfully held something back, leaving the memory of Kylo's outstretched hand behind in the ruins of a condemned starship. Now she smiled as she took the hand of a man who was so incredibly complex and conflicted, and who bore the weight of sins most in the galaxy would never absolve him of.

But he was hers _—_ all of him _—_ and she finally allowed him to have all of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peeks out from under the table* Are you all still talking to me?
> 
> I know this was a change-up from the way Rey & Ben have interacted to this point. It's something they _really_ needed to work through, however. It does no good to lie to yourself about your relationship and denial will only wind up hurting you and the person you love. As Ben pointed out, it didn't need to happen this way, but with the constraints on time, logistics, and emotional flexibility for Reylo at this point in the story, it was certainly a viable way to break through the roadblock. Sex is a form of communication, after all, and that's heavily emphasized in this story. It could've completely destroyed everything they have together, but the high risk has yielded a high reward. The Force knew what it was doing when it hitched their hearts together! Rey & Ben's troubles aren't over, but this needed to be faced before they could go any further.
> 
> **BTS Ramblings…**
> 
>  **Rey's Hair:** *raises a significant eyebrow* She may've been mad at him, fam, but we all noticed that she'd left her hair down for him. Right? Right. I have to admit that while I have no problem with Rey tying her hair up, half up/down, or in a pixie, I absolutely loved seeing all the manips that have been coming out that show Rey with long, loose hair. There are so many talented artists in this fandom and I wanted to pay a little tribute to them by having Rey rock their style.
> 
>  **It Wasn't Love:** Before I get yelled at, here… Loving couples fuck all the time and I'm not trying to shame either the term or the approach to physical intimacy. The phrase was specifically used based on Ben's characterization in this story. He's experienced, but to him, his sexual encounters before Rey weren't about emotional connection—certainly not love. It was just 'fucking,' to him. What Ben shares with Rey, however, is a genuine intimacy he's never felt before and there's a very clear distinction in his head. For him, treating Rey the way he did, whatever the motive behind it, was a violation of his feelings for her and no better than what he'd done before meeting the love of his life.
> 
>  **Forgot the Abs, Again:** *wails in torment* I didn't forget, I swear! Ben stayed fully clothed almost the entire chapter!!!!!


	7. Never Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I love you not because of who you are,  
> but because of who I am with you."
> 
> Roy Croft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Kinda a heavy mood in the last chapter, yeah? Some fluff would be nice right about now, I'm thinking. Yes, fluff. Who here wants some fluff? Serving up…
> 
> Heartfelt thanks to [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife) for her endless patience with tracking down and returning wandering commas to where they belong!
> 
> ♥ [ASTOS Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh) ♥
> 
> Much love!

"I'm certain it would work," Rey insisted, fingers punching her calculations in again and coming up with the same result, making her more confident than ever. "If we reinforce the struts and recalibrate the expected balances in the mainframe computer, it'll fix the problem. We'd never have to bypass the compressor again!"

Her companion expressed his skepticism of her Brilliant Plan with a string of growling Shyriiwook, pointing out that they'd tried adjusting the calibrations before, to disastrous effect.

"But we didn't reinforce the struts!" she repeated, voice rising in excitement. Rey was sure she was right in this. "If we just… _oh, kriff it!"_

The compressor blew again. Surprise, surprise…

Leaping up, Rey threw herself across the cockpit, practically hanging off Chewie's furry shoulder as she stretched her fingertips as far as she could. With a yank, she bypassed the obnoxious thing and the blaring alarms died down. Disaster averted, yet again.

As she leaned back to get her feet under her, Rey had to close her eyes and swallow hard. A big paw came up to steady her, but she shook her head, taking a breath and giving her friend a wan smile.

"I’m okay," she assured him quickly. "I should've known better than to drink that caf right before take-off."

Shuffling back to the pilot's seat, Rey sat down carefully, breathing shallowly through her nose until everything settled. She really did have to just give up on the caf, she rebuked herself regretfully.

**_Are you all right?_ **

Rey jumped with a yelp. Chewie groaned at her with worry, telling her to go lie down before she fell down.

"I just got a shock from the dash, it's fine," she hurriedly brushed the Wookiee off, shaking her hand as though trying to ease the alleged pain. He returned his attention to the controls he'd been working at, grumbling to himself about human stubbornness.

Turning her mind inwards, Rey felt along the Bond and found him.

 ** _Rey. What's wrong?_** Ben inquired, more urgently this time.

 ** _Nothing. I'm fine,_ **she told him, wondering at hearing his voice like this. Save for that one time Rey had urged the Bond to help her call out for Ben when she’d desperately needed him, they'd only ever been able to speak directly to one another's minds either while physically manifesting or in those precious minutes after releasing their connection. Yet there he was, present, if not substantive.

Reaching out tentatively, Rey felt for Ben's mind. To her delight, he was right there, just as though he really was with her. She found herself peeking about the cockpit surreptitiously just in case she'd somehow overlooked his towering figure, though she knew she hadn't missed the tell-tale silence that wasn't silence and the unnatural stillness of the very air around her that always accompanied him.

 ** _So, you've managed it,_** she commented, letting her excitement run through the words. She felt his swell of ego in response, rolling her eyes before catching herself and checking to make sure Chewie hadn't seen.

 ** _You were the one who figured it out,_** he complimented her. **_It was mostly a matter of time and allowing the Bond to strengthen between us._**

Rey bit her lip to keep herself from smiling too obviously. Ben sounded so pleased with himself, despite the fact that he was giving her the credit. Solving yet another part of the riddle their interwoven lives were made of filled him with satisfaction.

 ** _Finally leaving the Resistance to join me?_** he asked with a touch of self-mockery, and she knew he must have sensed the shift in her location from across the Bond. For a beat, she wondered whether he might be looking for information, but immediately rejected the thought, angry at herself for even being suspicious in the first place. She and Ben had to be careful around one another when it came to sharing intel on their respective sides in the war, but she knew he'd meant it when he'd agreed not to push or try to trip her up.

 ** _Not today, Lord Ren,_** she snarked back, side-stepping the underlying question. He'd sense her lifeforce's resettlement, anyway, and realize she'd gone elsewhere _—_ along with the Resistance. Her Force-mate could trace her across the galaxy just as she was able to follow his wanderings by the light of his star. She wondered idly if he saw her the same way from across the parsecs.

 ** _I do,_** he murmured to her mind in a voice like a caress. _**You're the star my whole universe revolves around.**_

Rey couldn't help the smile breaking across her face this time, turning away from Chewie to hide it. Honestly, if she'd heard a line like that from anyone else she would have scoffed at the soppy drivel, but coming from her Force-mate it warmed her through. Who knew Ben was such a romantic?

 _ **Only for you,**_ he answered her thought, sending a flow of affection along the Bond, followed by a wave of pure lust for good measure.

Desire danced up along Rey's spine at the husky tone he managed to get across even within her mind. Force, it really didn't take much. The joy turned bittersweet, however, at the reminder that the waves of flirtation lapping along the edge of her mind were coming through the Bond and not from a living, breathing man standing before her.

They'd faced the problems keeping them apart, shown one another their inner demons, and embraced each other, both despite and because of them. It had been terrifying, something she'd not been sure either of them would make it through. That they had only proved what they shared was strong and true, to her mind. For all that Rey felt closer and more in love with Ben than ever, however, he remained on one side of the galaxy and she on the other, no closer to finding the path to reunion than before.

Perhaps it had been naïve, but there had been some part of Rey which had hoped facing those things would change everything, that they'd manage to resolve their differences _—_ and it would allow them to finally stop opposing one another.

That they could be together.

Rey's lips twisted a little and she struggled to pull her emotions back under control. It was hard, given all she'd let herself hope for, only to be exactly where she'd been at the outset _—_ parted from the one she wanted to be with most.

Ben's mind curled around hers, offering what solace he could from who knew how many star systems away. When it came down to it, she had to admit, they were no more capable of overcoming their differences than anyone else. For all their power, they were just two people lost in the chaos of a galaxy at war.

 ** _We've always been more, Rey,_** his mind assured her. **_Want to see?_**

 ** _See what?_** Rey asked, curiosity breaking through her sad thoughts.

A few seconds passed in silence and she wondered whether the connection had cut off without her realizing. Before she could turn her mind towards it to check, though, Rey’s vision began to blur. Blinking her eyes, she was unsettled to find she couldn't clear them, but then felt the touch of Ben's mind encouraging her to wait. So she did, and then she saw what he'd meant.

Before her appeared a broad surface. She felt as though she were standing before it, looking downwards. It was disorienting, and Rey had to squeeze her eyelids shut, taking a few breaths before trying again. Opening her eyes, the image which overlaid the sight of the blinking buttons and monitors which were before her in her own space remained in place. Taking it slowly, she allowed the vision to solidify. Gradually, she felt it stabilize, completely filling her field of view.

Then a gloved hand appeared before her, resting on the dark surface she was looking down at.

 ** _I'm seeing through your eyes!_ **Rey exclaimed in awe and felt Ben's smugness. He really had been working at this, she could tell, so she gave him this one.

Beside his hand, she realized, was something else _—_ a slip of paper. Unusual, given only obscure religious orders entrenched on destitute planets in the Outer Rim wrote anything down on that obsolete material any longer. A swell of amusement came from Ben at that thought and she had to suppress another smile, wondering what this was all about. He seemed to be enjoying himself.

Refocusing on the piece of paper, Rey realized there was something written on it in a bold, but elegant hand. Reading it, she felt her throat constrict. Of all the people in the galaxy, she thanked the Force that it had been this man it had led her to find.

 ** _I love you, too,_** she whispered to him.

For a minute or two, they remained quiet, simply existing together in a way no one else could ever understand. Their minds touched in contentment as he released her vision and the bright lights of a billion stars reappeared before her. Now that she was taking the time to examine this connection more closely, Rey noticed that even though her mind was able to brush along the edge of Ben's, there was a sense of distance which tugged at her. So, it really was more limited than she'd first thought.

She tried to pick apart the complexities of what made this form of communication between them different. Would it be as exhaustive an effort to utilize as physical manifestation was? Could other Force-sensitives pick up on it if they were to use it when, say, Leia was nearby? There were any number of questions and potential risks to consider. 

**_How were you thinking we should use it?_** Rey asked.

 ** _I have a few ideas,_** he said suggestively, passing along an image and the hunger it evoked.

Rey's breath caught. She saw herself standing amidst a cloud of steam in the 'fresher, water pouring over her shoulders and breasts, hair slicked back to bare the curve of her neck invitingly. He'd imagined it in his head, crafted a vision of her that he dearly wished to compare to the reality. Rey subtly clenched her thighs together.

 ** _I'd thought you'd have more…serious uses in mind,_** she said to him, not bothering to hide the effect his fantasy had on her.

 ** _Oh, but I AM serious, Rey,_** Ben all but purred, and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing with delight at his amorous insinuation, more images slipping across to her mind, each more erotic than the last.

Cheeks warming, she gave him a light mental shove in admonishment. His response was to send a simmering flow of sensual longing through the Bond, but then he relented, pleased that his efforts to distract her from her sad musings were so gratifyingly successful.

 ** _Thank you,_ **she told him with genuine feeling. 

Ben was the only one who could really pull her out of her worries these days. Finn and Rose were growing more occupied with each other now that he'd been discharged from Kalonia's care, and she was pretty sure Rose would be rushing to show Rey a ring any day now. She'd never really grown close to Poe, and she’d become warier of confiding anything in Leia beyond her developing Force powers as she became more intimate with Ben. Casting a look to the side, Rey conceded that Chewie was comforting to be around, but she could hardly open up to him about what really mattered to her, given his history with the man her thoughts revolved around.

Shaking her head, she brushed all those concerns aside. It did no good to dwell on the fact that as surrounded by people as Rey was, her loneliness only ever really faded when she felt the touch of Ben's mind and the strength of his arms around her.

 ** _Me too,_ **he murmured.

Rey took a breath, determined not to wallow in self-pity, even if Ben shared it. He was equally willing to change the subject, it seemed. He eagerly turned their thoughts back to the exciting development of their shared abilities.

 ** _Now, you try. Show me what you see,_** he encouraged, and she could feel his excitement to experience this new facet of their Bond for himself.

With an affectionate wave of humor, Rey was forced to admit that the all-powerful Dark Force warlord she was in love with was a bit of a boffin, intent as he was on figuring out the arcane mysteries of the Force. She wanted to share this with him, to enjoy his scholarly fascination, but looking at the beaten-up dash before her and the trinket dangling above her seat, Rey bit her lip in indecision.

**_I don't think that's such a good idea._ **

There was a pause and she heard him wonder why she'd hesitate, then felt how emotion crashed through him as he worked it out when he realized what ship she must be on.

**_The_ Falcon?**

**_Yes._ **

There was a beat of silence, again. Rey sensed echoes of pain through the Bond, brief flashes of remembrances that were not her own appearing behind her eyes, unbidden _—_ little hands reaching for larger ones as a deep voice explained what the flashing controls meant, a roar of encouragement from the co-pilot’s seat, and the glitter of golden dice above where he sat on a lap that held him, warm and safe. Then her mind cleared as Ben shoved the memories away in frustration. He didn't even have to see his father's ship for the weight of all that had passed to bear down on him.

She hated to feel Ben hurting, especially when he was too far away to wrap her arms around, to let him know he wasn't alone in all this in a way more reassuring than words could ever be.

Casting a quick glance over at the Navicomputer, Rey began calculating how long it would take before they arrived at their destination. She estimated speculatively that there was a fair bit of time and only Chewie and BB-8 were onboard, after all.

She decided the risk was minor enough, and he was more than worth it, anyway.

Picking up on her thoughts, Ben was distracted from his brooding and she sensed his interest sharpen as she flicked a few switches.

"Will you be okay if I head back for a rest, after all?" Rey asked Chewie.

He looked at her with concern and growled solicitously.

"No, I'm feeling fine," she assured the Wookiee. "I just want to lie down for a bit before we get there."

**_It doesn't have to be lying down…_ **

Rey pretended a cough to cover her snicker at Ben's wicked suggestion. Her heart sped up and she felt that tantalizing trickle of anticipation reach down low in her belly. The unsubtle urgings from across the Bond told her solace wasn't really necessary at this point, and that his painful memories had been firmly set aside in favor of the far more alluring prospect of getting his hands on her. She all but jumped out of the pilot's chair and made a break for the access tunnel.

Turning out of the corridor, Rey looked around, checking for BB-8. Fortunately, her little friend was keeping himself busy by fixing the wiring of an engineering panel that had been chewed on by resident porgs. It's why Poe had agreed to let his droid fly out with her while he joined the rest of Command aboard the Tantive IV. There were a number of mangled electrical hubs and consoles thanks to her winged passengers, and BB-8 had been zipping about from one to another since they'd taken off. She really needed to find a way to corral them all and ship them back to Ahch-To so they would stop wreaking such havoc on the old girl's systems…and Chewie's frayed nerves.

Rey asked BB-8 if everything was going okay, and at his perky beep, she shot him a smile and headed for her quarters.

Ben was impatient, but then so was she. Jogging the rest of the way once she'd safely swept around the corner and out of sight, Rey locked herself away inside her quarters, spinning just in time to be caught up in his arms.

Throwing herself into him, Rey let out a happy sound as she dug her nose into his shirt. She breathed in that wonderful spicy scent of his that still lingered faintly on the pillow he'd given her. Surrounded by him, physically and mentally, Ben engulfed her senses.

Already hot and longing for him, Rey rose to meet his lips and immediately made a grab for his gloves. They were flung to the floor in no time and then his bare hands were on her too, tugging at the tie of her wrap shirt.

_Kriff, you'd think we'd have gotten over one another just a little bit by now._

**_Not karking likely,_** Ben's mind growled at her hungrily, making her laugh into his kiss.

Eager to prove it, he had her shirt and breastband off before she realized it, his lips never once breaking away from their avid seduction of hers. Desperate to feel his skin under her hands, Rey reached up to attack the ridiculous row of fastenings at his collar…only to then realize he was just wearing his undershirt. Pulling away from his mouth, she smiled up at him with sultry gratitude and watched his dilated eyes soak in the sight greedily.

"Oh, I love you," she breathed at him, voice coming from deep in her chest, as she yanked the hem out of his trousers and swept the shirt off.

As soon as Ben's broad, glorious chest came into view, Rey pressed herself into him, reveling in the feeling of his skin sliding along hers. Strong arms wrapped her up tight and his hands sank into her hair, sliding his fingers through the loose strands hypnotically. For a heartbeat, they just stood there like that, basking in the joy of being together again. The liquid heat gathering inside her and the rising hardness pressing into her belly soon had them groping for boots and waistbands, though.

Once the last piece of fabric was tossed aside, Rey's hands were tracing the impressive contours of his chest, stroking the serrated edge of his scar, while he ran his fingertips in shiver-inducing circles over the dimples at the base of her spine. She arched her neck in anticipation, eyelids drifting shut, when Ben's mouth sought out that spot he could never get enough of, hidden behind her ear.

Then he froze.

Rey's eyes opened in confusion and she leaned back to look up at Ben, mind questioning. It didn't take long for her to figure out what was wrong. She saw the memories tear through his mind _—_ the way he'd sunk his teeth into her neck, sucking bruises in a florid trail along her pulse as she'd held onto a desperate hope that their love would survive what he had to show her.

It had, and they'd been able to truly see each other for all that they were because of it _—_ because he'd been brave enough to show her. She'd known, though, that even the revelation of that night couldn't entirely heal the scars etched into Ben's spirit over the course of too many years of believing he didn't deserve to be loved.

He was doing it again, questioning whether he should even be allowed to touch her after how he'd handled her so roughly. Rey stroked the edge of his mind lovingly with hers, open and inviting. Patiently, she waited until he allowed himself to accept it and reach back out for her in return.

When he did, Rey slipped her hands to his shoulders and pulled herself up so she could wrap her legs around his hips. He drew air in unsteadily through his nose in an effort to control himself as her body curled around his already-hard length. She felt his arousal spike across the Bond and she drew on his excitement, letting it amplify her own.

With an unsteady step, Ben moved forward until she was pressed into an unseen wall. She threaded her fingers into his hair and pulled him within reach so she could taste him again, her tongue delving into his mouth. His mind nearly short-circuited as she took the initiative, big hands hitching her up further and then reaching down between their bodies hastily to position himself, unable to wait.

They both moaned as he sank into her. Ben filled her so completely, and the feeling of her inner muscles welcoming him with a sleek embrace sent delicious ripples of sensation up through her center.

Rey quickly realized, however, that as arousing as the thought of having him take her against the wall was _—_ the enticing fantasy lingering in her mind after he'd pressed her into the wall of her bedroom weeks ago _—_ it was a distinctly awkward position. He had her suspended and pinned entirely at his mercy, and she _couldn't kriffing move._

Opening her eyes, she looked into his with an uncontrollable flare of anxiety, unable to completely relinquish the fear she'd had to fight down as he'd dominated her, showing her what he'd held back until the time had come to show her the part of him that remained Kylo Ren.

Neither of them was wholly free of the shadows cast by that night, it would seem.

A soothing touch came to her across the Bond like an outstretched hand waiting to be taken. Ben's mind told her he understood and that he'd let her ease back down to her feet if she wished, but Rey could sense there was more to his choice of positioning than a convenient surface. Finding it easily as he allowed her apprehensive mind free-rein of his, her tension was dispelled in an instant and she brushed her fingers up along his neck to place her palm against his cheek.

"I trust you, Ben," Rey whispered and he breathed her words in, leaning forward and molding his lips over her mouth _—_ an eternal promise that she accepted without hesitation.

It began just like the first time he'd kissed her, with Ben advancing in slow, shallow plunges that mirrored the softness of his mouth's languid movements. It was so unbelievably enchanting and they both allowed themselves to become lost within it. She drifted her fingers over the flexing muscles of his neck and along his shoulders, enjoying the way he supported her so effortlessly. His arms didn't even shake under the weight of her.

Then Ben pressed in deep and ground himself up firmly against her, sending a strong wave of hot sensation coursing through her. She gasped huskily against his mouth and his lips drifted down along her jaw to reclaim that delicate indent just behind it. Rey gripped his shoulders, pricking him with her nails when he rolled up into her again, his pelvic bone dragging across the swollen center of neediness at the same time that he tasted her skin with his tongue.

Rey hung there in Ben’s arms, allowing him to command her pleasure, knowing that though he'd drive her over the edge, he'd be there to catch her. She urged him silently to press on harder, to drag that electrifying rush through her as he slid up along her body. Ben immediately sought to give her what she wanted, leaning fully into Rey until her spine was pressed flush against the wall behind. Chest-to-chest, breaths blowing in uncontrollable bursts across sweat-sleek skin, he drove himself into her as though he could break the final barrier separating them by sheer force of will. She welcomed it, turning her cheek into the riot of black hair beside her face, wishing with all her being that he could.

So close there was barely room to move, Ben's abs strained against hers rhythmically as his hips rolled upwards in endless, searing undulations. Rey braced herself, pushing against him and enhancing the friction until she was certain they'd both catch fire.

His broken gasp spread exquisite vibrations along her neck and she felt the telling twitches as her own inner muscles began to contract around his throbbing shaft in velvety pulses that sent his heart rate into lightspeed against her breast. Feeling the peak within reach, Rey grabbed for Ben's hair, pulling him away from her neck. She needed to see him.

Ecstasy came as she fell into his passion-suffused gaze.

Ben saw Rey shatter and then withdrew a bit, tightening his hold on her. He started to lunge into her with hard, staggering thrusts that sent her even higher while he strove to follow. Finally, his body jerked as he plunged into her once more and pressed his forehead against hers, the wreck their lovemaking had made of him laid bare in his eyes. Fighting against his weight, she curled her pelvis to angle him in deeper and took blissful pleasure from the rapturous sound that tore from the back of his throat as he stiffened with one last eruption.

Spent, they clung together against the wall, Ben continuing to support her as they breathed heavily with exhaustion and exhilaration in equal measure. Still staring into his eyes, Rey smiled at him and he leaned right in to press his own to it.

They snuggled together, sharing lingering, drowsy kisses and warm, trailing touches that seemed to communicate all that filled the air around them far more fittingly than words. Then Rey broke the moment when she started to laugh, causing Ben to look at her in confused amusement.

 _ **The mighty Kylo Ren, a cuddler. Who would have guessed?**_ she couldn't resist teasing.

Ben fixed her with a look for that, but was won over by Rey's dancing eyes and the luxurious atmosphere of the afterglow. Letting out a small huff of humor, he lifted her hips and slipped himself out gently. He pulled Rey away from where he'd pinned her to the wall, but didn't lower her to the floor. Instead, Ben hoisted her high against his chest and smiled up at her.

Enjoying this new angle, Rey looped her arms securely around his neck and nuzzled the tip of her nose against his, drawing a broader smile from him. She loved the way the skin crinkled at the corners of his eyes when he let himself do this, and she deposited light kisses on each side before moving in to meet his waiting mouth.

When a curious tapping came at the door, Rey chose to ignore it, far too involved with the way Ben groaned softly as she drew his lower lip into her mouth. Her undivided attention was urgently demanded, however, when she heard beeping noises as the locking mechanism was overridden. She released Ben's lip and whipped her head around in horror.

"Who's out th _—_ …NO, BEEBEE-ATE!" Rey gasped as the door slid open.

The little droid had unlocked it and slipped inside, but pulled up short at the sight of Rey, fully nude and unaccountably hanging in the air from…nothing. He exploded in a rush of beeping Binary, positively beside himself.

"No! No, don't go get Chewie! I'm fine," she rushed to stop him from zooming back out the door for the Wookiee, starting to tug herself out of Ben’s arms. Once he'd lowered her carefully to her feet, Rey dove for her clothes, but found only half of what she'd been wearing scattered about the floor along with Ben's shirt and gloves.

_Just kriffing perfect!_

BB-8 rolled over to offer his help and Rey kicked the gloves across the room. Then she yanked up her leggings and threw his massive shirt over her head. The hem hit her mid-thigh and she got to work rolling up the sleeves that flopped over her fingers, feeling like a child raiding an adult's closet. Beside her, Ben was buckling the clasp of his trousers, though there was no danger of the inquisitive little droid seeing his private bits, she grumped inwardly.

Rey had to give him credit, Ben lasted that long before her manic thoughts broke his control and he couldn’t hold a straight face anymore. Turning her back on him pointedly, she patted the concerned droid.

"You can calm down, Beebee. I was just _—_ " Rey paused with a twist of her lips. She couldn't believe she was going to say this, again. "I was just practicing while I had some time to spare."

She heard a snort behind her, but refused to so much as acknowledge him.

BB-8 blipped somewhat dubiously but took Rey at her word. Thankfully, he didn't ask just what she'd supposedly been 'practicing.' She felt a little guilty about that, but he proceeded to let her know that the ship would be coming out of hyperspace in an hour or so and Chewie had wanted to let her know.

"Thank you," she said, tweaking his antenna affectionately. "But next time, wait for me to answer the door instead of just coming in, yeah?"

The droid hung his magnetic head dejectedly, the picture of abject regret. When she assured him it was fine, though, he perked back up and gave her a happy little whistle as he rolled on back out and down the corridor.

When the door closed, Rey let her breath out in a whoosh and collapsed on the floor. She really couldn't take the stress of these near-misses anymore, swearing that she'd find and claim the most isolated room at the new base they were headed to and see to it that the door was secured with at least three locks. Approval for that plan flowed across the Bond to her and she looked up at Ben with exasperation.

"You could try to enjoy this a little less," Rey grumbled, blowing a lock of hair out of her face that had been disarranged by her lover's ardent attentions.

Giving her an unrepentant look, Ben crouched down and then straightened, holding her shirt out to her. She shot him a hard look.

"You couldn't have given that back when he rolled in?" Rey ground out testily, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the door.

"And how would you have explained the magical appearance of a shirt out of thin air?" he inquired, not bothering to hide his smirk. The worst part of it was that he was right, the karking nerfherder.

"Thanks," she said sarcastically, reaching to pull his shirt off before Ben stopped her.

"Keep it," he offered, running his eyes appreciatively over her, the look in them dripping with masculine pride. "It looks good on you."

Rey wrinkled her nose at his insufferable ego, but dropped the black fabric, smiling inwardly at how he eyed the way it draped over her curves. As thoroughly as they'd sated one another, there was a hungry glow in his dark eyes as they traced the swells of her breasts and hips. Oh yes, Ben liked seeing her in his clothes.

Huffing a laugh, she turned away and pulled an old arm wrap from her trunk, cinching it around her middle so that she didn't feel quite so swamped. Spotting what else was in the container, Rey bent down and hefted a pile of uniformly black fabric, taking advantage of the fortuitous visit.

“It was a bit of a challenge trying to find space for all my things, so I’ll give these back now,” Rey said and handed his various discarded tunics and trousers over, returning them to the end of the galaxy his wardrobe resided on. Ben looked down at the armful in open amusement.

“Is this it?” he asked with a raised eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards. “I’m not ever getting my gloves back, am I?”

“Nope,” she said, mischievously. There were a few other things she wasn’t planning on returning, either. His silky sleep pants and the boxer briefs she’d taken off him that second night were nestled safely at the bottom of the trunk…and they were going to stay there.

Ben peeked down, not that he could see anything, but Rey turned and kicked the lid closed for show. She loved playing with him like this, teasing out that surprising sense of humor he kept hidden most of the time.

"It's a good thing Beebee hasn't been programmed to recognize garment sizes," she lightly threw over her shoulder. "At least I didn't have to try and explain why I have a shirt that would fit three of _—_ "

Rey was brought up short when she felt him nuzzle her ear with his nose, startling a breathy laugh out of her. She turned to find him looking down at her, still smiling.

"Come here," he said quietly, leading her a few steps before sitting on the floor. Ben propped himself up against the wall he'd had her pinned to not long before and held his hand out for her in invitation. Rey didn't hesitate before taking it, letting him pull her down and plop her in his lap.

"More cuddling?" she couldn't help poking at him, but he just looked at her with a hint of that familiar smolder in his eyes that made her breath run shallow. He wrapped his arms around her waist and nestled her in against him. Rey happily rested her cheek against his chest, allowing her mind to drift as she listened to the thrum of his heartbeat.

Sex with Ben was spectacular, but just being held in his arms was a heavenly pleasure all its own. She needed his touch as much as he needed hers.

He held her close, running his hands along her waist, enjoying the way his shirt slipped over her skin. Slowly, however, Rey became aware of a sense of urgency in Ben’s mind that he was trying to repress so that they could hold onto this moment a little while longer. Knowing there was something worrying him, though, she couldn't prevent it from preying on her own mind, as well. Lifting her head, she caught his gaze.

"Rey, there's another reason I reached for you," Ben reluctantly confirmed, the set of his brows serious and intent.

"What is it?" she asked. She twisted in his lap so she could face him fully, resting her hands on the scar-ridged skin of his chest.

"I needed to let you know that we're not going to be able to meet like this again for a while," he told her gruffly, his mind showing her how much it hurt to say.

"Why not?" Rey's voice was quiet, shaking just a bit as she tried to process the news. They'd been through so much and barely got to see one another, as it was.

"I'm tired of waiting for answers that never come, of fumbling and grasping at our Bond without knowing what I'm doing," Ben said with agitation, but then sat forward to press a kiss to her forehead, drawing calm from the contact. He continued in a more even tone and managed to meet her eyes steadily. "I have to know what we are, Rey. Whatever it is the Force wants of us and why we were chosen for it, I need to find out."

She nodded her understanding, feeling a similar urge to learn the truth of what tied them together, though her situation as a wanted fugitive made her less free to seek answers than the Supreme Leader. Rey stroked her thumbs back and forth over him, almost compulsively. She felt the need to soak in the feel of his skin, his spicy scent, the look in his eyes.

 _While I still can,_ the thought came sadly.

"Where will you go?" Rey questioned.

"Mustafar," Ben said and she tilted her head curiously, recognizing the name, but unable to recall its significance. His lips bent upwards humorlessly. "It's the planet my grandfather claimed as his stronghold after he turned to the Dark Side."

_Oh._

"Is that such a good idea?" Rey's eyebrows puckered in concern.

"It's the best one I have, right now," he told her.

"What do you think you'll find there?" she asked, not liking the sound of this at all.

"I'm not sure, but Fortress Vader is built over an ancient Sith Temple that Snoke once said houses some source of oracular powers. Both my grandfather and Palpatine coveted it. If I can get to the ruins beneath the castle I should be able to find whatever it is that grants visions and see if I can make it tell me what this is between us."

"Somehow I get the feeling it's not going to be as easy as walking through the front door," Rey said dubiously.

"Probably not," Ben allowed with a shrug. "There are cultists who worship the memory of Vader and protect the keep from anyone who'd intrude. I'll have to deal with them."

He said it so casually, though the Darkness at the other end of the Bond stirred in anticipation. Rey had to take a steadying breath and Ben's gaze bored into hers, knowing the reason for her discomfort. Meeting it, she knew their devotion to one another was going to be tested ceaselessly in moments like this when one of them had to face the opposing nature of the other.

But just because she accepted it, didn't mean she wouldn't try to influence his course.

"You're Vader's grandson. Even Snoke called you his heir," Rey pointed out softly. "Can't you convince them to let you pass?"

"The Alazmec are zealots," Ben told her, shaking his head. He knew what she was trying to do and was willing to allow her to have her say, she could tell it wouldn't sway him from making what he saw as the pragmatic choice, if he felt it necessary. "They pray to the spirit of Vader as the Lord and Savior of the galaxy, believing he'll return to them and set whole worlds on fire for heresy. They'll slaughter anyone who refutes their beliefs. At best, they'd see me as a vain pretender seeking to claim his godhood."

Rey sighed, ducking her head to rub the tip of her nose against his chest as she considered his words. Sometimes your opponent didn't offer a peaceful alternative, and if the Alazmec were as ruthless as Ben described then, of course, she'd prefer it that he fight to survive. It just seemed like such a waste of life.

"I'll try," his voice came quietly, rumbling beneath her. There was a note of resignation in it, but as she tipped her head back up, she saw that he didn't really begrudge her.

"Thank you," Rey said, smiling and rising up on Ben’s thighs to give him a kiss. He welcomed it, running his hands down over the fabric of his shirt where it lay along her spine. An idea occurred to her and she pulled away to look at him excitedly.

"Why don't I just come with you?" she offered, mind already racing through ways to convince Leia to let her get away for a while. Perhaps they could convince the cultists together or at least overcome them in a way that wouldn't require bloodshed.

He brought her up short, however.

"No, Rey," Ben denied her quickly, adamant. His arms tightened around her. "Mustafar is no place for someone attuned to the Light."

"I can handle myself," Rey frowned, insulted that he would doubt her.

"I know you can, but that's not the point," he said, eyes serious. "The reason the Sith built a temple there was because the planet is home to a nexus of Dark Force energy. What you felt in the cave that night before you came to me would be nothing compared to what you'd be subjected to on Mustafar."

Rey wanted to argue and convince Ben to let her go with him. She turned the problem over in her head. The cave on Ahch-To had been more upsetting because of what it had shown her about herself rather than any overt threat from the Darkness.

 _And it would mean we could…_ Rey stopped herself, biting the inside of her lip. She tried not to let the disappointment hurt too much.

"I want to be with you in truth too, Rey. I want nothing more," Ben said softly, a surge of love and longing flowing through the Bond, equal to her own, "but I won't risk what you could suffer by going with me."

She nodded grudgingly, though she still felt he was being overly cautious.

"There _is_ another danger," he sighed, catching her rebelliousness. "I don't want my Knights learning about you and our connection."

"What would they do if they found out?" she asked, worried, but nonetheless relieved to hear he wasn't planning on going alone, even if she'd much rather be the one at his side, both in battle and…well. Other places.

"I'm not sure, and that's why I won't chance it," Ben said, though he gave her a squeeze at hearing her hopes. "None of them are especially strong in the Force, but I don't want there to be even a remote possibility of them picking up on the Bond."

"I thought that you were their Master," Rey commented.

"I am, but their allegiance was a gift from Snoke," he said stiffly, jaw tight, "and I was only named Master of the Knights of Ren after defeating each of them in combat. I had to prove myself the strongest to earn it. They follow out of respect, but I won't fool myself into believing I have their loyalty. A Bond with a Light Side Force user, however unique, would be a sign of weakness in their minds."

"Have they challenged you since Snoke's death?" she asked.

"Vicrul has, which I'd more or less expected," Ben sneered contemptuously. Memories of a ritualistic duel, Ben with his red crossblade and a masked opponent wielding a vicious-looking glaive, flashed through his mind and into hers. "He's always been the most ambitious of them and ceaselessly looks for an opportunity to wrest the title of 'Master' from me. Even if I'm unsure of the others, I have no doubt that he would take full advantage if he sensed my connection to you."

Rey shuddered, absorbing that there was yet another reason to worry for her Force-mate. There were six Knights of Ren, and now she knew that at least one of them would be all-too-pleased to stab his leader in the back to claim his power.

"I'm more concerned he'd come after you," Ben said in response to her worry, his own fear weighing on the Bond now that he’d revealed it to her. "Vicrul's spiteful and sadistic. If he realized what _—_ "

He stopped, unable to continue. His throat bobbed as he fought to swallow and Rey leaned into his chest, beating heart to beating heart.

 ** _If he were to harm you or…_** Ben confessed silently, incapable of giving voice to the words. **_Rey, losing you would destroy me._**

She stared. They'd both admitted their love so many times by now, affirmed it with the passion of their bodies and the union of their minds, but Ben's admission brought another aspect of their relationship into terrifying focus.

Rey stretched her hands up and touched his face, fingertips tracing the trajectory of his scar. Looking into those caf-colored eyes she'd come to love so completely, she couldn't conceive of the incalculable measure of heartache she would feel if she were denied the sight of them ever again. The prospect alone made her tremble.

Ben tightened his arms around her until it was a little difficult to breathe, but Rey didn't care, thinking that any discomfort was nothing compared to the devastation she imagined. She breathed carefully in an effort to calm her agonized thoughts, letting the feel and the scent of him soothe her.

He'd come to mean so much, this man _—_ more than she'd dreamt anyone could. Whether the Force had a hand in the feelings she'd come to have for him or not, she nonetheless believed that even had they been born powerless and unbound by some obscure destiny, she would have loved Ben Solo no less deeply.

 ** _I would love you in any lifetime,_ **he swore, the look in his eyes steadfast. Rey found it in herself to smile at that, believing him without question.

A thought brought a worried frown to her face, then.

"Will you be all right?" Rey whispered nervously, searching his eyes. "You may be the most powerful Dark Sider in the galaxy, but you still have Light within your soul. Won't the energies of Mustafar be dangerous for you, too?"

"I'll be fine," he assured her confidently, a hand coming up so he could run his fingers through her loose hair. "The Light I have in me can be suppressed, disguised. I've had years'-worth of experience."

Rey gave a weak huff of laughter at that, though there wasn't anything particularly amusing about it. Ben's fingers reached to massage the fine muscles at the base of her skull, offering comfort.

"Besides," he continued with a wickedly-cocked brow, the hand still pressed into her back gliding downwards suggestively. "I'm able to hold my center within the Dark Side more easily without my Light Side lover around to seduce me with her radiance."

_Ah._

He'd said it teasingly, trying to lighten the mood and ease her worry, but there it was _—_ the real reason he didn't want her with him. She would strengthen the influence of the Light within him and leave Ben vulnerable when he could least afford it. He couldn't risk her making him weak.

His hand stopped kneading her neck and shot up to grasp her jaw in a gentle, but firm hold.

"Not even close, Rey," Ben said, holding her eyes with his, mind embracing hers. "I'm never stronger than when I have you by my side."

The absolute sincerity in his voice, echoed by his thoughts through the Bond that tied them together, was as profound and intimate as the repetition of those words she would never tire of hearing from his lips.

"Just come back, Ben," Rey whispered. "Come back to me."

"I will always come back for you, Sweetheart," he promised, closing the bare breath of distance between them and claiming her mouth with his.

Ben kissed her long and deep, reinforcing his vow with each brush of his lips, each stroke of his tongue. Rey returned it in kind.

When they finally released one another, both breathing a little raggedly, Rey smiled up into Ben's face. It was a little unsteady, and her eyes might have been a touch watery, but Force, she loved him and she didn't care if he felt her fear. Even as she heard the warning signal blaring, alerting her to their imminent arrival in the Cademimu Sector where the Resistance had found a new home, she kept her eyes on him. Whether it was his eyes or his star within her mind, Rey would always look to Ben, knowing that she had someone worth fighting to one day stand beside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had some fun with this chapter! 
> 
> So, funny story. This chapter was not planned. It popped into my head the day after I finished writing Chapter 6, and I sat down and wrote it. Heh. There was something else intended to follow the last chapter, but this came up and demanded to be added in, here and now. Always give your characters their say, people—quite often, they're right. I think we all needed a little fluff after the last round and this was a treat to write.
> 
> P.S. Never fear. What I'd had planned for this chapter originally will be coming up next, so you're not missing out on a single thing.
> 
> **BTS Ramblings…**
> 
> **Are You Afraid of XX Word Or…?:** In answer to a DM I received … No, I'm not afraid of dirty words and I'm not a snob or a prig who's trying to 'purify' Reylo smut. I'll cover the two examples that have been raised, and hopefully it will clear things up. 1.) No, I don't use words like cock, cunt, pussy, etc. in this fic. This isn't because I condemn the use of them, but because the sex depicted in this story is meant to represent something specific. There's a LOT of it, too, so I felt that keeping the vocab on the cleaner side would allow the interactions to relay what I'm trying to get across more clearly. 2.) Why don't I describe Rey's clothes? I actually deliberately avoid being overly descriptive about what Rey wears so that the reader gets to decide for themselves. The word 'underwear' may sound boring to you, but I use it so that if your headcanon is that Rey rocks a crimson G-string with rhinestones and marabou feathers, then go ahead and imagine that! Fill in the blank I've left you and doll Rey up however you like. 
> 
> **Not Today, Lord Ren:** So. It's not how I meant it when I wrote it. Honestly, though. I'll be real with you guys. Every time I read that line now, I somehow can't help but hear the faint echo of, "Not today, Satan!" *facepalm*
> 
>  **A Bold, but Elegant Hand:** Was that a sneaky reference to Ben's childhood hobby of calligraphy? Yes. Yes, it was.
> 
>  **Off to Mustafar:** At first, I'd thought to have Ben go to Dathomir, thinking it would be fun to see how the magick of the Nightsisters could be used to inform what we know of the Force Bond. However, giving it some more thought, it just made a lot more sense for Vader's grandson to head for Mustafar, instead.
> 
>  **I'll Come Back For You, Sweetheart:** You may have noticed this, already … I enjoy sprinkling canon quotes from the films and novels throughout my stories. This was one I decided to use very early-on. Until this chapter jumped out at me and popped onto the screen, I hadn't yet landed on when or how I'd work it in. It felt completely natural here, though, and I love how it wove itself right in despite the fact that I reworked the wording a tad. This is a very special quotation and has great significance within the Reylo community, so I hope you feel I did it some justice.
> 
>  **Abs:** _There_ they are. Did it. All is right with the universe, once again!


	8. If We Dared to Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When words run dry,  
> he does not try,  
> nor do I...
> 
> He just is,  
> I just am  
> and we just are."
> 
> Lang Leav

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Some of you _may_ have seen this coming, so I won't preface it too much and just let you get on to seeing the answer to your guesses. I hope you love it.
> 
> So much thanks to [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife) for lending her masterful comma-busting skills to this chapter, making sure it came out as beautifully as Ben & Rey deserve.
> 
>  **FYI ~** I have two new somethings in the works that are going to be meandering their way over here to AO3 in the next several weeks. They're just little bits of fun, but I hope you guys will enjoy them. And never fear, they won't take anything away from ASTOS (my baby).
> 
> ♥ [ASTOS Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh) ♥
> 
> Much love!

__

_Force Ben, what have we done?_

Rey practically slammed the door behind her as she finally reached the sanctuary of her room. It was isolated and had a sturdy lock, but as she leaned against it, staring unseeing at her splayed fingers, she knew it wasn't enough to keep out the storm that was gathering, threatening to break over her.

Rose had called out to her as Rey had rushed past the mess, but she'd kept on going. She hated to brush her friend off like that, but she'd not have been able to face the small woman's worried look if she'd seen the way Rey's face was practically bloodless in shock. She'd quickened her steps and turned the corner before Rose was halfway out of her seat.

A sob burst out of her before she could prevent it. Throwing the locks and turning away from the door she staggered over to her bed, half-collapsing onto it as she struggled to swallow the raw cries that threatened to break through. She'd thought she'd handled things so well, made the smart choices, and bought herself and Ben time to get through their troubles and end the war so that they could find their way back to each other. Ultimately, however, she'd failed, despite her best intentions.

Digging her knuckles into her temples, Rey tried to steady herself, to think. It was no good, though. This was just too much. She couldn't take it all on her own.

Mind racing, she tried to think matters through. Ben was still on Mustafar. She'd felt his arrival shortly after their last meeting when he'd told her his plans. It had felt like he'd been swallowed by a Dark fog, far out behind a barrier that snapped and lashed at the Light within her when she'd tentatively tried to look past it.

Their Bond ensured her Force-mate was never beyond her reach, though.

Rising to her feet, she widened her stance in readiness and closed her eyes. Rey stretched her mind out towards him, his star guiding the way unerringly. As before, Dark energy sensed her presence and sought to deter her, weaken her, hurt her, if it could. Determined, though, she rebuffed every attack, allowing the Light within the Bond to grow as she advanced.

Slowly, Rey won her way through the miasma, still feeling the spiteful hatred around her. It was so unlike the Darkness within Ben at the other end of the strands of fate tying them together. Though she blocked its efforts with scorn, it unsettled her. This wasn't right, not how the Force was meant to be. It wasn't just Dark energy, but a virulent poison that spread through the shadows, seeking to torment and contaminate all it could reach.

Ben had been on Mustafar for weeks now, Rey thought worriedly. She hoped he'd seen the danger and found a way to protect himself.

Her attention was drawn away from her concerns by the sudden realization that she could sense Ben's mind. She'd managed to fight her way close enough and now she called out to him. For an instant, there was no response and Rey thought the sinister Darkness might be undermining her.

Then he answered.

**_Rey._ **

Ben’s mental voice washed over her, making her smile a little despite her tension. He said her name like it was a prayer and she wanted to let it steady her, but couldn't.

 **_I need to see you,_ **she told him, too nervous now that she had his attention for greetings and other niceties.

 **_We can't. It isn't a good time_ **, he told her and she felt his regret. It was getting harder to bear the separation as it was, and there wasn't a night that went by when she didn't wish he was lying next to her. As much as she longed to touch him again and feel his breath on her lips as he leaned in to kiss her, this time it was about more than carnal want.

 **_Make it a good time, Ben. I— I need you,_ ** even in her head, her voice hitched with emotion and she felt his alarm.

 **_What's wrong?_ ** He asked urgently, mind straining further to touch hers, searching for what had upset her.

No. This conversation was _not_ going to happen like this, mind-to-mind without him there to hold onto.

Rey tried to center herself and pulled on the Bond, struggling a bit as her distress made it difficult to focus. Sensing she was determined, Ben quickly moved to stop her, preventing her from gaining traction and bringing them towards one another. It hurt, both of them dropping their holds on the connection, gasping in pain.

 **_It isn't safe, Rey,_ ** he urged, slowly regaining his balance. He sent a small current of strength towards her, however, helping her recover as well.

 **_Please,_ ** she gasped out weakly, a headache flaring at her temples. He felt it and whispered a silent apology as she felt his mind rush to make some decisions, determine how he could ensure they couldn’t be sensed.

 **_In eight standard hours, I'll reach out to you,_ ** he told her, though his disquiet continued to hum along the fibers of the Bond.

 **_I'll be ready,_ ** Rey assured him, then felt him draw away, leaving behind a lingering caress. It was enough to ease her anxiety a little and, holding onto it, she tried to settle in to wait.

The hours passed slowly. The evening light cast a warm beam onto the floor of her new bedroom. She grabbed the pillow Ben had given her and wrapped herself around it as she sat down in the patch of light. She watched as it slowly moved past her and faded with the advent of darkness. The double moons of Ajan Kloss ensured that even the deepest hours of the night were relatively light, though, allowing her to remain seated in her little spot on the floor, pale light shining down on her with its soft glow.

_I … II … III … IIII …_

Rey marked each hour in her mind as it went by, counting them out on her imaginary wall as she did the days in between the heartbreakingly brief visits the Force granted to her and Ben.

She sought to clear her mind, to think clearly. Exerting a slight stream of Force energy, she mended the headache her struggle with Ben had caused, then tried to meditate, hoping her connection to the Light would help. Even seeking out the brightness of Ben's star failed to aid her efforts; however, since it just made her think of him _—_ of how she needed him so desperately right now, and why.

She tried to prepare herself, deciding what she'd say. No words seemed to suffice, however. Rey could barely wrap her head around it herself, and every time she tried to let it sink in her hands shook, and tears threatened to overflow. She fought to hold them back, sure that if she allowed that first drop of emotion to fall, she wouldn't be able to stop.

_IIIII … IIIII I … IIIII II …_

As the promised hour neared, Rey found herself holding the pillow more tightly, pressing her forehead to the soft fabric of its cover until she was curled around it. It barely smelled of spice any longer, but she breathed in the faint memory of Ben's scent, trying to let it help. He had made so many things better, and after all they'd been through in such a short period of time she hoped that they'd be able to make it through this, as well.

It was one thing to accept each other, though, to commit to finding balance together through their unprecedented Force Bond, and to love one another when everyone who might learn of their relationship would tell them it was wrong. For Rey, Ben was worth all the struggles and heartache they'd endured just to survive in this life long enough to meet.

But this? This would test them in ways she hadn't seriously contemplated…at least, not yet.

A large hand slipped into her hair and warmed the tense muscles at the back of her neck.

It wasn't time. There was still half an hour left, but she hadn't been made to wait. He had come as soon as he could.

Looking up, Rey met Ben's concerned gaze and set the pillow aside so that she could wrap her arms around him and bury her face in his collar, breathing deeply. His own arms came around her immediately and pulled her onto his knee to clasp her to his chest.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" his voice vibrated through her as she pressed against him, unable to get close enough.

She wanted to get at his skin, to nestle snugly against his beating heart without layers of clothes in between, but there were too many fastenings between her and what she wanted so badly. He was in his uniform, still. Even his hooded cloak was tied about his shoulders, lightsaber at his side, prepared for battle.

Only a few weeks ago, they'd been so happy and easy about the shared destiny they'd come to embrace. He'd made her fly higher than the _Millennium Falcon,_ and Rey had believed they could finally overcome what kept them apart with just a little more time and effort.

Things were far from that simple, now.

Feeling the warmth of skin on her arm, Rey slit her eyes open enough to see that Ben's gloves were missing. A whole galaxy separated them, but he'd refused to allow so much as a layer of leather to come between him and touching her. His mind surrounded hers, and she felt none of the corruption she'd feared. Right now, there was only love and concern for her.

"Rey?" He begged her again, attempting to hold onto the surge of outright panic that threatened to boil over inside of him. She wanted to just stay there in his arms without the weight of what she had to tell him coming down on them, but knew she couldn't.

Now that the moment had come though, she didn't know how to do it. When Rey opened her eyes fully she saw that Ben looked down at her with a deep crease between his brows, mind trying to brush along the edge of hers with a soothing touch that asked what had made her fall apart. She was too anxious to be calmed, however. She almost regretted insisting they open the Bond now that she had to stare up into his dark eyes while she fought to get the words out.

All of a sudden, Rey couldn't stay still. Pulling herself out of Ben's hold and rising, she paced a few steps away before turning to look back at him. He'd stood as well, but remained where she'd left him, sensing her agitation and trying to stifle his bewilderment to give her time to collect her thoughts. Rey bit her lip in frustration, and while the gesture normally caused Ben's pupils to blow wide in desire, it only drew his brows closer together, as he grew more worried by the minute.

Force, she couldn't say it. The words wouldn't come _—_ then she had a thought.

When it came to her Force-mate, there was always another way.

She struggled to center herself, and then reached her mind out for that faint glimmer of newness that she hadn't even thought to look for until now. Touching it, Rey tugged at Ben's mind to draw his focus to it, and then opened her eyes to meet his.

His expression froze, confused and unable to grasp exactly what she was showing him. Then comprehension began to bloom within his mind and his eyes widened in shock, mind falling into utter turmoil.

"But I thought…I felt…," Ben broke off, his mind sending her the memory of feeling the soreness on the back of her arm during their second night together, fingers finding the small, hard lump just beneath her skin.

"It was. You did," Rey confirmed. She'd gone to see Kalonia the morning after Ben had come back into her life, and the doctor had even said it would cover that first time.

"Then, what happened?" he asked, voice rough. His mind was in chaos and he was struggling to maintain his mental footing through the storm of emotions battering them both.

"It failed, I guess," Rey replied, her own voice growing thready at his reaction. "Our medical supplies are all either stolen from who-knows-where or way out of date. Kalonia’d believed it was still good. I'd thought I was lucky when she said she could give me one at all."

"'Lucky'…" Ben huffed, though there was no humor behind it. He just stared off over her shoulder, looking so lost.

Rey felt herself break a little.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, barely able to get the words out.

Ben's eyes shot to her face immediately, and seeing her heartache brought him stepping in close. He looked down into her tear-filled eyes for only a moment, then reached down and scooped Rey into his arms, cradling her against his chest carefully as he took a few steps and sat down. Curled up in Ben's lap, his strong arms supporting her as he buried his face in her hair, she finally let it all go.

It began softly, no more than quiet, watery gasps, but before long she was heaving in choking sobs that tore from deep within her chest.

Ben didn't rush her, and never said a word as she poured her heart out onto his shoulder. All the trepidation that had been allowed to fester over the past several hours seeped away, cleansing the sense of harrowing solitude that had carved its way through the chambers of her heart. In its wake came Ben, filling her with that steadfast love of his which promised she was never truly without him.

Rey opened her eyes and raised a shaking hand to his face, pressing her fingertips to his jaw. After a hesitant moment, he lifted his face from her hair and met her gaze. She wiped a single tear away from his cheek, hers finally drying as their minds held onto one another in a mutual offer of comfort. It was a blow, this surprise that came at such a dangerous time for them both, but one he was staying to take along with her so that she wouldn't be left to bear it alone.

 **_Force, I love you so much,_ ** she told him silently.

He pressed the lightest of kisses to her forehead in response, making her lips tremble for an entirely different reason than the fear that had sought to overtake her.

"How long?" Ben asked as he leaned back, dropping his eyes to her stomach. His fingertips reached for it, shaking a little as if afraid to actually touch her there. In his mind, she felt anxiety, a sudden dread at the thought of which of their clandestine meetings had led to this _—_ a sick twist in the pit of his stomach that it could have been one haunting interlude in particular.

"A little over three months," Rey reassured him in a tear-roughened voice, wincing as his eyebrows rose. Ben's mind nudged hers, trying to convince her not to blame herself for not knowing as his hand closed the final few inches, relief easing his fear. He ran his palm softly along the gentle swell of her lower belly, and she felt a flutter of anxious joy at the contact. She looked down to watch, hypnotized by the sight of Ben's large hand spread over her, almost spanning the width of her waist.

No one in the Resistance had yet voiced any suspicions of what the slight bump meant. Rey herself had thought it was the effects of the nutrient boosters and regular meals. She'd honestly been surprised she hadn't gained more. Kalonia suspected the years of malnutrition had wreaked havoc on the former scavenger's system, making weight-gain a challenge, and urged Rey to come in for regular medical check-ins to make sure the doctor could keep an eye on things.

 _Missed this, though,_ she thought, and then immediately felt awful for it. This wasn't Kalonia's fault. Even Rey had overlooked the subtle signs that only made sense in hindsight, and her monthly cycle had always been erratic at best _—_ she hadn't felt the least concerned when she'd missed her third month in a row. She'd stared in astonishment at the bloodwork results the doctor had held out to her earlier today, though, eyes fixed on the 'POSITIVE' next to a condition the medical droid had checked as a matter of routine along with her kidneys and liver values.

Rey's breath shook as she let it out, recalling the shock she'd felt and the weight of the doctor's eyes scrutinizing her. She had to have been wondering who the Resistance's Jedi had been sleeping with, and whether that meant she was really even worthy of being called by that title at all. Rey had firmly avoided thinking about how that same expression would look on Leia's face.

There was something else, though, which overwhelmed any concerns for the judgment of the people around her, or even the danger that her mentor would discover just who her pupil had been so very intimate with. It gripped her throat in a choking grasp to think of, and the horror bore down on her, a breath away from crushing her altogether.

"What is it?" Ben questioned, his thumb grazing her jaw. She looked at him and couldn't hide the ghosts preying on her mind.

"I'm scared," Rey's confession came out in a breathy whisper that even she could barely hear. Ben did, though.

He pulled her more firmly against him, tightening his arms so that there wasn't so much as an inch of space separating them. Feeling her tremble, Ben raised a hand to tuck her head so that it nestled into the curve of his neck and stroked her hair gently, threading the strands through his fingers.

"So am I," Ben confessed, but she shook her head against him, desperately wrestling back memories and the way her mind exchanged the other women's forsaken screams with her own.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you, Rey," he promised, catching the edge of her fear. His voice was rough, but full of absolute resolve.

"On Jakku," she began brokenly, trying hard not to vomit. "This wouldn't have been the beginning of something new and special. It would have been the end of everything."

It would have been a death sentence, and likely not just for her. The women of the desert world had no protections or resources to seek out for support when they were left with the consequences of a life condemned by woeful misjudgment, a choice denied them, or the need to earn the means to feed themselves. Rey had learned to fight and defend herself, meeting anyone stupid enough to run an appraising eye over her body with her staff.

Her mind couldn't help wondering what would have happened had she never helped the little droid caught in a Teedo's net, though. Had she remained stranded on Jakku for the rest of her life, would her luck have held? Just one slip-up, a predatory opponent overpowering her, and she may have found herself in this condition without Ben to be there for her.

Would she have survived it?

Too many of the few women she'd seen in Niima Outpost had been forced to face that question and been presented with a devastating answer. What would have saved Rey from the same fate, blood left to dry in the sand, blowing away on the hot desert winds to be forgotten?

"That's not going to happen," Ben vowed, bringing her back to him out of the nightmare she'd fought to defend herself from every day for so long. She lifted her face to look up, seeing that his eyes, like his voice, were firm with resolve. "Not to you, and not to our child."

It caught them both off-guard. Rey stared at his mouth, wondering at the sound of those words on his lips. They parted a little in astonishment at having formed the phrase, at giving their new reality the substance of open recognition.

_Our child._

Curling her fingers around his shoulders, Rey pulled herself up and kissed him, feeding the wave of gratitude and incandescent joy along their Bond. Ben remained frozen for a moment, but then the rush of emotion from her thawed his astonishment and was unreservedly answered by his own. He held her tight and if there were tears, neither judged the other for them.

There was still anxiety and a lingering dismay they couldn't quite banish, but it was all eclipsed by deep feeling and a dawning sense of wonder that filled their bonded souls as they both accepted what their love had wrought. The kiss was an affirmation of so much, exchanging without words the promise repeated endlessly between them, that assurance that neither would ever have to feel alone in the galaxy so long as the Bond anchored one to the other.

Slowly, the sanctity of the kiss changed into something far less innocent. Rey felt a large hand drift down her side, skimming the curve of her breast. Rather than traveling along her hip to her thigh, however, Ben's fingers reached in between them and stroked lovingly along her belly.

She drew back, and a smile spread across her face as true happiness flowed through her and he answered it. Rey dove for his lips once more, then again, unable to get enough of him. Her heart raced with the strength of the feelings she'd given up trying to contain _—_ it wasn't necessary with him.

Ben put his hands around her waist and lifted her off of him, setting her gingerly on the floor. Without rising, he reached for her shirt, drawing it over her head, then let his eyes fall to look at the small bump his fingers had hesitantly explored. Ben just stared for a beat and Rey felt his mind soak in the sight of the woman he loved swelling with his child. It overwhelmed him, and she lifted her hand to thread her fingers through his hair comfortingly. Slowly, he leaned forward to place a tender kiss on her skin.

Rey brought her other hand up to cradle Ben's head as his brow pressed lightly into her. Nothing had ever meant more.

They remained like that, both of them wrapped around the life they'd brought into being so unintentionally. Together, their minds reached out for it with a welcoming touch.

Without warning, Rey felt the Force rise up to surround and embrace them, an uncanny frisson coursing through her, bearing a blessing of acknowledgment. Her breath caught at the unexpected benediction and Ben's head lifted to look up at her, eyes filled with amazement.

Almost as suddenly as it had risen around them, the Force settled, though their Bond practically sang with exultation. As she stared down into her Force-mate's eyes, Rey felt her doubts about whether she'd rendered herself too tarnished by straying so far into the realm of passion for the Light to accept her any longer vanish. It glowed along the Bond, radiating out from her, undimmed. Though she had broken almost every rule of the Jedi Code when she'd embraced her love for a Dark Side warrior, given into her physical and emotional need for him and had now come to carry his child, it seemed she'd not be condemned for it, if only by the Force itself.

Ben's hands came up to gather hers, pressing a kiss over the delicate skin along her knuckles, first on one, then the other. Then he rose, wrapping his arms around Rey's waist so that her body was pulled flush against his and took her lips with unmistakable hunger.

She didn't know what to make of what had just happened, and she sensed Ben didn't either, but she knew what they both wanted in the wake of it when she felt the hard ridge straining against his trousers and the heated need gather in his mind. His desire stoked her own, and she leaned into him with intense longing.

When Ben's hands released her to undo her breastband, she willingly accommodated him, taking a half-step back so he could get at it. Then he was drawing her leggings and underwear down her legs, stopping to place a fleeting kiss on her thigh before rising to his feet again. Instead of reaching for her, though, he unclasped his long cloak, turning to lay it over what she'd figured must be his bed, given the familiar soft blanket she'd spied beneath him as he'd removed her shirt.

Once he'd laid out the wealth of black fabric, Ben lifted Rey into his arms. He settled her down upon it and when he released her to straighten, he kept a knee pressed against her leg where it lay by the edge of the bed, ensuring it wouldn't disappear beneath her.

Rey smiled at that and rose up to help as he began to work at his own clothes. She unclipped the heavy crossguard hilt from his belt, feeling the kyber crystal within reach out to her in recognition and, she thought…affection? Looking at it, she remembered calling the red blade to her hand in Snoke's throne room. It had come willingly, even eagerly. She wondered at that, but when Ben's hands moved to unclasp his belt and thick tunic, her attention was drawn back to him, rising to meet his eyes, which were so incredibly tender as they regarded her. Rey lay nude and ready for him, moisture already gathering between her thighs in anticipation of his touch, but his gaze remained solely on hers.

She held his saber out and he took it, setting the black hilt on what must be a table beside the bed. Blinking in surprise, she stared at it even as his hands returned to the clasps of his clothing.

Then Ben pulled his undershirt over his head, reclaiming her attention as that magnificent expanse of moonlight skin over hard muscle appeared. When he moved to cast it aside, Rey stopped him, putting a hand out for it. With a curious smile, he passed it to her and huffed a laugh as Rey set it aside, keeping it on her end of the galaxy. He quirked his eyebrow inquisitively at her and she showed him with her mind how she snuggled into the one he'd given her at night now, instead of worn tanks. Ben's pupils blew wide at the image of her curled up in his shirt, his blanket wrapped around her, and her loose hair splayed across his pillow. His hands shook slightly as he reached to unfasten his trousers.

Stripping away his boxer briefs, his beautiful body now as naked as hers, he climbed over her, slipping his arms beneath her upper back as she laid down so he could cup her head in his big palms. She felt his arousal against her, hot and throbbing to the powerful tempo of his heartbeat. Ben was careful not to put too much of his considerable weight on her, resisting when Rey tried to tug him closer. At her huff of impatience with his overabundance of caution, he appeased her with a kiss.

It was slow and sweet, Ben’s soft lips worshipping hers as though they were his religion. Her mind was caught up by his, nestled in as firm an embrace as the one he held her in with his arms. She reciprocated in kind, a sudden wave of Dark lust leading her to graze the swell of his lower lip with her teeth, relishing the moan it drew from him, the vibrations reverberating deliciously through her chest.

Breaking away from her, Ben rested a thumb across her lips when a cry of dismay came from Rey at his withdrawal. He steadied his breathing and pulled back on the roiling eagerness of his Darkness as it coursed along the Bond. Then he leaned back down to kiss her once more before backing away to sit up.

The Dark energy held in check, allowing just enough to lick across to incite hers, Rey felt calmer, though her lips still parted slightly in anticipation as he nudged her knees apart, kneeling between them. Ben gazed down at the glistening pink flesh revealed before him. His hands came to rest on her knees, one by each of his hips, and then his palms smoothed up along the outsides of her thighs. Once he reached the curves of her own hips he pulled, drawing her up into his lap.

She stared at him in surprise, feeling his cloak bunch up a little where her shoulders had anchored it as Ben had dragged her along the bed to him. She’d expected something far different.

His shoulders shook in amusement at her expression, but then he reached down to curl an arm around to support her lower back, angling her pelvis, his other hand moving to draw questing fingers along the edges of her folds. Rey arched her back at the contact throwing her hands out to grab his knees where they were firmly planted on either side of her. She held onto him as Ben stroked that center of need at the apex of her thighs, his touch causing extraordinary sensations to flare up through her, running along the base of her spine.

It was so intense and just too much for her oversensitized body with the way the Bond continued to reverberate in that otherworldly song between them, however. Rey looked to him, begging with her mind and he instantly removed his hand, placing it on her belly and rubbing soothingly as his consciousness supported her while she regained her balance. When she could breathe normally again, his eyes asked if she was ready, his hand leaving her skin to position himself. She nodded.

Ben pressed forward slowly, mind alert to any signs of discomfort or distress from her. There was no need, however. As he glided in, parting her slick walls, Rey's breath hitched in elation, feeling him join with her in that perfect union of mind, body, and soul. When he stopped, reaching as deeply within her as he could in this position, she let her eyes show him what having his heavy length inside did to her while her delicate muscles hugged him tightly.

Arm still wrapped securely around her, Ben drew out partially and returned. The rhythm he set was slow and smooth as he moved in shallow plunges. It was wonderful, serene even. Their eyes remained on one another, caf on hazel, never letting go as they wove an alluring spell over one another. Rey felt the pressure begin to build deep behind her distended navel, where his hand had come to rest, again.

 **_I love you,_ ** Ben whispered to her, passing his words along the still-singing fibers of the Bond. As they landed in her heart, Rey couldn't bear to be so far from him, for all that he continued to gently move his hips up into her, sinking deep with each easy lunge.

"Ben," she called softly, and let go of his knees to reach out for him.

He hesitated, pausing his steady motions and eyes filling with uncertainty. Rey could read his concern and she laughed lightly.

"I'm not made of glass," she admonished him teasingly, not lowering her hands. "You won't hurt either of us."

The 'us' caught her by surprise. It made her smile at how naturally it had slipped out, and that was all it took to bring Ben over her, slipping her off his thighs and cautiously lowering his body. The shift in angle sent exquisite flickers of sensation through them both, and when he tried to hold himself off her Rey slid her hands up to his straining shoulders and pulled him down the rest of the way. Her legs curled around his hips in welcome, holding him close with everything she had.

They moved together, slowly, softly. His eyes never drifted from hers as they came together in the smallest of rolling surges, pulling one another along until she drew a quick breath, tingles trailing like fingertips along her skin.

For the first time, 'release' felt like the right word. As her muscles spasmed in light pulses, Rey came softly, heat flowing across her skin like a wave. Ben watched her rapturously. His eyes followed each minute shift of her features, the flitter of her eyelashes as she kept her gaze on his, the subtle shiver of her lips that came with the almost imperceptible cry which stole from the back of her throat. Her body closed around him in a tight embrace as he pushed through the small, lapping tremors, the muscles in his abdomen flexing in reaction to the sweet cadence.

Ben came soon after, large body quaking as euphoria flooded his veins, his mind stretching out to hers and drawing it close so that Rey gasped in bliss one last time. He claimed it as he took her mouth in a deep, soul-searing kiss.

Their lips lingered against each other, meeting in one breathy caress after another before their foreheads settled together in contentment. She looked into Ben's dark eyes, slowly regaining their rich color as he recovered, and thanked the Force that if she was to face this, that it was Ben who'd do it by her side. The thought made her eyes burn a little and he shifted to lay a kiss over each one, then drew away to get a better look at her.

"Are you okay?" Ben asked softly, getting his forearms under him and easing his weight off her carefully.

"Perfect," Rey whispered back, rubbing his shoulders with her palms. He stroked her cheek with a gentle finger.

"I already knew that," he said with a small smile before turning serious. He drew out of her with care as concern coiled in his mind, eating away at the glow of happiness their lovemaking had given him. "What about other than right now?"

She could feel his thoughts whirling. He was trying to think of everything he knew about babies and coming up sadly short. His knowledge of pregnancy was even more lacking, and for some reason he managed to blame himself for the ignorance. It was absurd and brought a throaty laugh from her, reaching up to comb her fingers through his mussed hair.

"The only thing Kalonia is concerned about is that I'm still underweight, especially since some of what I _have_ managed to put on isn't actually regular weight gain," Rey told him. "She's already started me on prenatal supplements, though, and I'm still taking the nutrient boosters."

Ben's mind filled with alarm at that, and though she tried to ease his worry with a calming stream of Light along the Bond, he shook his head as he rolled onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow.

"Rey, you said yourself that your medical supplies are useless. I'm not willing to risk you or our _—_ ," he tripped over the words a bit this time, but recovered so quickly that it sent warmth to fill her chest. "Or our baby. What do you need? I'll get it for you."

"How?" she asked. "I can hide blankets and pillows, but how am I supposed to prevent anyone from realizing I'm getting the supplements elsewhere? It'd be impossible. I'd have to refuse the injections I get from Kalonia, since overuse is as much a problem as the possibility that they're defective."

They looked at each other in frustrated silence and, seeing the stiffening of his jaw, she had a feeling she wasn't going to like whatever it was he was about to say.

"Tell me where you are, Rey," Ben said commandingly, eyes intent.

"No," she answered immediately, pulling back a little. Ben prevented her from slipping away, though his grip remained gentle enough that his fingertips didn't even press indentations into her skin. All the same, Darkness swelled to lash in frustration along the Bond.

"Do you honestly believe I wouldn't be able to find you? As you can sense my lifeforce, I can sense yours _—_ more keenly now that I know you carry a part of me within you," Ben stared deeply into her, pressing his palm flush against her skin over the glowing flicker of life. "You are like a beacon burning from across the galaxy. Wherever you are, wherever you go, I will always find you."

"Then I'll leave," she said without hesitation, refusing to be cowed. With a wrench, she pulled away, though he managed to keep hold of a wrist to prevent her falling from the bed that wasn’t actually there to support her without his touch.

"You'd keep me from my own child?" Ben looked at her with a mixture of horror and outrage, but she stopped him short of launching into a full-blown tirade.

"Never!" Rey swore, staring into his eyes with fierce conviction. "But I won't endanger my friends by staying if you're going to hunt me down across the galaxy."

"I wouldn't have to if you'd make the wise choice and come to me," Ben bit out, struggling to hold his temper back. "For the sake of the baby, you need to leave the rebels behind."

"I can't join you, Ben!" Rey denied him, shaking her head sharply.

"Why not?!"

"Because I don't believe in the First Order!" she exclaimed, staggered that she actually had to explain that at this point.

"You wouldn't be joining the Order, Rey. You would be staying with me so I can provide for you and the baby. So I can _protect_ you."

She felt his worry, his need to know that she was out of harm's way and that this life he'd unintentionally helped to create would be brought into the galaxy safely. It made her shift back towards him so she could lay the fingers of her free hand over his wrist.

"Do you honestly think we'd be safe aboard your Star Destroyer _—_ me or our baby?" Rey asked, voice softening. "With your Knights, who you're unsure you can trust? With Hux, who we both _know_ you can't?"

Oh, it hurt. It wrenched her heart to watch her words bite into him. She reached out with her mind to caress his soothingly, though she didn’t apologize. He needed to recognize that if there had been any possibility she'd join him as he'd asked her to, it was now gone. Even had she chosen to put herself at risk, throwing aside her allegiance to her friends to be by his side, she'd never do so while carrying an innocent new life within her.

Rey hadn't been wavering, but it crushed her to realize that the option was now irrevocably withdrawn.

"Stay," Ben said quietly, voice thready. "Stay with them. The Resistance. They'll keep you safe."

_...even if I can't._

Rey heard the despairing thought in his mind and reached for him, cradling his face and forcing him to meet her eyes.

"I trust you with my life, Ben _—_ _both_ of our lives," she told him passionately, taking his hand and pressing it back over her belly. "If it were just the two of us it... _may_ have been different, but we both know we can't just walk away from this war."

Tears pooled unashamedly in his eyes, but he managed to hold them back. Ben reached down and wrapped Rey up in his arms, snugging her against his chest.

 _Where you belong,_ his thought drew a wobbly smile from Rey as she settled into the safe harbor of his embrace.

"Does _—_ " Ben broke off, a muscle in his jaw twitching. "Does anyone know?"

She knew what he was really asking, or rather _who_ he was asking about.

"I think she knows," Rey told him, tracing nervous designs over the skin of his chest. "Leia's been watching me closely lately. She keeps checking on me to ask if I'm feeling all right or if I want to talk about anything."

"She was never good at keeping her nose out of other peoples' business," he muttered resentfully.

"She's concerned, and in her place, I'd probably be just as worried," she defended her mentor, then dropped her gaze, fingers stilling. "She has to be wondering what kind of a student she's wasted so much time on."

Ben's hand rose from her belly to clasp hers, pressing her palm against his heart and drawing her eyes back up. He stared into her hard.

"Whatever my feelings about her, while my mother can be judgmental, she isn't vindictive," he said. "Regardless, you've done nothing to cause the Light to reject you _—_ you felt that tonight."

Anxious, Rey sat up, pulling her hand away. She grabbed his cloak and wrapped it around herself as she stood and paced a few agitated steps.

"And who says you have to be a Jedi?" His voice pulled her around to face him while he stood to join her. Ben didn't bother covering himself as he stepped forward to close the distance. "It’s an obsolete religion with outdated and unrealistic precepts. Besides, the Bond negates any affront to their vaunted sense of _piety_. If the Force itself condones what we've done and the Light still embraces you, then what should the condemnation of an intolerant dogma matter?"

She stared at him in confusion. If she wasn't to be a Jedi _—_ an unrealistic ambition at this point and one she'd begun to question more as her relationship with Ben had developed _—_ then what did that mean for her? What was she?

"I told you, Rey," Ben said, eyes fierce on hers. "We've always been more."

He held his hand out, fingers extended in a way that would always make her think of a small fire in a stone hut, and the way a man she'd called monstrous had reached across it to offer her solace, acceptance, and so much more.

As she had then, Rey stretched out her arm and brushed her fingertips along his bare hand, but this time she didn't stop until they held onto one another as they'd wanted to so badly in a stolen moment that held the weight of a momentous decision which altered the courses of both their lives. Feeling his warm skin against hers, Rey searched his gaze, considering.

"You've discovered something," she said.

"Not yet," Ben answered with a regretful shake of his dark head. "But I know there's something here. It's taunting me, holding something it thinks I want just out of reach. I'll get the truth out of it, eventually."

"Does it always have to be a fight?" she asked, amused despite herself.

"When it comes to the Dark Side?" he said with a cocked cynical brow. “Typically.”

Rey sighed, closing her eyes, but let it be. Ben's thumb smoothed over her wrist in commiseration, understanding.

"I did as you asked," he went on quietly.

She looked back up at him in bemusement. Along the Bond she sensed the rise of Ben's Light within him, calling to her own.

"The Alazmec," he reminded her, referring to the cultists she'd counseled him to make an effort to spare. "I went before them and revealed that I'm the grandson of Darth Vader, his rightful heir. Some actually listened and stood down."

Rey smiled at the news, but only briefly.

"Their leaders didn't believe me though, and ordered the entire clan to kill me," he added, making her wince.

She felt along the edge of his mind and he allowed her entry without hesitation, letting her see the battle, the blood, and the corpses littering the ash-choked ground, cauterized rents scored through their fallen bodies. A shaky breath escaped her and Rey withdrew immediately.

"I'm sorry, Ben," she murmured, rubbing her forehead in dismay.

She was suddenly caught up in his arms again and a hand cupped her chin, bringing her face back up. His eyes were soft on hers.

"You can ask anything of me, Rey," he told her. "I don't promise I'll always agree to what you want, but for all you've given me I will offer you all I can in return."

"What I've given you?" Rey asked, laughing a little. "A scar, a broken lightsaber, and probably the greatest frustration you've ever known?"

"True enough," Ben conceded, a smile spreading across his face. Then he sobered and met her eyes earnestly. "But you've also set me free from an existence that couldn't even have been called a life for being forced to deny half of myself in order to survive it. You've given me a reason to care whether I live or die each time I ignite my saber, a belonging I'd never imagined I'd find…and something to look towards the future for with hope."

His hand dropped to her belly as though irresistibly drawn to it, stroking the small bump nestled between them.

"I never thought that I'd ever become a father, Rey," Ben admitted, throat bobbing with the enormity of it.

She wondered what kind of father this man would make. The war, the Force, and everything else notwithstanding, would he be able to put aside his own childhood disappointments to be there for a son or daughter of his _—_ a child bearing 'that mighty Skywalker blood,' as Luke had put it? Rey looked into his eyes and thought he would.

The pain of a life spent being manipulated into believing he wasn't good enough, that no one cared for him _—_ that he wasn't even worthy of being loved _—_ was bringing out something from deep inside Ben. It was a fledgling feeling, one that only woke within him now that it was needed. Like his connection to the Force and to her, it was fueled by the strength of his Darkness, but at its core shone a bright spark of Light.

He was possessive to a deeply jealous degree, true, but also a steadfast protector who, when he loved, did so passionately and with every fiber of his being. Rey knew that better than anyone. He would wield every ounce of that fervor in not only safeguarding, but loving this child.

Yes. Ben would love their baby as completely as Rey herself.

His lips twisted a little as she arrived at that conclusion and his hold on her tightened. There was a sharp stab of pain inside him, though, and Rey reached for it, wondering what was wrong. She brushed up against a series of images filled with horror and agony. She pulled quickly away from it at first, but when he nodded his permission she drew close once more to the memory.

* * *

A chaotic night when everything had gone wrong in an instant. His mind focused on tracking her, the girl who'd pushed into his mind out of nowhere, upending the very foundations of everything he felt and believed in. The girl who'd awakened at his mind's touch, ascending within the Force and then…connection? What was this?

Thoughts interrupted… _"Ben!"_

Turning on the metal walkway hanging out over infinity to face his past. Gloved hands fisted so the shaking couldn't be perceived. A face he hadn't seen in years, grown old and gray. A plea to come home and the yearning in his heart that begged him to relent and accept it.

Darkness rising. Fear and longing crushed beneath his booted heel. Resolve.

A burning blade ignited to cut away this weakness from his heart, to free him from old ties that held him back.

A gasp of…relief?

A woman's scream of horror. A feral growl laden with despair and a promise of vengeance.

A hand caressing his cheek as it once had long ago. The touch stripped away as his father fell.

No. Not relief.

Grief.

* * *

When the vision faded away, Rey's eyes cleared to see tears slipping down Ben's face, mirroring her own. The utter heartbreak of that moment when he realized what he'd destroyed _—_ what he'd robbed himself of _—_ was written across his face. It devastated her.

Letting go of her hold on Ben’s cloak and reaching her arms up to wrap them around his neck, Rey leaned into him. She couldn't take this pain away, couldn't make it better _—_ she wouldn’t even if she were able, truthfully. She could only hold him and let him know that though his Darkest moment had horrified her and lurked occasionally in her nightmares, she was still there with him. She still wanted him. Rey still loved him.

"You shouldn't," Ben whispered brokenly, fingers trembling against her belly.

"I've already told you, Ben," Rey reminded him softly, stroking the silky hairs at the back of his neck. "I love you, and there isn't anyone in this galaxy I have to answer to for it _—_ not even you."

Stretching further upwards, she brought her face close to his. Letting him find it in himself, Rey waited until he lowered his head the bare inch of space she'd left and met her lips. The kiss was brief, but it meant everything between them. The connection, the depth of feeling, and the rare acceptance were all carried from one soul to the other through the Bond tying them together.

Ben wanted to avoid the perils of the subject his own fears had raised, she could tell. His mind was already staggering beneath the extraordinary news of his impending fatherhood, and lingering on Han was dragging on him further. Sympathetically, Rey ran her fingers through a lock of black hair that had fallen forward and tucked it back into place, lowering herself down off her toes. He sent a pulse of gratitude along the Bond as he pulled back a little so he could look down at the gentle swell of Rey's belly. Watching him regard this new and extraordinary miracle of theirs, Rey smiled.

"You give me hope, too," she whispered, emotions getting the better of her as she reached up to place her palm along his scarred cheek. "It's not the way I would've wanted this to happen, but before you came back for me, I'd been so afraid that I was destined to spend my life alone. Now, I'll never have to."

He leaned back in to claim Rey’s lips again, kissing her slowly this time, allowing the heat between them to rise and scorch them both briefly as he hadn't before. His tongue delved into her mouth and for a time they lost all awareness of the rest of the galaxy. 

All that could ever matter was right there between them.

When they finally parted, breathing a little heavily, Ben opened his mouth to speak, but stopped with a frown. His head turned sharply to the side, eyes widening in alarm as he focused on something. Then she felt it, too.

Icy fingers stained in Darkness trailed inquisitively along the Bond _—_ seeking, probing, intruding. They were fingers that had no right to touch that which lay solely between Rey and Ben. She felt the mind behind the invasion, sensing the furtive thoughts.

It was a Dark Force signature, but unlike Ben's, this one reveled in the chaos and destruction his allegiance allowed. It was a mind that was wholly unrepentant and eager to learn what this unusual disturbance was, this thread across the galaxy which stank with the Light's weakness… _The Scavenger!_ …There was exultation at the discovery, anticipation of the chance to win favor and to strike down the last disciple of that pitiful dogma which should have died out long ago.

But wait. What's this? Another, tied to her. Who…?

Recognition.

Ben's eyes flicked back to Rey's and she saw fear flash through them as they both felt the unwelcome mind realize who lay at the other end of the Bond. Quickly, though, fury and resolve burned it away and she felt his hands flex into hard fists. Dark intent coiled within his mind, aimed at the one who defiled their connection, who would dare threaten his Force-mate through it.

Rey gasped in sudden pain as Ben tore his mind from hers, the wrench of it forcing her down to her knees, arms clutched instinctively around her belly. Looking up, she sought his face and saw the same agony mirrored there, though he used it to fuel his power as he drew on the Force in preparation. Ben looked down at Rey, his eyes softening for a moment as they trailed over the small bump she protected and then up to draw over her face as though memorizing it, coming at last to meet her gaze.

"I love you, Sweetheart."

And then he was gone, the Bond cut off. Echoes of pain throbbed through her mind, but Rey reached back out for Ben in heedless desperation. He blocked her, however, with a barrier as strong as the one she'd erected against him after the star-crossed meeting aboard the _Supremacy_. Coming back to herself, Rey collapsed to the floor, taking deep, shaky breaths in shocked reaction. Her hands trembled badly and a pounding pressure bloomed at her temples.

**_Ben? Ben!_ **

Only silence was her answer.

Then a horrible, violent detonation shook her as it reverberated throughout the galaxy. The Force had been used to Dark purpose and a life had been claimed.

Fingertips digging into the skin of her stomach, Rey stretched her mind out again, terrified of what she might find. His star burned on, however, pulsating with the extraordinary power he'd called upon and sheathed in a Dark corona that threatened to consume any who drew too close. Even the baleful miasma of Mustafar cringed in submission.

Not her, however. He shielded Rey from the chaos he'd cloaked himself in even as he gently pushed her away.

Letting out her breath, she thanked the Force that Ben had survived. The remembered sensation of their Bond being violated by profane hands made her stomach roil, and Rey felt only a little guilt at the satisfaction that spread through her. Unhappily, her mind remained parted from Ben's, the throbbing ache spreading down the back of her neck, but she was able to breathe easier knowing he'd dealt with the threat.

Kneeling in the growing light of the first rays of dawn, Rey fought to center herself, fingers resting over the part of Ben that remained with her as she tried not to think about the cost that would surely be exacted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And. Here. We. Are. 
> 
> I've been anticipating this chapter for-ev-errr. It actually physically hurt when I decided to add in the _Millennium Falcon_ hanky panky to precede this at the last minute. Don't get me wrong, it was definitely the right call and I had a blast writing it, but holy moly did I kick myself just a bit.
> 
> **BTS Ramblings…**
> 
> **Holy Heckin' Plot:** So. Um. When I'd said I'd come up with a plot way back when I made the foolhardy leap from one-shot to multi-chapter extravaganza, did I mean _this much_ of a plot? No. No, I did not. *stares with bloodshot eyes at the plethora of plot threads* It's okay, fam. We've got this. Ben & Rey haven't let me down, yet!
> 
>  **Rey Pulling Herself Up Along Ben:** I think I've had Rey do this multiple times, now. I just keep imagining that mountain of a man letting her grab his tunic or shoulders and basically climb up his body to get at his lips. I mean, Rey the Scavenger is highly accomplished at climbing all over…really big things. *loses herself in dreamy imaginings for a moment* I'm cool with that if you all are.
> 
>  **Pregnancy Hints:** I figured the Spidey Senses would be twitching pretty strongly after the last chapter, and based on some comments there were some of you who were definitely catching onto me. You know, I'd honestly thought I'd be disappointed if people guessed before we got here, but when one or two of you started calling me out I was actually thrilled! I apologize for playing it coy in my responses to your comments on the last chapter, but I hope you find the suspense was worth it.
> 
> And if anyone is wondering … Yes, Rey got pregnant from her first sexy samba with Ben. I know, pretty cliché. But ya know what? They're magical space wizards with a mystical bond of legend tying their souls together through space & time. I ran with it.
> 
>  **Uh Oh…:** Ben's gone and killed someone—rather spectacularly. You can bet there will be consequences, but what will they be and can he and Rey withstand them?
> 
> …Hm. That sounded all nice and melodramatic. I mean, OF COURSE Reylo can take it. Do any of us actually doubt that? Ongoing separation and a bun in the oven certainly make the sticky issue more interesting, though, don't they? ;-)


	9. Though the Night Is Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I will love the light for it shows me the way,  
> yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars."
> 
> Og Mandino

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, friends. A few chapters ago I'd told you that I hadn't planned on writing any further intimate scenes that weren't fluffy. However, the story has landed Reylo in a rather Dark place and after considering it, I felt I had to allow it to take its course rather than try to force it towards something lighter. What you'll find in this chapter is very different from what happened in Chapter 6, but there is heavy emphasis placed on Darkness. Everything is consensual and both Ben & Rey actively try to help one another through what they unexpectedly find themselves facing. Please know I wasn't trying to mislead you and that I put a great deal of thought into the decision to allow this chapter to go the direction it wanted. I do make you the promise, however, that the Eventual Happy Ending tag isn't budging.
> 
> Thanks again & as always to [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife) for giving this chapter some TLC to make sure it came out just right.
> 
> ♥ [ASTOS Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh) ♥
> 
> Much love!

Peace. Celestial bodies drifting through their endless dance in perfect harmony. A cradle of vibrant life. Then chaos _—_ an explosion. Planets burn and lives beyond count extinguish in moments. An end. A beginning. So many ends and so many beginnings.

Light and Dark. Separate, distinct, yet two halves of a greater whole rent asunder. They reach for one another. They meet, but cannot touch without violence and destruction. They are too discordant, too extreme.

Hands. One large, the other small. Fingertips slide along one another, reaching with recognition and devotion over and over, waiting and wanting. Acceptance offered and granted, as it has ever been meant to be.

A baby. This is a child who is so very loved. Sweet and innocent, carrying the promise of the future. A Shadow looms over the cradle, stretching forth spiteful claws dripping with the poison of hatred.

Her love. The only she’d ever had or ever would. On his knees, he cries as though his heart is broken, and in his palm there nestles something that glitters brightly _—_ a tear, a ring, the final hope.

A mask. _The_ mask. Reforged and whole once more. He looks out through the grim visor at a heart wrought of Light, bound in Dark chains. His blood-red blade ignites, striking out ferociously. And all is lost.

The touch falls away and the preeminent truth of the universe shatters. They fail. The Light struggles, fades…the flicker of hope is extinguished forever. The Dark gorges itself on limitless power, finally consuming itself until there is only the Void.

The images fade and the sweet relief of oblivion encroaches, beginning to release their minds…then a voice of shadows and contempt lashes out across the countless systems:

_**Ahhh. The power of your Bond…a Dyad.** _

Cruel laughter filled with vengeful delight echoes throughout the boundless reaches of the galaxy. It reaches out, malice unleashed at long last.

* * *

Rey screamed, fingers digging into her pillow as she was finally released from the haunting vision that had held her unconscious mind in thrall. Frost-tipped claws of pure agony tore through her head, so debilitating she was barely able to gather enough focus to touch the Force and ease it with a healing touch. Even the Light could not alleviate it entirely, however. Shaking with horror at what she'd been shown, Rey rolled onto her back and placed her hands over the gentle rise of her belly, now plainly apparent on her slim form beneath the black fabric of the oversized shirt she slept in.

Taking a breath, she struggled to center herself enough to focus and reach her mind out towards the little spark of life within her. It flickered in distress, but whether it was in response to her own fear or because the unsettling nightmare images had affected the growing awareness of her child directly, Rey wasn't sure. She stroked her mind along the soft edge of the fledgling consciousness, soothing away the fright with a promise that she'd keep it safe, and always would. Slowly, panic slipped away and Rey sighed as she felt the baby settle back into the peaceful world of nescient dreams she wanted to preserve for as long as possible.

Rubbing her thumbs over her stomach, Rey fought back a flare of anger for who or whatever had disturbed her baby's innocent slumber. When she'd first realized the blooming font of life growing beneath her heart possessed an awareness that reached for hers, she'd sworn to protect it from anyone who'd seek to use the extraordinary potential that was already perceptible. This child would not be violated and abused as its father had.

Thinking of Ben brought Rey's mind back to the chilling revelation that had invaded her sleep. He'd found it _—_ Ben had uncovered the oracle of Mustafar and seized the vision he'd sought. It had been a month since he'd told her he was close to achieving his goal, but as first the days and then the weeks had stretched out with no word, she'd started to question whether any premonition was worth the danger of the poisonous Dark energy which infested the planet. 

Rey couldn't say she was pleased he’d finally succeeded, still struggling to heal away the echoes of pain, but at least it was done.

What any of it meant, though, was beyond her. The vision had been little more than an assault of concepts and vague suggestions that were recognizable, but utterly incoherent in their meaning. How were they supposed to interpret any of it?

And that voice…

Rey's hands shook. That was a voice she knew. She remembered hearing it once before on a dying planet as the light of the sun was consumed and billions of voices cried out in terror.

_Kill him…so easy…so quick…KILL HIM!_

Warmth slipped down the side of her face, leaving a wet trail that chilled in the conditioned air of her room. Releasing a shaky breath, she wiped it away. This wasn't doing any good.

Settling herself again, Rey closed her eyes and looked towards her heart’s lodestar, off in the distance. Alarm jolted through her when she saw that the light of his star fluctuated erratically, much like their baby's awareness had. Practically throwing her mind towards Ben, Rey pelted heedlessly through the sickening miasma of that Dark planet and sought to reach him. The suffocating corruption battered at her immediately, striking out in a vicious attack, far more violent than the last time she'd encountered it. Had it been agitated by the unsettling vision, too?

Uneasy at the thought of that strange almost-sentience somehow sensing what she'd seen and heard, Rey turned her attention back to Ben's foundering consciousness. He was weak and in pain. She strained to draw nearer, but the corruption was bent on thwarting her. With a cry of desperate frustration, Rey gathered the strength of her Light and struck out at it with the full force of her determination.

She was shocked by the radiant eruption that threw the Dark energy back. A glorious aurora of Force power surrounded Rey, like a shield forged of Light. The miasma swiped at it wrathfully, but was repulsed without the slightest strain on the barrier.

A weak pulse from ahead shook Rey from her astonishment and she pressed forward with renewed purpose. Nothing would keep her from her Force-mate.

His mind stirred at her proximity, sluggish and incoherent. Fueled by his need for her, Rey redoubled her efforts and fed a stream of Light through the Bond, willing it to bolster him. Interminable seconds passed, her worry spiking, but finally he seemed to rally enough to cling to the immaterial hand she held out.

Rey hauled on the Bond, shaking with the effort of dragging his mind towards hers. She gasped when the connection between them hummed with the release of the incredible tension and his towering form manifested beside her bed. Relief quickly turned to dismay, however, when she saw how Ben wavered precariously on his feet.

Bolting up, she tried to reach for him. He fell over onto the bed, collapsing across her. Rey struggled to get her legs out from under him, but Ben was dead weight. Barely managing to roll upright beneath him, she reached for his face, terrified by the pallor that bled all the color from his already-pale skin. Even his normally rosy lips were utterly drained.

"Ben!" she cried, trying not to panic as she worked to get her arms under his body, to pull him closer so she could get a better look at him. He was just too heavy, though.

She let out a harsh breath, frustrated and anxious. Directing a surge of Force energy, she managed to roll him over, freeing herself. Ben lay collapsed on his back, legs hanging limply off the side of the bed, unmoving. Frightened by the state he was in, Rey crawled over and hitched a leg over his middle, boosting herself up so she could look down into his face. Frantic fingers felt his skin and a frown creased her brows at finding how hot he was. No, not just hot _—_ he was _burning-up._

Mind nudging urgently at his, Rey peered closer at Ben in confusion, realizing that though heat emanated from his skin, there was no actual fever. He wasn't ill and there was no injury that she could sense _—_ nothing to heal. Needing to do something to help him, Rey grabbed for Ben's hands, ripping away his gloves and getting to work on the fastenings of his tunic. Once she'd gotten the heavy outer garment off, she started tugging at his undershirt, intent on getting all his heavy layers off to allow the air to reach him.

Determinedly, Rey kept up the stream of her Light across the fibers of the Bond, willing her strength to restore him. Digging deep into his dazed consciousness, she searched for the ever-burning ember at its core, revolted at the sensation of sinking her mind through a layer of unfamiliar Dark energy that surrounded Ben's Force signature…a layer of corruption. It was like sticking her hands into the scum that gathered on the surface of stagnant ponds here in the jungles on Ajan Kloss, coming away covered in stinking slime.

Steeling herself to withstand the taint, Rey found what she was looking for. Ben's Light was faint, but began to rejuvenate when she increased the flow of her power into him. She focused on it, happy to see it respond to her nurturing touch.

Rey pulled back a bit from the depths of Ben's mind, shivering as she passed through that repulsive layer of wrongness. She closed her eyes for a moment, swallowing down the nausea from that tainted contact, and then resumed her examination. The deathly pallor remained, seemingly at odds with the heat emanating from his skin. Another nudge against his mind reassured her that he was recovering, though.

"Ben?" Rey said quietly, fingertips brushing softly along the sides of his face, hoping it would help tempt him awake.

At the sound of her voice, glassy, dilated eyes slit open, and as they slowly focused on her face, she felt his hands come up to rest heavily on her hips.

She felt Ben’s mind slip back into place against hers, where he belonged. It eased something inside Rey that had held her heart in a cramped grasp since he'd broken them apart when that unwelcome Dark touch had intruded upon the Bond. Until now, she'd been unable to free herself from the oppressive anguish being cut off from Ben yet again subjected her to. Soaking in the comfort of this reunion as it solidified, she leaned down to press her lips to his, needing the connection.

Ben was slow to respond, still trying to fully reclaim his hold on consciousness. His mouth soon moved against hers, though, exhausted but earnest. His hands slipped up along her sides and drew around her back, bringing her closer until Rey gave a little squeak against his lips. At her complaint, Ben released her, breaking the kiss to look down at the source of the interruption. So hyperaware of the growing swell of her belly, the unexpected feeling of having it pressed so fully into him had surprised her, and Ben's attention had been drawn to it in reaction. Rey watched his eyes search in fascination for the soft bump that he'd accidentally squished, mind staggered at feeling the now-obvious evidence of her pregnancy.

With a smile, she used Ben's shoulders for leverage and pushed herself upright again, smoothing the fabric and showing him the way the shirt she'd pinched from him fell over the gentle curve. Reaching around, she took hold of his hands and settled them against the new life they'd made. When she lightly tugged on his mind, he allowed her to draw his awareness down to brush along the little spark that stirred drowsily at their joined touch. Ben took a sharp breath, feeling how the baby responded. His lips quivered as he stared, and Rey took one of her hands from his to wipe away the tear that trailed down the side of his face.

They sat there, unspeaking. Whatever horrors had driven them together tonight, and despite what they might portent for future strife, this moment was absolutely perfect.

After a little while, Ben took hold of Rey’s waist and eased her down off his stomach to rest in his lap so that he could sit up. It was an arduous effort, and she slipped her arms around his shoulders to help him find his balance once he'd made it. Wrapping his own arms around her hips in return, they settled together contentedly, her little bump nestled snugly between them. Ben still wavered a bit once he was upright, but Rey sensed him steadily recovering and relaxed a little as she watched color return to his face, full lips seeming to bloom against his skin. She continued to send her stream of Light out to him, unwilling to stop until she was certain he'd be all right.

"Better?" She brushed a lock of midnight hair off his face, comforted by the feel of his skin, finally cooling to his natural body temperature.

"Yeah," Ben told her, voice rough but clear. He laid his forehead against hers for a moment, looking into her eyes with a warmth that was all his own. "Thank you, Sweetheart."

Rey smiled a little shakily, nerves still trying to settle. This time when he kissed her, though, she enjoyed the feel of him pressed against her belly and found herself looking forward to growing accustomed to it. A ripple of answering happiness came to her from across the Bond and her smile steadied before she tilted her head to deepen the kiss.

Their minds mimicked their embrace, the sense of finding the special belonging that only ever seemed to exist within each other soothing the heartache they'd both suffered in the aftermath of their last parting.

"I'm so sorry, Rey," Ben apologized when they began to ease apart, moving in again to give her another lingering kiss, unwilling to relinquish the silky caress.

"I know," she said, pressing into him one more time before leaning back a little. Running her eyes over his face, she saw that his skin was almost back to its usual moonlit tone. The blush of his lips had been helped along by her own tender ministrations and she bit the inside of hers to keep from diving in to attend to them further. Ben's caf-colored eyes crinkled a little at the corners when he sensed her restraint. He'd willingly allow her to administer her treatment again, but Rey pressed her finger to his mouth, staying him. He sighed in regret, but pressed the kiss into her fingertip instead.

"I'm sorry for tearing our minds apart so roughly," Ben continued, as she dropped her hand. "I had to stop Cardo before he did anything about his discovery of the Bond, and couldn’t risk the possibility that one of the others would find it, too."

"It wasn't Vicrul, then?" she asked, recalling his concern over the man who wanted to take his place as Master of the Knights of Ren. She felt a little guilty for having hoped he'd been the one that Dark detonation had been wielded against.

"No, not Vicrul," Ben said, shaking his head with a frustrated exhale. "I'd ordered my Knights out into Corvax Fen to hunt for more of the Alazmec. That's why I'd needed time. I had to make sure they'd be occupied before we met that night. Sniffing out the cultists was more than enough of a distraction to keep what limited Force sensitivity they have occupied while I reached for you. 

“Cardo chose to ignore my orders, apparently."

Ben's jaw tightened and Darkness snapped along the Bond, pushing back her stream of Light. Rey fought to overcome the influx, but the virulence of the corrupted energy that clung to his power lent it an unnatural strength, overturning the balance between them. She gasped in pain as it grated against her mind in reproach. Realizing what was happening, Ben yanked hard on the reins of his control, cradling her face gently and looking her over with remorseful concern.

"It's okay. I'm okay," Rey tried to reassure him, but the shakiness in her voice left him unconvinced. She swallowed to force some moisture back into her throat and refocused on the matter at-hand. "Why did he disobey you?"

"I'm not sure," Ben admitted with a frown. "I'd gone back to the _Steadfast_ so we could meet in my private quarters, but he followed me. I should have sensed him, but I was too distracted."

The Darkness in him roiled again, straining against the control he was having to fight to maintain. It terrified Rey to see how much he was being affected, stomach churning at the feel of the sickening influence that dragged ponderously on the Bond. Gritting his teeth, Ben wrestled it back.

"What did you do to him?" Rey questioned him softly once he seemed to have regained some measure of mastery over himself, not certain she really wanted to know.

He didn't answer her, but the Dark satisfaction in his eyes told her she was right.

"What about tonight," she asked quickly, wanting to move off the subject of Cardo Ren's fate. Rey realized that she hadn't been especially subtle when she'd fought to reach Ben's mind. Remembering the incandescent shield of Light she'd called forth against the corruption, her heart leapt into her throat. Weak in the Force or not, there's no way the Knights would have missed that.

"They aren’t here," Ben told her with a shake of his head, and she released a relieved breath. "I sent them to watch Hux and the other generals. Few of the Alazmec are left and once I realized I was close to forcing a vision from the locus I had to get them away."

"Locus?" She tilted her head in curiosity at the term.

"It's the power my grandfather coveted, what the Sith built their temple around," he explained. "A rift in reality, it forms a nexus of incalculable Force energy."

"What did Vader want with it?" Rey figured there must have been a reason, though she supposed a Sith Lord would seek to claim power simply for power's sake. Ben huffed in weary amusement at that, angling a sarcastic brow at her assessment of Dark Siders and their possessive tendencies.

"The Emperor was obsessed with the idea of immortality, and he believed it could be a source for achieving it. So, he ordered my grandfather to guard it," Ben told her. "Vader's own interest was the hope that it might bring his wife back from the dead."

_"His wife?!"_ Rey blinked in surprise.

"Where did you think my mother and uncle came from?" he snarked. She wrinkled her nose at him in retaliation, but he just rubbed his palms against her back, not the least bit repentant. She did feel a little embarrassed for not considering that Anakin Skywalker must have had a woman in his life, but the fact that he'd actually been married still took her aback.

"How could a Jedi Knight get away with having a relationship that went so blatantly against the Order's rules of attachment?" she questioned with a skeptical frown.

"Secretly," Ben responded with a smirk, rubbing the tip of his nose over hers significantly. It startled a laugh out of her, which made him curve his lips into a genuine smile.

"Like grandfather like grandson, then. The inclination for forbidden romance must run in the family," Rey commented teasingly, thinking also of a princess's love for the smuggler who had fought at her side to topple an empire, and the rumors she’d heard of a red-headed spitfire who’d turned the head of Luke Skywalker himself.

"If the…the locus is supposed to give life, then why were you able to draw the vision from it?" she asked, humor fading away as her thoughts turned back to what had made her reach for him tonight.

"That's what Palpatine and my grandfather wanted to use it for, but not its only potential purpose," Ben told her. "It connects the mundane universe to the raw power of the Force, a living epicenter of energy. I knew it would give me what I needed. It taunted me with it from the moment I set foot on the planet's surface."

Rey didn't doubt that the corrupted Darkness of Mustafar would take twisted delight in withholding the knowledge sought by one bound to her Light and bearing a hidden spark of it within himself. Running her fingers nervously over Ben's shoulders, she finally raised the topic she'd been dreading to broach.

"What does it all mean?" Rey met Ben's gaze, not hiding her apprehension from him.

"I don't know," he sighed, answering her honest worry with his own.

A catastrophic explosion, the Force thrown into imbalance, the memory of their hands touching on Ahch-To, future sorrow, a baby _—_ _their_ baby, a threat cloaked in shadow, and other images that they could barely wrap their minds around. It was so much to take in…too much.

Yet, there was something both their thoughts latched onto with eager excitement.

"Dyad," Rey said the word quietly, feeling the Force rise a little around them at the sound of it spoken aloud, acknowledged. "Have you ever heard of it?"

"No, but now we have something of substance to hold onto," he told her, eyes lighting with fervor. "Whatever it means, the Force is finally giving us some answers."

"Ben. I…" Rey began, but trailed off uncertainly. She wasn't sure that it had been the Force's vision which had provided them with that particular answer. Given how unstable Ben was tonight, though, she wasn't entirely certain this was a good time to bring up one of her own Darkest moments.

"What is it?" he pressed her. His mind brushed against hers in concern, sensing that whatever it was, it had her deeply conflicted. Her hesitation only served to increase his tension, though, and he fixed her with a demanding expression. "Rey, just tell me."

"That…that voice," she said slowly. "I don't think it was part of the vision. I've heard it before."

"Who is it?" Ben asked intently, wanting to make sense of some shred of what they'd heard and seen tonight.

"I don't know," Rey told him with a shake of her head. "I've only heard him once, and it was just that _—_ a formless voice in my head."

"What did he say?" He chased her eyes, refusing to allow her to dodge this. Giving him an unhappy look, she finally relented with a sigh of defeat.

"He told me to kill you," she whispered.

Ben's frown deepened, mind asking her to show him. Rey held onto him with trembling hands while she was forced to relive those horrible seconds again, shuddering as pinpricks seared an icy trail down her spine at the recollection of that hate-filled voice. His hands soothed her with firm strokes over her back, rubbing away the lingering prickle of disquiet.

"I don’t know," he confessed again in a tone that echoed her own turmoil.

Rey tried to breathe around the weight of it all. She couldn't take it, not tonight. Between the corrupted Darkness that continued to batter at the Bond and the weight of that memory _—_ of how close she'd come to doing as the voice had bid her _—_ and after the long weeks of pretending she could bear up under the strain of being cut off from Ben, Rey just didn't have it in her. 

There was one thing, however, that Rey could not put aside, even to give herself a chance to breathe.

"The mask," she said, voice straining a little through the tears she held stubbornly back.

Ben's expression shuttered, though he couldn't completely hide the sudden discomfort her charge had raised in him. His wariness deepened her misgivings.

"You don't need it, Ben!" Rey implored him, fingers digging into his skin frantically.

His eyes shifted off to a point beyond her shoulder, returning hastily. Not hastily enough.

Rey could feel the blood draining away from her cheeks, lips parting in horror. Ben's hands tightened around her, as though afraid she was about to tear herself away from him.

"You've already reforged it," she mumbled through lips that felt numb, clumsy.

"Rey," Ben begged. "You don't understand. I _—_ "

"I don’t understand?" she cried incredulously, indignation driving some measure of feeling back into her. "My soul is the one tied to yours, Ben Solo. Who but I _could_ understand?"

"Exactly!" he said, eyes begging for her to listen as his hands gripped tighter. "You were right. I’m surrounded by people I can’t trust, and with everything at stake I can't let anyone see through to the truth. Ending this war now means so much more than it ever could have before."

One of his hands released her back, coming around to slip between them and rest against her belly meaningfully.

"I will do what I must to ensure this baby will be born in a galaxy that won't demand its blood for being our child, even if I have to burn whole systems to ash," he vowed, eyes filled with shadows.

Rey stared into them, utterly lost. His promise was all too similar to what the vision had shown. Ben seemed to realize it, too. It brought him up short, the hand over her stomach clamping into a fist before he slowly released it. When he looked back at her, the furious chaos in his gaze had transformed into an ache she knew all too well.

"I need something to hold me together without you, Rey," Ben whispered brokenly. Closing his eyes, he dropped his head to her shoulder, defeated.

She sighed, resting her cheek against his soft hair. It was true. Ben didn't have the talent for artifice. He could barely hide his true emotions, no matter how hard he tried. He'd managed it once to save her life. He'd dissembled before his Master and borne the feedback of her agony as Snoke tortured her before him, waiting for the moment that he could strike and end the threat to them both.

There had been other reasons, and they'd come out along with all the pent-up emotion Ben had fought to hold back in those dreadful minutes as he'd knelt on the marble floor, listening in silence to her screams. They had fallen out in a tumultuous rush, a vague proposal that was little more than half-conceived wishes that he hadn't…hadn't acted on.

Ben became very still as he followed in the wake of her thoughts, and a horrible suspicion stirred in her mind. When she raised her head, he straightened slowly, reluctantly. Looking more closely at him now, she wondered just how much of those supposed intentions that had driven her away _—_ to lead a so-called New Order, rule the galaxy, and whatever else besides _—_ had actually been his plan.

_**Force, Ben. Tell me that wasn't all just an outburst of temper,**_ Rey begged, not quite wanting to voice her growing certainty.

He swallowed and looked away.

She couldn't stop a tear from escaping. It didn't absolve her of turning from him, of walking away when perhaps staying could have persuaded him towards another path. She was crushed by it, all the same. They both bore the sin of their separation. How much easier might this all have been had Rey been brave enough, trusted in him enough, to stay and discover that Ben's imperialistic intentions were as empty as both their hearts had felt in the months before the Force had brought them together again?

"They weren't empty promises," he rasped insistently, worried eyes searching hers, the lingering fear that he'd spoil everything between them surfacing again. Seeing it just devastated her further.

Rey's Light flagged beneath the weight of too many revelations and she couldn't hold back the upwelling of blighted Darkness that instantly moved in to take advantage. She felt like she was drowning, pulled downwards and unable to find the will to fight it.

Her turmoil exacerbated Ben's and his desperation spiked, fingers digging into her skin. That unfamiliar, debased Darkness lingered in his eyes, and she felt it surge through the Bond as he dove for her lips, branding Rey with the heat of his need for her. She could feel the influence of the tainted energy wearing on him, and twisting his longing for the woman he loved into the compulsion to conquer and claim her. It bore down on her through him, and she could do nothing to prevent it. Unlike the way Ben's own Darkness held her Light in gentle submission when he let it rise, this unnatural power imprisoned her in a vicious choke-hold.

Rey felt a hand slip up beneath the hem of the oversized shirt she wore, hunting intently along her thigh. When his fingers reached their destination and found no fabric to bar his way, a surge of sensual approval came from him. Then Ben's hand grazed over her hip to reach for her belly and as he brushed the soft skin stretching over the new life he'd planted within her, the Bond flooded with Dark lust.

Her body filled with a rush of desire in answer, and helpless want left a mark on the front of his trousers where he began to grind up into her. The textured fabric against her sensitive core created an incredible friction, a storm of sensation breaking over her in a torrent. Moaning into his mouth, Rey arched her lower back, the small bump between them pressing into his stomach. It inflamed him further, groping fingers mapping the altering landscape of the flesh he knew so well by now. Where there had been only firm muscle before, there was now an enchanting softness that drove him mad.

Refusing to release Rey's lips, Ben shifted her back a little, supporting her with one strong arm so she wouldn't fall. She heard the low clinking noise of the fastening of his trousers and tried to pull away, attempting to put a stop to this. He wasn't himself, the corruption riding him as it seemed intent on spurring him to ride her. With a growl of denial, he yanked her back against him, hands grabbing her hips and boosting her up over his lap.

"Ben, please," Rey gasped out, taking hold of his face and trying to get him to look up from his efforts to meet her beseeching gaze. Once he did, she froze in shock. He looked at her with pain-filled eyes, a desolate plea in them. Feeling along the Bond, she found talons caging his mind, digging in, tightening by the moment. As Snoke once had, the corruption wanted to manipulate Ben, turning his own Darkest impulses against him. Drawing closer, she saw what he sought to do and heard what he didn't possess the control in this moment to express, too overwrought to find the words he still struggled to give voice to, even with her.

_**Help me, Sweetheart.** _

Running the edge of her thumb over the track of his scar, Rey nodded and then took hold of his shoulders to help steady her as she slid her knees forward. Then, continuing to look through the blown depths of his eyes and into Ben's soul, she lowered herself down onto him. Her fingernails pricked his skin when she felt his blunt tip part her slick folds and pierce the very core of her. Teeth clenched, his arms shook with the effort to prevent himself from tightening his grip and dragging her down in one sharp motion. Consciously unlocking her tense body to ease his way, Rey kept her mind wrapped tightly around that desperate part of Ben’s that tried so hard to fight the suffocating poison which seemed bent on crushing him in pursuit of her.

_**Never,**_ she swore fiercely to them both. **_I'll never let that happen._**

Once she'd settled again atop Ben's thighs, his hard length seated breathtakingly deep, Rey wrapped her legs around behind him, bringing them as close as physically possible while her growing belly still allowed it. His hands remained clamped tightly over her hips, as though letting go would mean falling into an abyss more forsaken than the Dark Side could ever be. So she let him, looping her arms around his neck to hold onto Ben in return, and as she tilted her pelvis to rub herself against him, she gave him her lips to cling to as well.

Tongue and teeth scoring and soothing by turns, Ben kissed her with the same fierceness that she'd seen him wield his lightsaber. She could taste the Dark passion raging through him _—_ the heady fervor of his own that she loved, but also the vile intent lurking malevolently behind it, waiting.

_**Come and get me,**_ Rey dared it.

She rolled her hips into Ben, his abs straining as he matched the rhythm she set, heightening the tide bursting through her with each dragging collision. Soon, she was panting with exertion and the intense build of sensation that her flesh, more sensitive now, so eagerly lost itself to. Rey had to fight to focus, the stalking terror in the shadows biding its time, waiting for her to break around him and abandon her defenses _—_ to destroy her even as her Dark Side lover lost himself in the ecstasy of her body. It made her furious, but she had to hold her own within the chaos, balancing passion and temper in order to survive.

The friction of Ben's hard stomach against her throbbing center sent shockwaves shooting up her spine, frantic excitement coursing beneath her skin. It was there, the shattering end was within reach and she raced towards it, grinding herself harder against him. Crying out with determination, Rey let herself break. She pulled her mouth away and arched her neck at the strength of the contractions that tore through her, choking on a scream. Beneath her, Ben jerked as she clenched around him, gripping his shaft in hard pulses that wrested an answering groan from him.

Struggling for breath, Rey anxiously tried to focus enough to check the defenses around her mind and the slumbering spark within her belly, even as tremors continued to roll through her. She realized with confusion they hadn't yet been tested. The menace crouching within Ben's mind abided with a patience that made her shiver.

Another gasp came from Ben and she realized what it was waiting for, his throbbing hunger still not sated. It wasn't her pleasure it wanted. Firming her resolve, she prepared herself to let him take what he needed _—_ what the corrupted Dark demanded.

"Ben," Rey said to him softly, reaching down to stroke his hands where they still held her hips in a death-grip, bruises surely blooming already. She didn't care. "Help me up."

Her request brought his anguished eyes to hers. She could feel the dread in him, despite the way pleasure continued to course through his body. He understood, too. With a reluctant nod, he loosened his hold and supported her while she rose on her knees to lift herself off him.

She began to lay back, but Ben grabbed her again. Giving her one last tormented look, he turned her away from him and pushed her body forward. Flattening her palms against the wall, Rey jerked when he rose up behind her and plunged in once more. Unable to see him, flashes of memory from another night of Darkness filling her mind unbidden, she felt a moment of panic. She forced herself to endure it, though, putting her faith in the heart of the man who held her rather than giving into the fear of the malignant power which sought to twist it.

The strokes came hard and fast, Dark lust rising to fully engulf them as Ben claimed control _—_ now not just her Light, but Rey herself trapped in submission. The strength of his thrusts made her elbows buckle, collapsing heavily to her forearms against the wall. Then large hands slipped down to support her belly. As forcefully as he pounded into her, Ben kept Rey from being crushed, her body held tight in his arms. That steadied her, allowing her to shove away the lingering fear, and she trusted herself completely to his hold.

The corruption, wrapped like a vise around them, exulted as the oppressed Light pulled into itself until it was the barest flicker.

Shifting her hips backwards a little, Ben altered the angle he drove into her at and a surprised gasp escaped her throat. He’d found that hidden place within her that only he knew and assaulted it with a vengeance, pummeling into Rey, hungry to hear her cry out each time he sought to reach it. With each thrust, he drew the hateful Darkness in, gathering it close and letting it rise within him in a malevolent tempest of chaos.

The spiteful shadows scourged Ben onwards as his hands clenched at the warning twitches that had him slamming his hips into her even harder. He shuddered, a tortured gasp ripping from his chest, an aching breath away from breaking.

_**You're not alone,**_ Rey whispered silently, mind and heart unfaltering with her belief in him. At her words, Ben came.

He grunted, his release tearing through him hard, almost painfully. Quaking with the tremors of her second climax, Rey felt the corruption gather in anticipation and opened herself to it, baring the heart of her Light. 

Triumphant, it struck out viciously…and shrieked in rage when it dashed itself impotently against the brilliant armor of her ascending Light, set free when Ben had taken the full force of the Darkness into himself.

Both of them spent, Rey collapsed against the wall and Ben gasped in pain as he slumped over her, arms still cradling her waist protectively. They held onto one another in desperation. Groaning with the effort, she battled to withstand the rabid fury that all but threw itself against the bright barrier she'd called forth. It wasn't enough, not while the very air she breathed made her choke on the putrid hate it exuded, but she didn't waver. She never doubted.

As Rey fought for him, she knew the other half of her soul would always stand against that which dared to threaten her. She reached for Ben's mind, but also his Darkness, the pure energy which formed one half of their Bond _—_ the mate to her Light, just as the man who commanded it was to her.

Growling with the strain, Ben won past the corruption he'd managed to contain with her aid and wove his strength through hers. As the liberated might of his unadulterated Darkness joined with her resurgent Light, the shield was reinforced, infinitely stronger. Pulling more deeply on her power, Ben fed it into his rage, honing it into a lance that he hurled at the seething corruption.

The resulting explosion sent energy tearing through the Force, far greater than that which had been unleashed upon the doomed Knight of Ren. Their defiance, joined in perfect union, shook the stars themselves.

The corrupted shadows could not withstand it and fled at last, baleful hatred cast back at them in a final, spiteful lash that couldn’t touch them.

Struggling for breath as they released their power, the recovering Light and cleansed Dark settled in relieved harmony once more. The Force energy surrounding them within their little corner of reality, held at bay by the fierce conflict that had taken place, rose gently now to offer succor to the couple it had bound together.

It was over…for now.

Rey could sense from his mind that as intense as it had been, Ben found no pleasure in the carnal release he’d taken from her. There was only relief that he could breathe freely now, without Mustafar's poison coiling itself around his mind, his heart _—_ she'd staked her claim there long before and together they'd defended it. Reaching back, she placed a shaking hand on his thigh, knowing instinctively that he needed her just as much now as in the fight to free him of the corruption _—_ more.

At her touch, Ben's arms tightened around her, helping her straighten as he gently drew himself out of her body. Once he'd pulled her safely back to sit on the mattress, he released her.

"Neither are you," Ben murmured.

Though the words were a renewal of their shared promise, the sound of his voice as he said them filled Rey with sorrow.

She struggled to turn, limbs shaking and a little dizzy, but she finally managed to get ahold of Ben's arm to pull herself around by. When she was able to look up into his face, Rey saw the absolute devastation she'd known would be there. Without hesitation, she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms about his head, sheltering his face against her neck, and stroking her fingers through his sweaty hair.

He remained stiff and unmoving for several moments, mind wanting to lose itself in the abyss his despair was trying to drag him down into, wretched at knowing he’d let the corruption influence him to such an extent. Rey wouldn't allow it. She just held onto him, waiting patiently. When warm drops began dripping down onto her chest, she pressed her lips to Ben's dark head and let him break against her. 

In silence, she continued to thread her fingers into his hair. Her mind cradled his, catching the pieces while he fell apart, as he had once done for her.

When you became so close to someone, Rey considered as they sat there together, you learned not only what they felt, but how they felt it. She discovered that Ben didn't sob or wail or scream when he cried. It wasn't a storm of emotion as she might have expected of him, given the way he expressed anger or passion. No, when Ben let himself cry, it was quiet, even gentle. She recalled the memory of a little boy left to bear the wounds of someone’s cruel words years before, the black fringe of his hair concealing his tears.

He’d learned long ago to keep his heartache hidden until it had turned into anger that he could protect himself with from those with the power to hurt him.

Rey had that power. He’d given it to her when he’d held out his hand, offering her a place beside him _—_ and in his heart. The renewal of their relationship, the deepening of feeling that he’d initiated months later, had once more placed the most lethal of all weapons that could be wielded against Ben in her hands. It was a terrifying burden, knowing you possessed the means to destroy another’s soul, but Rey didn’t shy away from it. She accepted the weight gladly, knowing that she’d never use it and making him the solemn vow that her love would not waver.

Ben’s tears were as safe with her as his heart.

Cherishing this new facet of him, Rey welcomed the trembling embrace he clung to her with and allowed him to hide himself away against her as his sorrow soaked into the neckline of the shirt he used to wear.

"I'll leave," he promised, voice raw. He finally raised his head to look down at her and ran the pad of his thumb across her cheekbone.

"Do it for yourself, Ben," she whispered, hating to see the shadows scored so deeply beneath his eyes.

"It's you I'm worried about," he insisted, dropping his hand from her face to run the backs of his fingers over her belly. "Both of you."

"Do it for yourself," Rey repeated, leaning up to kiss him, lingering with her lips on his. "And you will be doing it for us."

Tugging on his shoulders, she pulled Ben down onto the bed with her, his head coming to rest beside hers on the pillow. He held Rey close, tucking her into the warmth of his chest, her little bump safe and snug against him. She lost track of time as they lay there, gazing into one another. His fingers slid the collar of the shirt over her shoulder so he could trace her freckles and down over her own scar, won while fighting at his side, as she had tonight. It soothed her and she gladly gave comfort in return, her free hand smoothing through his hair once again.

_**I love you.** _

The words were repeated a hundred times in a hundred different ways _—_ devotions whispered across the Bond, a soft glance, the trail of fingertips over skin.

In Ben's arms, Rey understood what it meant that love could heal you. The wealth of feeling between them had built a trust and connection beyond anything the Force had created. Had they endured what they had tonight only a few months ago, she wasn't sure they'd have survived it. If they had, she doubted they'd have the strength of belief in one another to lie like this afterwards, love and acceptance holding them together.

Tears gathered in Rey's eyes, but there was no sadness behind them. She smiled, heart soaring when Ben closed the bare inch between them to kiss it. She laughed when his hand slipped from her shoulder and snuck down to her lower back to press her middle more firmly to his for a moment _—_ he was clearly enjoying this new development. 

Smiling as he pulled away, he peeked down, slipping his hand beneath the shirt to rest his palm against her belly. She felt his mind reach for the baby again, marveling at how the tiny spark of life seemed to ripple with somnolent thoughts and emotions as it dreamed. He couldn't believe they'd made this extraordinary creation, accidental or not. Rey slipped her hand under the black fabric to rest over his, sharing in his wonder.

"It's smaller than I'd thought it would be," Ben commented.

"What, did you think I'd all of a sudden be the size of a gooth ball?" she teased him cheekily, relieved at seeing his lips curve upwards after what had happened.

"No," he snorted. "It's just that I'd thought that you'd be…"

Rey gazed at him challengingly, waiting for him to decide whether he should finish that sentence.

"Have you told your friends yet?" he side-stepped, wisely changing the course of the discussion.

"Yes, everyone knows. It's gotten kind of hard to disguise," Rey commented with amusement, looking across the room at a pile of her tight-fitting tops, ready for the laundry droid. "I'd thought about trying to put on some looser shirts, but I can't wear things like that when I'm working maintenance on the ships, which is about all Lei _—_ that _they'll_ let me do apart from training and studying, now."

"You're still working on the ships?" Ben demanded with a frown. "Rey. What if you fell? You need to stop _—_ "

"I can take care of myself, Ben! I've been climbing around on starships since I was four, and if I fall _—i_ _f!—_ I'll catch myself with the Force, same as you would," she told him in annoyance. "Don't try to wrap me in Bantha wool, and don't expect me to just sit around and do nothing."

"I can't let you _—_ " he broke off, grinding his teeth, knowing ordering her around wasn't going to get him anywhere. Instead, he took a breath and rubbed his palm over her skin in an effort to calm himself down.

With a sigh, she made herself let her irritation go. He hadn't meant to insult her. He was being insufferable about it, but Ben was just trying to take care of her, she knew.

"I'll be careful," Rey promised, running her fingertips over the back of his hand. "I'm not going to stop doing what I can, but I won't take stupid chances. I'm not going to risk our baby."

"I know," Ben said, pressing his lips apologetically to her forehead.

"Thank you, by the way," she murmured to him, wanting to let him know that she truly did appreciate that he was trying to help her.

"For what?" Ben asked, his small smile reappearing, lighting his eyes with warmth.

"For the supplements," Rey told him, flicking a finger against his bare shoulder as smug pleasure swelled in his mind. "You shouldn't have done it."

"Feels like I should have," he rejoined, giving her a gentle squeeze.

In the month or so since one of Poe's raids on First Order supply depots had scored a cache of medical supplies which _oh-so-fortuitously_ included both prenatal vitamin pill packets and a fresh batch of nutrient boosters, Rey had found herself gaining much-needed weight. She was filling out in ways that had Kalonia looking over her chart in satisfaction. She was still underweight, particularly for a woman carrying a baby, but the doctor assured her things were finally headed in the right direction. The old supply of supplement vials had been tossed and Rey was stocked for months to come.

She really appreciated not having a needle stuck into her arm every day, now. All the same…

"It was too obvious," she insisted stubbornly.

"Has anyone said anything?" Ben asked, a shallow line forming between his black brows.

"No," Rey admitted unwillingly, trailing a finger over a vein that rose along the back of his hand.

"Then relax, Rey," he told her, catching her hand and bringing it to his lips to place a kiss on her fingertips before fixing her with a look that held an edge of desperation which took her by surprise. "I won't stand by, either. _I can't._ You're carrying my child and this is all I can do for you."

It was there in Ben’s eyes like an open wound _—_ his frustration and the burden of trying to reconcile himself to the reality of becoming a father while trying to cope with the separation that continued on like a seemingly unending exile from the only person who'd ever truly felt like home. He couldn't be there to help Rey endure the hardships of pregnancy, nor was he able to experience the small wonders she was finding herself endlessly surprised by.

Understanding, she leaned in to brush a kiss over the bridge of his nose, lingering for a moment before nuzzling her face in to rest against his on the pillow, foreheads touching.

"Okay," Rey whispered in acceptance, “but Ben, this isn't all you're doing for me. You make it all bearable just by being out there, loving me."

"I wish I could say it was enough for me," he murmured back, hoarsely.

"I never said it was enough," she told him, holding his gaze, "but it matters."

His arms tightened to hold her more securely against him, though there was little more than a whisper of air between their bodies. Skin-to-skin, it just didn't seem close enough for either of them, not when an entire galaxy lay between.

"Do we have to be…shut away from each other so completely?" Rey asked, running her fingers over the scarred skin of his shoulder in agitation.

"I won't risk anyone sensing the Bond," Ben told her, gaze firm. "I can't chance someone perceiving it and finding a way to hurt you. You and the baby are too important."

"But we don't have to close it completely," she reasoned, anxious and finally letting him see it. "Just enough so I can feel you beyond the bare minimum of knowing you still have a pulse. Please, Ben. The past few weeks have been…"

Her voice drifted off roughly. Rey had tried to tamp this down, conceal it when she’d seen how affected he was by Mustafar's corruption. Ben's mind nudged at the corner of hers where she’d hidden it away, and she sighed as she revealed it to him.

"Rey," he breathed, dark eyes filling with grief at seeing how being cut off from her Force-mate had worn on her _—_ the insomnia, the night terrors when she did manage to sleep, blinding headaches during the day, and the sudden, deep depressions that would drag her down out of nowhere. While he'd been at war with the depredations of the tainted Darkness, Rey had been fighting through a nightmare of her own.

"Please," she whispered in entreaty.

"All right," Ben assured her. Relieved, Rey nestled into his embrace, soaking in the way he made her feel so safe and wanted _—_ so dearly loved. She rubbed her face against the evening stubble just starting to grow out along his cheek and, breathing deeply, took in the spicy scent that mingled with the sweat of too stressful a night. Thinking that the smell of him would linger on her pillow, Rey willed it to help center her.

"I can’t do without you," she said, gazing into Ben’s eyes. “I just can’t anymore.”

"Me either," he answered, the Bond humming with the strength of his feelings. "I meant it when I made you that promise, Rey. There isn't anything you can't ask of me, and if I can give it to you I will."

"You know, the reverse is true as well," she said, pulling one of his arms from around her waist and taking his hand to place it back against her bump. "We're both here for you, Ben."

Her promise made him swallow hard, this throat bobbing with emotion.

"I don't think I could ever doubt that after tonight," he said, turning his hand to weave his fingers though hers.

“Will you be safe?” Rey asked him, feeling outwards with her mind for any sign of the lurking corruption. It seemed to have admitted defeat for now, but she wouldn’t drop her guard when such a dangerous predator could be lying in wait.

“Yes,” Ben said reassuringly, bussing her lightly on the nose in gratitude for her concern. “I’ll be ordering my Stormtroopers back to the _Steadfast_ in the morning _—_ I can hold my defenses together that long. The Alazmec can have Mustafar. I’ve got what I came here for.”

“Whatever it means,” she whispered, chest tightening as the specters of portent rose within her mind again, that sinister voice haunting her.

“We’ll figure it out, Sweetheart,” Ben told her, calling her back to him from the haze of dire memory. “We know what we’re looking for, now. The rest will come.”

His confidence soothed her nerves, allowing Rey to breathe easily again. Then, a disbelieving laugh burst out of her and she raised her hands to his face, palms soaking in the warmth of his skin.

“Since when have you been an optimist?” she asked, humor chasing away the trailing shadows.

“Since I met someone worth looking forward to spending my life with,” Ben said quietly, expression tender, eyes treasuring the smile that lit hers.

The kiss Rey pressed to his lips returned the sentiment unreservedly. Every vow, every hope, and dream passed along the Bond in celebration of something so simple, and yet utterly miraculous. Fear, uncertainty, and even destiny could wait. Love came first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone doing okay? Phew, what a ride. This one got a bit scary, but our beloved Ben & Rey are tougher than anything that can be thrown at them. Cuddle away, Reylo ~ you deserve it. ♥
> 
> **BTS Ramblings...**
> 
> **…And Full of Terrors:** Whoops! I honestly wasn't thinking of _Game of Thrones_ when I picked the title for this chapter. However, Melisandre's favorite line actually works quite well, especially given the terrors lurking in the Dark here, no?
> 
>  **Cuddles With Bump:** Awww! Don't you just love the idea of Ben getting to go all mushy over Rey's baby belly? For a touch-starved, emotional guy like him, I just can't imagine that he would be anything but fascinated with it. Not a fan of Ben and Rey cuddling around her little bump? Then you might want to skip the rest of the story…because it's gonna be happening a LOT.
> 
>  **Squish:** That one was for you, QueenVi!
> 
>  **Something Seems Familiar…:** In many ways, this chapter is the thematic partner of Chapter 3, which featured Rey's panic attack. This time, however, it was Ben who was suffering and needed Rey's help to pull him back to safety. While the threat to Rey's equilibrium was internal, the corruption of Mustafar is decidedly external. Balance in all things, right?
> 
>  **Um. Are You Bringing Back Who We Think You're Bringing Back?:** Maybe. Who do you think I'm bringing back? ...Okay, okay. I won't play you guys like that. If the line at the beginning sounded familiar and you're wondering if a certain someone is coming back based on that, then…you might be right. However, before you write me off for it, I can tell you he's not making an actual appearance in ASTOS. To be honest, I wasn't a fan of him being brought back into canon in TROS, but it was more the _way_ the storytellers went about it than the fact that he was included that troubled me. I have an idea. I think it's solid. If I've earned any of your faith, please just bear with me. I have every intention of making it all worth it.
> 
>  **Do They Have To Be Connected At The Hip?!:** To my DM Troll…yes, their hips do make a lot of contact, don't they?


	10. Like Strands of Starlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We look at each other  
> and we smile that smile  
> like a secret we share  
> we both know we've found  
> what the whole world is searching for."
> 
> JmStorm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I know that it's been a hot minute since the last chapter came out, and I'm sorry it's been such a long wait. I was going through a bit of a tough time IRL, and it made it very difficult for me to find the mindset I need in order to write ASTOS as I normally do. With support from friends, including some of you guys, I've managed to pull myself back together so that Ben & Rey's story could continue. I hope you enjoy this new installment.
> 
>  **SIDE STORY ALERT:** If you haven't read it yet, please be sure to check out **_[If Only From Afar](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26585569)_** , which is a special short story that takes place directly before this chapter. It was written as part of a collection that had a word limit, so it's much shorter than my typical offerings. Never fear, though, as I've stuffed it full of tidbits for you guys to speculate over! Need another reason to read it? Okay … _it's told from Ben's perspective._
> 
> I also wanted to let you all know that I am now on Tumblr ~ **[LadyRhi Romantic FanFic](https://ladyrhi.tumblr.com/)**. I'll post more thorough updates and even some teasers about upcoming projects there, so be sure to swing by to say hi!
> 
> And, of course, I can't let [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife) go un-thanked for her valiant efforts to combat my dastardly commas!
> 
> ♥ [ASTOS Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh) ♥
> 
> Much love!

_Take that, you son of a bantha!_ Rey thought at the kriffing bolt stubbornly rusted into the insulator plate she was trying to remove. She gave it another whack, grunting a little with the effort.

"You know, tuning that hydraulic system to within an inch of its life isn't going to fix whatever’s really wrong," Rose's voice startled Rey out of her thoughts, and she looked over to where the other woman was climbing out from under the engine of Snap's X-wing. She strolled over to sit on a toolbox by the _Falcon’s_ ramp, and patted the spot beside her in invitation.

With a rueful smile, Rey set aside her spanner and joined her.

"What is it?" her friend asked with concern.

"Beaumont," Rey said after a moment, and by the way Rose rolled her eyes she knew she didn't need to explain any further.

“That sleemo!” Rose huffed. “Like he’s perfect? Don’t let him get to you.”

“I’m trying not to, but it’s a little difficult when I spend hours with him every day.” She tugged the band she’d used to tie her hair into a practical tail out, and threaded her fingers through the growing locks in what had become a comforting habit. Only belatedly did she remember that her hands were covered in grease. She winced and pulled them away, doing her best to let the prickle of irritation that lingered after she’d escaped Beaumont’s presence this afternoon go. 

One of her hands dropped to the side of her belly, rubbing contemplatively at the itchiness that had started to plague her as the skin stretched over the growing life within. After Rey had revealed her condition to Leia a few weeks back, the general had insisted she be taken off the roster for supply runs and strike missions against First Order bases here in the Outer Rim. She’d been allowed on some of the safer recon trips at first, but those had quickly tapered off as well, and Rey had found herself effectively confined to base. She knew it was for the best, but she chafed against the restrictions designed to protect her and the innocent life she was carrying.

It wasn’t as though Rey had nothing to occupy herself with, admittedly. Her mornings were spent training and happily communing with the energy of all the bright, abundant life surrounding her, but the afternoons were rather less enjoyably endured seated next to Beaumont Kin. Thankfully, Leia still allowed her to work maintenance on the ships from time to time, probably realizing her student needed to vent a little when the judgmental looks her research partner shot her became too much.

“If he’s so uncomfortable about being around a pregnant woman, then he never should have volunteered to help you with translating those books,” Rose scoffed, unimpressed with the scholar’s snobbery.

“You really think anything would have deterred him from getting his hands on the original texts of the Jedi religion?” Rey questioned with a pointedly raised brow. “Besides, I don’t think it’s so much that pregnancy in general upsets him, but rather that he finds this _particular_ pregnancy offensive.”

“Well then, he’s a nugbrain and isn’t worth burying yourself in a freighter’s undercarriage over,” Rose told her. She knew well enough that Rey tended to dive for her tools and take it out on the _Falcon’s_ corroded circuitry when frustration started to eat at her. It was comforting doing something familiar after her life had altered so dramatically, especially when people like Beaumont Kin decided they didn’t approve of some of those changes.

Rey sighed to herself, scratching agitatedly at her side before laying her palm over the soft swell of her middle to try and center herself. She shouldn’t let it affect her so much, she knew, and most of the time she was able to let it roll off her back. The baby had quickly become the focal point of Rey’s daily life, and she’d found it made her unbelievably happy just to know she had Ben’s child to get her through these interminable periods of separation. What did it really matter that there were a few who’d decided to disapprove of her for it? What she’d gained _—_ and what the future held once this war was finally over _—_ far outweighed the pang of seeing censure in the eyes of someone who couldn’t claim to really know her.

Thankfully, she had friends like Rose and Chewie to lean on when it did begin to weigh on her. Both of them had greeted her news with excitement. Neither of them had seemed to care about the general confusion over the fact that no one seemed to know who had charmed his way into the bed of the Resistance’s Jedi, as most still deigned to call her. Chewie, especially, had seemed overjoyed when she’d told him, wrapping his massive, furry arms about her with a roar of excitement, and asking if she would let him hold her cub when it was born. She’d happily assured him she would, of course, which had led to another round of fluff-filled hugs.

It hadn’t been so easy to tell all of her friends. Poe had been nice enough about it, but seemed to not quite know what to do with a pregnant woman, awkwardly patting her on the shoulder by way of congratulations. Leia had been worse, though not because of the actual reaction she’d had for her student’s news. The general had smiled and immediately folded Rey into a warm hug, telling her how wonderful this was and that she’d answer any questions she might have. All the same, knowing the baby was Leia’s grandchild and being unable to share that with her had made Rey’s heart ache. It had been difficult to hold back the tears, watching the soft look in the older woman’s eyes when they gazed down at the small bump she’d stopped attempting to conceal beneath her clothes.

As nerve-wracking as it’d been to share this with Ben’s mother, however, there was someone else who’d been even harder to tell. Rey didn't snoop on her friends' minds, would never violate their privacy so unforgivably, but Finn's thoughts had echoed loudly enough that she would have had to be actively blocking him out to miss them. It had hurt. When he'd seen the way he'd wounded her, though, Finn had immediately thrown his arms around her, and hugged Rey tight in apology.

She understood what he felt, she supposed, and honestly appreciated the fact that his initial aversion to her condition wasn't due to any condemnation of Rey herself, but rather frustration with the fact that someone had become so close to her without his realizing. Finn was protective of Rey, knowing that he’d been her first friend, the first person who'd ever really cared for her, and the first who'd come back to help her when she’d needed it. He took that very seriously, and it came through in his instincts to watch out for her.

Once the shock had worn off, Finn had broached the obvious question no one else dared to ask her directly. Rey had told him that she wouldn't say who the father was, and though he tried to press her, she wouldn't budge. Seeing he wasn't going to get a name from her, Finn had huffed in frustration, and asked her to just tell him whether she'd been willing. He'd blushed furiously, but the look in his eyes was determined, and it had helped her forgive him for asking it. Though Rey had assured him that she hadn't been forced, she got the feeling her friend didn't quite believe it, or at least that he worried she'd been taken advantage of, or misled in some way.

Rey sighed, giving her back a stretch. She'd thought she'd had enough to contend with, dealing with one over-protective man in her life, but now she had two...on top of a Wookiee intent on nurturing the little expecting female in his small tribe.

In the weeks since she'd told her friends about her pregnancy, she was pretty sure Finn had side-eyed every man who spoke to her, wondering which of them was the culprit. Little did he know that the rightful recipient of his outrage was lightyears away...and had been even when she'd conceived.

Rey snorted softly to herself. Poor Finn. She loved him for it, but he was going to drive himself _—_ _and her—_ crazy trying to work it out.

She peeked across the hangar at where he met with Poe and Snap, the three of them working together to plan the coming supply run on a brand new First Order outpost on Agamar. He saw her give him a small wave and returned it, then turned away again, awkwardly rolling his shoulder to ease the discomfort of the prosthetic arm he was still trying to grow accustomed to.

Beside her, Rose smiled in sympathy, seeing the exchange. Unlike her now-official boyfriend, she had taken Rey's news with delight. She'd stood there, blinking in surprise at first, but then had thrown her arms around Rey with a whoop, which had allowed the knot inside her chest to loosen a little. It made things easier knowing that someone was genuinely happy for her, and she’d felt relief when the mechanic had whispered a promise that she'd work on Finn.

"He's just worried about you, you know?" Rose told her, drawing her attention back from her ruminations. Then she looked at Rey with a gravity she hadn't allowed to show before. "It…it surprised all of us, Rey. I mean, I'd figured you were seeing someone, but _—_ "

"You did?!" Rey exclaimed, staring in shock.

"Uh, yeah," her friend said, expression turning sarcastic. "You don't honestly think I didn't know you had to have someone in your room with you that morning that I came by and interrupted your _staff practice?"_

Rey felt her cheeks flood with heat, and bent over to bury her face in her hands in embarrassment.

"It's okay," Rose said with a kind chuckle, voice softening. She reached out to wrap an arm comfortingly around Rey, pulling her back up. "It’s your relationship. There's no reason you had to tell anyone."

"No?" She raised a sardonic brow. "Tell that to Beaumont."

"I don't know anything about the Jedi, and frankly, I don't think anyone else here can claim to understand them, either. Well, the general probably knows more than most, and that boomrod of hers likely has the whole Jedi Code stored away somewhere in his gold-plated circuits,” Rose quipped, getting a small laugh out of Rey, “but Beaumont and the rest who've been giving you the cold shoulder? What the kriff do any of them really know?"

"Beaumont’s studied the history of the Jedi, their precepts, and all they stood for," Rey commented quietly, admitting to a sliver of uncertainty as she absentmindedly rubbed at her belly again. "That's more than I can say."

She'd spent her whole life either bearing the mistreatment of others or avoiding them out of fear, and ultimately isolating herself. She'd longed for friends _—_ for people to care about and who would care for her in return. Now that she'd finally found a place where she was valued and considered someone worth people's time, it hurt to see some of them withdraw their belief in her.

Rey had endured abandonment, but she was finding judgement to be a different kind of weight on her soul. Ben would tell her not to care what the others thought, that "they were more," but while she knew there was something special about their Bond, Rey didn't think it made them any greater than those around them. 

They were just…different.

"So what?" her friend asked, recapturing her attention and fixing her with a stubborn look. "Just because Nugbrain’s read some texts about the Jedi doesn't give him any room to decide whether you're worthy of being one."

"I'm not sure I…" Rey peeked over at Rose nervously. She'd not confessed this to anyone except Ben, but she'd been thinking it through ever since he'd suggested there might be alternatives, feeling more and more that it felt right. "I'm not sure I want to be a Jedi _—_ not following the Code, and the religion, and all that, I mean. It's never really seemed to, you know…fit. And now, well." She stroked her fingertips over the swell of her belly significantly.

"It's your power," Rose told her after giving it a moment of thought. "Just because you're not a Jedi, doesn't mean you won’t use it wisely or that you aren't a good person _—_ and there's no doubt about that, Rey."

Her chin pebbled, overwhelmed by Rose's acceptance. Turning to face her friend, Rey gave her a hug that the mechanic returned readily, not saying a word if she felt a wet drop or two land on her shoulder.

 _Karking hormones,_ Rey grumped to herself. Kalonia had mentioned she might be more emotional, and kriff if she wasn't right.

"It's okay," Rose repeated, pulling back. She looked down with a smile at Rey's belly, "and Bump’s going to be spoiled silly, Chewie and I'll make sure of it."

With that, the gloom finally began to recede and Rey laughed. Rose had taken to referring to her belly as "Bump," and it always made her smile. It had started out as a joke, but after a week or so of being greeted with, "Hey Rey! Hello Bump!" even she'd started thinking of it that way. For weeks, she'd been alone in knowing that there was a little life growing inside her _—_ well, save for one man on the other side of the galaxy _—_ and having someone greet her news with such warm welcome meant a great deal.

"Thank you, Rose," Rey said, meaning it.

"We're all in this together. The whole idea of standing up to the First Order is to save what we love," the small woman reassured her, giving her belly a gentle rub, "and Bump is one of those things. Now, get out of here! Grab something to feed that sweet tooth of yours and get an early night. I think Bump will agree with me that you need to put your feet up."

Rey laughed tiredly, admitting Rose was right and giving her friend one last hug before trudging out of the hangar bay. She was a grimy mess and her back was killing her, a development that had surprised her. Bump was still small and she hadn’t thought the little bit of extra weight would start making her achy yet. It was just enough to throw her center of gravity off, though, and dragged on her over the course of the day, especially when Nugbrain’s company sent her to find a sonic wrench and stomp off to battle the _Falcon’s_ backed-up fuel cells.

 _One more joyous revelation about pregnancy,_ Rey thought to herself with dry humor. At least there had been more enjoyable discoveries over the past few weeks, and she hurried her steps so that she could get along to her favorite.

She stopped by the 'fresher to wash up, then made her way through the corridors towards the abandoned wing of the massive old base that she'd claimed. Her friends had tried to persuade her to move into a less isolated room when she'd told them about the baby. Their concern meant a lot, but the brief hours of connection and passion the Force allowed with the man she loved meant far more, and she wasn't going to risk discovery after the near-miss that clearly hadn't fooled Rose.

Rey laughed at herself as she stepped into her room, remembering that morning with Ben _—_ magnificent in all his naked glory, laying across her as they both recovered from truly star-shattering sex, and then the panic at hearing a knock on the unlocked door.

Retrieving some things from her various hidey-holes, Rey piled them on her bed in a heap before peeling off her clothes. Shivering in the chilly recycled air that kept the damp of Ajan Kloss at bay, she hurriedly tugged one of Ben's big shirts over her head with a happy sigh. The fabric draped generously over her, and though Bump was still just a gentle swell over her middle, Rey reveled in the comfort of snuggling into loose clothes at the end of a long day. 

Ben had quite the luxurious wardrobe, she’d been delighted to find, determining that she’d have to filch some more things from him. His undershirts were certainly fair game, as far as she was concerned, but Rey found herself thinking prospectively of how the shirts he slept in looked even softer. So she made a mental note to make sure to find a way to safely sneak into his bed again and get her hands on one.

Rey knew she could just ask him, and Ben would gladly hand over whatever she wanted. That took all the fun out of it, however. Part of what she'd found she enjoyed most about her time with him was that Ben craved not just affection and carnal gratification, but the simple enjoyment of matching his intelligence and surprising sense of humor with hers. The playful banter they found themselves slipping into sometimes was an expression of just how much they valued one another's personalities as much as the attachment binding their souls together. It was an intimacy all its own, and no less meaningful for not being the momentous actualization of shared passion that came out in the way they held one another, kissed, or made love.

It was just one more way they told each other they cared.

Climbing into bed, Rey gathered up the blanket she'd pulled from the back of her closet, spreading it out around her. Then she shrugged the black fabric of the long cloak Ben had left behind the night she'd told him about the baby around her shoulders. Twisting a little, she pushed her pillow down a bit further behind her so that it would support her lower back better, and cuddled into the comfy warmth.

The strain and aches of the day slowly easing, Rey looked over at the leather-bound book resting on her bedside table. She knew she should be combing through it again, trying to piece together the passages she'd managed to translate with Beaumont's help. Rather than reaching for it, though, her hands settled over the small mound of her belly, nestled in the midst of her cozy nest of Ben’s things.

This was the most important part of the day to Rey. Whatever happened and whoever chose to look at her with disapproval, she had this to hold onto.

Rey reached out with her mind, touching the sleepy spark and smiling when it flickered happily at the contact. She wished she could sense whether she was carrying a boy or a girl, if for no other reason than so that she could stop feeling awful about referring to her child as an “it.” Kalonia knew after all the tests and screenings she'd been doing to monitor the pregnancy's progress, and had offered to tell her, but there was a stubborn desire in Rey to find out for herself. So, she continued to feel for some characteristic that might eventually tell her, waiting for the baby to share this special secret. With the way its consciousness was developing so dramatically so quickly, she had to tamp down her excitement, believing that it wouldn't be much longer.

A part of Rey’s awareness was always with her baby, both to ensure all was well and because she was unendingly entranced by the growing life _—_ a wonder equal to that of the Bond she shared through the Force with Ben. She sat quietly like this whenever she could, communing with and savoring the strong connection she already had with her child.

She still regretted that this had happened now, in the midst of a war that kept her from being with Ben. It also would have been nice to be able to have had some time alone together, just the two of them, before taking this step. For all that the circumstances could hardly be worse, though, Rey could never grieve that this precious outcome of what she had with her Force-mate had come to be.

 _ **We’re fighting for you,**_ she thought to her child, unsure it would understand her, but knowing that it was listening. _**We both are, your father and I. You'll have the family you deserve, one that won’t ever abandon you. One that would never drive you away. We love you so much already.**_

Saying the words, "your father and I," even within the sanctuary of her own head made her heart glow with a sunburst of happiness.

It hit her again, how amazing it was that everything had changed so quickly, not just in terms of finding and falling in love with Ben _—_ though their relationship was certainly the most important thing in her life _—_ but in Rey's own point of view. Though she'd keenly felt the strain of the altered relationships she had with her friends, and the withdrawal of those she'd been judged harshly by, she had never felt less alone in her entire life.

Rey had never felt more hopeful for the future.

She and Ben had given something to one another that had been missing from both their lives for far too long. It was something different from the Bond, a source of confidence and security in knowing that there was someone out there who loved them wholly and without condition. She'd missed the moment when it’d happened, and she thought that Ben had as well, but somehow they weren’t simply lovers any longer. With the conception of their child, there were so many threads of fate and promise binding them together, no matter the seemingly infinite stars that lay between them.

 ** _That's what this is all for, Bump,_** she told the baby, rubbing her fingers over her tingling skin. _**It hurts more than I would ever have imagined anything could, but we're apart now so that when you come to us we'll be together—for each other and for you.**_

Rey had no reservations about making that vow. In spite of what troubles might come, and whatever the vision wrested from the Dark locus on Mustafar meant for them, she didn't doubt in the slightest that she and Ben would both live up to it.

_**Rey?** _

She closed her eyes, smiling. The silent sound of his voice sent warmth to fill her chest and she stretched out for him, only to almost instantly encounter the touch of his mind already reaching for hers.

_**Ben!** _

Rey sensed his smile, despite the intervening lightyears, and his longing for this reunion humming along the fibers of the Bond. No matter the length of time between, these connections made the strain _—_ the pain _—_ of their separation worth it. Knowing that one day they wouldn't have to rely on stolen moments to find their way back to one another, she could and would endure anything.

Until then, Rey would wait for the moments like this when she felt the other half of her soul slip back into place...where he'd belonged all along.

**_Are you alone, Sweetheart?_ **

Tugging him closer and wrapping herself around him, she allowed their minds to simply exist together. Then, she felt the slumbering spark inside of her stir. Rey's heart squeezed when an infinitely fragile stream of consciousness followed slowly, determinedly in the wake of her own outstretched awareness. Thrilled by what she realized it wanted, Rey gently encouraged and guided that embryonic flicker. When it finally reached her where she held Ben's mind in a loving embrace with her own, it nestled against them both, exhausted by the effort but happy.

Rey's smile widened as she heard Ben's breath of surprise echoing across the galaxy. She couldn't help sharing those special words again, though he'd not really intended his question that way.

 ** _Never. And neither are you,_** she whispered to him.

Giving him a gentle pull, Rey came back to herself and looked over to where his steadfast form stood tall. Ben stared down at her, breath unsteady and eyes filled with emotion ready to overflow.

Rey held out her hand to him and Ben stepped to the side of her bed. Clasping her fingers and weaving them through his own, he took a knee. His other hand reached out to lay over the soft rise of her belly, peeking out from the gathered folds of the blanket and cloak. She felt him hesitate, but then his mind reached for the spark lying beneath his palm.

Watching Ben’s face, Rey not only felt the moment he encountered the reciprocating touch of the baby, but saw it as his lips parted on an indrawn breath. When his soul-baring eyes rose to meet hers, a tear fell and he smiled in utter amazement.

 _Yes,_ she thought. _We’ll both keep that promise._

Rey pulled his hand closer and removed the leather that covered it before taking the hand on her belly. His gloves were tossed uncaringly across the room and then, pulling her knees up, Rey patted the blanket in invitation. When he rose and settled himself on the side of the bed, she immediately crawled out from her comfy nest to climb into his lap. Ben's own heat kept her from shivering as his arms came around her, pulling her into the security of his chest and snugging the soft give of her belly against his hard stomach. As soon as he was within reach, she leaned up to kiss him.

She felt something settle about her shoulders, but was far too preoccupied by the silky glide of Ben's full lips over hers to care. Though the kiss was charged with the rising force of their need for one another, neither sought to nip tender flesh or delve into each other's mouths in search of a deeper caress. They didn't need more to ignite that now-familiar flame between them.

With Ben’s lips on hers, they could have stoked the stars to burn with an even greater radiance.

When at last they managed to pull themselves away from one another, both of them gasping a bit around their laughter, Rey realized he'd grabbed the cloak from where it had been discarded on her pillow for a more desirous perch. Ben had drawn it about her, insulating her between the thick fabric and himself. Rubbing her cheek against his, she soaked in that wonderful warmth. Their minds curled together, wrapping themselves around one another in a perfect imitation of their physical bodies, happy as a pair of smitten loth-cats.

 _And our loth-kitten,_ Rey thought with a tremor of humor, feeling Ben’s answering amusement vibrate against her where her heart pressed to his.

She could tell he was weary, the effort to hold the connection together dragging on him more than was usual now that he’d mastered the effort to pull them together across the lightyears. Discreetly feeling along the edges of his mind, Rey was relieved to sense that Ben seemed to be almost fully recovered from his ordeal on Mustafar. It seemed that though some of the strain of that harrowing experience lingered, slowly healing with time and distance, his fatigue was largely the result of too-long a day and the unending tension of bearing the ache of falling into bed alone each night.

Without the one he longed to hold there beside him.

 _ **Me too,**_ she told him, tightening her arms now that he was there to wrap them around.

They sat with their foreheads resting together and the precious spark of life slumbering between them, the recurring ache of so many partings easing under the shared touch they both found the will to carry on by dreaming of.

"You're happier," Ben murmured, his breath brushing over her lips as they spread into a smile.

"Yeah," Rey agreed, feeling the glow of joy inside her that sprang from so many feelings contained within her heart that, for the first time in so long, were more hopeful than cynical. She reached out and tucked a lock of soft, black hair back off his forehead, searching his eyes. "So are you."

"Happier? Not really," Ben dismissed the idea, though she could feel that he was far less burdened than he had been two weeks ago when he'd struggled beneath the oppression of Dark corruption. "It's easier now, being away from Mustafar. Nothing to being with you, though."

Rey felt warmth slip down her face and wanted to roll her eyes at herself for the stupid baby-hormones getting the better of her again, but was just too enthralled by the way Ben’s caf-colored eyes lit as he held her so close. Some might consider it absurd of them to be so wrapped up in one another, but being held in her Force-mate's arms, touching him and tasting his breath, feeling the brush of his extraordinary mind against hers _—_ it was just so fundamental to her now.

If Ben was there, she wanted her skin to rest against his, her mind to be wrapped within his consciousness, and to have this feeling of true completion fill her. Rey needed this wholeness that seemed closer to what she thought of as the concept of the divine than any religion could describe. His thoughts wove seamlessly through her own as they welcomed one another back in a way no one else in the galaxy could possibly comprehend or emulate, and Rey knew he felt the same.

This man was hers to hold. She was his to claim. They were each both worshipper and deity.

For as long as she drew breath, Rey would long for Ben's touch; she would wish for his caress, yearn for his kiss, ache for him to cover her, and to take him into her most intimate embrace.

A single lifetime with Ben Solo could never be enough.

 ** _Eternity wouldn't be long enough,_ **his whisper stroked across the Bond to reach for her heart.

When their minds joined together like this, in a way that felt so natural and so fulfilling, a union that utterly transcended the physical, Rey felt she became... _more_. They set each other free to become something they'd not otherwise have dared or been strong enough to be. There was a dependence in that which would have frightened her once, but not now _—_ not when Ben looked at her like she was his every hope and dream fashioned into human flesh.

As he was to her.

Feeling the stirrings of Dark passion begin to rise along both ends of their Bond, Rey deliberately pulled back a little. Her desire for Ben hadn’t slackened in the slightest, nor had his for her, she knew, but...

Rey wanted to take her time with him tonight.

The silence stretched between them, but it was comfortable, words totally unnecessary. Then she felt him nudge curiously at something in her mind that caught his attention, and watched his face screw up in dismay.

"Bump?"

Rey laughed at his reaction to Rose's nickname for the baby. He was clearly horrified that his child should be known by such a whimsical sobriquet.

"Bump," she confirmed, though with a warm affection for his ruffled pride. "What's the matter, _Supreme Leader?_ Too undignified for you?"

"What if I said yes?" Ben asked, a little hopefully.

"Isn't it better than just calling our baby "it" all the time?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Is it?" he muttered stubbornly, though she could tell he didn't actually disagree.

"It is." Rey grabbed hold of his tunic and pulled herself up a little so she was on a level with the amused resignation in his eyes, her smiling face against his.

Ben huffed with humor at her, giving her a squeeze that pressed her belly tightly in against him. She arched her lower back to allow him to feel their little Bump more fully. Gripping the back of her neck in his large palm, he gave her a hard kiss, conceding, but taking something for himself in return. More than happy to give it, Rey threw herself into him unreservedly.

She released Ben’s tunic so she could wrap her arms around his neck, but it caused the cloak to slip from her shoulders. A shiver coursed through her at the sudden chill and he pulled away to reach behind Rey, grabbing the fallen fabric and pulling it back around her. He seemed to finally realize what it was, and another quiet laugh escaped him.

“What part of that broken-down Rebel base did you pick as a bedroom _—_ cryo?” Ben joked, nodding at the rumpled blanket bunched up around them.

“Ugh,” she exclaimed, thinking of the oppressively heavy jungle air outside her door. “It's plenty hot around here, and thankfully the air coolant keeps it the kriff out.”

“The girl from the desert planet doesn’t care for heat?” His eyebrow quirked up at that.

“The girl from the desert planet is perfectly happy with heat. She’s not especially thrilled with karking _humidity,_ however,” Rey griped in disgust, making Ben smile.

“Poor thing,” he commiserated with gentle mockery. Then one of his hands slid downwards and his voice dropped suggestively, “We’ll have to come up with another way to keep you warm, then.”

Rey swatted at his groping fingers with reproach, though she held his dark eyes with a flirtatious light in hers. It was having a decidedly innervating effect on him, given the growing hardness beneath her.

Chased away from the hem of her shirt, Ben cocked his head as though considering a troubling question. Then, leaning back a little, but keeping one hand on Rey to prevent her from falling, Ben stretched out for something. When he straightened, he passed her some familiar fabric, neatly folded. She accepted it eagerly, shaking it out carelessly in excitement, thrilled to have another one of the thick blankets that covered the Supreme Leader’s bed to cuddle up under in her cold room.

“Thank you,” Rey said huskily, her voice coming from deep inside her chest. As intended, it was answered by further stiffening at the front of his trousers. She made a show of ignoring it as though she hadn’t noticed, further incensing him.

She’d expected Ben to grab her or make another bid for her hemline, but instead he leaned back again. Then, he was handing a big, fluffy pillow to her.

Rey snuck a subtle sniff and bit the inside of her lip as she took the bolster from him, reveling in the spiciness that was still strong on the silky-soft fabric of the case. He’d seen her do it, of course, well aware of her addiction to the scent of his cologne. Giving her a knowing smile, Ben reached back yet again, producing _another_ pillow.

“How many pillows do you have?” Rey gasped in amused astonishment but took the offering without hesitation. With these additions to her collection, she’d be able to prop her sore back up more comfortably at the end of the day, and even ease the strain on her hips with something to plump up beneath her knees at the same time. Oh, she was looking forward to making good use of them!

“How many do you need?” Ben responded, immensely entertained by her jubilant thoughts, and plopping a third into her disbelieving hands.

Rey choked on her laughter as she tossed it over with the others. Looking at the mound of luxurious coziness, she imagined lounging on a whole pile of them, but quickly tossed the mental image away, hoping Ben hadn’t caught it. Eyeing him, she knew that if she wasn’t careful, she’d end up buried under a mountain of pillows.

Besides, Rey had to find hiding spots for all of them somewhere in her room. No one had gotten in while she was out during the day, so far as she was aware, but she wasn’t going to take any chances of Ben’s things being discovered.

“I think I’ll be fine,” she told him, but spotted the considering gleam in his eye. Worried he’d managed to pick up on that thought about the pile of pillows after all, Rey decided it was time to distract him. 

“I didn’t know I was getting a visit tonight,” she commented, leaning into his broad chest and pressing Bump into him once again, knowing he absolutely adored it. She was satisfied with the way it made the caf in his gaze darken, pupils blown wide. She was overjoyed that he’d been able to recover enough to draw them together through the Bond so quickly after his near-fatal visit to Mustafar.

“I hadn’t planned it, but _—_ ” Ben choked off, voice roughened in reaction to the way she _—most_ unintentionally _—_ shifted in his lap. His hands dropped to her hips, holding her still, and he shot her a look that promised consequences if she tried that again. She was tempted to test it, feeling the desire already pooling between her thighs in readiness for him, responding to the smoldering promise of what he had in store for her if she did.

Rey reminded herself of her determination to draw this out, however. She was still enjoying the sensual sparring match she and Ben were seducing one another with, slowly leading towards the heady culmination that was the obvious conclusion to their game. They were both eager to reach it, but neither wanted to sacrifice the tantalizing prelude.

So, Rey settled sedately within Ben’s hold and looked back at him with perfect innocence. 

He wasn’t buying it in the least, but with a monumental effort, he pulled on the reins of his lust. Darkness released its grip on the Bond, and the balancing Light between them let them both think a little more clearly.

 _For the moment…_ Rey promised herself, delighted by the way the muscles along Ben’s jaw worked as he had to yank on his control once more, hearing that thought.

“I just wanted to see you,” he finally finished, releasing his restraining grip and hugging his arms around her waist again.

“That’s a good enough reason for me,” Rey whispered against his lips as she gave him a soft kiss.

“Mhm,” he agreed, stroking his thumbs along the base of her spine in a way that always made her sigh in contentment. 

_Kriff, he really does turn me into a loth-cat,_ she laughed inside at herself. With a smirk, Ben reached up to rub the pad of his thumb behind her ear in a warm circle. Rey wanted to moan at the heavenly sensation, but bit it back determinedly, wrinkling her nose at him. She earned a small rumble of a chuckle.

“So how much longer were you going to make me wait,” she asked, running her finger provocatively along the curve of his lower lip.

“Only a few more days,” he told her, staring hungrily at her mouth. “There’s an artefact I’m having retrieved that I think will hold some answers for us.”

That got her undivided attention, the heavy haze of arousal slipping away somewhat as her eyes sharpened in avid interest.

“What kind of an artefact?” Rey pulled her hand away and straightened, though in the back of her mind she admitted to herself that she rather appreciated the sulky look that flickered over his features when he realized he’d distracted her.

“A tome,” Ben answered vaguely, trying to lure her back into their seductive diversion by rubbing his thumb against the hollow behind her ear again. She caught it, though, and placed a kiss on the tip before fixing him with an expectant stare that he sighed regretfully at.

“It’s a text that may contain something about the Bond. That’s all I know right now,” he continued, turning his hand in her hold so that he could twine his fingers though hers, resigned. “Even if it says nothing about the Dyad itself, it’ll have information on the relationship between the two sides of the Force, and how the Dark and Light might be perceived differently than we’ve been taught.”

“In what way?” Rey asked, confused, but excited at the prospect of a resource that might actually help them decipher the convoluted vision they’d been given. As much as she loved her Force-mate and wouldn’t give up the connection they shared for the galaxy, she was just as sick as he was of stumbling around in the dark, trying to figure out what it all meant.

“I’ll know when it gets here. I'd planned on reaching for you once it arrived, but…" Ben's voice trailed off and his lips tilted up ever so slightly with an anticipation that was almost…boyish. She looked back at him expectantly, fascinated despite not having a clue what was going on.

"But…?" Rey tried to draw him out. He continued to hold his silence, however, even swiping the thought out of her reach when she prodded at his mind for answers. He gave her a deliberately obscure look, though his mind promised her that he had every intention of sharing whatever it was with her…in his own good time.

Looking at the renewed glow in Ben’s gaze, Rey couldn't believe the difference in him. The two weeks since he'd left Mustafar had done wonders for his state of mind, that sickening layer of corruption expunged. She raised her hands and, running her fingertips over his face, she reveled in the feel of him, both beneath her hands and curled around her mind.

 _This is how it’s meant to be,_ she thought again. Rey could feel how right it was to be with Ben, and she couldn’t help sobering as her thoughts drifted to the realization that this was quite literally their destiny, more so than she’d ever have imagined possible before that ominous revelation. Fate, the Force, or whatever power that had brought her soul into being had meant for her to find him, to be with him _—_ and together, it intended for them to tread a long and perilous path.

Nightmare images flashed through her mind, stars dying behind Rey’s eyes. She may have felt the stress of people like Beaumont judging her, or Finn’s struggle to accept his friend’s secret relationship, but it was the memory of the vision which sometimes invaded her dreams with echoes of the horrifying tragedy it seemed to threaten their future with that actually managed to blight her happiness. The recollection of watching whole planets scorched to ash, Ben brought to his knees in tears, and the lash of his red lightsaber as it struck out in rage sometimes caused her to wake up in the morning to find herself soaked in cold sweat.

However, it was the evil shadow reaching out with Dark claws to claim her baby that could wake her screaming.

"Shh," Ben hushed her internal turmoil, bringing her back to him. His hands rose, and one slipped between them to rest against the baby whose slumber had been disturbed by its mother’s uneasy thoughts. The other curled around to cradle the back of Rey’s neck and draw her in close to rest her forehead against his. Comfort and love flowed along the fibers of the Bond to her, chasing away her fears and filling the void with that warm devotion that was his alone to give. 

"Not now," he told her, his breath brushing over her lips.

"Ben," Rey said hoarsely, dragging the end of his name out in reproach. She didn't move away from his touch, but her eyes spoke volumes. She didn't want to do this again. They'd been cowards for avoiding the truth once, ignoring what had needed so badly to be confronted. The memory of the night when they'd finally broken the long-held silence that had borne down on both their souls since Ben had first taken her into his arms would always haunt her, as she knew it would him.

Ben just shook his head, though, kneading the fine muscles along the base of her skull while holding her gaze with a pledge in his dark eyes.

"Not yet, Rey," he insisted gently. "We’ll figure out what the vision means, I promise. But not tonight. Tonight, I just want to be with you."

Just them. No intruders, no Dark corruption hunting them, and not even prophecy seeking to pull the threads of their lives this way and that _—_ just Ben and Rey.

Releasing a shaky breath, she admitted she wanted nothing more.

Ben gave her a small smile when he felt her mind agree with his wish. Closing the bare inch of distance, he kissed her tenderly, mind reaching to help quiet the lingering tremors of heartache and horror that tried to maintain their grip on Rey’s thoughts. With a will, she let him, falling into the secure solace of his embrace.

For a while, Ben just held her. As his arms enfolded her body, his mind surrounded her consciousness more firmly _—_ harboring, protecting, and casting a ray of that glimmering core concealed within his heart out towards her. He allowed it to shine undeterred, caressing her with the radiance only she knew existed, and encouraging her own bright wellspring of Light to rise and bolster her spirit.

Intent on giving Rey all that he could, Ben stoked the Light higher and higher until they both gasped, pulling apart to stare at one another in wonder. Though he’d accepted the touch of her Light many times and even drawn on it to recover and reinforce his attack against Mustafar’s corruption, the Darkness within him had never withdrawn enough to actually allow the Light to hold supremacy.

Their joined Light dominated the Bond.

It lasted for only a heartbeat, the Darkness roiling in discontent, unwilling and unable to remain submissive, even for the sake of its mate.

Ben tried to hold it back, but with a gasp he was forced to release his restraining hold on it, and the Dark surged back along the Bond. He took Rey’s face in his hands with concern when she cried out, but she silently reassured him that it wasn’t from any real discomfort. Eager to reclaim its rightful place within the balance of the small universe contained between them, the Dark tide had crashed over the Light, compelling the radiance it needed and loved to yield. Submission was offered almost immediately, and the shadowed touch relented, settling once more to abide at its side, savoring that luminous presence.

“I’m sorry,” Ben murmured, berating himself inside, but Rey tugged on his mind, quieting his distressed thoughts.

“I’m fine, Ben,” she told him, and caught his eyes before giving him a smile filled with every ounce of absolute happiness he’d just given her. He stared at her face at first in disbelief, but then in captivation. Gradually, after checking again with his mind that she truly was all right, he began to relax, fingers softly tracing the line of her jaw. Rey felt him decide he wanted to share something with her _—_ whatever it was that had apparently brought him across the galaxy tonight on a whim.

“I have something for you that I think you’ll enjoy,” he said, eyes lighting with a resurgence of that anticipation she’d seen when he’d teased her earlier. Seeing it sparked excitement in her and feeling it, he took her waist, easing her off his lap.

Ben rose and paced across the room…and then through the wall. Snorting in amusement, Rey waited until he sauntered back, unable to help the laugh that bubbled out of her at the sight. He met her eyes with curiosity, and huffed himself when she showed him with her mind what he’d done.

“The miracle of our Bond,” he commented drolly, sitting next to her and wrapping an arm around Rey to tuck her in against his side. She leaned in happily and as she snuggled into his warmth, Ben handed her something.

It was a hard ball of some sort, with a stiff cord attached to a depression in what she assumed must be either the top or bottom. Ben waited while she examined it, a growing tension inside him that made her worry she was making him feel awkward about giving her something she so obviously couldn’t put a name to. There didn’t seem to be a perceivable use for it.

 _Maybe it’s a decoration?_ She considered, eyes straying over to the bedside table the leather-bound text was resting on, and thinking it would look rather nice there. It would be another reminder of him, which was what really counted to her _—_ whatever it was.

"It’s an apple, Rey,” Ben told her, finally deciding to break the suspense. “You can find different kinds throughout the galaxy. This one’s from Corellia." 

He was still tense, so she made a show of listening attentively, though it didn’t do much good. She hadn’t a clue what an “apple” was, much less why he’d think to give one to her.

Rey looked it over dubiously. She was delighted that Ben had wanted to share this with her, but couldn't imagine what he expected her to do with it, as clearly he was waiting for something. Beside her, she could feel him start to shake, but when she peeked up at him with concern, she saw the hilarity that played in his eyes as he watched her try to puzzle out his gift. 

Kriff. So that’s what it was. He didn’t feel bad that Rey didn’t know what the thing was, but found it hilarious. Since Ben had sunk to the level of childish heckling, she stuck her tongue out at him to even the score. His dark eyes dilated in response, much to her satisfaction. 

Finally, she gave in and admitted she was stumped.

"What am I supposed to do with it?"

That broke him. Ben began to laugh in earnest, his smile sending lines flaring out from the corners of his eyes like wings. When Rey poked him in the chest with an impatient finger, he took it and drew it up to his mouth to place a kiss on the back of her hand.

"You eat it, Rey," he managed after a moment. "It's food, a fruit."

"Oh," she said, looking at the apple consideringly. 

Fruits weren't really something the Resistance was able to keep on-hand easily, given that they had to be prepared to evacuate at a moment's notice, should the First Order discover them. Kalonia and the rest of her medical staff saw to it that the freedom fighters got the necessary nutrients through vitamin supplements added to the food served in the mess, instead. 

Rey had tried a Mandalorian orange once, but its tangy, almost sour sweetness had been too much for her. She preferred milder flavors after growing up with portion rolls that barely made any impression on the taste buds at all. Food had been a means of survival for so long, Rey had struggled with the idea of it being something enjoyable. While she was beginning to find herself liking the variety of things the galaxy had to offer in the epicurean department, now that she could, Rey still liked to keep things simple for the most part.

That is, until the craving had begun.

Much to her annoyance, Rey had recently developed a hankering for something sweet. Kalonia had laughed when she'd first mentioned it, telling her it was normal, and that a craving for sweets would be easy enough to satisfy…only it hadn't been. She'd tried tinned cake from the mess, a hard candy that Kaydel had been happy to share from a stash she kept in the Comm Center, and the orange that Poe had brought back for her after one of his missions. Rey had fought to not spit them all out in front of their well-meaning faces, reluctant to offend her friends when they were trying so hard to help. While she wanted something sweet, everything she’d tried just seemed _too_ sweet.

Turning Ben's apple over in her hand, she gave it a closer look. She held it up to her nose, finding that it had a faint aroma near what she now recognized wasn’t a cord, but had to be the stem. It made her mouth water. It was hard, though, and there was no way to pull it apart like a portion roll or the flatbreads they served in the mess.

"So," Rey said, still perplexed. _"How_ do I eat it?"

She had to give Ben another poke, this time in indignation. The nerfherder fell back on the bed, shaking with quiet, but irrepressible humor.

 _ **Force, I love you, Rey,**_ he said through the Bond, unable to voice the words around his laughter.

Rey wanted to be annoyed with him for his amusement at her expense, but she couldn’t help being struck by how surreal it still was to see Ben like this. She’d grown used to his small smiles and quiet huffs, both appearing to become more natural for him to express the closer they grew. All the same, she was just as entranced by the sight of him shaking with laughter now as she had been once when she’d tickled him until he’d begged for her mercy.

Her quiet contemplation of him seemed to ground Ben, the quakes of mirth tapering off after a moment. He met Rey’s mesmerized gaze and gave her one of those intense looks of his before pushing himself back upright and reaching out to reclaim his hold on her waist.

Eyes holding hers, Ben stretched out his other hand, and she felt him summon the Force, a swell of energy heeding his call. After a moment, he caught a small knife that appeared from somewhere in his unseen quarters. Giving it a quick glance, Rey looked back to Ben and rolled her eyes at him for showing off. 

With a gentle tug, he pulled her back across his lap, spreading his legs so that she nestled down between them, and wrapped his arms loosely around her while he set to slicing the fruit. Leaning into him, Rey could feel his arousal still throbbing with demanding heat against her, but Ben was holding himself carefully in check. 

It seemed the game was to continue.

When he had a neat wedge cut out of the apple, seeds scraped away, he exerted a slight stir of the Force to lift it into the air before her in offering. She reached to take it, but the slice was whisked out of reach before she could touch it. Rey turned to give Ben a questioning look, wondering what he was up to, but caught onto what he had in mind after a moment. 

_**You really are a hopeless romantic,**_ she teased him.

Lowering her hand, she waited until he drifted the apple wedge back to her, and then opened her mouth to take a bite when the Force brought it to her lips.

With a crunch, juice unexpectedly filled Rey’s mouth, dripping down her chin before she could catch it. She made a sound of surprised relish at the flavor. It was sweet, but not the sugary sweetness of the cake or Kaydel’s candy that had made her teeth hurt. It also wasn’t the sharp, acidic sweetness of the orange Poe had shared with her. Mild and crisp, the apple’s succulent flesh _finally_ fed that unaccountable craving that had been nagging at her constantly.

Rey allowed Ben to feed her the remainder of the piece he’d sliced off, letting him have his fun, but then nabbed the rest of the apple from his hand and took a healthy bite that made her moan in relief.

Ben watched her take another bite of the crisp fruit eagerly and smiled.

"Not too sweet?"

"No, it's perfect!" Rey told him, licking a drop of aromatic juice off her finger. "Mmm. It's exactly what I've been _—_ "

She broke off, turning to look back up at him suspiciously. When she spotted the way the corner of his mouth tightened to hold back a smirk and sensed the insufferable smugness lurking in his mind, she knew.

_**Oh, you kriffing nerfherder!** _

She set the rest of the apple aside and turned to face him, rising up on her knees to straddle his thighs and planting a hand on each shoulder. Looking him dead in the eye, Rey tried to hold the outrage on her face.

"You've been spying on me!" she accused.

"I've been _checking_ on you," Ben corrected, totally unconcerned by her show of indignation _—_ he could sense her trying to control the urge to laugh. She'd caught him out, though, and this time he was actually here to pounce on, not just a brush of the mind that could escape back across the galaxy the moment he realized she’d picked up on his snooping presence.

"Checking on or checking _up_ on?" Rey asked, a hint of breathiness slipping into her voice as his hands stole up under her hem again. She heard his mind determine it was decidedly in the way.

Bringing his face in close to hers so there was barely a whisper of space between them, he met her provocation with the rising lust that still had the front of his trousers straining beneath her. His hands had worked their way up to trail along the skin of her hips and waist, before sneaking around to caress the soft swell of her belly as if he just couldn’t stop himself, helping to ease the tingly itch as he passed over it.

"As if you haven't slipped into my head to poke around, little scavenger," he rejoined in a low, velvety voice full of something that might have sounded dangerous if it didn’t trail sparks across her skin.

Rey squeaked in surprise when Ben’s hands suddenly grabbed hold of her hips to anchor her against him, but it turned into a moan that resonated deep in her throat as he rolled up into her. The grinding friction of the unexpected contact made her arch her back, shockwaves coursing up along her spine. It took her a moment to recover her breath, but when she did, Rey grabbed Ben's face in both her hands, and took her revenge by giving his outrageously full lower lip a sharp nip. 

Dark passion flared along the Bond, lighting a fire deep within his dilated gaze. Before she could catch the intent in his mind, Ben pulled her in close and with a twist of his hips, he flipped her, planting Rey on her back as he settled himself firmly within the cradle of her thighs. He’d landed her amidst the pile of blankets and pillows, and it was like falling into clouds…with a heavy luggabeast on top of her. 

Ben straightened a bit so that he loomed over Rey, holding her in place beneath him with his weight while his hands released their grasp to begin working on the fastenings of his tunic.

"That's cheating!" she growled, thrilled inside when the stiff fabric fell away. He shrugged his undershirt off next, holding it up and looking down at her with a tauntingly raised eyebrow. A smile started to break across her face in spite of her best efforts as she reached out to snatch it, adding the soft fabric to the nest of plush comfort they were building around themselves.

"I'm a Dark Sider, Sweetheart," Ben said as he bent down, eyes burning into hers, finally snagging the matching black shirt off of her, despite her half-hearted attempt to hamper him. "We don't bother with playing fair."

He dove for her then, tongue tracing along the corner of her lips to taste the sweet residue from the apple before delving between them in pursuit of a more enticing nectar. Rey welcomed him with enthusiasm, but then Ben unexpectedly gentled and the caress turned tender. He pulled back a little to softly brush his mouth over her kiss-swollen lips, nose nuzzling the freckled tip of hers adoringly. It was sweet and reverent and utterly alluring. Rey sighed into his worshipful ministrations, giving back as much as he would allow before his fingers tangled in her hair to hold her still.

It was that subtle move to subdue her that tipped her off.

Rey caught the thought the instant before he moved, and she only barely managed to get a grip on his shoulders before Ben broke the kiss and reared up. Holding on tight, she dragged herself up with him. She smiled in triumph as she released her handhold and went for the sensitive skin at the base of his ribs, making him writhe beneath her and startling a bark of laughter out of him. 

Force, but she’d never get enough of that sound. Rey also loved it that Ben admired her for being able to match and turn the tables on him. Even as he got a grip on her wrists to pull her away from his quaking sides, he gave her a solid kiss in honor of her victory. 

He pushed her back down onto the pillows, crushing her further into the soft pile as he settled over her again. Then Ben strayed from her mouth, lighting a searing path along the line of her jaw until he reached his favorite spot. His lips were warm against the delicate skin, but then he nipped the edge of her ear lightly, making her shiver. 

He had Rey well and truly occupied, but she had just enough awareness to sense that he was nudging at her mind, looking for something. Disbelief filled him when he found it and grasped that she’d never had the experience, that there was no way of knowing if she would even react as he hoped. Astonishment filled him, realizing she’d done something for him she’d never been given in return.

Ben pulled himself away from her neck, rising up on his elbows to stare down at her, a deep sorrow pulling at him. Unsure what it was that he’d wanted or why what he’d found in her mind would make him sad, Rey looked back questioningly, silently asking what was wrong. He just rubbed his thumb over her cheek, a plan coming together behind his eyes. 

The alluring gleam of determination filled his gaze, always so fierce, and dispelled the troubled shadow.

Pulling away from her only long enough to kick off the rest of his clothing, Ben lay down over her again with a smile that couldn’t quite disguise the hint of mischief behind it. Rey watched him warily, breath coming a little faster as she prodded at his mind with suspicion, demanding answers. His smile only deepened at her inquiring touch and the deep scoring of his dimples distracted her long enough for him to slip his plan past her.

He struck.

Rey screamed with laughter, Ben’s fingers finding a spot higher up along her side that had her squirming as soon as he reached it. Her mind flew apart in an instant, shocked at the sensation that she’d been only indirectly aware of when she’d tickled him, but not really understood until now. It was sheer torture; it was wonderful, and she tangled her fingers in his hair to hold on. Ben’s lips reclaimed the dip behind her jaw, tongue teasing her further, tasting her skin as she fell apart beneath him.

It was incredible and mad, and Rey was practically begging for him to stop even while she shook with uncontrollable giggles of pure agonized delight. She was almost desperate for it to end, starting to feel the urgent need for air. Her reprieve only came, however, when she released a broken moan as Ben filled her.

Rey’s grip on his hair tightened in need, and he reluctantly let her drag him away from the sinful lavishment that was undoubtedly going to leave another florid mark to remember him by. When he looked down into her pleasure-wrecked eyes, she could see his scoundrel’s smirk on full display. Still panting and unable to speak, Rey simply yanked, and gave as good as she got when Ben’s shameless mouth landed on hers.

The collision of the tip of his thick shaft deep inside her forced out another helpless sound from the back of her throat. Half-undone by the way he’d tormented her already, Rey felt the heavy pressure build fast. Ben set a furious pace as he snapped his hips up into her, hooking his arms beneath her knees to allow him to plunge even deeper. He thrust hard, wrapping his mind firmly around hers and allowing the unbelievable sensations overtaking them both to storm along the Bond. Rey arched her back with the luxurious thrill of each powerful stoke, and he groaned at the silky glide of hard heat as she embraced it.

They strove together, reckless now with the urgency to reach that culmination they’d been seducing one another towards all evening, to surmount that heady pinnacle _—_ to share that moment of nirvanic grace that made their souls shine like starlight.

Rey screamed again when it broke over her, the aching sound tapering off threadily as Ben’s kiss claimed it with consuming greed, even as he shuddered with the seismic tremors of his own climax.

The aftershocks coursed through them for what seemed an eternity, and they continued to move together through them, unwilling to make themselves surrender the rolling waves of bliss. Then Ben suddenly hissed sharply through his teeth, abs tightening with a jerk as she felt him give a final hard release deep within her. Rey watched his face through it, languidly following the brief flare of intensity that gave way to weary euphoria, his expressive features entrancing.

 ** _You’re so beautiful,_** she whispered to him across the Bond that glowed with exultation.

Rich, dark eyes opened heavily and met hers with overwhelming emotion. Ben released her legs and allowed himself to ease his full weight onto her for a few moments, kissing her deeply. Rey finally released his hair to clasp him tight with everything she had left in her love-spent body.

 ** _There’s nothing in this galaxy as radiant as you,_** his exhausted mind told her.

When Ben lifted himself off her, Rey moaned disconsolately. She loved the feel of him over her, his heavy warmth making her feel secure and cherished as no blanket or shirt could. However, as much as he respected _—_ and indulged in _—_ her insistence that he didn’t need to handle her as though being pregnant suddenly made her breakable, Ben was still conscious of the fact that there was a fragile little life beneath him. So, he climbed off of Rey, but pressed an apologetic kiss into her hair as he pulled her over to him, settling back onto one of the pillows that had been dislodged from the pile by the exuberance of their lovemaking.

Rolling to her side, Rey cuddled against him and pulled one of the blankets over their tangled legs. Sweat-beaded skin quickly chilled in the cold air of the room, but they were perfectly content to take the excuse to snuggle in closer.

Dozing in the hazy aura of the afterglow, Rey stroked the ragged end of the scar that passed beneath her cheek where she rested in the hollow of Ben’s shoulder. He played with her hair, and she felt his mind somnolently memorizing the texture of it, the deep hue of the chestnut locks, and the way it slipped like gossamer through his fingers.

It always lingered in the background, that reminder that this couldn’t last, that soon his tired mind would have to release its hold on the Bond and allow them to drift apart _—_ back to their respective ends of the galaxy. Rey didn’t want to think about it, but in searching for something else to occupy herself with, her thoughts strayed to another woman who’d had to live a lie in order to be with the man she loved.

_Vader’s own interest was that it might bring his wife back from the dead._

Anakin Skywalker had loved his wife so much that he’d sought to find her again even after he’d given himself to the Dark Side. He’d gone so far as to try to harness the tainted power of Mustafar in order to do it. It was an obsessive sort of yearning that was hauntingly familiar.

Feeling the vital lifeforce of the man holding her, and the way the Dark power within him abided beside her Light in astounding harmony, Rey was struck by just how much Ben truly was like his grandfather. Connection like this was worth anything, at least to her. She thought Anakin’s wife must have felt the same to risk so much.

But…

 _Your love cost you everything,_ Rey thought to the long-lost woman who’d cherished a man who fell, just as she now did. She spoke it quietly within her mind, not wanting Ben to hear the tragic turn her thoughts had taken. She wanted to enjoy this chance to be in his arms again, storing up the memory of it to wrap her mind in as she dreamed, nestled amidst his spice-scented blankets.

She couldn’t hide the feelings behind it, however. They were too attuned to one another.

"Something's bothering you," Ben commented quietly, pressing his lips into her hair again. "What is it?"

"It's not _bothering_ me, not really," she said, trying to think of a way to explain her curiosity without destroying the contentment they’d managed to create for themselves. "Well. It is. I just…"

Ben waited patiently, stroking his hands over her in soothing encouragement. Turning in his arms, she slipped a leg over him and pulled herself up so she could look down into his questioning gaze.

"Ben," Rey said, running her finger over the flare of his collarbone. "Who was your grandmother?"

His eyebrows rose, taken aback. He hadn't been quite sure what she was going to say, but it hadn't been this. She felt his mind nuzzle searchingly at hers, sensing there was a weight to her question, uncertain why Rey wanted to know.

"Her name was Padmé,” he answered, offering her an image with his mind. It was a painting of a beautiful woman in a flowing gown that looked like sunrise, adorned with rich jewels and a breathtaking smile. Rey immediately recognized the intense, dark gaze set above elegant cheekbones, looking down into the mirror image of it as she slowly let its counterpart go. 

“She was lovely,” Rey commented.

“Very,” he agreed, and she could sense he had a long-held fascination for the woman Anakin had fallen so hard for. “She was Queen of the Naboo when _—_ "

"Of course she was," Rey couldn’t help interrupting dryly, discovering yet another colorful figure appearing in Ben's extravagantly assorted pedigree. Farm boys, princesses, Jedi, generals, and smugglers _—_ naturally, a planetary queen fit right into the family tree. What else? Perhaps there was a senator or even a Hutt, just to round things out.

"She served as Queen during the Naboo Crisis," Ben went on pointedly before he paused and his lips twitched, "then she was appointed as senator by her successor."

Rey raised a brow triumphantly.

 _Just leaves the Hutt,_ she thought with speculative humor.

 _ **No Hutts. Sorry to disappoint you,**_ Ben snarked back, giving her rear a light swat that made her laugh, their banter helping to ease the anxiety she’d worked up in her head.

"It was during her tenure in the Senate that she secretly married my grandfather," he continued aloud, an easy smile allowing the lines of his face to relax as he shared a part of his family’s history that didn’t cause the pain discussing a more recent generation of them did. "He was assigned to protect her when she was targeted by an assassin. They'd met years before, but he'd never forgotten about her." Ben ran his fingers gently through Rey's hair, his eyes lit with a warm glow. "There was only ever one woman in the galaxy for him."

She had to kiss him for that. 

Even as she bent down within reach of his lips, though, Rey couldn't get the thought of all those Skywalkers out of her head. The baby growing inside of her would be one of them, inheriting such a rich birthright. Perhaps he or she would become a hero who saved the galaxy or a notorious scoundrel, living up to all those saints and sinners who had come before _—_ it seemed to be the way of those who bore that mighty Skywalker blood. Whatever its future held, she liked the idea that her child would know the bonds of heritage that passed through its father to tie them both to their constellation of forebears.

 _ **I'm sorry, Bump,** _Rey apologized silently to the gently glowing spark, sleeping between its parents. _**You won't be getting any of that from me.**_

She'd meant to keep that from Ben too, but was even less successful, given the way he was so deeply absorbed with her as they kissed. He managed to hear the articulated thought, and broke away, looking up at her with a frown.

"None of that matters," he told her. "I don't care who your family was. They could have been Kenobis or Tarkins, but I wouldn't give two credits for their value."

He reached up, cradling her face as though she were a priceless treasure he couldn’t believe was his to touch. Guiding her back down to rest her forehead against his, Ben looked into Rey with the full depth of emotion she'd watched him struggle to contain in the months they'd known one another. Now, however, instead of chaotic insecurity, his gaze held steady with the weight of purposeful resolve.

"Rey," he said, the warmth of his skin surrounding her, and his mind willing love to pulse across to her in a current of care that she would never be able to doubt. "You could be the granddaughter of Sheev Palpatine, and I wouldn't care.

"This is _our_ baby, regardless of who we came from ourselves," Ben insisted quietly, yet with a vehemence that she could feel in her soul. His thumb rubbed along the curve of her cheek, smoothing away the tear that had threatened to fall at his words. "I'm not going to let legacy burden this child like it did me, and it will always have _—_ "

Ben's voice choked off, fumbling the words. Rey knew what he meant, feeling the shape of the honest sentiment in his mind. She waited patiently, knowing that he just couldn't express this emotion easily, for all that he felt it with such strength. Then, the words came.

"Our child will always have our love."

"Already does," she whispered, smiling softly.

"Already does." 

Ben took one of her hands and rested their interlaced fingers against her side where she lay over him, that flickering almost-consciousness laying just beneath the surface. He started to speak again, but stopped himself with a worried crease between his black brows. She could tell there was something on his mind, but he wasn't sure how to put it. He swallowed hard and she felt the tide of emotion rising up inside him.

"You know you're part of it now too, don't you?" Ben asked, holding her eyes with a fervency that seemed to put all his other weighty stares to shame. "You…you're part of it _—_ _us—_ the Skywalkers.”

The muscles in his jaw jumped, and Rey knew how much it cost him to say that. The fact that he’d made himself force it out meant the galaxy to her, however, easing the remembered ache of those cruel words he’d scourged her with amidst the raining fire in a shattered throne room _—_ that Rey didn’t have a place in all of this. 

What he said next meant far more, however.

“You and I, we're a family,” Ben said, struggling to find the right way to say what he meant. He wasn’t good at this, and he knew it. That made him more frustrated with himself, but she stroked the fingers of her free hand lightly along the skin of his throat, giving him the time he needed. She was happy to wait forever if she had to in order to hear this confirmation of what she’d come to believe for herself. 

“You're all I need, Rey. I love you, and I want to _—_ " he tried again, but broke off with an irritated sound. He looked at her with a painful insecurity that took her aback, so unlike him now, after all that had passed between them.

Letting Rey’s hand go and taking her waist, Ben indicated he wanted her to pull back so that he could sit up. Once he was upright, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, pulling her into him as though he could meld their beating hearts together. She couldn't understand what had him so upset, and he didn’t give her the chance to find out. 

Ben tucked what he'd meant to say away in the back of his mind with consternation. It stung, but she told herself to be patient with him. Rey was used to waiting, and she trusted Ben would tell her when he was ready. He looked at her with gratitude, nuzzling his nose against hers in apology for keeping this secret _—_ something that she sensed he wanted desperately, for himself and to give to her.

 ** _I love you, Sweetheart,_** Ben said through the Bond, doing his best to soften the blow he’d not meant to hurt her with. Then he surprised her, smiling into her eyes, **_you and Bump._**

Rey blinked in surprise, lips beginning to tremble a little, but then a watery, but helplessly happy smile spread across her face. Whatever stood against them, they had this. They had each other, and so much worth fighting for. Throwing her arms around Ben, Rey cast aside her questions and fears for now, choosing to trust in that unconditional reassurance he told her with heart and mind would always be hers _—_ her family.

* * *

"As Stars Shall Shine"

by

[LostInQueue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInQueue)

~ ♥ ~

Thank you so very much for bringing my Ben & Rey to life in this absolutely beautiful piece of art!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **BTS Ramblings…**
> 
> **Tickles: Aviendha69** , this was for you! I'd promised that if I ever decided to have Reylo do this again, I'd dedicate that moment to you ~ I hope you enjoyed it. This is my way of thanking you for all the kind words you've shared with me during a tough time.
> 
>  **Boomrod:** So. Um. Funny, this. For years and years, I misheard Han's line from _The Empire Strikes Back,_ where everyone is running aboard the _Falcon_ to escape the Imperial attack on the Hoth base. Apparently, he calls C-3PO 'goldenrod,' but I'd always believed he was saying, 'boomrod.' I decided to stick with it here for S's & G's … thank you for backing me up, Rose!
> 
>  **That Sleemo!:** Gosh, poor Beaumont! Honestly, I didn't actually dislike Dominic Monaghan's character in TROS … I mean, I didn't understand why he got so much emphasis, but I didn't dislike him. Just like with Finn's injury, though, I needed someone to accomplish something plot-wise, and he was the character I chose to be my victim. Sorry, buddy.
> 
>  **A Legacy of Forbidden Love:** Padmé is an extremely special character to me. I grew up with her as an icon of SW alongside her daughter, Leia. Yet, she was totally ignored in the ST, where her own grandson was in a secret relationship that very strongly echoed the one she'd shared with Anakin (if not as overt). I was genuinely astounded. The woman who stuck it to Palpatine on a regular basis deserved better, so I'm doing what I can as a tribute to an extraordinary heroine.
> 
>  **Bump:** I had to. I just had to.


	11. From What Faith Is Forged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Love is the seed of all hope.  
> It is the enticement to trust,  
> to risk, to try, to go on..."
> 
> Gloria Gaither

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thank you for coming by to check out how Ben, Rey, and Bump are doing. The plot which will move us beyond the purview of the canon story is becoming more significant, and I have a turning point in store for you here that I've been teasing for a little while. I hope you'll enjoy!
> 
> Love & thanks to beta extraordinaire & pro comma wrestler, [MyJediLife!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife)
> 
> ♥ [ASTOS Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh) ♥
> 
> Much love!

"We've made solid progress in laying the groundwork for opening negotiations with those shi—…uh…with the arms dealers on Cantonica who haven't benefitted from the First Order's trade agreements," Lieutenant Aarton Chireen reported to the gathered audience of Resistance Command, sweating a little as he tried to wrangle his vocabulary into some semblance of professionalism. Some in the room tried to hide their smiles, but a few sniggers broke out from the crowd, nonetheless. A look from the general quelled the amusement at the quartermaster's expense, though even Leia couldn't quite hide the way her eyes sparkled with humor. Turning back to him, she gestured for the lieutenant to continue.

The meeting hadn't been going for all that long, but Rey shifted in her seat, knowing that it was likely to be hours before she'd be able to get up off the uncomfortable bench. She tried to arch her back subtly, stretching so she wouldn’t pay for this later. Then she cast a smile of thanks behind her at Chewie when he gave her shoulders a rub with a big paw before unenthusiastically turning back to listen to the briefing.

Now that Rey remained exclusively on base, none of the proceedings had much of anything to do with her personally. While she was always eager to hear about First Order deployments—particularly whenever the _Steadfast_ was mentioned—and anxious for word of missions her friends would be expected to head out on, Rey found herself growing a bit apathetic about the strategy meetings. It wasn't that she cared any less about their cause, but between being wholly removed from the struggle itself and the fact that she knew their enemy's leader was intent on ending the conflict as well, she spent most of the time trying not to let her impatience show.

Knowing the Supreme Leader wanted to bring about peace—even if it was largely for selfish reasons—wasn't necessarily the blessing it seemed when she couldn't kriffing share that information with anyone without them asking just how she came by it. She just hoped it would happen sooner rather than later.

Holding back a sigh of frustration, Rey forced herself to focus on the overview of the ongoing haggling with the most corrupt businessmen in the galaxy.

"They're selfish bast— ah…" Aarton broke off with an apologetic glance at the general before clearing his throat and hastily starting over, "We’re dealing with people here whose main goal will always be profit no matter how much of a clusterfu—… _how chaotic_ the state of the galaxy is. Our most recent intel from the informant has given us proof of the double-dealing those sons of—… _the Order_ have been trying to pull behind their suppliers' backs. It'll give us the leverage we need to turn the tables on the Supreme Fu—uuh... _OH, BLAZING BANTHA BOLLOCKS!"_

Smiling as Poe and Finn snickered uncontrollably next to her, Rey let the report fade into the background, turning her mind inwards. As entertaining as listening to Aarton fail spectacularly at curbing his language always was, the touch she suddenly felt brush along the edge of her consciousness was far more compelling.

Ben hung back, holding himself away from Rey's awareness of her surroundings so as not to catch any of what she heard. She beckoned him closer, ignoring Aarton entirely as she reveled in the embrace Ben's mind wrapped hers in. Rey returned it with a pulse of feeling sent along the strands of the Bond.

 _ **I've missed you too,**_ he told her, sparks trailing down her spine at the way his voice resonated across the Bond. She felt his emotions stir in nervous wonder when the baby's mind followed along behind her to join them again, uniting their new family in a small, but infinitely special way.

 _ **Does this mean the text arrived and I get to see you tonight?** _Rey asked, this wondrous but intangible meeting never enough for either of them.

 _ **It's safe,**_ he told her, though she sensed an echo of annoyance from him. He tried to get it under control, preventing his turbulent emotions from crackling uncomfortably along the Bond now that she'd noticed them. **_Bridge the Bond and I can share…_** He sighed, and she felt him rub his forehead in an effort to ease the tension that tried to build again. **_I'll share what I can._**

 _ **Okay,**_ Rey answered, sending a flow of Light, trying her best to soothe him from so far away. _**I'm not sure how long I'll be, so go ahead and get some rest. I'll reach out as soon as I can.**_

He sighed again, but she felt his acceptance. She wanted to pull him to her now, and smooth away the lines she just knew were creasing the pale skin between his brows.

 _ **Rest,**_ Rey urged again, worried about the way his irritation and weariness weighed on him. _**I love you, Ben.**_

It seemed to help, the words stirring the warmer emotions in him and lifting his spirits a bit as he returned them. He was further bolstered when she passed along her memories of the last time she'd woken him up so they could be together.

His thoughts wrapped around her with velvety promise before he slipped away, and she turned her attention back to the tac meeting. Rey admittedly didn't absorb any of what was presented or discussed as the hours wore on interminably, too eager for it to end.

* * *

"Stars, I bet Major Agnon could go on forever about the local carnivorous lichen. Anyone want to go grab a—uhh, ‘bye Rey?" Finn called out to her retreating back, and she threw a wave over her shoulder without slowing her steps.

She didn't much care what her friends thought about the way she'd flown out of the Comm Center once Leia had wrapped the meeting up. She skipped her usual trip to the 'fresher, smiling with elation at the plans whirling through her mind. Her breath came faster as she turned down her corridor, though not because of her pace. Rey knew Ben needed to get some sleep, and she hoped he'd taken advantage of her delay. 

All the same, she couldn't wait to interrupt him.

Besides, it presented an opportunity she'd been trying to work out a way to orchestrate since their last meeting.

 _ **Ready for a visit from your father?**_ she asked Bump, thrilled by the quiet swell of happiness the baby responded with. Rey had grown more and more certain her child not only recognized her mental voice but understood her words. It was an extraordinary feeling to know that the tiny, sleepy awareness already knew who its mother was—that it loved her.

Their baby loved Ben too, though Rey doubted he realized it. She couldn’t find room to deny it, however, when Bump's little spark of lifeforce flared in happiness whenever she mentioned him, which she ensured she did as often as possible. She wanted to make sure that Ben’s child knew its father was out there, that he wanted to be with them, and that he cared for them both with everything in him.

Tears began to well up in her eyes, and Rey huffed at herself. Honestly, the hormones were ridiculous, though the weepiness was admittedly better than the mild case of dyslexia she’d unaccountably seemed to have developed as her belly grew. If anyone ever doubted that ‘baby brain’ existed, Rey would be more than happy to set the record straight. She was grateful she wasn’t all spacey or forgetful, as Kalonia had warned she might become, but the way she missed or misread words made for some embarrassing mistakes with her already unfriendly research partner. 

Rey shook her head, casting Nugbrain’s sour face from her mind, and blinking to clear her eyes. She was too excited to let annoyance or hormones overtake her right now, and practically spun around the corner into her room. Locking the door behind her, Rey took a deep breath, closing her eyes to hastily find her center. She'd had to endure hours of sitting on that kriffing bench, and she wasn't going to waste one moment more.

Her mind focused on that beloved beacon that shone out from the other end of the galaxy for her…and for her alone. She pulled him in close and opened her eyes the instant she felt his mind mold itself around hers in welcome. Looking down, Rey smiled at the sight of Ben, collapsed across his bed, sleeping as though the whole galaxy had stopped spinning. He really was tired, she thought, feeling along the strained edge of his mind.

Stepping over to stand beside the wide, luxurious bed that appeared along with him, she ran her eyes lovingly—and maybe a little laughingly—over the long frame stretched out to take up every spare inch of space. On his stomach, his arms were buried beneath the pillows, and one leg was bent out to the side in a way that, for whatever reason, absolutely charmed her.

For all that the man was the ruler of the most powerful regime in the galaxy, commanded the living power of the Force itself, and could make Stormtroopers tremble in their boots with a glance, the slumbering angles of his face in repose made him look like a little boy just tucked into bed. He was frowning a little, his troubles weighing on him, even as he dreamed. Rey wanted to reach out and stroke those lines away, but instead turned and began working at the buckle of her thin leather belt.

Piece by piece, she dropped her clothes to the floor. Her belt came off, followed shortly by her wrist wraps and then the scarf hiding the still-red mark behind her ear, courtesy of the man whose dreams she could sense beginning to falter. The buckle of one of her arm bands hit the floor with a loud clatter, and Rey felt a jolt of startled awareness ripple along the Bond. Not pausing, she slipped her vest off, sending it to the floor along with the rest of her discarded clothing.

A frisson of excitement bloomed across her skin as consciousness spread through Ben's mind, then Rey felt his eyes open and instantly focus on her.

She moved very deliberately, not looking over at him, and taking her time as she pulled her shirt over her head. The brush of his gaze was palpable as it left a searing trail over the sun-dusted skin she slowly bared. Ben rose, though, when she bent a little awkwardly to remove her boots, climbing out of bed to kneel down in front of her.

Rey couldn't help a slightly embarrassed chuckle as she let him take over. So much for her attempt at a striptease.

It wasn't that she was so huge she couldn't move properly yet, but having extra weight was still odd to her. She ended up overcompensating when she had to crouch down or bend over, which probably contributed to most of her soreness at the end of the day, if she was being honest with herself. Kalonia had told her to trust her body, that it knew what to do, but Rey had trouble doing that when the body she was supposed to be listening to wasn't the same one she'd been able to rely on all her life.

Fortunately, in this instance she had Ben to keep her from fighting against herself. Resting her hands on his shoulder for balance, she lifted each foot as he got to it. They probably looked a little absurd, she supposed, but didn't care all that much. She just leaned into him a little more, maybe overdoing the helplessness a bit, but knowing he didn't mind.

Once her boots were removed, Ben passed them conscientiously up to her so they wouldn't be lost amongst the pile of his things they would no doubt be creating at some point. Without missing a beat, his hands went to the waistband of her leggings, and when he had her down to her underthings, he looked at her with a questioningly raised brow. Giving him a nod, she watched him slip her panties down her legs—not saying anything when he chose not to pass them back to her. Then she held her arms clear so his large fingers could reach up to slowly unwind her breastband. 

When she stood naked before him, Ben looked up to meet her eyes. The Dark stirring of lust drew its intoxicating touch along the Bond, but he yanked it back in line, releasing his hold on her. He remained kneeling at her side while Rey turned and pulled one of his big black undershirts over her head. He pulled it down over her body, stopping only to press his lips to her belly affectionately.

_**Hello, Bump.** _

Rey caught the soft greeting he sent out to the baby and the overjoyed response that faded into dreamy contentment now that its father was near. She sifted her fingers through Ben's hair, encouraging his face upwards. When his eyes met hers once again, her smile was a little wobbly, but it firmed as he stood and wrapped his arms around her to bring Rey in for a much more satisfying greeting. It had been just barely a week since she'd last been in his arms, but they both clung to one another as though it had been so much longer.

When they pulled away, breath a little ragged, Rey looked at him closely. She saw the dark stains beneath his eyes and felt the heaviness of his mind. Peeking a bit further into his surface thoughts, she saw that he hadn’t slept the night before, the echo of anger lingering. She brushed her fingers through his hair again, smoothing the fall of it off his face, wondering what had upset him so badly.

“Hey,” she whispered with another smile, and was relieved to see him return it.

“Hi,” Ben said, and leaned down to grab one more quick kiss before taking Rey’s hand and leading her over to where his bed had been until he’d stood to help her undress. He sat, the sheets reappearing beneath him, and held out his hands with a quirk of his lips. Only then did she realize that though Ben was dressed in the soft shirt and loose pants he slept in, there was an addition to his ensemble that had her biting her lip.

Rey made quick work of stripping away the despised leather, letting the gloves drop to the floor with her things.

"What do you do with them?" Ben asked as she sat down next to him, tucking herself into his side. "Do you have a stockpile of standard First Order-issued gloves hidden away in your room?"

"Oh, like you don't have them tailor-made for you, your Supreme Leaderness," she scoffed, knowing the quality of those gloves she routinely retrieved from one corner of her room or another was far too fine for the rank and file. It's what gave her an extra thrill as she chucked them into the base's incinerator after each visit.

"You _what?"_

“So, what have you done with your Knights?” Rey asked, cheekily changing the subject out from under him. Ben gave her a long look, but gave in, mind deciding that seeing her take such pleasure in the serial destruction of his expensive handwear was worth it. She slipped her arm around the small of his back for that.

“I’ve posted them to the Command Ships to keep an eye on my generals,” he answered, tightening his own hold on her.

"You're using them to terrorize Hux?" Rey asked, knowing exactly which of his generals Ben would take the most satisfaction in intimidating. "They must really enjoy that duty."

"They don't get an opinion in the matter," he snorted dismissively.

"Ben," she pressed, sobering as an unpleasant sense of foreboding crept up her spine at the thought that the Knights of Ren were out from under their Master’s watchful eye. "Is that really wise?"

"I'm not especially concerned about them at this point," Ben said, running his fingers through his hair with a sigh. "They've become more obedient since Mustafar. Even Vicrul has begun falling into line without undermining every one of my orders."

"Why?" she asked, confused that matters had changed all of a sudden, particularly given all that had happened on that corrupted world. "They have to know you're the one who killed Cardo."

"They do, but he'd violated my trust and was put down for his betrayal," he explained, shadows lurking behind his dark gaze. "They didn't question it. I’m their Master and treachery will never be tolerated among the Ren. We're Dark Siders, but that doesn't mean we don't value honor."

Rey didn't waver when he looked to see her reaction, letting him see that she didn’t challenge his assertion. There was so much to learn about one another and the disparate natures of the Force which their souls were made of, but this facet of him held no questions for her—even if she was far less certain when it came to his Knights.

“I can control them, Rey,” Ben said firmly. “I need them, and they don’t question my interest in artefacts significant to the history of the Force when I send them to retrieve one. I can't trust regular couriers with that.”

_Speaking of which…_

“Like the text?” she asked leadingly, trying to suppress her excitement.

She was surprised by the anger that gathered like a thunderhead in his eyes and reached out to his mind with concern. Ben breathed out harshly, pulling her closer and pressing a kiss into her hair apologetically. Turning a little to settle back against the headboard, he put a foot up on the bed behind Rey, and pulled her in to lean against him.

"I should have known better than to think I could find the answers we need so easily," he growled, fingers tense as they wove through Rey's. She gave a tug and cradled them in her lap. She could sense that touching her was helping Ben keep a rein on the rage that had probably been building within him since he'd opened the disappointing volume.

"It doesn't mention anything about the Dyad?" Rey guessed in a soft voice, trying to help him focus beyond his anger.

“No,” Ben said, jaw still tight. “It wasn’t the text I’d thought it was.”

“So, what is it?” she asked.

“The journal of a mystic living in Jedha City in the final days before Tarkin tested the Death Star’s firing systems on it,” he told her.

“Jedha?” Rey asked with interest. “Where the Temple of the Kyber was?”

“Right,” he confirmed, calming a bit as he gave her a gratifyingly impressed glance. She shot him a superior look, mockingly reminiscent of one of his own, and got a smile out of him.

Rey may not have had a fancy Core education, but she’d not wasted the resources she had access to now that she had people like Beaumont and a datapad of her own to learn from. Truth to tell, her best source of information was her new mentor, who'd not only had the very best tutors available to planetary royalty, but had lived and made her own fair share of history. Rey decided not to throw their conversation off-track by mentioning Ben’s mother just now, however.

“Will you show me?” she requested, and though she’d expected Ben to hold out his hand and call on the Force, he just reached under one of the pillows beside them and picked up a small book. She wasn’t the only one reading late into the night, it would seem.

Taking it, Rey opened the journal and flipped slowly through, handling the frail pages carefully before turning back to the beginning. Rather than an account of events, though, the only thing written on the first page was a short inscription.

“‘In Darkness, cold. In Light, cold. The old sun brings no heat. But there is heat in breath and life. In life, there is the Force. In the Force, there is life. And the Force is ethical.’” She frowned down at the script, nonplussed. She hadn’t expected the poetic sentiment to turn out to be a testimony of moral principle. Then Ben’s chest began to shake beneath her, and she looked up to see what was so funny.

“‘Eternal,’ I think,” he suggested, and when she reread the passage she huffed in annoyance at her slip.

“‘…And the Force is _eternal.’_ Right,” Rey corrected, then shot him a wry look. “Baby brain.”

Glancing back at the scrawled words, she ran a fingertip lightly over the page in thought. She wasn’t sure what the heat allegory was alluding to, but the statement the parable seemed to be making about the Force and the two sides of which it was made resonated with something inside her, the Bond humming as her excitement rose.

“That’s the thing,” Ben said, the caf of his eyes warming as he followed her thoughts and sensed that she’d caught onto what he’d hoped she would. “Rey. The sect this monk belonged to wasn’t dedicated to the Light or the Dark Side. The Guardians of the Whills held balance as the primary goal of the Force, and believed that in order to achieve that, both the Dark and the Light must be strong—that they must be equal.”

Rey stared at him, astonished. In an era when the Jedi and Sith had torn the galaxy apart to claim dominion over the Force, there’d been a whole group of Force-worshippers who’d valued both sides without prejudice?

“How?” she asked in disbelief.

“Not the way the Sith and Jedi were going about it,” he answered with derision for the centuries-long conflict between the two extremists, “but neither of them were the original practitioners of the Force. The Sith themselves were once Jedi before a disagreement over the Order’s growing obsession with the Light led to the schism. They left to follow their belief that it was the Darkness which held true power, and the two groups became enemies as a result.”

 _“That’s_ where all this came from?” Rey exclaimed. Disbelief filled her, and then a helpless sense of rage flared up inside. Ben held her furious eyes steadily, and his hands came up to hold her face. His mind touched hers soothingly, slowly helping to call forth her Light. She gasped a little as the Darkness released its grasp on her emotions, clinging to his arms with trembling hands.

As her anger faded, though, an intense sorrow was left in its wake.

"It's all so stupidly pointless," she whispered, choking on the realization of just how much of their present circumstances—the wars, so many deaths, and even her separation from Ben—were a result of the ancient dispute between Force users a millennium dead. 

The Dark could not defy its nature, as the Light would not. Yet, was that alone enough to incite such ruthless hatred?

“Yes, it is,” Ben agreed quietly, pulling her forward to rest their foreheads together. Rey released her hold to wrap her arms around his neck instead, pressing herself into him.

“The vision showed us the sundering of the Force,” he said, “but you and I form a union of the Dark and Light that doesn’t suffer for being bound together. The two sides within us draw towards one another, not away. Whatever it means to be a Dyad, perhaps there are answers among the remains of beliefs like those of the Guardians." He frowned again. "Just not in this kriffing journal…"

"Ben, stop," Rey interrupted him. He drew back in surprise, and she ran her fingertips lightly along the back of his neck as she murmured, "It's not your fault."

He let out a long breath, closing his eyes, the weary shadows beneath them standing out starkly on his pale skin. It was there in his mind, the frustration with himself, and the fear that he’d failed her.

"You haven't," she told him, refusing to let that belief take root in his heart to fester.

He opened his eyes again, and though there was still self-recrimination gripping him, she could see that Ben was letting himself set it aside. Even if he couldn't quite bring himself to do away with it all together, it was something, and she gladly took it for the progress it was.

"You're the one who keeps telling me that we'll figure it out," Rey said, "and I believe you. Now believe yourself."

She leaned into Ben’s kiss when his mouth came down to claim hers in a rush, and pricklebumps ran up her arms in the anticipation of him drawing even closer and rolling atop her to find a deeper intimacy. He didn’t, however, surprising Rey when he pulled back with a small smile. His palms slid down along her cheeks and neck, and then cupped her shoulders as he pulled her back from him a bit.

Ben reached out towards the side of the bed where he must have a table or shelf. Her eyes followed his movements curiously, and he let her catch his thoughts as he picked up a fist-sized object, making her gasp out a short laugh.

“Did the _Steadfast_ run out of apples?” Rey joked when he held his new offering out to her, excitedly recalling the way he’d shared the experience of trying something new with her last time. Ben had left a whole bowlful of the shiny, red fruit with her, and she’d let herself enjoy one each day until they were gone, the crisp sweetness he’d somehow known she’d like intimately tied to her thoughts of him.

“No, there are more if you don’t like this,” he answered, continuing to smile at her reaction. “I don’t think I’ll need to find a substitute, though. Jewel-fruit is considered a delicacy for a reason.”

"Isn't that what the Mon Calamari eat?" Rey asked, leaning away a little warily. Ben gave one of his amused huffs at the way she was trying not to grimace at the thought of the slimy green strips the amphibious race relished.

"The jewel-fruit from Mon Cala is more of a kelp, and I doubt it would be the kind of flavor you'd like," Ben explained teasingly as she shook her head emphatically. He raised the oblong fruit before her in offering and explained, "This is from another planet and the only similarity is that it shares the same name. The growing season is short and the fruit itself spoils within hours of being picked, so the cultivators strictly control the trade. You can only procure it from them directly. I promise it will be much more to your taste."

Rey took it, running her fingers over the surface with interest, then tapped a knuckle against it. It was hard! She looked up at Ben in question, wrinkling her nose vengefully at the tightened corner of his lips.

"Are you going to make fun of me this time too?" she demanded.

"Oh no, I would be far too frightened to make fun of the Resistance's Jedi," Ben snarked, but the smirk he'd allowed free rein of his lips gentled, until he looked down at her with that glow in his dark eyes that made her heart beat faster. He held out his hand to take the jewel-fruit back.

Rey watched, intrigued, while he exerted a slight swell of Force energy. He focused his attention at a single point on the hard surface, and then there was a sudden, loud snap.

The outer shell might be a dull sort of brownish-gray, but the juice which seeped between the cracks Ben had made along its surface was a brilliant amethyst. Inside, small globules clung together in clusters. Reaching over, Rey plucked out a purple chunk, holding it up before the light of her lamp, a drop of juice staining her skin as it slid down the side of her thumb. Admiring the way it glistened, she understood how the fruit had earned its name. It reminded her of the cut gemstones set in jewelry she'd seen in Leia's room during some of their morning training sessions.

"Jewel-fruit all have the same flavor, but come in different colors. I had one when I was young that was bright green inside," Ben told her, eyes following the trail of that drop on her hand.

Rey felt a bubble of delight rise up inside her chest, realizing that Ben was sharing something he remembered from his childhood with her—from before his life had fallen apart and he'd turned to the Dark Side for sanctuary. It made the gift all the more meaningful.

She eagerly popped the piece of fruit into her mouth and closed her eyes in enjoyment. It was succulent with a refreshing brightness that sparkled across the surface of her tongue. Admittedly, it was a little too sweet for her tastes, but she sucked the juice off her fingertips anyway. Over-sweetness aside, the flavor was wonderful, and she savored it as much for that as for who had given her the chance to try it.

Opening her eyes, Rey smiled at the mesmerized expression on Ben's face as he stared at her lips. She took two more bits of jewel-fruit and after putting one in her mouth, she reached over to place the other against his. When he opened for her, she slipped the piece between his lips, taking a quick breath when they closed around her fingers. He sucked at them, cleaning the purple path of sweetness from the side of her thumb before setting her free.

Pulling away with a breathless laugh, Rey was caught by the sight of Ben catching a drop of juice on his lip before it could drip down his chin. It was the smallest, most inane of gestures, yet it tugged at her heart. The need for Ben hit her hard in that moment, and all she wanted was to be with him—not just through the Bond, but wherever he was in the galaxy. 

She couldn’t be, however. It stung, and Rey couldn’t make herself let it go. Even if she just knew where he was, it would go some way towards making her feel like he was real beyond this transient bubble of space and time. It was irrational, and she knew that the impulse she felt breached the boundary she herself had set between them.

Rey knew that it was entirely unfair to Ben. All the same, she couldn’t stop herself from asking.

"So, where does this kind of jewel-fruit come from?" she asked quietly, looking down as she picked a shard of shell off the brilliant purple flesh in his hand.

Ben stilled and waited silently until she finally gave up on her pretense of nonchalance. Holding her eyes when she raised them, he answered her question gravely.

"Ithor."

And just like that, Rey knew the location of the First Order’s flag ship, and likely a number of vessels carrying the most important members of its leadership besides.

They held each other's gazes, one shared thought in both their minds. Rey knew she'd been the one who'd drawn this line between them, but couldn't help the ache of wanting to know where he was. Separation was soul-crushing enough without subterfuge that just felt more and more a violation of what they were to one another.

Yet, she had a duty to her friends, and she couldn't ask Ben to share without offering him the same in exchange.

 _ **I’m sorry, Ben. It’s just...I feel like I'm hiding from you, not just the First Order,**_ she whispered a little brokenly along the Bond, unable to find her voice in that moment. **_I can't stand it._**

His fingers rose again to brush gently through her hair, understanding and a similar pain in his warm eyes. His mind, likewise, stroked along the edge of hers, offering forgiveness that he didn't feel was necessary, but could tell she wanted.

Finally, Ben broke the quiet moment with a sigh. Releasing the strands of her hair, he leaned back from her. She still sat in the circle of his legs, but he didn’t allow himself to touch her otherwise. He beckoned her awareness in close as a tremor of anxiety thrummed through the Bond, opening up a corner of his consciousness that he'd held carefully concealed until now.

Rey gasped. It was all there, down to the precise coordinates of the base on Ajan Kloss's surface and the layout of the wing she'd claimed for her own.

"You know," she breathed.

"Yes," Ben admitted softly.

"How long?" Rey asked him, voice roughened under the weight of realization.

"Since you told me about the baby," he told her, not daring to reach out, however much he burned to as a tear slipped down her cheek.

_What part of that broken-down Rebel base did you pick as a bedroom—cryo?_

All this time, she'd been the liability to the Resistance's safety she'd tried so hard not to be. It hurt. Yet, she thought as she stared up at him through her tears, he’d not acted on the information beyond ensuring supplies reached her that would make her pregnancy easier. No warships had appeared over Ajan Kloss, and not even a blip of a TIE’s sensors had appeared on any of their scopes. As a matter of fact, there hadn’t been so much as a sighting of First Order forces in the entire sector. 

The Resistance base was practically surrounded by enemy-occupied systems, and yet the one Rey was in remained untouched.

"You've been directing your troops away from us," she said, speaking the connection as it unfolded in her mind. She felt another tear slip down her face, and Ben lifted a hand to wipe it away but stopped, hesitating. Unwilling to allow this to build yet another wall between them when they were tearing this one down, painful though it was, Rey pressed back into him and slid her hands up to rest on his chest. When his fingers finally closed the distance to brush along her cheek, she leaned into his touch. "That's why we've managed to keep our base hidden, even with that new outpost on Agamar so close."

"I won’t risk you," Ben told her, and she felt his hands come up to gather her close in relief. He'd held onto the fear of what his admission might cause to come between them, terrified that though he'd finally learned to believe that Rey wouldn't turn away from him now, that it would be a scar on their relationship which could mar what they had. 

She shook her head, refusing to go down that path.

"You were trying to tell me," she said threadily, trying to get a hold of her rioting emotions. He’d probably even told her about the rarity of jewel-fruit and the fact they could only be acquired directly from Ithor in order to help tempt her question out. Brushing questioningly against his mind, he confirmed her guess.

"I didn’t want to keep lying to you, Sweetheart. I just…" Ben began, but trailed off when she shook her head to stop him.

"You know where I am. I knew you were on Mustafar, and now I know you’re on Ithor," Rey whispered. When all was said and done, he'd merely evened the score between them, removing the veil of lies she’d put up. It had been necessary at the time, but he’d proven with this admission it no longer was. “You didn't have to tell me, Ben."

He swallowed with some difficulty, but Rey could feel him slowly accept her choice to bypass the potential heartache he'd feared would come from realizing he'd secretly held the key to the destruction of the Resistance for weeks now. Having trust placed in him was challenging for Ben to accept, but drawing on her resilience, he managed to nod.

"We've both compromised ourselves." Ben's gaze steadied, and his hands moved to cup her face as she still did his, though a flare of impatience flickered in the depths of his eyes. "I'm done waiting for the day that I don't have to depend on the Bond to place you in my arms, Rey. The Force may have brought us together, but I'll not allow it to keep you from me for the rest of our lives. I don't want miracles anymore. I want to be able to feel your mind across the room—not across the _karking galaxy!"_

Rey stroked his temper-flushed skin soothingly. It was instinctual, this effort to ease the rising tide of his Darkness as it lashed through him and across the Bond. Making himself release the clenched fist of his ire, Ben allowed her admittance, and her ray of Light reached for his heart. She didn't conceal the fact that she felt the same frustration, and that there were times she fell to her knees, bent over with the pain of being so far from the other half of her soul.

Rey carried a piece of him with her as solace during the time apart, however. It didn't make it easy, but the baby's company made it possible to breathe in between the rare span of hours he was able to be with her. Ben didn't have any such consolation to ease his bitterness, and she didn't begrudge his fierce words here with her. She knew, however, that he'd regret every moment spent in anger whilst they were together…moments he would mourn as wasted, for how else they could have been spent.

He struggled with himself, but then Ben released a heavy breath, shoulders falling as his eyes closed. He was already berating himself again; she could feel it in his mind. The assurance he’d found in the past weeks was lost to him, overshadowed by self-recrimination.

"Ben," Rey murmured coaxingly, tracing the tight corner of his mouth with her thumb. When he opened his eyes to meet hers, she gave him a smile that she knew he'd understand.

"I know."

The kiss that came then was sweet, undemanding. Feeling his mind give into her gentle persuasion, she decided it was the right moment for something she hoped would help him when the threads of power bringing them together tonight let go their hold.

Rey pulled out of Ben's grasp, climbing off the bed, and walking over to her trunk to retrieve the first thing she'd prepared for him tonight. She felt his gaze follow her, and when she sat down next to a short table at the foot of her bed, Rey looked up and smiled into it. Holding out her hand, she sent a polite call out across the galaxy, and watched those caf-colored eyes widen in surprise as they broke from hers to stare at the lightsaber that landed in her hand— _his_ lightsaber.

"How did you—?" Ben asked, turning to look over at whatever surface or stand he'd put it on after retiring to his quarters for the night.

"It's always there when the Bond connects us, even when you're not touching it," Rey responded, examining the long, black-plated hilt of the weapon measuringly. Yes, she figured she'd estimated correctly. "Your kyber is connected to you similarly to how I am, right? It sort of makes sense that I'd be able to see it."

"I hadn't really thought about it that way," he said slowly, fascinated by the idea.

Rey crossed her legs beneath herself and laid out her smallest tools. Her heart tripped a little when Ben settled himself on the floor behind her, leaning forward to rest one of his arms on the table. Wrapping his other arm around her waist, his hand settled over Bump as he watched her work. His interest grew when she produced a thick metal ring she’d hollowed out, and she felt him recognize it after a moment. 

It was a piece she'd removed from her staff, wanting the whole gift to be intrinsically part of her. To disguise it, Rey had painted it black, pleased that she'd managed to match the deep color of the saber now that she was able to compare them. It wouldn't appear out of place if anyone happened to notice it—just another modification to Kylo Ren's infamously unstable weapon.

Enjoying the feel of his body pressing against her back, keeping her warm, Rey worked the metal ring she'd prepared onto the grip of the saber's hilt, clasping the pieces together and reaching for one of her tools. The flanged pommel made things tricky, which was why she'd had to split the ring, but at least it would prevent it from being lost if it came loose. She minded the red wire Ben had affixed along the length of the casing in an effort to stabilize the construct after she'd…sort of…busted it.

Pursing her lips at the recollection, Rey flicked her eyes over at Ben and winced ruefully, seeing the sarcastic quirk of his eyebrow. Yeah, he wasn't about to forget the fact that she'd made him rebuild his weapon after their fight on Starkiller Base.

“You started it, so you can't really blame me for what happened,” Rey tossed at him tauntingly. He snorted at her deflection, and she leaned over to peck him on the cheek before turning back to her project.

 _ **Sorry about that,** _she thought at the cracked crystal encased within the heavy metal as she worked the joined ring into place. She paused when she felt the faintest brush of acknowledgment from it, but then continued her task, not particularly surprised. Ben's hand, however, twitched against Bump, clearly not expecting the odd exchange between his kyber and his Force-mate.

"Always something new," Rey mused distractedly, her focus on tightening the ring in place without warping either it or the plating it was now affixed to.

She smiled in victory when it was done, the metal ring from her staff fitting into place right below the flared vents of the crossguard. Ben reached for it, and Rey placed it in his hand, turning to regard his face while he looked her little addition over.

"What's inside?" he asked, quick to recognize there was more to this than met the eye.

"You'll see," Rey assured him, excited. When he wrapped his hand around the ring and started to twist it off, though, she crossed her arms. "Don't you dare! It wasn't easy fixing that in place, and if you loosen it too much it'll slide around and get in your way. Figure it out for yourself."

He released the ring and shot a considering look at Rey, eyes calculating. Then she felt him begin to slip further into her mind, hunting for the answer. She couldn't help laughing at his tenacity, but she wasn't about to let him find it so easily.

 _ **Stop nosing around,**_ she admonished him, giving his mind a playful shove away from that one little detail that was driving him mad with curiosity.

Ben let out a breath in defeat, willing as ever to let her have her fun with him, though his eyes were still alight with enthusiasm. This was the first thing she'd given him, and it took him by surprise in a way that he'd never have thought it could. For all that he'd practically showered her with gifts—both supplies to make her condition more comfortable and things that were intended simply to make her smile—he'd had no expectation of receiving anything in return. 

She felt it there in his mind, the belief that Rey herself was the greatest gift life could ever have given him. Part of her hated that he truly believed that, but she couldn't deny that she also felt her heart squeeze a little because he did.

So, she smiled for him now, finding that the feeling of sharing something special with the person you cared most about was a pleasure in and of itself.

“Don't worry, you'll catch onto it. I have faith in you,” Rey teased him, looking forward to the moment Ben came across the very telling hint she'd left for him to find.

"I know you do," Ben told her quietly, eyes holding hers with an intensity that went far beyond their playful exchange.

"Do you?" Rey asked, already knowing the answer, but wanting to hear him say it.

He leaned down to her and pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead, lips lingering for the simple pleasure of being close. Happiness filled him, and it glowed across the Bond, enhancing her own.

"I do," he murmured, and she sensed a deeper meaning behind the words than she was grasping. Ben withdrew, though, and the opportunity to question it was lost as he held his hand out to help her off the floor. He picked her up and carried her back to his bed, settling down with her again, but this time facing her with a determined expression.

“I do know you trust in me, and it means everything,” Ben told her, stroking her hair. “I also want you to believe in what I’m fighting for, though, and you can’t if you're always left with the knowledge that I'm concealing things from you.”

"I believe in your intentions," she told him. "I don't _need_ more to trust you."

"That's not enough."

Rey stared at him, unsure what he was saying. When his mind began to unlock, revealing another part of his consciousness that he’d kept hidden…and then another…and another…until all lay before her unprotected, she began to see.

“No more hiding,” Ben said, partly in demand, but also with simple longing. “I wear a mask for everyone else, but not for you. What we started months ago? We make good on it now. I won't force something from you if you wish to keep it to yourself, but no more walls. The galaxy stands between us, but our own minds _shouldn't,_ Rey.”

She hadn’t fully considered what her desire to know where he was in the galaxy would lead to—an end to the agreement not to discuss their respective factions in its entirety. Rey wanted this, wanted to let him wrap his mind around hers without having to lock part of it away where he couldn't reach it. She bit her lip, torn. Everything would be left open between them, all secrets free to be known...free to be used. 

There’d been reasons she’d insisted on silence in this. They’d been good reasons, and they still were. She wouldn’t betray her friends, not even for him. Even if she were beginning to feel apathetic towards the Resistance’s approach to the fight, Rey still believed in the cause behind it.

But she trusted Ben. He had proven himself to her over and over, and in his eyes, she saw that he was willing to do so again. He would do anything for her if she asked it of him.

“Force, Ben. There’s no need,” Rey told him, taking his hands to hold them in hers.

She’d started this when she’d asked the question that opened the way for the rest of it to come out. Having led her to it, Ben made it clear that this was the path he wanted to commit to, but he couldn’t do so without her. It was Rey’s decision, and he sat before her now, eyes begging her to make it.

So, she did.

“You won’t use anything that you learn from me to harm the Resistance,” Rey said. It wasn’t a command or a condition. She said it because it was the truth that she wanted them both to openly recognize.

“I swear it,” Ben told her without hesitation, giving her his vow, even if it wasn’t asked of him, “and you won’t use what I share to undermine the First Order…unless I say you should.”

She blinked at that, not expecting such an addendum, but nodded.

“I promise,” Rey said softly.

With that, the Resistance’s Jedi dropped every one of her defenses, and dispelled all her barriers, leaving her mind and all the secrets it held open to the Supreme Leader.

His mind wrapped around hers with a thrill, Dark triumph flaring along the Bond. Then he withdrew, leaving the trove of intel which would give him all that he needed to crush the Resistance untouched.

Rey’s lips trembled, and she threw herself into him, gasping with the extraordinary freedom they’d given each other. Ben held her tight, bending his long frame around her, and pressing his face into her shoulder. Their minds curled together, uninhibited, respect the only warden of their thoughts, now. It felt like she could truly breathe for the first time, and needing to express it somehow, she laughed with the sheer wonder of it.

Ben raised his head at the sound of her joy and claimed her smiling lips with an insatiable need for all that she was, and the precious radiance she brought into his world of shadows. Hers was a Light his Darkness would never seek to dim or destroy, and Rey gave it freely to him with all her heart.

Pulling her the rest of the way to him, he deepened the kiss with little control but incredible passion. One hand released her to grab at the hem of the shirt he'd been sleeping in, yanking it up his torso to reveal inch after tantalizing inch of moonlit skin.

_Just a little more…YES!_

Rey waited for Ben to break away from her mouth to lift the fabric over his head and hooked it out of his hand right before he sent it flying, clutching it to her chest in victory. With a brazen smile, she rubbed it between her fingers to revel in the plush texture she'd been determined to enjoy for herself. Then, holding his laughing eyes, she tossed it over to land among the pile of her clothes and his gloves. 

He stared at the empty space on his own floor, and then turned his eyes back to hers, a smoldering heat that she felt to her core rising in them.

"Don't tell me that's why you kept me waiting all night before you'd bridge the Bond," Ben said, moving in closer like a prowling creature, his hand sliding slowly up her calf.

"It wasn’t 'all night,'" Rey retorted, leaning back on her elbows when he reached her thigh, his heavy eyes growing even darker as his hand slipped beneath the end of the shirt he’d pulled down over her not long ago.

"Mhm," he hummed, rising over her on his knees. His other hand came up to join the other in gliding along her hips and waist, passing briefly over Bump, before reaching for the swells of her breasts. Under his warm touch, the sensitive peaks tightened, and he gave her a satisfied smirk of his own when he felt her body's reaction.

"Tempting me with your body to steal the shirt off my back?" he accused silkily.

"Well…not _just_ for that," Rey said, her own tone growing uneven as his thumbs grazed slowly, deliberately over her pebbling nipples. 

She arched her back to press up into his hold, his touch actually easing the mild soreness in her growing breasts. He sensed it and slowly worked the soft mounds in gentle, rolling motions. When he felt it become a little too much for her, Ben released his grip. He trailed back down to trace the swell of her belly, utterly captivated by the way its tender give felt in his hands.

Rey shifted slightly when his fingers grazed along the sides of her stomach, and it caught his attention immediately. Rubbing his palms over Bump, he was careful of the patches of flakiness where she'd tried not to scratch her skin off, the incessant itch of the dry, stretching skin plaguing her. Ben looked up then, and her brows twitched at the way he tried to hold his expression neutral.

"How did your raid on the Agamaran outpost go, incidentally?"

Narrowing her eyes at him, Rey rose up on her elbows, which brought her so close that her nose brushed his. She could see the twitching of his lips.

"I knew it," she asserted. "I just _knew_ you were behind it."

"Behind what?" Ben asked innocently, though the way his insufferable satisfaction oozed from his end of the Bond further gave him away.

Shifting a little so that she could raise a hand with a flourish in mockery of his own grandiose gestures, Rey called on the Force. A bottle landed in it, and she raised her brows at Ben. His eyes shifted to look at it, and at the sight he lost the ability to hold back the unbelievably smug expression that broke across his face as he turned his gaze back to meet hers.

"There are families posted there," he explained reasonably, reaching for the bottle. "What expecting father wouldn't want the mother of his child to be comfortable?"

"How many of your officers can get away with requisitioning luxury body lotion from the most expensive boutique on Coruscant?" Rey asked pointedly, letting him take it. Poe had been totally bewildered when he'd unpacked the first of a dozen bottles from one of the crates his team had brought back, but she'd had a very strong hunch, and when she saw the list price per unit she'd almost dropped her datapad.

"They wouldn't dare," Ben assured her, taking a look at the gold foil label before unsealing it.

"I didn’t think they would," she said sarcastically, giving up trying to fight back her smile. She reached out and poked him right in the center of his hard abs, all the same. "You're getting worse at this. Using the Resistance's supply runs to slip me vitamin supplements and warming gel packs—yes, I know those were you too—are one thing, but this? Ben, it's literally recommended for the prevention of stretch marks."

"Convenient."

"A bit too convenient," she muttered, but sighed when he gestured for her to turn and then let him nestle her between his thighs. Rey reclined against Ben's chest after he pulled her own shirt off, baring her distended belly.

 _I don't know why I even bothered putting it on,_ she thought with an internal attempt at orneriness that even she didn't believe, taking the black fabric when he handed it over.

 _ **For the same reason I don’t take my gloves off for you,**_ Ben answered her with ironic humor. It was true enough. She knew how much he enjoyed seeing her wear something of his…and then getting to take it off of her.

 _ **You don't actually wear them to bed now, do you?**_ Rey asked as he ran his hand over Bump, sending a quiet thought to their slumbering baby before pouring some scented lotion into his palm.

 _ **Only if there's any chance of a scavenger coming along who'll want to toss them in an incinerator,**_ he rebutted, making her laugh as he set the bottle down and began to smooth his slick palms over her belly.

The aroma filled her senses as she gave in and relaxed back into Ben, his hands massaging the creamy lotion into her tormented skin. It was light, but with a warmth to it, and just a hint of something sweet. Closing her eyes, she savored it.

Rey had never really had pretty things, given what her life on Jakku had been like. It had made coming across something lovely, like the spinebarrels and nightblossoms occasionally found growing in the harsh desert sand, all the more special. Such things withered away all too soon, however, and the simple sanctity of beauty was eclipsed by its ephemeral nature. 

This, though? This was something that she found herself genuinely enjoying for the sake of enjoying it. That felt rather uncomfortable in a way. It showed how much she'd changed in the months since leaving the desert world behind.

Letting the soft scent fill her senses the way Ben's spicy cologne did, Rey was able to give herself a pass for it. Change wasn't really a bad thing, even if it felt uncomfortable at first. Looking ruefully down at the evidence of just how much had changed for her recently, Rey felt Ben rumble against her back with humor as he contentedly followed the drifting flow of her thoughts. Turning her head, she breathed in his spiciness, and opened her eyes as she realized that though the two scents had their own distinct fragrance notes, they complemented one another perfectly.

Rey tipped her head back and reached up to take Ben's face, drawing him down within reach. It was a whole new sensation, kissing him like this—maybe even a little awkward, in truth—but she adored it all the same. With each new discovery they made together, large or small, she wanted more. She didn't consider herself a greedy person, but when it came to Ben she found herself coveting every minute detail.

And he happily let her have all that she wished.

He strayed in gentle circles up to Rey's breasts again, working the lotion over the tender flesh. Focusing on her mind's reactions to the careful pressure he used, Ben let her guide him in an effort to help alleviate the ache caused by the growing fullness of the curves he found so enticing. She wrapped her fingers around his wrists as his fingers smoothed along the sides and beneath, lifting a little to take the weight into his hands.

Soon enough, though, Ben's fingers tightened with the ever-burning desire he'd held in check as she lay with her back against his hot arousal. Every touch they shared was always suffused with an intimacy that stoked their shared need to let it flare with greater heat. Perhaps it would be different if they weren't separated by countless star systems, and able to develop a familiarity with one another that came from proximity…but Rey doubted it. She didn't believe the feelings Ben sparked in her would ever dull in intensity, no matter how long they were given together in this life.

In this moment, however, she was only concerned with the way his hands kneaded her breasts gently, but with clear intent that already had her breathing in shallow pants. Neither of them had thought for a moment that this would lead anywhere but to a much less innocent diversion. When Rey felt Ben's lips press into her hair and begin the slow descent towards that sweet nook he'd claimed for himself, her grip on his wrists tightened in expectation.

He paused when he reached the hollow behind Rey’s ear, and she felt his chest rise with a deep breath against her. He drew back a little and freed one of his hands from her hold, running his fingers through the fall of her hair to pull it aside. She glanced over with a smile at the hollowed-out ring she'd placed around the grip of his lightsaber, knowing she’d done well in choosing her gift.

Ben stared down at the answer to her riddle, the tip of his thumb running along the shorn ends of the lock, curling a little into that well-loved dip.

The pupils of Ben's eyes blew wide as he stared, his throat working hard to swallow as he took in the sight. Rey couldn't see it, neck arched to allow him full access, but she knew. The thick demand pressed into her back hardened further, and she drank in the sensation when his hand took her jaw, and pulled her mouth back up to meet his searing kiss.

Then she was abruptly pushed forward, and Rey kneeled, shivering a little in the chill of her room when his insulating heat disappeared. He never released her completely, though, ensuring she wouldn't fall from the bed that wasn't really there without his touch. She saw his sleep pants fly off into infinity, and then Ben was against her again, his hands going to her waist and boosting her up. His knees appeared, slipping between her legs, and then she found herself settled back down across his lap.

It took a moment for Rey to find her balance astride Ben this way, without him before her to hold onto. She needn't have worried, however. His arms tucked her more securely against him, leaning her back as he pulled her down onto his waiting length.

He held himself still for Rey as she took him to the hilt, giving her the time she needed to ease into the stretch to accommodate his girth. Her lips shivered, struggling to contain the torrent of sensation that surged through her. She could feel Ben's muscles tensing to restrain himself from thrusting up into her as his body was shouting at him to do—as her own begged for now that he was seated fully in her welcoming heat.

Rey felt Ben's jaw tense against her temple as she rolled her hips back into him, letting the tip of his shaft kiss her deeply. Answering Rey's need with his own, he gripped her hips and began to move. She could tell he tried to hold onto his control, but after the soul-baring revelations of tonight, and with his breath stirring the ends of that cropped lock of hair against his lips, he couldn't prevent the Dark passion from rising in a consuming storm of want.

It overtook them both, flooding the Bond and dashing any intent of restraint.

"More…" Rey breathed, eyes closed tight. She squeezed his wrists, desperate just to hold on as his strong, heaving lunges upward sent the tempest between them raging through her.

Her plea ignited something inside Ben. He released one of her hips and grasped her shoulder firmly, pulling her flush against him. Ben held her down as he bucked up with heavy thrusts that tore rapturous cries from her. Delving so far, so deep, he assailed that needy point of pleasure that Rey's mind begged him to reach for again and again. As the rampant surges tore through her, her head fell back against his shoulder, and she fought to hold herself together, to hold out as long as she could for him.

Ben buried his face in the curve of her neck, and the graze of his teeth almost sent her over the edge. He didn't bite down, though. Instead, he tormented the still-bruised skin he’d left behind the other night, enhancing every feeling coursing through her to the absolute limit of what Rey thought she could endure—and driving her beyond it.

"Anything." His roughened voice promised against her skin, that beloved touch of velvet midnight stroking along the Bond to enfold her mind with all that he was or could ever be. "Everything, Sweetheart."

Rey gasped when he suddenly spread his legs beneath her, robbing her of any purchase on the sheets, and opening her completely to his breathtaking advances. Needing to somehow hold more of him in return, she reached back and grasped a fistful of soft hair. He filled her over and over, seeking a greater depth with each stroke—anything to be closer, to give more of himself to her. She fought to withstand the overwhelming feelings he sent raging along every sensitized inch of skin, unable to help crying out rhythmically each time he plunged up into her.

She couldn't last much longer, but Force, she didn’t care. She wanted to reach that raging maelstrom, abandoning the constrictions of reality Ben sent her soaring above. He'd be there with her, and clinging to him, Rey threw herself into it.

With everything she had, she screamed as the storm broke within her. She didn't care whether anyone heard and wondered at the rising cry of unbound ecstasy that broke the stillness of the corridor beyond her door.

Rey wanted the firmament itself to shatter with the force of her voice.

She rode the wave, slowly returning back to the cramped bedroom of her reality, but more importantly to the man who'd taken her away from it to touch the stars instead.

Turning her mind to his, she sensed that Ben's pleasure was only just behind hers, the hard twitches within her growing ever more demanding. Though her body was easing into blissfully pulsing aftershocks, Rey gripped her muscles tight, bearing down on him as he thrust himself through to bury his rapture in the strongest embrace she could give. He tore his lips away from her neck, and released a resounding groan that she drew out, rocking her pelvis to take all of him that she could.

Finally, Ben shuddered beneath her, spent. They held tightly onto one another, panting raggedly, sweat-sleek skin sliding against one another as loving fingers continued to soothe and caress.

Euphoria could not obscure the ache of exertion forever, however, and Rey flinched a little when he released her shoulder to lift her up and draw himself out. Being held against Ben so fiercely had made their coupling much more intense, but it had definitely left her sore. She felt his lips press into the reddened skin that still showed the burning shadow of his broad palm.

"I'm sorry," Ben whispered, kissing her shoulder again with languid remorse.

"Ben," she said, turning to look at him. "Don't ever apologize for making love to me."

Rey rested her fingertips over the muscles that were beginning to throb in a way that could well mean he'd pulled one of them rather badly. Calling on the Force, she directed the flow of energy beneath her skin, weaving along ligaments and tendons until she found the epicenter of pain. With a surge of power, she mended the injury, knitting the minute tears along the length of the muscle and soothing the swelling that had begun to form.

Ben was staring at her when she dropped her hand, and she smiled wearily at his astonishment. His mind worked furiously to try and figure out the mechanics of what she'd done.

"Didn't you know I can heal?" Rey asked, rising a little unsteadily on her knees so she could turn to face him.

"I did," he answered, taking her waist and easing her back into a pile of pillows at the head of his bed. "It's one thing to know, though. To feel you actually do it?" He gave her a quick, but deep kiss before murmuring with a smile that held both awe and pride in his Force-mate, "You're a miracle, Rey."

"I thought you didn't want any more miracles," she reminded him, grazing a fingertip along his scar.

"Because you're the only one I need," Ben murmured against her lips as he pressed his mouth to hers again slowly, once, twice, and then lightly sucked on her lower lip as he withdrew. Leaving her more than a little breathless, he rose on his forearms and slipped down to settle on his front between her thighs so that he could rest his head against Bump.

Laying there, Rey let herself drift in the headiness of the afterglow, reaching down to play with Ben's hair and run her fingers over the war-scored expanse of his back. Their minds cuddled together contentedly, as sated as their physical bodies. Slowly, however, she felt him grow serious, and she nudged against his thoughts, unwilling to simply delve into his unguarded head. She asked to know what had him preoccupied even as his fingers stroked adoringly over the lotion-softened skin of her belly.

"I know we don't always see things the same way. When it comes down to it, though, I meant what I said on the _Supremacy,_ Rey,” he rasped, emotions weighing heavily within him. “I want to leave the past behind."

"But not kill it?" she asked, barely breathing. Rey finally voiced the hope that had guided her steps since that night the Force had slipped past her tattered defenses and placed Ben back into her life, becoming ever more certain as she came to understand him. He had said things in the months since they'd been together that made her believe he’d come to accept that the absolute denial of their pasts wasn't what would free them to move forward towards the dream of a future they both wanted so badly to realize.

"No. Not kill it," he admitted, giving her a squeeze and raising his head to meet her eyes, "but not perpetuate it, either. Wherever that leads the rest of the galaxy once they have their chance for peace, so long as it means you'll be with me in truth, it's the future I'll fight for."

Rey nodded in understanding. She suspected it would take a great deal to help Ben relieve himself of his anger towards his own history, at least enough to really move forward without it dragging him down each time he was forced to confront it. She didn't begrudge the time he needed, however. Trauma couldn't simply be left behind. It remained, just like the scars across both their bodies. That didn’t mean it didn’t get easier, however, especially when you had someone to bear it alongside you.

And perhaps some of those marks might heal completely one day.

Smiling as she felt the Force hum softly around them, Rey saw how they continued to find measures of balance between one another. It was more than the power they held, more even than shared destiny. Sometimes, true balance came through the little ways in which two souls could create harmony together.

Then something happened.

There was a _flutter_. That was the best word she could think of to describe it. Beneath Ben’s hands, she felt a stirring—a quickening. Rey held her breath, looking down into his equally startled eyes when the magical sensation came again.

A feather-light touch reached for their minds, so soft and precious. They could only stare at each other, utterly undone.

Even though she’d been communing with the flicker of life for weeks, it was like uncovering its existence for the very first time all over again. This was a much more wonderful moment of discovery, though, without the fear and paralyzing uncertainty she'd felt staring down at test results on a terminal in the Medbay. She cherished this little life, and wanted the future its creation promised. Most importantly, though, Ben was here to experience it with her.

She felt something warm splash onto her skin, and ran her thumb over Ben's cheek again. Rey let out a watery choke of a laugh that she beamed down at him through as he dropped his head to press a kiss into her belly. They both fought for breath, shaken, and souls filled with amazement.

Ben lay with his face pressed into Bump, his mind clutching onto hers like a lifeline even as he reached out gently to return the baby's touch. That sweet rapport between father, mother, and child eased the swelling tide of his emotions, and he slowly began to relax against her. As the fledgling consciousness drifted back to sleep, happy under the shared touch of its parents, Rey slipped her fingers through Ben's hair again, memorizing this perfect moment.

"Still don't know?" he asked, breaking the silence, his voice rumbling against her.

"Know…?" Rey questioned before realizing what he was asking. "Oh. No, not yet. I keep asking, but Bump doesn't seem to really…care?...whether it's a boy or a girl."

"So we don't get to know, then?" Ben said with amusement.

"I 'spose not," she replied, hitching a leg up and over his side to open up her pelvis a little. A strong arm wrapped around to cradle her hip in the crook of his elbow, and his palm slipped beneath to support her lower back. Sighing in comfort, Rey smiled down at the top of his dark head, fingers threading through the silky locks she hoped their baby would inherit. She felt him smile against her skin at that thought, arms tightening more firmly around her.

"The doctor knows," Rey offered quietly, not really wanting to go this route because she still wanted to wait and see if the baby itself would share the answer with her. She was willing to do it if it would keep that smile on his face, though. "I can ask, and—"

"No," Ben raised his head to look up at her, that same perfect understanding in his eyes she'd come to rely on seeing in them. "I want to know, but this is important to you, and part of the connection you share with our baby. I can wait for you."

As he always had. Ben had waited for her to allow him into her life, to accept his Darkness, and for her willingness to bring down the barriers she'd set between them.

"You don't always have to, you know?" she told him. "I don't always have to come first."

"It's not a matter of whether you have to or not, Rey," he responded. "You just do."

She pulled at him and Ben rose up, holding himself over her on his forearms as their lips met.

 _ **Let me put you first from time to time, okay?**_ she told him, giving his shoulders an insistent tug.

Ben made a noncommittal sound as he resisted her attempt to get him to settle his weight onto her, but tilted his head to kiss her more fully in consolation. Rey might have rolled her eyes at his caution, but decided it wasn't worth arguing over, keeping what else she had in mind for tonight well out of his reach, now that there were no barriers to hide it behind. Ben's feelings and wants were going to be given the attention they deserved—that he deserved—and he was just going to have to live with it.

Rey could feel him sense her anticipation, however, and broke the kiss. She needed to distract him before he started digging for answers.

"I'm not taking these with me, by the way," Rey said, patting the pillows beneath her head.

"Running out of hiding spaces?" he asked with a twitch of the corner of his mouth.

"No…" she denied, fighting a smile herself. "It's just that if I take any more, I'll have to start getting a little more creative with how I stuff things into corners."

His low laugh rumbled through her, and she ran her fingertips over his face, letting her smile widen when he turned his cheek into her palm with a tired sigh. She could tell he was flagging, that as much as he wanted to stay with her his mind was fighting a losing battle against his exhaustion.

"It's okay, Ben," Rey said softly, leaning up to press her lips to the bridge of his nose. He opened his bloodshot eyes and looked at her regretfully. She understood perfectly. "Someday."

"Someday," he murmured back, standing and helping her up off his bed. His eyes held hers with a fierceness that belied the weariness that dragged at him, pulling her in close to soak in the feel of her skin on his for as long as he could.

She gave him another smile and held it for him while she released her hold on the Bond, his dark gaze fading as he was parted from her, sent back to lay amidst his rumpled sheets on a Star Destroyer somewhere in the skies above Ithor.

Rey made sure to hold onto Ben's mind, however, reclaiming his full attention when he started to settle in, hoping to fall asleep with her consciousness still nestled against his. A questioning pulse came back to her along the Bond that she chose not to answer beyond letting him know she wasn't going to let him fall asleep just yet. Intrigued, he waited, occasionally nudging at her teasingly while she quickly dressed and gathered a few things together. Leaving her room, she made sure the coast was clear and hurried down the corridor.

She only allowed Ben to begin to draw close enough to get a sense of her physical space once she turned the water on. Stepping under the showerhead and sighing in enjoyment as warm steam filled the 'fresher, Rey's smile grew into a grin when she felt the way Ben's mind nearly short-circuited.

_**I have another gift for you.** _

Ben's groan echoed from one end of the galaxy to the other, and with a renewal of energy born of pure determination he dragged his mind back along the Bond. Letting him guide her, she pulled his awareness into her own, allowing him to see through her eyes. It was disorienting, and Rey had to shut her eyes again, groping for the 'fresher wall. He did his best to help her regain her equilibrium, but she wasn't quite able to find her center of gravity. She began to panic, her heart pounding with the terror of what could happen if she fell on the wet floor, torn between trying to hang onto the showerhead and wrapping her arms protectively around her belly.

Suddenly, the unaccustomed sense of duality shifted as Ben sort of…pulled away. For a moment, Rey thought he'd left her. She realized that his mind remained protectively alongside hers, though, allaying her fear.

 _ **I'm sorry,** _he said with remorse. She could sense his own horror at what had almost just happened. **_I didn't mean to—_**

 _ **Of course you didn't, Ben,** _Rey interrupted, already getting her feet back under her. _**Are you sure you're all right? We sort of rushed that a bit.**_

 _ **I'm fine,** _he told her, his concern slowly easing as he felt her breathing calm. **_Not even a rampaging Mudhorn would keep me from being here for this._**

Rey's mind managed to catch up with what he'd done. Feeling along the Bond, she could tell he was back in his quarters aboard his command ship, but if she closed her eyes she could almost believe he was standing there beside her. It was more than just hearing his voice in her head or having him use her vision as his own, but lesser than fully bridging the connection physically. He definitely felt the strain of it, however, especially after taking the toll of opening the Bond only days ago.

He was also making a bit of a show of preening at the success of his experiment, even if it was a knee-jerk reaction in a moment of emergency. She wasted no time in stepping on his ego before it became unbearable.

 ** _You didn't figure that one out by studying the Bond,_** Rey scoffed. **_You just tried it and were lucky that it worked. I can hear your mind trying to figure out how to replicate it._**

His low laugh told her he didn't resent her calling him out on his banthashit in the slightest, too pleased with himself for managing to pull yet another thread through the Bond that turned out to be useful.

 ** _To be fair, you figured this one out first as well,_** Ben said, reminding her of the night she slipped through the Bond to find him pleasuring himself after a night of thwarted passion that had eventually led to them giving voice to the feelings they'd known all along lay between them.

Tilting her head beneath the warm spray in consideration, Rey realized it was something else she'd managed to figure out without giving it any real thought. It had been instinctual, almost as though she'd known how to do it all along, and the circumstances had drawn out the memory of just what she had to do. She wished she could understand why they were able to do these things, but stopped herself from getting stuck on it, given she'd worked hard to persuade Ben to have the same patience tonight. So, she let it go, and turned her mind back to what she sought to give him.

Now that she didn't have Ben crowding her senses, she didn't have to brace herself against the wall anymore. Reaching down with a cloth to wash away the sticky blend of her arousal and his spend from between her legs, Rey couldn't help blushing as she felt the intensity of his unseen stare. He'd thoroughly sated her tonight, so he wasn't in for quite the show she'd gotten all those weeks ago, but he was clearly going to make the most of this.

Rey hadn't expected to find giving this to him so challenging, though, biting her lip and reminding herself that it was Ben. There was no one in the galaxy she felt safer with, and this was just another intimacy that might be uncomfortable for its newness but was really something she found herself enjoying when she managed to center herself. She couldn't see him, true, but Rey felt the overwhelming joy in Ben's mind that she would actually try to realize his fantasy. His eyes watched each move, tracing the fall of the warm water as it slipped down over her growing breasts and rounded belly. His thoughts weren't the least bit innocent, but there was a reverence behind the ardor for the woman whose every breath was a marvel to him.

It helped, and she straightened with the beginnings of a smile. It firmed when she felt full lips pressed lovingly against her forehead. It was difficult for him to manage, and he had to pull away again quickly with a shaky sigh, but Ben proved yet again the seemingly endless potential of their Bond.

Sending a stream of energy along the fibers of their connection to help him regain his balance, Rey turned back into the flow of water and grabbed the soap. She regretted the fading scent of the lotion washing down the drain but promised herself she'd put some more on once she got back to her room. It wouldn't be the same as having his hands massage it over her skin, but she hoped there would be other such chances.

**_Oh, I promise you there will be. Trust me._ **

Rey laughed as the lust-filled wave that accompanied his words flowed over her like water, the heat of his passion—and the love behind it—carrying an even greater vow than the words themselves.

* * *

Painting by [LostInQueue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInQueue)

A Gift from [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife) & [ElleElle20](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElleElle20)

~

Thank you so much, lovely friends! ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to let you all know that if I don't address/unpack something from a chapter in my A/N's that you're curious about, please feel free to ask me about it down in the comments. I'm always thrilled to interact with you guys, and asking me about the things going on in the story give me an idea of what's standing out, what's working, and whether I'm getting things across in the way I intend. I don't promise to satisfy any and all curiosity (no spoilers allowed!), but I'm happy to respond. I don't think I've said that before, so I wanted to be sure to share it now.
> 
> **BTS Ramblings…**
> 
> **Make Up Your Mind, Rhi!:** This chapter was the hardest to decide on a title for, in all honesty. Why? I haven't a clue, but I had to go back and remake that darn moodboard several times because I couldn't settle on any of the titles I came up with. Then I landed on this one, and I was able to stop banging my head against my keyboard (much to the keyboard's relief).
> 
>  **Best Laid Plans…:** Chapters 10, 11, and what will be 12 were originally supposed to be one chapter. *peeks up at the word count* Heh. I know, right? I realized I was trying to juggle too many themes and plot threads all at once. It was horribly bloated, and probably would have been an absolute tangle if I'd tried to force it together. In order to divvy up the themes more effectively, and allow Ben & Rey to have a bit more of a chance to relax & enjoy being together in the wake of what happened on Mustafar, I took Ben's lightsaber to the monstrosity and split it up. I think it's ultimately working out rather well…and it kept me from being disowned by my beta for yeeting such a beast at her head.
> 
>  **No More Hiding:** Trust. It's so incredibly important in any relationship, and you can't move forward without it. For Reylo, it was always going to be vital that they could find a way to trust each other not just with the personal stuff, but the ideals that have led each of them to fight for their respective factions in this war. That's a component that's been missing to this point, and Rey was right -- it was necessary to put that boundary between them in the early days of their time together. Ben's been trying to tell her it isn't anymore, however, and she's ready to believe him. Let's see where that trust takes them and what they each end up revealing…
> 
>  **The Baby Moved!:** Rey had some surprises in store for Ben tonight…but neither of them suspected Bump did as well. I'm loving these special moments when Bump reaches out. It's a little inconvenient that we don't know whether it's a boy or a girl though, huh? What do you guys think…will Grand-Uncle Chewie be knitting blue baby socks or pink ones?
> 
>  **Good Clean Fun:** You guys didn't think I'd mention a shower fantasy and just forget about it, did you? I wouldn't do that to you…or to Ben!


	12. That Shines Even in Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The best relationships are the ones that press on through the darkness.  
> They are the people that look at each other and see the broke and hurt  
> and say you are worthy."
> 
> Unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **SIDE STORY ALERT!:** I've posted a side story that is set just prior to this chapter. Want to spend a bit of time with Space Mum and maybe be let in on a secret Rey won't be sharing with Ben just yet? You can find the story here: _[That For Which Stars Shine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27692722)_
> 
> If you don't want to miss out when side stories are posted, I've started to put them into a series that you can subscribe to, if you wish: [ASTOS Specials](https://archiveofourown.org/series/2010016). I do have two more side stories planned, and who knows whether something else may come up along the way.
> 
> A special hug of thanks to **[ElleElle20](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElleElle20/pseuds/ElleElle20)** ~ you gave me a confidence boost when I really needed it, and it's what made me hit the gas and get this chapter across the finish line. As a thank you, I've made a small reference in tribute to your incomparable story, _[Meet Kylo Ren](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25791913/chapters/62646175)_ , in this chapter. (I had to tweak it just a smidge, but I think you'll know it when you see it, given I couldn't stop gushing about Kylo's philosophy in your poor, beleaguered comments!)…Friends, if you haven't read _MKR,_ please do. It's absolutely spellbinding!
> 
> So much love & thanks to **[MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife)** for returning to give my commas the stern talking-to they always need!
> 
> ♥[ASTOS Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh)♥
> 
> Much love!

Master Skywalker would probably have burst a blood vessel over the way Rey tossed the sacred texts onto her bed. The priceless—and fragile—books landed in a careless jumble, and she could practically feel the accusing glare of the Jedi burning into her from beyond whatever veil separated the living from those who’d become one with the Force. She couldn't care less, however.

Rey was far too excited.

She barely finished throwing the locks on her door before she sent her mind flying across the galaxy. Finding him was as simple as breathing, his star the brightest, shining out for her with an enticing pull that she’d found harder and harder to resist. With the happy lifeforce beneath her hand eagerly encouraging her, Rey didn’t even try.

With only the smallest effort, she came within reach of Ben’s mind. Her mastery of what they’d managed to learn of their Bond had grown exponentially after hours of subtle practice in the small hours before drifting into dreams of him each night. The faint but profound feeling of that fleeting caress returned was her solace, even if they couldn’t always exchange words. She didn’t think she was capable of falling asleep without feeling the touch of her Force-mate, even the unsatisfyingly transitory connection such a distance left them with.

Tonight, though, Rey had no intention of settling for a mere brush of minds, and she embraced him the moment she felt that silken edge of consciousness.

But he didn't react. There was no word of greeting or pulse of emotion sent along the fibers of the Bond.

Rey frowned to herself, wondering why Ben was ignoring her. If he was busy, he’d always at least sent a pulse of feeling in acknowledgment, so why…

Icy talons pricked up along her spine as she realized what was wrong, and she gasped with horror at her mistake.

She threw her mind back from Ben's, retreating as quickly as she could. Shuddering with discomfort and disoriented from tearing away so abruptly, Rey had to catch herself on the wall, her room spinning when she opened her eyes. With a hard swallow to hold back a wave of nausea, she focused on the Bond, heart pounding with fear.

It seemed like an eternity before the faintest whisper of reassurance thrummed along to her, and she let out a shaky breath. Ben was safe.

Rey berated herself for risking him like that. She knew the danger, and it could so easily have cost them everything if she'd been sensed by the other awareness she’d caught just the barest hint of when she’d wrapped her mind around Ben’s. Focused on him and impatient to share her news, she hadn’t noticed that the welcoming Darkness within him hadn’t been the only source of Force energy.

_Icy fingers stained in Darkness trailing inquisitively along the Bond—seeking, probing, intruding._

A lack of caution had almost cost them once before.

Rey shivered as she came fully back to herself, walking over to her bed to sit down while she steadied her breathing. Hugging her arms around Bump, she sighed regretfully.

_Not tonight!_

Her heart was near to bursting with the excitement of the discovery they’d both been longing for. Ben had been willing to wait just so that she could have this very moment. Now that it had happened, she wanted to share it with him so badly. If it wasn't safe, though, there was nothing to be done. He wasn't about to risk one of his Knights harming her or the baby by drawing her close while they were nearby, and she wouldn't risk _him_ by letting them learn who their Master was bound to through the Force. Rey had faith in Ben's ability to defend himself, especially since he'd fought each of his subordinates before and won…but against all of them? He was formidable, but she didn't want to gamble with his life.

**_I’m sorry,_** Rey told the baby sadly, feeling even worse about her misstep when she felt the flickering anxiety in response to her own fading alarm. She reached out with a soothing touch, trying to calm them both. **_We’ll get to tell him, I promise. Just not tonight._**

Disappointed, Rey rose and set about getting ready for bed. She made a quick trip to the ‘fresher, then settled into her luxurious nest of blankets and pillows. Pulling the hem of the plush fabric of her newest sleepwear acquisition up over her belly, she began to smooth some of the lotion from Ben over her skin, the warm fragrance starting to lift her spirits a little.

_You always make it better…even when you’re not here,_ Rey thought to herself, not daring to pass the words along the tether stretching out across the galaxy.

Just like that, though, the need to hold herself back from him like this brought the crushing weight down on her again, and she let out a frustrated breath. She tried so hard to hold it together, and most of the time she managed it. The company of their baby and the occasional touch of Ben’s mind kept her going, giving her the will to be patient. She was honestly happier than she’d ever been in her life.

There were times, however, when she found herself caught up by the emotional upheavals of her turbulent hormones. Her disappointment and the lingering fear of the near miss this evening overcame her resilience. It worsened when Rey felt the baby stir again, disturbed this time by her own losing battle against heartache.

_Force. You have to hold it together,_ she silently railed, but only grew more agitated as her loneliness overwhelmed her, becoming nearly unbearable.

In the end, Rey gave up and let the tears fall. The burden of stress and thwarted yearning wrenched its way out of her in choking sobs that made her chest hurt. She wished it would help, that letting it out would ease the strain of wanting something that sometimes seemed within reach but remained little more than a dream.

It became all the harder to hold up when she considered that in a little over three months, she’d be giving birth to the child she’d conceived with her Force-mate on the night they’d first begun to believe in that dream. With no end to the violent conflict that kept them apart on the horizon, Rey had dejectedly tried to come to terms with the fact that it would be happening here in a decrepit old Rebel base—surrounded by Resistance fighters who’d kill Ben on sight if he attempted to be with her to meet their baby in the flesh.

**_I didn’t really think that this would be how it would happen,_** she confessed to the fretful mind reaching out for comfort that she just didn’t have to give. **_I’d wanted us to be together, for him to be there with us—REALLY with us—when you’re born. I don’t think that’s going to happen, though. I promised you a family, but I don’t know when we’ll be able to truly be one._**

Whatever the baby thought of Rey’s words, they seemed to bring a sense of peace that took her by surprise. Then came a fledgling whisper of love against her mind, and it was exactly what she needed to catch her breath. Tears still slipped down her face, but she bowed her head over her precious Bump and smiled.

**_You’re right, we don’t have to be together to love each other. That’s what being a family means for us. Only for now, though. Your father and I are going to keep that promise._** Rey placed a kiss onto her fingertips and pressed it to her belly. **_Thank you._**

The soft glow brightened as she felt the faint stir of movement that still seemed wondrous, no matter how many times it happened. She sensed another soft wave of affection wash over her before the tiny mind drifted back into dreamy contentment.

Rey sighed tiredly, knowing she needed to find some of that peace too, or she’d never manage to rest tonight. The separation wore on her, but losing sleep to regrets did no good. If she wasn’t going to be able to find it in Ben’s arms, then she would just have to find it within herself.

Crawling out from her cocoon of black coziness, she stood and padded to the middle of the room. Facing her window so the light of the moons could fall upon her, Rey closed her eyes and took deep, measured breaths as she willed her body to free itself of the mundane demands of gravity. Her feet lifted from the floor and she folded her legs neatly, resting her palms on her knees, shoulders relaxed. Unbound from the earth below, she felt a reassuring sort of liberation. It allowed her to distance herself from the pressures of reality to a degree, and let her mind join with the vital existence all were a part of, but only rare individuals such as she were given the gift to truly experience.

Finally achieving some semblance of serenity, Rey cast her mind out again, though not so far as before. She focused on Ben's star, out near the Core—passing near Coruscant, she estimated. After learning that he knew where she was, she'd stopped resisting the temptation to follow his own wanderings more closely. It hadn’t taken long to figure out the mechanics; in fact, it had ultimately been quite simple.

This was something she'd done before when Ben had passed out after receiving the vision from the locus on Mustafar, and then she'd sent her mind diving through the lightyears to reach for him. Rey had already known where he was because he’d told her, but thinking back, even if she hadn’t, she knew she'd have been able to figure it out.

_Another impulse that turned out to be something useful,_ Rey thought to herself, still mystified and a bit concerned about her rather haphazard propensity for discovering the abilities the Bond could be used for. It was ironic, really, that Ben was the one who patiently and methodically worked out the intricacies of things she more or less blundered into.

In truth, it terrified her. What if she tried something one day that didn't work or backfired? Rey had almost fallen on the ‘fresher floor when Ben rushed into her head the night she’d given him the fantasy he’d once shared with her. Feeling the rise of her belly as she drew another steadying breath, Rey knew the consequences of their experiments could so easily be tragic if they weren’t careful.

She shook her head and made herself release her fear, holding onto her mental balance, and drawing on the Light’s tranquility. She had to trust herself. Ben believed in her, and she'd felt how in awe he was of the way she'd managed to figure out how to speak to him across the Bond, and later to achieve that in-between presence that she'd started having some…interesting…ideas about how to use.

Rey blushed, but then snorted at herself.

_If Ben gets to daydream about what he'd like to do to me, then turn-about's fair play._

Willfully grasping onto the levity that thought brought, Rey managed to fully center her mind. Her worries gradually quieted. As the stress of waiting and the burning excitement of her news eased into the background, she immersed herself in the peaceful flow of the energy surrounding her.

Beyond her door, she could sense the steady thrum of lifeforces. Hundreds of them. The brilliance of each individual wellspring of life and the possibilities they embodied was mesmerizing. Stretching her mind further out beyond the rough duracrete walls of the base, the vibrancy of the jungle world was almost overwhelming in its richness—so full of vitality. She’d learned she’d been drawing on that seemingly endless and self-renewing source of strength whenever she directed a surge of power to ease a headache or the stiffness in her lower back as the baby grew.

Rey pushed her mind even further, reaching beyond the surface of Ajan Kloss. She took a quick breath when she felt it—the unfathomable glory of infinity. She couldn’t bear it for too long, the expansive lifeforce of the universe itself laid bare to her senses strained them to the point of pain. Somehow, though, it helped ease the burden of the myriad hurts and fears that had borne down on her tonight.

It didn’t completely alleviate the pain of her circumstances, but then only one thing could. With her reunion with Ben out of reach for now, however, Rey settled for the welcoming embrace of the Light.

_I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me._

The oft-repeated mantra scribbled throughout the journal of the long-dead monk from Jedha resonated through Rey’s mind. She'd read Chirrut Îmwe's thoughts on the Galactic Civil War and his account of the approaching doom for the Holy City many times. At first, she’d felt just as disappointed as Ben had by the lack of details regarding his order's beliefs…not to mention the complete absence of any mention of the word, “Dyad.”

Rey had allowed herself to get her hopes up, but though she’d been disappointed Îmwe’s words hadn’t provided the answers she and her Force-mate so desperately needed, she wasn’t quite as certain as Ben that the journal was worthless. In a way, she almost felt as though the monk was reaching out through the long decades to tell her something. His entries were more philosophical than autobiographical, and revealed more of the Guardians' beliefs in application than she thought Ben realized, too frustrated with what appeared to be another dead end.

Apart from the inscription at the beginning, Îmwe never referred to the Dark Side and the Light separately. It was simply _the Force._ Considering the way he described his efforts to assist the Partisans working to undermine the Empire, while safeguarding the lives of the civilians too often caught in the crossfire, Rey had begun to see his faith in practice.

While Gerrera’s Partisans had fought for freedom from the Empire’s oppression, they’d cared little for collateral damage. The monk had mourned the loss of so many innocents in what many considered the “righteous cause.” Likewise, he’d spent time musing over the rumors of an Imperial defector who’d gone to Jedha in the hope of aiding the Rebels.

It wasn’t the contradiction it seemed, however, not in the eyes of one who viewed the galaxy as the ultimate enactment of balance. The Empire was not wholly evil, and the Rebellion had been capable of acts of terror; just as the First Order was led by a man secretly working to secure peace, and the Resistance had compromised their morals more than once to survive.

The Dark and Light were no different, and Rey knew that the Bond was living proof of the Guardians’ beliefs—at least so far as their fundamental conception of balance went. The journal may not offer true guidance, but she was grateful to Îmwe and his brotherhood. It had been brave to stand for the middle way when the Jedi and Sith relentlessly decreed such harmony was anathema to what they respectively professed to be _the will of the Force._

It took great courage to stand against such unforgivingly opposing dogmas—and extraordinary hope.

Lifting a hand from her knee, Rey rested her palm lightly against the rise of her belly with a smile. That’s what they needed more than anything right now, she and Ben. When he was with her, she’d come to believe it was all possible, that there was no reason to doubt they’d somehow end the war and be able to stand before one another not through the Force, but in truth.

For now, Rey let the words of Îmwe’s mantra flow through her mind, the sincerity of them filling her entire being with a sense of purpose that brought the elusive calm she’d been seeking. Her heart grew lighter as the Bond rose up, making the air itself hum with a power that, perhaps, the galaxy had never known until the Force had tied two souls together.

Then, in the midst of her meditation, a quiet step made her realize it had been more than the affirmation the Bond sometimes seemed to give her when her thoughts turned to what lay between her and her Force-mate…whose lifeforce was much closer than it had been before.

Rey almost smiled. She managed to remain impassive, though, and very studiously resumed her recitation, excitement and their baby happily fluttering beneath her palm.

_I am one with the Force,_ she continued in her mind, though her focus was firmly fixed on something other than serenity. _And the Force is—_

**_Be with ME._ **

He passed the words silently to her mind even as his lips pressed insistently against hers. Rey's smile broke free, and she looped her arms around his neck, releasing her grip on the Force and dropping into his waiting arms.

Ben caught her easily, angling his head so the kiss wouldn't break as he lowered her down safely. As soon as she felt the floor beneath her feet, she pressed up into his lips. He tightened his arms around her, loving it whenever she pushed for more. He gave it, mind finally returning the embrace he’d been unable to give her earlier, his tongue offering the most tantalizing apology.

"I thought it wasn't safe to meet," Rey said breathlessly when they finally came up for air, burying her nose in his shoulder, and reveling in the opportunity to breathe in that special spicy scent that was all him. She could sense from his mind that he was taking equal pleasure from the soft aroma of the lotion on her own skin.

"It was just bad timing," Ben told her, running a thumb along the curve of her spine, confirming her guess that it had been one of his Knights who’d been with him. "I'd summoned Ushar for a report on his duties, that's all."

"Did he sense anything?" Rey tensed.

"No," he said with reassuring confidence, pulling his face from the curve of her neck so he could look down at her. "He didn't react when I felt you reach out, and I insisted on breaching his mind afterward so I could examine his memories of a meeting Hux held with his supporters. While he had his defenses lowered, I looked to see if he'd felt you, and there wasn't even a flicker of awareness.”

She released a breath, her nerves settling at last. They’d survived another close call—barely.

“Ben, I’m so sorry,” Rey apologized.

“It’s all right,” he told her, one of his hands releasing her waist to stroke through her hair. “I would’ve handled it if he’d felt you.”

Remembering the catastrophic detonation through the Force when Ben had…handled…Cardo Ren, she shivered. He couldn’t keep killing his men, and they both needed to stop pressing their luck.

"What does Hux think of his armed shadows?" Rey asked, wanting to abandon the subject. She didn’t think she’d ever feel comfortable with her own conflicting emotions when it came to his answer to such situations.

"He's silently disdainful," he answered with a satisfied twist of his lips, "but he hasn't tried to countermand any orders or arrange illicit 'meetings of the general staff' since I assigned Ushar and Ap’lek to _guard_ him. He can continue to sulk for all I care."

"I know you hate him, but do you really need to provoke him?" Rey still worried what could happen if the general decided he’d had enough of his Supreme Leader’s contempt.

“Yes, in fact. I do.”

Rey stared up at him in confusion. What did he think to accomplish by goading the sadist in charge of the First Order’s fleet into a mutinous rage?

"I _want_ him angry and on-edge," Ben said. There was a focused determination in his mind, and she regarded it more closely. He was confident about whatever it was he had in mind for Hux.

Ben had told her once before that there was more going on within the First Order’s high command than the Resistance was aware of, but their agreement to remain silent on such matters had prevented her from learning what he’d meant. They’d broken down that barrier, however, and she felt his own excitement at sharing what was once forbidden with her. She wanted to dive into his mind and see all that he planned, but resisted the impulse.

One corner of his mouth lifted, sensing her restraint.

"I'll tell you, Sweetheart," Ben promised, making Rey's heart skip at the prospect. He stroked her cheek, mind telling her to be patient. "First, though, tell me what had you yanking on the Bond earlier."

"I wasn't yanking!" she huffed indignantly, giving his shoulders a light shove in rebuke, but he just smiled at her. Looking at his emerging dimples, Rey swallowed and let him get away with it, allowing the anticipation she'd tried to lock away to rise within her once again. He felt it, and his dark eyes lit with eagerness to know what caused this sunburst of joy inside her.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" she asked, taking the hand on her cheek, and pressing it against Bump.

Growing serious, Ben's mind reached for the dozing lifeforce beneath his palm. She felt how nervous he was, unsure what she was expecting him to find. When something caught his attention and his mind homed in on it sharply, she began to smile.

Then the Bond overflowed with horror.

Ben breathed harshly through his teeth, pain she couldn’t understand ripping through his heart. He wrenched himself away from her, staggering, eyes darkening with grief.

Rey watched in bewilderment, then fear ran a cold finger down her spine. Her mind felt for the baby, terrified to find something was wrong. She let out a jerky breath, though, sensing that all was well, the only disturbance caused by the weight of Ben’s internal strife pressing down on them all. She looked back up at him, trying to catch his eyes, and began to send out a ribbon of Light.

Her attempt to soothe him was cut off abruptly when the room suddenly glowed red.

"Ben?!"

Rey's chest tightened as the three blades of his lightsaber spat to life. The discordant hum of plasma filled the air, the crystal at the heart of the weapon screaming in a dire echo of its master’s torment. She hadn’t seen it ignited since she’d stood at his side in Snoke’s throne room, fire and silk falling all about them. Grasping frantically for his mind, she was devastated by the consuming hatred burning through him.

Hatred of himself.

Ben’s thoughts seethed with self-loathing, more potent and corrosive than she’d ever witnessed in him. He was tearing himself apart from the inside as she watched, and Rey couldn’t understand why.

**_Ben!_ **

Her mind's cry finally caught his attention enough to bring his eyes up to meet hers, but Rey had no idea what to say when she saw the absolute despair in them. Seeing her began to calm Ben, though, and after a few strained, uncertain moments, a tear slipped down his face, tracing the serrated track of his scar.

Rey instantly reached out for him, placing her hand over the back of the one gripping his lightsaber, and felt tension vibrating through his clenched muscles. His fist tightened at her touch, needing something to hold onto. She kept her eyes on his, though, and sent out her stream of Light again, waiting for him.

At last, Ben gasped heavily, eyes dropping to look down at the jagged blade in his hand uncomprehendingly for a moment. Then his eyes flew up to Rey’s again, mind starting to fall into chaos.

"I'm sorry…" he rasped, barely able to get the words out.

Rey shook her head, moving closer and putting her other hand on his face. She held his mind together, not letting him lose himself in that desolation which she’d worked so hard to win him back from all these months.

“I’m sorry,” Ben repeated, anguish for having drawn his weapon before her making it difficult for him to swallow.

She hadn't been afraid, though, even with the blood-red light of his saber casting the tortured shadows behind his eyes in stark relief. Though she didn't know what had upset him, she had no fear of her Force-mate, and she made sure he felt it deep within his mind where they couldn’t lie to one another. She wouldn’t let him doubt this.

The room fell suddenly dark as the blade extinguished. She winced when the heavy metal dropped to the floor, hoping the hard landing hadn’t loosened the ring she’d attached to the hilt, but didn't bother to check as his shaking hands came up to pull her to him.

Ben buried his face in the side of her neck again, arms clenching around her almost uncomfortably. Rey bore it, though. She was beginning to feel shaky now that the hot flare of chaos had abated somewhat. Wrapping her arms around his strong shoulders helped steady her, even if she could feel them quaking too. As hard as he leaned into her, she pressed right back into his warmth.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Rey asked him quietly, rubbing her cheek against his tunic, not caring that the fabric chafed. She'd wanted to share something wonderful, but instead he'd fallen into a depth of despair she hadn't seen from him since he'd left Mustafar.

"Force, Rey," Ben gasped out hoarsely, pulling away to look down at her.

He took her hands and laid them against her belly, pressing his broad palms over them. When Rey only looked up at him in confusion, Ben tugged at her mind, drawing it down with him to touch the baby's. The peaceful glow brightened in joyful response, feeling their joined touch. Rey couldn’t find it within herself to smile just now, but she still basked in the reassuring closeness of her new family.

Ben remained grim, however, and when she sent a questioning pulse along the Bond, he drew her mind in closer. Unsure what they were doing, and not entirely certain Ben really knew either, Rey let him pull her more deeply into his awareness, drawing her in so far she could actually sense his perceptions as though they were her own.

He let her see what he saw, feel what he felt, think what he thought more completely than he ever had in their previous experiments with the Bond. Her own impressions no longer filtered his. And there it was.

_Darkness._

Within the luminous lifeforce of their child ran a solid vein of shadow.

Ben dropped his hands and turned away, shoulders set as though the weight of the entire galaxy had just landed upon them. She could only stare at his back, stunned.

_How did I miss this?_

Rey hesitantly slipped her mind, freed of Ben’s, down to feel carefully at the baby’s developing consciousness, finding it difficult to see anything but that ebon strain, now that she knew it was there. Feeling cautiously along the edge of it, she had to force herself to control the rising tide of sorrow at finding her child touched by the Dark Side.

Then she felt it again, that ethereal touch that reached out for her with so much love. There was no threat or hint of corruption in it, just the gentle innocence of unconditional affection. It calmed her, centered her.

Taking a breath, her child’s soul at stake, Rey dared to touch it. She had to know—to be certain.

The Darkness was deeply ingrained, but she didn’t shy away. Examining it more closely, she recognized what lay before her, and felt tears gather in her eyes.

Releasing the breath slowly after a long, anxious moment, she closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she met Ben’s dark gaze as he waited dejectedly to be denounced for what he’d done to his own child. A tremor ran through him when her tears began to fall, but then she smiled softly through them, breaking the spell.

Rey closed the distance between them and took his hands, holding them against the swell of her belly. He tried to pull away, flinching as though her skin had burned him. She didn’t release him, however. She took hold of Ben’s mind and drew him down to the glimmering life he’d sown within her. He was afraid, but Rey redoubled her flow of Light, enveloping his mind with the absolute and unshakable belief she had in him.

**_Even after this?_ **he demanded.

**_Always,_ **Rey answered, leaning into him. **_Look again, Ben._**

Hesitantly, he turned his mind to regard the drowsy little soul that had falteringly stretched out to rest against them both, curling up contentedly with a joy that shimmered through their minds for the rarity with which this union could be realized.

Caressing the baby’s consciousness lovingly, she drew in close to Ben’s thoughts and gave a gentle tug. He allowed Rey to pull him in, just as he had done with her. She guided him to perceive the life they’d created from her own point of view this time.

The baby’s lifeforce was woven through with Darkness, true. Yet, it did not threaten the luminosity within which it abided. The two forces nestled together peacefully, contentedly even.

As his Darkness embraced and cherished her Light.

**_Balance,_ **Rey whispered to his mind, feeling him struggle to accept what she was showing him. She stretched up and placed a light kiss on his parted lips and when Ben looked back up at her, she saw that he was still fighting it.

"It’s Darkness, not corruption. Mustafar showed us that there is a difference," Rey said aloud. She would not let Ben see himself as the architect of their child’s doom. She knew in her heart that it was not the forgone conclusion he feared.

"Are you going to blame yourself for my Darkness too?" she asked, raising her other hand to hold his face. "We all have it within us, Ben. No one is pure—I don't think it's possible to be entirely untouched by the Dark Side. And if it were, what kind of life would that be? To live solely for peace and purity, never knowing passion or what it is to reach out and hold someone who means more to you than your own life?"

Rey pressed herself against his body, willing him to listen, but though Ben didn’t break away from her touch, he didn’t return it either.

"The Jedi may have rejected those feelings, but how many of them truly managed to strip their souls of the need to feel, to touch…to _be_ touched. Your grandfather didn't deny his emotions, and I don't for a moment believe that allowing himself to love was the reason he fell."

Ben's face twitched as though she'd struck him, and she blinked in surprise. He struggled to swallow and then clasped her wrists in a gentle but firm grip as he pulled her hands away.

"It was, Rey," he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear.

She fell silent, utterly at a loss for what to say. How could sharing one's heart lead to the horrors and chaos of Darth Vader's legacy?

"It was his fear of losing my grandmother that allowed Palpatine to turn him," Ben's fingers tightened around her wrists as he continued in a roughened timbre, "and Anakin ended up destroying everything he cared about because he was too afraid—because he couldn't let Padmé go."

"What happened to her?" Rey asked quietly, not understanding.

Ben's lips thinned, his eyes slipping away for a moment before taking a resigned breath. She could tell it was bad, whatever it was. Twisting in his hold, she freed her wrists and took his hands in hers. When Ben looked back to her, she felt the devastating pain he’d been trying so hard to overcome for months, hiding it from her in the shadowed depths of his mind where he knew she wouldn’t violate his privacy in order to find it.

"He killed her."

Rey stared into his dark eyes, barely comprehending what he was saying.

"He choked her to death," he bit out, mind in utter turmoil as he continued, voice uncharacteristically rising. "Anakin Force-choked the love of his life. It sent her into premature labour, and she barely lasted long enough to name their children. _That's_ who my grandmother was, Rey. Queen and senator, yes, but Padmé's untold and truest fame is as Anakin Skywalker's _downfall._

"Are you saying that love is a weakness?" Rey managed to get out, looking at him in disbelief.

How could he think that of them now, when she'd never felt more certain of what they had together? True, they'd still faced conflict and argued, but it was because they found strength in one another that they were slowly overcoming all the trials that stood along the path leading back to one another.

_Do you really believe I would tear you down—that I’d destroy everything we have?_

"No!" Ben almost shouted, the thoughts he caught in her mind scourging him. His hands gripped her fingers tight, and his mind held onto hers with a defiant promise to never let go. "Your love is not a weakness, Rey. You are my greatest source of strength, more than the Dark Side could ever be. _I'm_ the weakness. It’s my own failing, my…”

He stopped, something threatening to break deep within his eyes. She heard the silent thought all the same, though.

_…my fear of losing you._

Rey stared into his eyes, that haunting thought inconcealable from her now that his mind was fully open to hers, and he was just too overwrought to hold it back.

"You're not going to lose me," she whispered to him, trying with everything she had to ease his heartache at the tragic horror of his greatest nightmare.

"You don't know that!” Ben shook his head sharply in denial, refusing her efforts to comfort him.

How had they come back to this? She’d thought they’d conquered it when she’d accepted his Darkness and the part of him which would always remain Kylo Ren. So, why was he questioning their relationship— _yet again?_

Rey pressed into him harder, begging him with eyes and mind to spare them this. Wasn’t it enough that his grandparents had been torn apart by fear? Why did he think that…

Then she understood.

It wasn’t about the Darkness within him, not really. This was about the belief that it was who Ben was which had led him to embrace it, and therefore doomed him to a lifetime of destructive choices...just like his grandfather before him. She wasn't the only one who saw the similarities between the tragic love of Anakin for Padmé and what the fallen Jedi's grandson now shared with her.

Ben had aspired to emulate his grandfather all of his life—first as the heroic Jedi Knight when he was a child, and then the powerful Sith Lord when he'd chosen to tread the path of shadows himself. Now that he'd not only found the woman he'd destroy whole worlds to protect, but that she carried his child as well, the parallels seemed all-too-damning.

But not to Rey.

"I'm not Padmé," she told him, stubbornly reaching for his face again, meeting his broken gaze fiercely. "I'm _not_ Padmé…and you're not Anakin."

He gazed down at her, the cracks through his heart bleeding along the Bond.

"It doesn’t matter, Rey. There are no happy endings, not in my family. We're not very good at…loving."

"That's not true, Ben," Rey told him, wishing he’d hold her back. Her words just seemed to frustrate him further, though.

"Anakin choked the life out of the woman he'd dreamt of his entire life,” he grated, eyes furious, but so heartbreakingly vulnerable at the same time.

Now that the seal had been shattered, he could no longer hold back the heartsick logic.

“My parents' passions ripped their marriage apart, and Luke's greatest act of love left him with nothing to show for it but his father’s corpse," he continued the desolate litany.

Rey looked into Ben as he tried to let himself break before her, and saw the little lost boy who'd watched his life slowly torn down around him as all those he'd loved found that very sentiment their undoing.

"A Skywalker's love isn't a gift. It only destroys what we care for most.”

"But yours won't!"

"I murdered my father when he tried to save me from my own Darkness," Ben strained. "What love I'm capable of is just as destructive as the passion that took my grandmother's life.

"Then why did you come back for me? Why did you tell me that we’re a family now?" Rey cried, placing her hand over the proof of all the promise their love represented. "If you're so certain that the love you have to give is poisonous, then why did you fight so hard to win mine?"

Ben stood there rigidly, tormented. She thought she could hear the agonized throbbing of both their heartbeats, labouring to survive this.

"Because I couldn't resist you," he finally said, voice raw and shoulders slumping in defeat. "Because I wanted—I _need_ you so much."

"I need you too," she whispered.

This time, she didn’t go to him. Instead, she held out her hand, palm up.

**_Please._ **

She felt the immensity of this moment, standing there before him in supplication as he once had. Holding her breath, she hoped he would find the will to believe in himself just enough to be stronger than she’d been…and released a tremulous sigh when his hand took hers.

Ben stepped towards Rey and pulled her in against him, bowing his head to kiss her fingers.

"I want to be the exception, Rey," he said softly, releasing his grip so he could wrap both arms around her.

"You already are," she told him, tear-strained voice full of certainty. "When we first met, the easiest choice for you to have made was to kill me, but you didn't. You still haven't, no matter how many times you’ve been pushed to—standing before Snoke, the reopening of the Bond when the Force literally placed me at your feet, and when the corruption of Mustafar almost destroyed you to get to me.

“You chose to save me, care for me, protect me—every time. You chose to love me, instead.” Rey rested her fingertips lightly against his lips. _“That's the difference, Ben._ You embrace your passions and allow yourself to feel things honestly, rather than hiding from what _deserves_ to mean something."

His eyes clung to her as though she were a lifeline, the only thing keeping him from losing himself entirely. In truth, she probably was. Yet, his reliance on her did not diminish who he was or what he’d struggled so hard to make of himself.

"Ben Solo, you're the strongest Skywalker of them all."

He trembled beneath her fingertips. Taking her hand and setting it aside, he leaned down and captured her lips in a soul-scorching kiss.

There was a recklessness in him, and Ben all but flung himself into Rey, gripping the back of her neck in both hands to take in as much of her as he could. His mind embraced hers in frantic adulation for the salvation her love had given him, and she could do nothing but moan at the intoxicating mix of relief and rising passion.

Then Ben lifted her up against his chest and took a step, resting a knee on a divan that appeared just as he settled her down onto the sleek black leather. It took a moment for her senses to catch up, and before she'd quite oriented herself he'd already undone the fastening of his trousers and was pushing the soft material of his old sleep shirt up over her hips.

There was no preamble, no attempt at finesse. When Ben pushed into her, it was with simple, wholehearted need.

While just having her Force-mate close was enough for her body to awaken with want, though, his haste didn't allow her the time to fully ready herself for the sudden penetration. She'd quickly—and delightedly—discovered that his impressive size gave extraordinary pleasure when Ben had become her lover, but the hard thickness was too much without warning.

When she gasped, he looked up into her eyes, startled from his primal drive to be closer, to be _with_ her in defiance of the galaxy that lay between. He paused his advance to allow her a chance to relax, fighting to resist the urge to just force himself through as his body craved.

It wasn't like him to fumble, but Ben was too overwrought to manage his usual prowess. Rey could tell it was agitating him as he made himself hold steady for her, but she just took a breath, willing her muscles to unclench enough for his full girth to ease through. As he finally settled, she slipped her fingers into his hair. It was something that he loved, a touch that eased him even as she felt his shaft harden further. Slowly, she watched the annoyance slip from his gaze.

It brought him back to her, and Rey smiled in spite of the way her lower lip shook.

When he began to pull back to begin the raging tempo his muscles coiled in readiness to throw them into, she released his hair and grasped his hips to stop him. Surprised, Ben searched her eyes, mind questioning. She soothed his worry, releasing him and moving to the buckle of his belt. He watched her unclasp it, the leather falling away. Then she calmly began to work the now-familiar fastenings of his tunic, and seeing her start from the bottom, Ben reached for his high collar. His fingers brushed against hers when they met in the middle as Rey unhooked the last one.

The clasp of his trousers had been undone and his boxer-briefs shoved down to free himself when he’d lunged forward, so Rey slipped her hand down to where he rested in the cradle of her thighs, and slipped her hand beneath the hem of his undershirt. She pressed her palm into his abs, feeling them flex at the glide of her skin over his even as he throbbed against her inner heat more insistently.

Aroused and ready now, she still refused to rush. Rey took her time, slowly mapping the hard ridge of each thick muscle and looking up to catch Ben’s heavy gaze. She saw that while he held a tight rein on himself, her gentle ministrations had helped steady him. She gave his stomach another warm caress before pulling the shirt up.

She managed to get a small laugh out of him at the way she awkwardly tried to reach around both him and the mound of her belly. Obviously not in the best position to lift the undershirt over his head, she let Ben take it and finish the job.

His eyes were soft when he handed it back to her, and Rey smiled into them.

**_Ben._ **

**_Sweetheart._ **

She took the shirt and immediately tossed it aside, reaching up for him and wrapping her legs around his hips in welcome as their lips met. He couldn't lay flush over her any longer. The swell of their baby, still small even though Rey was on the verge of her third trimester, was a significant enough obstacle now to prevent the embrace she dearly loved, with how cautious he was. Ben did his best to make up for it, though, curving his long frame over her to give them both the closeness they yearned for.

It wasn't easy, given that he was effectively pinning her with the majority of his weight, but Rey began rolling her hips up into him. She kept her pace slow, steady, guiding them into a tender cadence. She reached for his hands, weaving their fingers together as he moved with her.

There were hot, worshipful breaths shared as lips caught and clung, the untamed demand for more, for faster, for deeper, and there was that irresistible friction that built the flame higher…higher…until they consumed one another with the pure fire of a sacred passion that defied any precept of what Light or Dark meant.

When it was over, Ben settled to the side of her and brushed Rey’s cheek with his fingers before his hand drifted down to settle over Bump, no longer shaking. She ran her fingertips over the back of his hand and down his long fingers in loving reassurance.

"You’ve shown me that Darkness doesn’t make someone evil. I'm not afraid," Rey told him, pouring every ounce of belief she had for the family they’d created into her voice as she held his dark eyes steadily. "Not for our future or for hers."

"How can you have no doubts?" Ben whispered. He desperately wanted to believe that the part of him which had been given in the making of their child did not condemn the future of a life he longed to see flourish.

"Because I know you," Rey murmured back, releasing his hand to rest her palm over the strong heart upon which she placed all of her faith. "I _truly_ know you. I told you once, don't you remember?"

Leaning into Ben, she pressed her mouth softly against his, embracing his mind, and helping the little flicker of life to join them again. This time, she felt Ben not only welcome the union, but grasp onto it with all that he had. The baby's lifeforce glowed more brightly than it ever had before, the shade of Darkness within barely visible for the radiant joy his acceptance had called forth.

When the kiss ended, Rey didn't pull away, whispering against his lips so that he could breathe her words in.

"You’ve given me hope."

He gave her a small, unsteady smile, nodding. Then he froze, staring at her with astonishment slackening his features. When Rey realized what had caused his surprise, she burst out in laughter.

"You spent all this time worrying about Darkness," she managed when she could speak again, hands coming up to cradle his still-shocked face in her hands gently, "but you completely missed the fact that we're going to have a daughter?"

He continued to stare at her, but Rey sensed happiness slowly beginning to overtake his bewilderment. The trance seemed to finally break, and Ben gasped out a disbelieving laugh.

"This was what all the excitement was about earlier?" he asked a little breathlessly, still trying to take it all in.

"I had to tell you," Rey answered, nodding. She watched the way Ben's dark eyes stared down at their little Bump— _their daughter_ —hands moving slowly over her skin in helpless fascination. Clasping them, she nestled her face against his, happy.

Rey realized that there had been a number of "perfect" moments over the past several months, each one a cherished memory now. She hadn't had either perfect moments or cherished memories in…well, ever.

Every one she held in her heart, collected from among the admittedly few chances they’d had to be together in their stolen hours apart from the rest of the galaxy. Ben, the words he said to her, the pleasure he gave, the daughter he’d made with her, and the extraordinary gift of his love were the focal points of each.

And now, she had another to tuck away as consolation to ease her heart until he gave her another—until the day came that she wouldn’t have to live on memories and wishes.

“I love you so much,” Ben said roughly.

His other hand came up to cup her cheek, thumb playing along the wobbly curve of her smile. She pressed into it, turning to brush a quick kiss into his palm, then returning to nudge her nose affectionately against his.

“We should start thinking about names,” he said slowly, mind still rather staggered.

“No need,” she told him, beaming. “I’ve already decided on one. She and I both have.”

“What?” Ben blinked in confusion.

“I picked a name that I thought sounded beautiful,” Rey explained. “Then I found out what it means, and I fell in love with it. When I asked the baby what she thought, she agreed.”

He huffed one of his short laughs, amused despite himself. Of course their child would insist on making her preference known, even before she was born. Rey laughed along with him at the situation, something that would be entirely incomprehensible to anyone else in the galaxy.

"So, you're not going to let me have a say in what we call it—her?" Ben asked, dimples showing, to her delight.

"Well," she said, running a fingertip along the deep groove on one side of his face, excitement lighting her eyes. "You actually did help pick her name.”

Ben raised a brow at that, even more baffled. She didn’t say anything further, holding the answer he groped for back in the depths of her mind where he wouldn’t search without her permission. He tried to think back to conversations that may have led to her choice, but couldn’t come up with anything. Stymied, he narrowed his eyes in consideration, then focused intently on her, deciding to try a different approach.

Leaning down, he stole around to the side of her neck, breath stirring the shortened lock of hair behind her ear as he nestled a kiss into the sensitive skin. One of his hands remained on her belly, while the other slipped behind to tuck her in against him. Rey snuggled in closer, breath catching when she felt the graze of his teeth along the lobe of her ear.

"You're really not going to tell me?" he asked huskily, practically purring the sultry plea against her ear and shamelessly sending seductive currents along the length of the Bond.

Oh, he was good. She was a match for her Dark Sider, though.

"Mmn-mmn," Rey hummed in denial, giving him a satisfied little smile she knew would drive him crazy as he drew back with a good-natured growl. It was all the more excruciating for him since the answer he wanted was there in her mind, completely unprotected if he chose to dig for it.

But he didn't. Instead, he took a deep breath and looked at her with a heart-wrenching vulnerability that caught her by surprise.

"Rey. Just one favor, okay?" Ben asked, voice strained. "No…no family names."

She frowned in confusion, but quickly caught onto what he was asking of her. Touching his scarred cheek, she nodded in understanding.

Ben wanted to move on. Their daughter represented a chance to do that in so many ways, and the last thing he would ever want was to give her a name that belonged to his past. Rey honestly hadn't even considered it. While her inspiration had, in truth, come partly from his mother, the name she’d chosen represented their shared wish for the future. She considered telling him, but figured he’d likely know or be able to figure out the translation.

It wasn’t so much that she didn’t think he’d approve of the name—Rey knew he’d be touched by the meaning behind it, in fact. The reason for her choice and its inherent tie to his family, however, was something she worried Ben wouldn’t be able to embrace just yet. All the same, she felt it was the right choice, as did their daughter.

Rey kissed him reassuringly and Ben tightened his hold on her, a weighty breath stirring her hair as she felt tension ease from his muscles. It would be so easy to slip contentedly into the drowsy afterglow, clinging to one another until the Bond drew them apart.

They weren’t done yet, however, and she felt a thrill course through her in anticipation. Sensing it, he drew back a little to regard her curiously.

"So," Rey began, meeting his eyes squarely as her heart sped at the thought of what she was about to ask for, ready now that they’d overcome tonight’s storm. "Where do we go from here?"

Ben's gaze instantly sharpened. His mind felt tentatively along the edge of hers, wanting to be certain she was asking what he thought she was, and that she truly was ready to face it.

“What future are we going to give our daughter?” she asked firmly, casting aside all doubts.

They'd opened their minds to one another, but this was the step that would take them through the breach at last. He'd been leading her towards it for weeks, but wasn't willing to be the one to force the issue, even now. As before, this was Rey's decision to make, and she could feel his elation that she was choosing to do so.

“Tell me,” she urged him, and Ben finally nodded, rubbing his thumb along her cheekbone.

“In the turbolift that night, I didn’t have a thought for what would happen beyond destroying Snoke,” he began, growing serious as he confessed what she’d always suspected to be true of their meeting aboard the _Supremacy,_ “I’d offered up everything to my Master, every part of myself he demanded, but I wasn’t willing to let him take you from me.”

Ben’s hands tightened on her, the shadows lashing in his dark gaze, but only for a moment.

“You were right, Rey,” he confessed with a sigh. “I hadn’t planned any of what I said afterward. I just…needed you to stay.”

She stroked his skin, guilt weighing on her for abandoning him in a moment that could have changed so much, but resolutely let it go. They’d dealt with those regrets, and though Rey would always bear them, she pushed them aside for now.

“Your ‘new order?’” she asked, and he winced at the reminder. “You just made it up?”

"Not…entirely," Ben began. "I knew that in killing Snoke it fell to me to set the course of the First Order, and I never intended to shrink from that responsibility."

Rey frowned, realizing that though she’d been right to question his proposal in the moment, that she’d misjudged him regardless. He stopped her before she could apologize, however, pressing his lips to her forehead, forgiveness and understanding given freely through the Bond.

“I want to leave behind something better,” Ben murmured, rubbing his nose into Rey’s hair and then tipping her head back to meet his eyes. “I want it to be stronger than what came before, something that won't just crumble under the weight of its own hubris and corruption. It won't be perfect, but it could be better. Otherwise, there was no point to any of it.”

Holding her eyes, that fierce determination she loved so dearly lighting a flame in the depths of his own, Ben slipped a hand up to cup the back of her neck, gaze firm.

"I will fight to bring peace,” he swore, his mind offering something that released a long-held apprehension in her, “I won't be a part of it, though."

Rey took a breath, staring at him fixedly, waiting. He gave her a brief, crooked smile.

"You made me realize that I chose the wrong path," Ben confessed with difficulty. She reached up and stroked her fingers through his hair affectionately as he continued. "The more we learn about the Bond, the more I believe that while we're meant for something important, it has nothing to do with this war or galactic politics. The vision, your pregnancy, and the way the Force reacted when we touched the baby's mind together that first time just makes me more certain. I don't know how we'll find our answers, but our course lies out there searching for them. Not here."

With every word, Ben alleviated a tension within Rey that she'd been unable to dispel for months. She'd been afraid that once they'd finally managed to end the war he would once again insist on her joining him to rule, or that they'd be cornered into carrying on the legacy of those who'd tried to revive the religions of the Force on one side or the other for generations with only failure and death to show for it. Rey didn't want to be Empress, nor could she picture either one of them as Masters of a new age of Jedi…and certainly _not_ following the Sith Rule of Two.

He huffed a laugh as he followed her relieved thoughts. She smiled back easily, grateful that though a future by his side would never be simple, that she and her Force-mate at least agreed on the direction their shared path would lead them.

Besides, they were about to become parents, and while that didn't absolve them of greater responsibility beyond themselves, their family was going to be their priority. She was a little surprised at herself for not feeling much guilt over that. It was selfish, and she didn’t think there were many who would be sympathetic to such a decision, but what lay between them was just too important to compromise on.

She truly did believe that however powerful or “special” they were, and whatever expectations may be placed upon them because of it, she and Ben deserved to allow their feelings to matter.

_Don't be afraid to live your life for yourself. Trust in your own heart to know what the right path is…and who you wish to have walk it at your side._

Ben frowned at the whisper of recollection that ran through her mind, the lovely, resonant voice that had shared them with Rey stirring something inside him that he wasn’t ready to face. She sympathized, and though she knew he’d have to one day, tonight wasn’t the time to press him.

“So, how do we do it?” Rey asked, giving him a new focus.

Taking a breath, Ben tried to overcome the painful memories that voice had revived, letting it out in an agitated gasp. She sent her flow of Light along to him again, helping as best she could. After a little while, he managed to wrench his mind from the perils of looking to the past and took the escape she’d provided.

“The First Order will have to be defeated,” he said a bit roughly, “as will the Resistance. Neither will surrender and any of the alternatives at this point put you at risk. That's not a route I'm willing to even consider taking, so mutual defeat is the only way."

“If you bring the Resistance to its knees, we’ll be defenseless,” Rey rebutted, astonished that he thought this was the way forward. He forestalled her, though, mind asking her to allow him to finish.

_“Mutual_ defeat, Rey,” Ben emphasized firmly. “If neither side can win, then they will have to sue for peace. The Resistance will need to be suppressed, yes, but so will the Order.”

“Any weakness on our part will signal victory to the likes of Hux,” she continued to push back, unconvinced. “If you’re so certain you can force the First Order into submission, then do it and let the Resistance defeat them. If we win the war, then it all ends and they can lead the galaxy towards something better while we finally start our life together.”

“The Resistance can’t win.” He shook his head, scowling at her stubborn insistence. “It would take years for me to create the circumstances that really would allow them to defeat us, but I’m not going to wait that long.”

“But…” Rey tried, breaking off in disappointment. His mind showed her the overwhelming might of the First Order’s fleet, the incomparable network of allies and informants, and, though he hesitated, he even shared a fleeting glimpse of just how far fanatics like Hux were willing to go in their ruthless pursuit of galactic domination.

She struggled to swallow after seeing those images, straight out of nightmare. She dropped one of her hands to curl protectively around her daughter, pressing in against him when Ben tightened his embrace.

"Don't make the mistake of believing I couldn't destroy the Resistance, Rey,” he said gently, but with a glint in his eyes that told her how deadly serious he was. “It would be the quickest and easiest way to put an end to this. You are the _only_ reason they all live and continue to fight this endless war."

"Don't make me into an excuse," Rey said, hurt by his words. She felt his gut clench at her pain, but also the resolve he exerted to remain firm in his purpose.

"No excuses," he told her, cradling his hand over both hers and Bump. "This is the reason I will fight for the galaxy's chance at peace." He leaned forward just enough to settle their foreheads together. "And you, Rey. You are my greatest reason for fighting to be free of it."

"It shouldn't just be about us, Ben," Rey whispered. "The rest of the galaxy _should_ matter."

"Maybe," he conceded, "but not to me."

It felt wrong. Even so, it was a path to peace, and one he genuinely believed would work. She could feel the sincerity and conviction of his thoughts.

He looked at her for a long moment, considering. She could tell that he wasn’t intending to hold anything back from her, but wondering at the same time whether they should go further into it right now. He’d promised he’d reveal his plans to her, but after everything else they’d been through tonight, he felt raw enough—they both did.

Sighing, Rey conceded that he was right. While it pained her to let the opportunity to learn how they were going to bring their future about exactly, she settled for knowing what it was. His plans for Hux, what he intended to do in order to destabilize the First Order...and the Resistance...would have to wait. Not that she'd be willing to wait very long, but she would give him this.

Ben’s mind brushed along hers gratefully, acknowledging her silent caveat with a brush of his thumb. His grip on the Bond’s connection was weakening, but he was holding firm, determined as always to claim every moment with her he could. For a while, they just lay there together, fingers trailing along skin, lips meeting, and minds saying so much more than voices could. When Ben’s large palm rubbed a warm circle over Bump, she had an idea.

"So, what should she call you?" Rey asked. She ran the tip of her finger along the edge of his jaw musingly, focusing on the question of how their daughter would think of Ben. "I’ve been calling you ‘your father,’ but that’s far too formal, so maybe—"

Anxiety filled Ben's eyes, the languid haze of the afterglow clearing from his mind in an instant, sensing what she was about to suggest.

"Not...not 'Dad.'” he said roughly, conflict weighing on him, and then she remembered. It’s what she'd heard him call his own father the last time they'd seen one another—just before he'd killed him.

Rey pushed the painful memories aside, sitting up to look down at his face. Placing her hand over his heart, she nodded in understanding. He exhaled heavily, a wave of relief flowing across the Bond.

"How about 'Papa?'” she asked, inviting him to leave his shadowed memories behind, though she couldn't help screwing up her face as she actually said the name aloud. Hearing the sound of it, she decided it didn't seem to fit Ben—not at all.

Her reaction to her own suggestion seemed to help him, turbulent emotions settling, and he even gave a small laugh. She smiled, glad to see him win free of the grasp of his depression. It seemed to be getting easier for him.

"Because of you," Ben told her, hearing her thoughts. Then he playfully asked, "So, not 'Papa,' then?"

"Mm, no," Rey confirmed, scrunching her nose at the idea just to see him smile again. It worked, and she made a show of giving the matter strong consideration. Then something occurred to her and her lips twitched. He looked at her suspiciously, feeling the mischief running through her mind. This one she let him catch, and when he did he sat up in a rush to face her down.

_"No."_

"She's going to have to call you something, Ben," Rey insisted, losing her battle against her amusement. "We're running out of options."

"I gave you ‘Bump,’" he reminded her grumpily, his discomfort melting away under the growing horror of what she had in mind.

"And you adore it. What would be so bad about your daughter calling you 'Daddy?'"

Ben gave her a put-upon look, and then dropped his head into his hands with a muffled groan. Rey climbed into her favorite seat on his lap, pulling his arms aside so she could curl hers around his neck to make him look at her. His dark brows were lowered in denial, but his mind held the reluctant smile he fought. She bumped her nose against his in token sympathy, though she had to admit that she enjoyed the idea of the Supreme Leader answering to a sweet little voice calling him Daddy.

"Only. For. You," Ben ground out, yanking her the rest of the way into him to kiss her hard.

**_You’ll love it,_** she told him across the Bond, sighing when he eased their lips into a gentler caress.

He pressed into her, coaxing Rey to tilt her head as he lavished her mouth with the heady reverence he’d been unable to give when he’d rushed things in his need for the solace he could only find with her.

As thoroughly sated as she was, she couldn’t help moaning into him when his hands stole from around her waist to cup her breasts. Ben’s mind followed her reactions to his touch, knowing he could help ease some of the soreness. Her skin was still dewy from their earlier exertions, and it enhanced the fragrance of the lotion as his fingers glided silkily over the blooming curves.

Tender though the moment was, an image of water flowing down over freckled skin flashed through Ben’s mind as his palms smoothed across her aching nipples. With a flare of Dark desire, he suddenly delved hard and deep into her mouth once before withdrawing to look down at her. A suggestion played along the strands of the Bond, making her blush.

"Not tonight, I'm afraid," she told him, pulling just out of reach with a small smile. "We can only check into the ‘fresher for so long each day to allow the water purifiers to cycle, and I stopped by when I thought we weren't going to be able to meet."

Ben looked disappointed at that, and she laughed at him.

"What, are you going to start expecting repeat performances?" Rey asked, teasingly evading his lips as he leaned in again for a consolation prize.

"It's worth an encore, as far as I'm concerned." He nipped at the edge of her jaw in rebuke for playing hard-to-get.

"You didn't tell me, by the way." She stilled, but though his quarry was finally within reach, Ben waited, catching the slight vulnerability in her voice.

"Tell you what?"

"Whether the reality lived up to the fantasy."

His eyes rose to meet hers, drawn away from his intent pursuit. He reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, then wrapped his arms around her again.

"It surpassed all that I'd imagined. You always do, Rey," Ben placed a feather-light kiss on her lips. "Nothing I have ever dreamed or wished for could ever match what it is to be with you.” 

Rey felt her throat tighten and the kriffing hormones made it impossible to resist the tears his words brought forth. She defied them with a smile, and he returned it.

“The thought of you is what carries me through this. As unbearable as it can be sometimes, looking for your lifeforce shining out to me, no matter how far away, gives me a sense of purpose I’ve never had before. Knowing that one day I’ll have you with me, that we’ll be a _real_ family," Ben tightened his arms to snug her belly against him briefly, making her laugh. “I don’t doubt anymore that I can dream again. With you, I have—”

“Hope,” Rey finished for him, unable to stifle a thrill.

Holding her to his chest and laying back down, Ben took her lips with all the heat and force of will he possessed in affirmation. It seared her soul, and Rey returned it in kind, meeting him, matching him—as she always had and was forever meant to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **BTS Ramblings…**
> 
> **IT'S A GIRL!!!:** I believe the majority of the guesses I saw for this were correct! It was never a question in my mind which gender Ben & Rey's baby would end up being in ASTOS. While a boy would certainly be a wonderful way to have Ben work through his own boyhood hurts, the idea of the two of them getting to raise a baby girl just plucked at my heartstrings. They'll get the chance to give their daughter the family and life her mother was denied…and, I mean…c'mon. That massive, badass Dark Side warlord _totally_ needs a little girl to go all gooey over! We all know you will, Ben… *wink*
> 
>  **A Vein Of Shadow:** No one is born 'bad.' Ben will have to face a lot as fatherhood becomes a greater reality for him, and this is one of the most challenging since it pertains to why his own life turned out the way it did. Followers of the canon novels will probably be familiar with the words I chose here, since it paraphrases how Leia described the Darkness she felt in her son as she carried him. There were mitigating factors when it came to how she and the rest of their family dealt with what they saw as Ben's predilection for the Dark Side (wrong as they were), but he and his Force-mate have the opportunity to do better for their daughter.
> 
>  **Daddy:** Yeah, yeah, I know. I wrote this, fully expecting where some minds would go (including my beta's). No, we're not going in the kinky direction with this, but if you've had a laugh over it, I'm happy. When considering what Ben's daughter would call him, I figured 'Dad' would be out, since it's what he called Han. While there would be a tragic sort of poetry to the tribute, I didn't think Ben would be comfortable with it. 'Daddy' is close, though, and has a softness that I immediately think of when I picture Ben as a father.
> 
>  **Do They Have To Kiss So Much??:** To DM Troll #2: Yes.
> 
>  **The Unintended Trilogy:** Phew! I think I mentioned that Chapters 10, 11, and 12 were originally plotted out as one chapter, yes? Looking back at them, I have to say that splitting all that up was the right call. Obviously, I hadn't intended to stuff upwards of 35k words into one installment--my beta would put me in bad writer jail and chuck the key down a sarlacc pit. The stories of each of the three chapters developed as I divvied up their individual themes. Some themes had longer-ranging arcs, however. That's why you see Reylos' interest in Anakin & Padme's doomed love story that's mentioned in Chapter 10 pay off here in 12, for instance.
> 
>  **Go Big Or Go Home:** So, uhh. You may have noticed that I've upped the chapter count. This was a decision I actually made back when I published Chapter 8, as there were two specific plot choices I went ahead with in that chapter which rely on building the story out further. I've held off on making the change to the count just because I wanted to have a good idea of how long it would take to pull off everything that needs to happen for the story to get the ending it deserves. I don't want to cut corners or short-change any plot threads…and I'll happily take the excuse to give Ben & Rey more cuddle time!
> 
> I do have some more surprises in store, but those are for another day. I hope the update on my plans for ASTOS make you all happy. Personally, I'm really looking forward to where this is headed ~ ♥


	13. For the Tomorrows to Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
> 
> Eleanor Roosevelt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A second chapter release in a single month? Oh, Frabjous Day!
> 
> To all those of you who celebrate at this time of year, I wish warmth and happiness for you and your families. Even if you don't, then I would still like to wish you the very best and thank you for spending time with this little Force Family of ours. I appreciate all of you and hope we may each look forward to brighter things in the coming year.
> 
> I'd like to take a moment to thank **[MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife)** for her loving support of this story. You came onboard as my beta for Chapter 5 and have been the best cheerleader I could ever have hoped for. There's a little something in here that I hope will give you a bit of a laugh when you see it. Much love, dear friend!
> 
> I also need to thank **[GreyForceUser](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyandKyloforever/pseuds/GreyForceUser)** for agreeing to give this chapter an alpha review. You powered through this and I'm so grateful for your feedback, lady!
> 
> ♥ [ASTOS Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh) ♥
> 
> Much love!

_Here we go again._

Rey tried not to roll her eyes as Chewie’s massive furry arms cradled her with extraordinary care while he carried her down the ramp of the _Millennium Falcon._ He did this every time, never allowing the little pregnant female to use her own perfectly capable feet to walk the few steps to the ground. The rounder her belly grew, the more protective the Wookiee became. He'd pick her up or shield her with his own imposing frame whenever one of the mechanics asked for her opinion on a hyperdrive fix or the crowd in the mess grew too boisterous. Even the rest of her friends had grown over-cautious around Rey, thanks to her self-appointed bodyguard.

 _Well, thanks to Kalonia,_ she grumped to herself, though she knew she couldn’t really blame the doctor for taking care of her.

Kalonia monitored her condition carefully and had noted a drop in Rey’s iron levels a few weeks ago. She’d warned her to be aware of any dizziness or lightheadedness that could throw her off-balance. When Chewie had gotten wind of it, he’d gone into full-on nanny mode.

 ** _Never mind that we adjusted the nutrient boosters and I’ve leveled out again,_** Rey griped, sharing her pique with the little mind stirring at her mother’s annoyance.

Her daughter didn’t quite know what to do with the confusing mix of irritation and fondness for the over-protective Wookiee, but responded with a feather-light wave of her own affection in an offer of support. It made Rey smile and she rubbed her belly as the baby fell back into her habitual doze.

When Chewie placed her gently on solid ground, she looked up at him with a rueful smile, exasperation dispelled.

“Thanks,” she said as they turned to walk out of the hangar bay, meaning it.

Rey did understand why Chewie was so concerned for her, despite the fact that she’d not actually experienced any significant issues as her pregnancy progressed. Leia had told her that she’d fallen once while she was pregnant, and it frightened the Wookiee badly enough that he’d taken it upon himself to protect his best friend’s wife.

“He was the most aggravating fussbudget,” her mentor had confided, though she’d had an amused twinkle in her eyes. “Just be sure to put your foot down if he tries to follow you to the ‘fresher.”

And she had.

Trying not to laugh, Rey covered her smile so as not to injure her friend’s feelings. He really did take this seriously, and for all that it drove her crazy, she appreciated the sentiment behind it.

She was escorted right to her door, where Chewie growled an inquiry. She assured him she’d be all right, as she always did, and after giving her a fluffy hug, he lumbered off.

Rey waved when he turned to look back at the end of the corridor before stepping into her room, still smiling. It could be worse, after all. Finn rarely even dared to touch her apart from a quick side-hug these days, eyeing her belly as though bumping into it would hurt her. Even Rose was curtailing how much work she was allowed to do on the ships—which wasn’t entirely unreasonable, she admitted grudgingly. It still rankled, though.

At least there was one person she could depend on to treat her like she wasn’t a sneeze away from going into labor on the spot.

 _And I could really use some of that treatment right about now,_ Rey thought, already beginning to center herself in preparation as she crossed her room to sit on the bed.

She’d reached for him in the hope of closing the distance every evening for the past week. Much to her irritation, he’d either been in the midst of something or the cold presence of one of his Knights lurked nearby, sending her fleeing back across the star systems.

Ben had promised to share his grand plan for ending the war with her, though, and she was getting impatient. So, she took a breath to focus and sent her mind out towards him.

A tiny ripple of sadness startled Rey, and she only then realized that the baby’s consciousness had unsuccessfully tried to follow along in her wake. Whenever Ben was already reaching out for her, it meant she didn’t have to stretch her awareness so far, and their daughter was able to join them in that intangible but special union. Unfortunately, it seemed that the distance was too great without him meeting them part-way.

Rey sent an apology along with a warm flow of love to the little spark in her belly, promising that she’d teach her to connect with her Daddy as she grew.

 ** _Force, you’re already learning to use your power. We’re going to have our hands full with you, aren’t we?_** she said laughingly to the baby, and the soft response felt like a sunbeam of joy.

Having reassured her daughter, Rey once again pressed forward, reaching for the burning star of Ben’s mind.

He was on Cantonica, though it hadn’t taken her Force abilities to know. The Resistance had been given word that his meeting with the arms dealers was delayed after the Battle of Batuu. The First Order had suffered a humiliating defeat after a hidden cell of Resistance fighters and the squadron of X-Wings sent to extract them knocked out the _Finalizer_. She imagined that particular loss was one of the more significant reasons the Supreme Leader’s trip hadn’t been scrapped all together.

_Shouldn’t have trusted it to Hux then, should you?_

Shaking off her consternation, Rey set her focus on the task of feeling her way cautiously. Once she felt him near, she tentatively sent a whispered question, and his answer freed her to close the distance.

It was safe, and she reveled in the welcome his mind gave her as he pulled hers in close for an embrace she genuinely regretted no one else could ever know.

 ** _I’m bridging the Bond tonight,_** Rey told him without preamble, pointedly stating rather than inquiring.

She felt him repress a huff of weary laughter at her directness. He'd known she wasn't going to be put off long before pressing the issue and wasn’t the least bit surprised at her stubborn insistence.

 ** _Yes, we can meet,_** Ben said, just as eager to be with her as she was to hold him in a more fulfilling embrace. **_I’m tied up in this karking meeting for at least the next hour, though._**

The disgruntlement that filled his tone gave Rey pause. Noticing her concern, he allowed her a brief glimpse of his surroundings and she saw a roomful of ostentatiously dressed people seated around a massive conference table. Everyone was speaking at once, vying to drown one another out and make the best point in a pointless debate.

It only served to disgust the man they were trying so hard to impress.

Examining his mind more closely, she realized that Ben had a headache from it all. His presence was necessary to draw the best contractors for the First Order's commission, but there wasn't anything for him to actually _do._ The negotiations seemed to be in the hands of his subordinates, and the Supreme Leader simply sat there, looking imposing. From the grumpy set of his jaw, Rey gathered Ben wasn't fond of being a show piece. The muscles along his temples were cramped with the strain of how hard he'd been grinding his teeth in irritable boredom.

 ** _You really shouldn't do that, you know,_** she commented, making an attempt at levity.

 _ **THEY really should just shut up,**_ he bit out grumpily, jaw tightening again.

Rey sent an admonishing nudge along the Bond, making certain he felt her huff of indignation at his sulkiness.

 ** _I'm sorry, Rey, but this just isn't the best moment,_** Ben told her, though she could feel him trying to rein in his temper. She wasn't the one he was angry with, and he would end up beating himself up if he took his mood out on her.

He worked to control himself for her sake and she sent a gentle wave of understanding that helped him relax somewhat. A grateful brush of his mind along hers answered, perhaps a bit sheepishly, and Rey smiled.

Then she paused, considering. She had been able to ease his turbulent emotions, helped him overcome his struggles to keep his Darkness in check, and even fueled a powerful Force-strike against the corruption of Mustafar. Would soothing the pain in his head be so different from using her Light to balance his Darkness?

Ben followed her musings, a spark of the scholarly fascination she'd come to enjoy seeing glimpses of overcoming much of his irritation with those around him. He followed what she was doing attentively as she gathered her Light and directed the bright flow towards the stiffened muscles and the small point of throbbing pain behind his eyes. She gasped softly in dismay, however, when she realized it wasn't just agitation and stress causing Ben's head to ache.

Metal pressed harshly against the already sore muscles of his face and the weight of it bore down on his shoulders, strain upon strain.

_A creature in a mask…_

Their minds were caught together in an uncomfortable stasis—his, waiting in dread for her reaction, and hers, trying to hold back her revulsion. Ben released an unsteady breath and she could imagine his shoulders slumping in defeat. He knew that this was something she would never be able to accept, however much he felt the need to guard himself from the enemies surrounding him.

It was tearing at him to feel the way her chest tightened at the memory of their first meeting and what he’d done to her, the scar of which was scored deep through both their souls. She couldn't stand the way he struggled to find a way to bear up under the hurt caused by her own pain. Ben knew how they'd met would always haunt her, that she'd never be able to let it go, and therefore neither could he. She didn't want to flagellate him with it, though, no matter how much it twisted her stomach to think of that soulless chrome gaze.

Recentering herself with determination, Rey reached beyond the mask to the man behind it. She stroked with fingertips of Light along the delicate skin over his temples, rubbing more firmly along the ridges of bone bordering them. She massaged the hard knots of discontent, pulling gently backward, and soothing the clenched muscles with an easy pressure. In slow circles, she worked the rigid flesh until it began to soften, his jaw releasing beneath her touch.

Ben remained stoic and outwardly unaffected behind his expressionless helm. Inwardly, he was straining to maintain his self-control, the feel of her hands on him a balm to both his aching head and his sour mood.

Rey pressed her lips to his temple, lingering just to enjoy the feeling of being close. Stretching forth with her senses, she felt for that throbbing coil of pain behind his eyes and carefully worked it apart. He breathed out in relief when she'd eased it away entirely.

Ben very subtly broke his stony façade enough to lean into her and it made her smile. He could never let her give without offering something in return.

The way he demonstrated his affection for her was the oddest combination of selfless and selfish. Giving Rey pleasure, whether it was making her laugh with humor or scream in ecstasy, was a gratification he yearned for as a starving man craved the last quarter-portion of bread. He coveted her responsiveness to him, wanting to claim every smile, soft look, and whispered endearment.

Having her care for him like this, healing his pain and offering the one thing in the galaxy that meant the most—her love—was difficult for him, she realized as she sensed his fingers tighten on the arms of his seat.

Because he couldn't return her touch. Because Ben _needed_ to give.

The restraint it took to remain impassive under her caress was genuinely torturous. Rey enjoyed teasing him, especially since he so often let her get away with it, but this was different.

Breathing deeply, she was just able to catch his spicy scent, unfortunately mild in this in-between state of togetherness. She made a happy noise, however, delighted even by the slightest hint of him and making sure he could sense how much it affected her. Continuing to hold onto the ephemeral connection, Rey leaned in for Ben’s lips this time, allowing him the chance to kiss her back. It still wasn't enough for him, but she felt his mind ease a little at the contact.

Then, just to give him something else to think about for the rest of his tedious meeting, she nibbled lightly on his lower lip. When his throat tightened in an effort to hold back the groan her attentions nearly coaxed out of him, she bit down just enough to earn a startled breath from him.

The flare of surprise came with a powerful swell of arousal.

Smiling at his mental growl, Rey withdrew back to her little room in the abandoned corridor of the Resistance base. Coming back to herself, she suddenly cried out in startled indignation…then broke out into peals of laughter at the faint sting on her backside from a reproachful swat.

_**Don't think for a moment that I'm done with you…** _

Ben's sensual warning came with an intense roil of frustrated desire that raised pricklebumps along her skin.

**_Promise?_ **

Rey shivered suddenly as a breath warmed that special spot behind her ear, stirring the shorn hair hidden safely away where only he could know of it. Closing her eyes, she imagined him right there, poised just above her skin, taking in the elusive scent of her, as she'd done with him. He didn't reach further, didn't press his full lips into that tender dip.

He remained only long enough to sense her body's response, then smugly withdrew—a promise and a challenge.

Breathing slowly to try and convince her heart rate to settle, Rey stole out to visit the ‘fresher…cautiously dodging the big, furry form she spotted leaving the mess with Kaydel. It was easier to simply avoid her guardian than argue over why she wasn’t going to let him stand watch while she showered.

When she returned to her room, she changed into one of Ben's big shirts and settled in to wait. She deliberately kept her leggings on, wanting to be comfortable but not quite as exposed as she usually was when he paid her a visit. They had some matters to cover before anything else and giving Ben uninhibited access to bare skin would make it far too easy to become sidetracked. Knowing she was irresistible to her Force-mate was undeniably a point of pride, but Rey had noticed they tended not to tackle much of substance once he'd gotten his hands beneath her clothes.

Pulling out her latest project, Rey sat on the floor by her small table and opened the _Chronicles of Brus-bu_ to the page she’d marked. Beaumont had managed to translate it and she’d poured over it time and again, but hadn’t managed to find the clarification she was looking for, much to her disappointment.

A copy of an original version that was surely long-lost, the tome was scribed in a more modern iteration of the language used in the other Jedi texts. It was the only part of the small library she’d taken from the uneti tree on Ahch-To they’d had much initial success with. Even once they had worked out enough of the text to get a handle on what it was about, though, she was frustrated by the author’s vague references and mystical tone.

Rey had a lot of work ahead, but her determination to figure out that particular book had only grown after she found a diagram in this section which depicted a broken kyber. The passage seemed to suggest that there was a way to repair a damaged crystal.

No, not just repair— _heal._

It had been from Brus-bu's writings that she'd originally worked out the methodology behind healing through the Force. Rey used it to ease the aches and pains of her progressing pregnancy, but there was so much more she could do with it. Once, she even used it on Rose when her friend had cut her hand while helping Rey with a repair on the _Falcon._ It had been deep and she’d acted more on instinct than anything, directing the vibrant energy around her to knit the lacerated skin back together. Not even a scar was left behind to show the injury had occurred.

If she could apply that concept to the split kyber she’d pulled from the remains of Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber, Rey was certain she’d be able to make it whole once more. The crystal was a living thing, after all. Where there was life, there was promise. Running across this passage in the Jedi text had reinforced that belief.

The destruction of the saber was a regret that weighed on her and she felt guilty every time she pulled the wounded crystal out to examine. After meditating on it, she thought she knew what she had to do. For some reason, however, whenever she exerted her power in an attempt to mend it as Brus-bu described, it was almost like the kyber resisted her efforts—even as it cried out to her mind in an agonized plea.

She was missing something and the _Chronicles_ didn’t seem to offer the answer, unfortunately.

Rey had managed to repair the hilt and even the fine inner workings, but mending the saber’s heart was beyond her. While she could sense its pain, it no longer responded to her as it had before the fight with Ben had torn it in two. She was afraid she’d violated its trust.

With a sigh, she set the riven pieces of the crystal down gently and began reading through the section for the trillionth time, hoping she would run across something that she’d overlooked or misinterpreted. The moons rose, casting their pearlescent gleam through her window, but Rey paid it little attention. She was working herself up to a headache of her own when her senses flared in excitement and she jumped in surprise.

Rey felt that whisper of awareness, the sudden impossible collapse of reality about her. She stood quickly and spun to look for him, the Force rising up as she only ever knew it to when the rules of space and time were undone to bring them together. She’d expected him to call out so that she could be the one to pull them towards one another, having done so himself not long ago.

She really should stop thinking of the Bond in terms of what its limits were and just look forward to what more was possible with the power that lay between them.

Ben had barely appeared before he was reaching out to grab her. He wasted no time in tilting Rey's head back to take her lips with his, the kiss hard and hot as the hand at the back of her neck held her still for the ravaging he'd been working himself up to since she gave him that taunting nip.

Eventually, they surfaced, gasping raggedly. Ben’s look sent a sultry surge of excitement down through her and Rey had to resist tossing all her intentions aside in favor of the brewing tempest waiting in his heavy gaze. She tried to untangle her arms from around his neck and step away, but he just firmed his grip on her.

He was obviously planning on having his way with her tonight.

 ** _Well, you’re just going to have to wait,_** she silently told him in no uncertain terms, still trying to catch her breath.

 ** _Will YOU be able to wait?_** he shot back, his mental touch drifting deliberately downward. When he reached the very obvious evidence of her arousal, he raised an eyebrow in open challenge.

Cheeks burning, Rey stood her ground. His Dark tendencies were positively diabolical sometimes, and she was well aware he never played fair when it came to getting his hands on her, but he was _her_ Dark Sider, kriff it! She could match him at every step.

_**And you know it, Ben.** _

He snorted lightly in amused admiration, leaning down to give her another kiss. This one was lighter, tamer—though not in the least innocent.

**_For now, Rey…_ **

She tried to control the frission of anticipation his words sent down her spine as he drew back and dared him with her eyes to comment on it when his lips twitched.

Holding her gaze, he slipped a hand down to press against the side of her belly. His mind passed a soft greeting to their daughter and the baby’s bubbly excitement at feeling his touch had them smiling at one another.

"Hello…" Ben lowered his brows in mock surliness. "Bump."

It broke the stand-off and Rey laughed.

Poor Ben. However, even though it was digging at him that he didn't know what he'd be calling his daughter when she was born, he was enjoying the lighthearted back-and-forth. It was another one of the games they played with one another, teasing and challenging and flirting until they finally chose to close the distance and offer one another what they both wanted.

Ben knew she'd tell him eventually. He trusted that it was something special, something beautiful, as she'd promised him it was. That was enough for him.

That didn't mean he wasn't going to give her a hard time over it, though.

Pulling away and evading his lips when he dove in to pick back up where he'd left off, Rey slipped out from under his arm, placing her hands on the low table at the foot of her bunk as she dodged around it.

They both stared down in surprise when his legs bashed into the tabletop. Its sudden materialization before him decisively thwarted his attempt to snatch her back and he looked up at her reproachfully.

 _That's new,_ she thought. They weren't touching one another as they usually had to when interacting with something like this. It seemed their ability to manifest objects within one another's physical space was developing along with everything else...enough to bruise Ben's kneecaps, anyway.

"Sorry," Rey apologized, wincing at the mild flare of pain from the collision. It ricocheted across the Bond with his mind so closely entwined with hers. Nonetheless, she sat and met the vexation in his gaze firmly. "You owe me answers, though, and I'm not going to get side-tracked until I get them."

"You taunt me through the Bond when you have me at your mercy," Ben growled softly, stalking slowly around the table towards her, "and now you're going to try to put me off?"

"You got your own back," she retorted, shifting at the memory.

A glint of something anyone else would probably have considered sinister darkened his eyes. It sent a throb of desire straight to her core and she watched him carefully as he prowled in close to tower over her. Rey did her best to keep her breathing even and her eyes from wandering, given the view she had of him from the floor.

Ben felt her stubborn resistance and ran a leather-clad finger along the curve of her lower lip.

"Not. Even. Close."

The timbre of his voice curled up along the back of her neck as they stared one another down. Rey could feel his excitement at the heady tension of the moment, amplifying her own. Force, it was so tempting to give in and let him utterly debauch her as he clearly intended to.

They'd both learned that restraint and allowing desire to simmer for a time was deeply satisfying, however. It would be worth the wait.

"Get. Talking. Then."

Ben snorted at her imperious front, knowing full-well that Rey wasn't one for bossing people about. He'd always admired her spirit, though, and as worked up as he was, he'd been looking forward to this conversation, as well. When she felt him ease off on the waves of blatant seduction across the Bond, she took a steadying breath of relief. She was still affected enough, though, to regret it when he stepped away.

That regret didn't last very long, though. Rey's eyes widened in dismay when Ben removed his gloves and efficiently shucked his tunic.

"What are you doing?!" she choked, eyes fixed on his hands as they tugged his undershirt from his trousers.

Ben ignored her question, though there was a rather sardonic sort of humor in his gaze as he pulled the shirt over his head and set it down on some table or counter she couldn't see.

 _Getting the better of a Dark Sider clearly has its drawbacks,_ Rey thought to herself, watching the black fabric disappear in dismay.

 ** _Want it?_** Ben asked, his lips tilting up at her acquisitive interest. His own thoughts made it quite clear she'd only be getting her hands on that shirt if she let him get the one she was currently wearing off.

 _ **Not happening, Ben. Focus,**_ she scoffed, swallowing a little thickly.

 _ **Oh, I'm very focused, I assure you,**_ he promised, bending to work at the buckles cinching the tops of his boots.

Rey scrunched her nose at him, inwardly scrambling to get a grip. It didn’t help that even without their minds cuddled together as they were, the kriffing man knew _exactly_ what he was doing to her.

"Ending the war, Ben!" she growled, planting her hands on the table and making herself ignore the strip show...mostly. "Start with why you're trying to bait Hux into blasting you from orbit."

Much to her aggravation, his smirk remained firmly in place. Her tenuous equilibrium was nearly turned upside down again when he removed his boots and began to work on the clasp at his waist.

"We need to destabilize both factions in this war with an eye to ensuring they have no alternative but to negotiate for peace," Ben began as he pulled his trousers down and tossed them carelessly aside. "Neither the First Order nor the Resistance will so much as consider that so long as two things remain in place."

"And they are?" Rey rasped and frowned at the rise of insufferable pride in his mind at the hoarse sound.

"The Resistance is already weak enough, but needs to _accept_ that they can't win. I'm going to need you to convince them to be open to negotiations when the time comes," he continued, his voice perfectly level and reasonable as he reached for the waistband of his boxer briefs. "They won't be until the totalitarian element within the First Order is eliminated."

With that, he eliminated the last scrap covering his spectacular body and…well, if she wasn't already perfectly aware of what he had on his mind tonight, she would be now.

"Which means Hux needs to go," Rey picked up on his line of logic determinedly, wincing at how breathily it came out.

"Exactly," Ben confirmed, crossing his arms across his broad chest and nodding at her approvingly.

And just stood there. Starkers. Beautifully, gloriously starkers.

"Ben…" She dragged the end of his name out meaningfully.

"Yes, Sweetheart?" he returned, unrepentant and supremely pleased with himself.

They fell into another staring contest, but when it only had a more… _invigorating_ …effect on him, Rey gave up and folded her arms on the table, leaning over to bury her face in them with a groan. Ben laughed and when she peeked up again he was pulling out a set of his sleepwear.

She let out a silent sigh, though she didn't let this mercy fool her into thinking they were done.

"How does heckling Hux lead to his eviction from the First Order?" Rey asked, cautiously optimistic that he'd gotten sufficient revenge to be satisfied long enough for them to have a productive conversation.

"One of the greatest obstacles is that he has a strong faction of loyal supporters within the Order’s High Command, every one of them established and influential," Ben told her, pulling a pair of silky sleep pants up around his hips. He frowned resentfully, adding, "For all his faults, he's always had an unsettling charisma. Snoke made good use of it."

He trailed off and Rey waited for him to work through the lingering anger at his former Master. Finally, he let out a heavy breath and pulled the shirt on, turning to pad over to her on bare feet.

Ben rallied enough to give her an innocent look as he settled down by her side. She eyed him warily, ready to contend with wandering fingers, but he simply lounged against the table. He returned her suspicious look steadily, though she could swear there was a flicker of mischief in his dark eyes. His mind gave nothing away, however, so she angled herself towards him in order to keep an eye on both of his hands.

"So, you need to eradicate Hux's supporters along with him." Rey returned to the topic of discussion, since it seemed Ben was going to behave himself for the time being. "That makes sense, but would that really change the mindset of the regime as a whole?"

"Power structures are ruled from the top," he said, leaning an arm next to her on the table. "It won't put an end to the pervasive favor for authoritarianism within the First Order's ranks. However, without the driving force of the leaders who carry the true political weight to push those sentiments to the extreme, it won't possess the furor it does now. Hux isn't the cause of it, and neither was Snoke—they both sought to resurrect an imperialistic dream that should have died with Palpatine."

"Nightmare," she corrected, and Ben nodded in agreement.

"The problem isn't that the First Order's views differ from those of the Resistance, it's that they've been taken too far. The whole point of the New Republic was to allow for all voices to be heard, but in the wake of the war, any hint of something that sounded even remotely like the Empire's propaganda was ostracized," he explained. Having grown up the son of one of the foremost senators of the New Republic, it was clear he knew what he was talking about.

"The reality is that the vast majority of the people who make up the Order _aren't_ extremists. They're angry and feel disenfranchised. The relentless push for popular democracy alienated the Imperialists. Give them a chance to be heard, and they may just find a way to compromise. It's achieving some approximation of moderate consensus for all sides to work with that needs to happen, and it won't until Hux's faction is torn out."

Rey nodded slowly, thinking it through. What Ben said made a lot of sense and while she didn't have particularly strong political opinions beyond her belief that the galaxy should be a place where people could coexist with tolerance for one another, she did want to see justice and reform. Though she hadn't been raised at a politician's knee, Rey of Jakku knew that those things wouldn't necessarily be meted out fairly by the ones holding power. It couldn't have been the only problem, but Ben was right. The New Republic had gotten it wrong when they'd shut out the voices of those who'd disagreed with them.

This time, it had to be done right.

"So…" Rey started, looking up at him questioningly. "Are you saying you want to rebuild the Republic?"

"No, though that's probably what they'll end up calling it," he said with resignation, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair in irritation. "What matters right now is that we have to get the two sides to work together, to give them the opening they need to make it happen. That starts with ousting Hux."

"You still haven't answered my question," she pointed out. "How does making Hux angry with you get us anywhere? Are you trying to push him to make a court martial offense?"

"Not quite," Ben said with a huff of humor, shifting to wrap his other arm around her waist. She was ready to fend him off, but the only further move he made was to run his fingers back-and-forth slowly over the swell of her belly, so she let it slide. As long as he didn't get too handsy, Rey was willing to allow a fondle or two.

"The more I jerk his leash, the more determined he is to break free,” he went on. “It'll make him reckless enough to ignore caution. He'll self-destruct, and when he does, I'll make sure it causes a chain reaction that will annihilate his entire network of cronies. Even if he doesn't get himself killed outright coming for me, he'll show himself for the rabid zealot intent on power that he is, and none but the most indoctrinated of his supporters will follow him."

"That's too dangerous, Ben!" Rey exclaimed, grabbing for his hand while an icy finger of foreboding trailed up her spine. "Zealot or not, he's not stupid and he knows what you're capable of. You don't really think he'll be nugbrained enough to come after you himself, do you?"

"Maybe not, but it doesn't matter," he tried to reassure her. "By the time he's ready to break he'll act heedlessly, and it's easier to overcome an opponent who doesn't have control of himself. No matter how he does it, though, he'll not be able to conceal his thoughts from me. It's why Ushar and Ap'lek are watching him—they both possess enough thought-sensing talent to know what to look for.”

Rey didn't like it. It was too much of a risk. Hux was a particularly nasty sort of sadist and he loathed his Supreme Leader.

"Don’t worry about him. Besides, he's served one distinctly useful purpose, which has saved him until now," Ben said coaxingly. "Without him, I'd have had to be more creative in how I get supplies to you."

Rey stared at him, confused. Then understanding slowly began to dawn as she put it all together—nutrient boosters and the luxuries Ben had wanted her to have conveniently stocked in the depots the Resistance was guided by their informant to raid. How could he manage it unless he knew what information was being passed along…and to know that he'd almost certainly have to know _who_ was doing the passing.

Which meant…

"Hux is your spy," Ben confirmed, amused at her growing look of horror.

"HUX?!"

"Does he grow on you a little, knowing that he's helping to provide for your comfort and wellbeing?" he asked her snarkily.

"I'm not thanking him for the prenatal vitamins and body lotion, so you can just switch off," Rey snipped, then looked at him wonderingly. "How did you find out he's been the one informing on you?"

"He learned to guard his thoughts during his years under Snoke, but unlike my Master, I was the one on the _Finalizer_ with him day in and day out," Ben said, eyes hardening. "I really do mean it, Rey. Hux _can’t_ hide his mind from me. I didn't find him out for some time, but all it took was one unguarded thought from his spiteful little mind at the wrong moment. Men like that can never conceal their corruption indefinitely."

Rey watched Ben's face, his features stiffened by unpleasant memories. She followed them as they flowed through his mind, outright sickened by some of what she saw. She'd known Hux was a terrible man, but Ben knew things about the general that proved he was a far better candidate for the title of 'monster' than Kylo Ren had ever been.

In a galaxy that had been fought over by Jedi and Sith for centuries, the greatest horrors were often the evils perpetrated by ordinary people with nothing more than the power of hatred. Rey had seen it many times on Jakku, but as unforgivable as they’d been, those were the crimes of starving scavengers trying to survive a living hell.

Armitage Hux was cruel because he wanted to be.

She shut her eyes, wishing that would block out what she'd seen, though it did no good. Fisting her hands, she tried to stop their shaking.

Something told Rey this wouldn’t turn out the way Ben thought.

He felt her disquiet and realized the cause, rushing to tamp down on the thoughts of his hateful subordinate. When he looked back at her she gazed into him, a cold splinter of fear lodged in her chest.

"Even if your plan succeeds," Rey told him quietly, "it will just blacken your name further."

He'd be the one who'd unleashed a violent man with the means to cause catastrophic collateral damage in his pursuit of vengeance. As things already stood, she didn't foresee an ending in which Ben would be absolved by the Resistance, or whatever dominant power came out of this. The stakes were breathtakingly high and Rey couldn’t help thinking about the number of ways everything could go wrong.

Foremost in her mind was the desolate thought of giving birth to a baby who would never know her father.

They may be lenient enough to imprison him for life or perhaps exile him to the Unknown Regions, where an endless army of bounty hunters would no doubt follow close behind. Far more likely, however, was that all his sins would be called into account and the course of post-war justice would demand his death.

Rey gasped, that frozen barb stabbing through her heart.

Warm, strong arms came around her and pulled her into the safe haven of his embrace. She pressed her cheek against the powerful thrum of his heartbeat, devastated by the thought that it would ever be silenced. Slowly, he soothed her, calling forth Rey’s Light to strengthen her. His Darkness balanced it, the Bond anchoring her…anchoring them both.

After giving her a little while to soak in the comfort of his touch, Ben startled Rey from her dark musings when he spoke quietly.

"It will blacken Kylo Ren's name, yes."

It took her a moment to puzzle out what he meant, and when she did, she looked up in astonishment.

_Are you saying…?_

"Kylo Ren will bring the First Order to the peace talks and then agree to go willingly into exile in return for his life,” he said, voice resonating against Rey as she pressed into him. “The man in the mask will disappear into the Unknown Regions…”

“And Ben Solo will go free,” she finished, smiling through her tears.

She felt the weight of it bearing down on him, that he had to allow himself to be torn apart to survive yet again. There were those who knew his face, but how many would connect it with the given name he’d once more take for his own? It wasn’t an infallible plan, but it was far safer than anything she’d managed to come up with in her hours of worrying. Ben would be free, they would be together, and their daughter would have both her parents to love and teach her.

More, he would remain whole in the eyes of the one person who really mattered, and that was worth anything to him.

"I’m not going to be the only one paying the price to set us free. You know that, don't you?" Ben’s arms tightened, eyes holding hers gravely. "We can't stay. The only way for us to be together and give our daughter a safe home is to leave."

"Yes, I know," she whispered, taking a shaky breath.

Rey had given this careful thought, and she'd arrived at the same conclusion he had. No matter his role in ensuring a peaceful resolution, they could never be together if they stayed and their baby would grow up a target for the crime of being her father's daughter.

"I know what your friends mean to you," Ben said gruffly, swallowing back the jealousy he'd never be able to let go of. "I…I'm sorry. I mean that, Rey."

"I believe you," she told him softly, reaching up to run her hand down the side of his cheek. "It hurts. They _matter_ to me, and they always will.

She brought her other hand up, cradling his face and running her thumb over his scar.

"But while I care deeply about them, and I can't imagine that it will ever stop hurting, you’re the one I choose, Ben." She gazed into those rich, intense eyes. "A life with you. To love you without hiding it away. Raising our daughter and whatever children we'll have after her. Being a family, even if we never figure out what being a Dyad is supposed to mean. That's my choice, and it always will be."

They'd both colored a little when she'd mentioned their family growing beyond the three of them, but a reassuring pleasure at the notion filled Ben's mind. She held onto that as she dropped her hands and let him pull her close. Rey offered all the reassurance that she could in return, knowing what he was giving up for her.

She sighed to herself. It wasn't that she blamed him for wanting to reach for more, but from the moment they'd found one another, none of their decisions had been made solely for themselves. By refusing him on the _Supremacy,_ she'd blocked Ben from a path he might well have excelled at with her there to fight for it with him. Even now, he could name himself Emperor Ren and no one would have the power to stop him.

"It would be pointless without you," he said, his chest rumbling beneath her cheek.

And he was right. Neither of them would ever have true inner peace without the other there. The past months had proven that beyond any question. Despite being surrounded by her friends, Rey hadn't known unreserved happiness except with her Force-mate. She knew, however, that she wasn't made to rule, and Ben would never be allowed to live amongst those who'd fought so hard to defeat him.

They would never be safe.

"So, we leave," Rey murmured, tightening her hold on him, acknowledging the hardest and simplest decision she'd ever been forced to make.

Ben’s fingers stroked through her hair comfortingly, though she felt the way his heart soared at her words. He tried to contain his elation to spare her feelings, but she shook her head against his chest. For all she was hurting, she was happy.

Reassured, Ben cupped her chin and lifted her face so he could kiss her. Rey leaned into it, offering him her answering desire, letting it rise within her now that she’d gotten the answers she was looking for.

She was more than ready to allow him to distract her now.

Ben complied with enthusiasm, and Rey found herself pressed into the table behind her while large hands stole their way beneath her shirt. She smiled against his ardently persuasive lips, indulging herself and affording him better access by raising her arms so she could sink her fingers into his hair.

_Kriff, he really had better've given his daughter this hair..._

His low laugh vibrated through her as he pressed forward more insistently, and she caught her breath when he grabbed the table for leverage to rise up on his knees above her, about to snatch Rey up so he could carry her off. They both would have ignored the soft clatter when his hand bumped something if it weren’t for the sudden resounding clarion call that echoed through the Force.

They broke apart in shock and Ben looked beyond her shoulder, searching. Rey reached around and gingerly picked up the piece of crystal that had rolled across the tabletop.

“What happened?” Ben’s voice was filled with the horror written across his face as he stared down at his grandfather’s severed kyber.

“You didn’t know?” Rey asked. She’d not considered that he may not have realized what their Force-fueled tug-of-war in Snoke’s throne room had caused.

Feeling guilty, she pressed gently against his shoulder and after a moment, he leaned back, allowing her to sit up. Rey held her breath and offered it to him, watching with anticipation as it landed in his palm.

Nothing.

“I thought it would react to you again,” she said with a frown.

When he’d bumped it, the Force around them had trembled with a burst of energy, both radiant and shadowed. It lay silent in his hand now, but perhaps, as the grandson of the Jedi who’d held the kyber’s loyalty in life, it still recognized the touch of a Skywalker. Maybe…maybe Ben was the one who could heal it.

“I can’t,” he denied in answer to her musings. “Force healing can’t be done by someone aligned to the Dark Side.”

“But you’re not completely Dark,” Rey reasoned, still struck by how the crystal had reacted to him, however impassive it remained now. “Maybe you could—”

“No, Rey. I can’t,” he told her, frustration and dismay at what they had done to Anakin’s kyber making him sharper than he intended. At her scowl, he took a breath and moderated his tone, raising a hand to indicate the ragged slash down his face meaningfully, “I’ve tried, and I can’t.”

_Oh._

She sighed with disappointment. Then she considered Ben’s extraordinary wealth of knowledge and his propensity for solving the convoluted nature of their Bond. Even if he wasn’t capable of healing the crystal himself, he might help _her_ do it.

Twisting around, Rey grabbed the text she’d been pouring over before he'd shown up and held it out to him. He took it, interest flaring in his eyes and releasing the awkward tension in the air.

“This suggests that a kyber can be mended just like how you…well, how _I_ would heal an injury,” Rey told him, sharing memories of what she’d attempted with him. “I’ve tried it over and over, but I’m not getting anywhere with it.”

His brow wrinkled as he read through the passage and she smiled at his studious focus. She really did adore this unexpected side of the dangerous warlord who’d seemed like nothing more than a murderous brute the first time she’d met him. Ben quirked a brow at that, but he was too absorbed in the text to respond—which only made her smile widen.

After a while, he let out a breath and shook his head.

“I’m sorry, Sweetheart,” Ben told her. “You’ve done everything it advises, as far as I can tell.”

Rey’s smile slipped away, but she nodded regretfully. It had been worth a shot.

He ran his fingertips over the page in fascination and flipped to the cover to see what it was. He nearly choked at the title.

“Where did you get this?”

“I…borrowed…the Jedi texts when I left Ahch-To,” Rey said, minimizing the exact details of how the collection had ended up in her possession.

Unfortunately, Ben was the man she regularly nicked clothing from, so he was well acquainted with her somewhat flexible views on proprietary rights.

"You stole the sacred texts?" Ben asked hoarsely, genuinely shocked.

 _"Borrowed…"_ she stressed.

He stared at her for a moment, then pinched the bridge of his nose. His shoulders began to shake, and she heard his low laugh at her outrageous dodge. She smiled at him, amused herself that though Ben scorned the Jedi precepts, part of him was still horrified at the notion of her misappropriating the Order's relics.

"You're planning on giving them back, then?" he tossed at her in challenge.

"Well…it hardly seems right to return them to Ahch-To where there's no one but the Lanai to take care of them," she quipped, reveling in the way it made his crooked smile widen. "Someone who knows what they are and can appreciate them needs to keep them safe. It would be the responsible thing, I should think."

"Of course," he mugged, shaking his head at her in amusement.

"Anyway," Rey said pointedly, looking to turn the conversation away from potential larceny and onto a more _reasonable_ tack. "Since I do have them, it’s silly to waste the opportunity to see if the texts offer any insight into our Bond.”

She didn’t really have to wheedle, Rey knew, but she was enjoying herself now that they’d rediscovered their easy rapport. Besides, she wanted to see that scholarly crinkle appear between his eyebrows again.

“I didn’t think you’d recognize what it was,” she commented, summoning the rest of the texts from where they were stashed next to her bed.

“My— Luke made regular trips to search for Jedi artefacts while he was building his new Order. He even took me with him a few times,” Ben said, tripping unthinkingly over his uncle’s name, though he eschewed his usual anger in favor of avidly examining the books that appeared before him as they landed in Rey’s lap.

“So, you’ve read them?” she asked, trying not to laugh as he thumbed through the stack without hesitation.

“A few of them,” he answered, picking up the _Rammaghon_ and running his hand over the embossed cover as though greeting an old friend. “I don’t think he had all of these by the time…when I left.”

Rey reached over and rested her hand on Ben's thigh in understanding when he broke off uncomfortably. She felt from his mind that he hadn’t meant to bring that up, but this remnant of the time he’d spent under his uncle’s tutelage was making it difficult to hold those memories back. Sending him a soft wave of reassurance, she let him know it was okay. He didn’t have to go into it if he didn’t want to.

Ben leaned down to kiss her with both gratitude and relief. He was aware she wanted to hear more, to hear what had happened between him and his family. Though she knew some of it already from what Leia had shared and the few things Luke had told her, Rey wanted to learn the rest from _him_.

Since they’d lowered the last of the barriers between their minds, all of those memories were left open to her if she chose to dig for them. However, she’d found it in herself to be more patient _because_ they weren’t hiding their minds any longer.

It wasn’t going to be like discussing his grandparents. As harrowing as that had been, his parents and uncle were sources of far deeper wounds that continued to bleed years later. She could wait until he was ready to face it.

Ben pressed into her more deeply for a moment before withdrawing and Rey smiled at him as he sat back, opening the book in his hands.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said, and she was happy to hear the flirtatious note in his voice.

“Yes, you do,” she told him playfully, matching his tone.

Rey watched Ben flip carefully through the collection of legends that recounted the creation and order of the universe. Beaumont had completed his translation of all five stories and she’d found herself fascinated by some of them. Their references to Dark and Light made her wonder whether there might be something that would prove useful in working out the mystery of the Bond.

"'The Dreamers’ was always my favorite," Ben commented, flipping through the ancient tome with eager familiarity.

"Romantic," Rey teased him.

The story of the Dreamers was the only one of the five recounted in the _Rammaghon_ that seemed to offer any kind of hopeful outlook, even if the ending was rather sad for the lovers who'd given up so much for the sake of the greater good, in her opinion. They supposedly endured years, if not centuries of slumber with only the vague promise that one day they would wake to find each other once more.

Looking at Ben, however, Rey thought she could understand their choice.

"It's better than the myth about primeval gods creating the galaxy from the chaos of their war against one another or that really tasteful one where they used the dismembered body of a serpent-goddess to create the planets and the skies above them," he commented dryly.

"Well, they clearly left an impression," she said with a laugh, shifting to rest her arms on the table and arch her back to alleviate the strain of sitting in the same position for too long. She smiled when she felt a warm hand begin to rub her lower back.

“I’ve been reading through them to see if there’s anything we can use. Do you remember the references to the Ashla and Bogan in the ‘Promise of Lira San?’” Rey prompted him, trying not to place any special emphasis on one of the names in particular. It was the story that most explicitly referred to the potential balance between the Darkness and Light, and a few lines in particular had piqued her curiosity.

“Mhm,” he hummed distractedly, still lost in his perusal of the text.

She snorted softly in amusement and tapped his leg to get his attention.

“Sorry,” Ben said, glancing up at her apologetically. “Yeah, I remember that one. It’s more of a prophecy, but I can’t see how it would relate to us at all. Ashla and Bogan are moons that inspired an ancient Force religion, but Lira San was eventually found, fulfilling the ‘promise’ of the legend.”

“Kriff,” Rey groaned. “I’d thought I might be onto something with the whole ‘Ashla shall light the way home and reignite the stars’ bit.”

“You’re not far off, really,” he said with a commiserating smile. “Even if the prophecy itself is defunct now, the allegory for the Dark Side and its relationship with the Light holds relevance. It certainly resonates with the balance between us...and I can relate to the attraction the Bogan felt to his Ashla.”

Rey smiled at the burning look Ben gave her. It made her feel better and the encouragement his mind offered lifted her spirits.

“Keep looking through it,” he urged, handing the text back to her. “You’re more perceptive about these things than I am sometimes—more sensitive to the way our natures seem to relate to one another. Maybe you’ll find something that I’m not seeing.”

"It can't hurt, and it's not like I don't have the time to spare," she grumbled.

He gave her a sympathetic look, knowing she hated being confined to base and restricted from doing much of anything. The research held interest for her, at least, even if the mind-numbing slog it took to actually make sense of even the shortest passage made her want to chuck the sacred texts into the incinerator sometimes.

“It’s not forever, Rey,” Ben murmured, his hand covering hers.

No, it wasn’t. His reassurance made her laugh softly, though. It seemed like they were taking turns giving one another platitudes. Perhaps it was about time they stopped and actually looked to the future beyond simply longing for it.

“You know,” Rey began hesitantly, plunking the books onto the table and turning her back on them. She took both of Ben’s hands, weaving their fingers together. "There's this pool at the top of the island on Ahch-To with a mosaic at the bottom. I only saw it once and didn’t know what it was at the time, but I think it’s supposed to depict something that’s mentioned in the _Rammaghon_ —the Prime Jedi."

Ben’s gaze instantly sharpened, his mind focusing on what she was saying.

"Show me," he said, leaning towards her intently.

Rey shared her memory, which made him stiffen since Luke was the one she’d gone to the temple to speak with that day. Nudging his mind away from the clear blue eyes that stirred up troubling emotions, she guided his attention to the black-and-white mosaic she’d sat beside.

"You're right, that has to be the Prime Jedi," he murmured wonderingly, staring into her, though she knew he was still focused on the image she'd shared with him. “I’ve never seen an actual depiction of it.”

"What is it?" Rey prompted after a moment, reclaiming his attention. “The text doesn’t go into detail beyond some nonsensical metaphor.”

"It's a being of equal parts Dark and Light, balancing both perfectly within," Ben explained, looking over at where she'd set the pile of books.

"Is it supposed to be an actual person?" Rey didn't quite know how the two halves of the Force were supposed to be held within one individual. She and Ben were as close to true balance as she could imagine, but even the Bond between them was constantly shifting as Dark and Light found their own unique harmony. She shuddered at the thought of trying to contain all that within herself alone.

"It's not clear, though I think it was originally intended to represent the first Jedi. I got the impression that over the centuries it became more symbolic of an idealistic view of the Force," Ben answered musingly.

"That makes no sense," Rey commented, perplexed by the idea. "The Jedi wouldn't have held up a union of Light and Dark as something to strive for."

"Not the modern Jedi, true," he agreed, giving her hands a small squeeze. "Remember, though, that the Order wasn't always unified in their beliefs."

The Sith. Well, the Sith before they'd broken away from the Jedi and _become_ the Sith, that is.

"So, the mosaic must predate the schism," she reasoned. "The temple's definitely old. The Lanai caretakers have been keeping things in order, but the buildings are primitive at best. I wonder if Luke was right and the Jedi temple there really is the first. It would make sense, in the effort to balance both sides of the Force, that they’d choose a planet with such a strong source of Dark energy."

Ben nodded, remembering what she’d told him of her experience in the cave. His mind was racing at the possibilities it all hinted at.

"I think…" Rey dropped her eyes to her hands, fiddling with his large fingers. Taking a breath, she finally worked herself up to what she wanted to suggest, "I think we should go there. I think we both _need_ to go. Together."

She peeked up at him, barely breathing.

"I think you're right," Ben answered softly, giving her a tug and smiling as he rested his forehead against hers.

Rey could barely contain the upwelling of excitement at what was happening right now, at what they were doing.

_Force, we're making plans! It's not just a hazy wish any longer, we're actually planning the first steps of the life we'll have together!_

Ben gave her his lopsided smile and the moment his dimples appeared she cast aside any other questions she might have asked, rising up to kiss him.

He let go of his self-restraint when his lips tasted hers and a flood of hot, hungry desire engulfed her. The sudden rush, welcome though it was, made her gasp. Every delay and distraction she’d diverted him with tonight had only served to keep the fire she’d sparked earlier smoldering with an ever-growing impatience.

And her Dark Sider loved to make her burn.

Tearing himself away, Ben released one of her hands so he could wrap it around her neck as he dove for the soft skin of her throat. His hold was gentle, careful, but strong.

Still in possession of her other hand, he pressed it against the hard, pulsing heat his sleek sleep pants only emphasized.

"I told you I wasn't done with you, Rey," he growled, working his way down the curve of her neck, kissing newly revealed skin as he dragged the wide collar of his old shirt over her shoulder with his teeth. She let her head fall back, sifting her fingers through his hair, ready to hold on…but then he paused, leaving off in his steady, searing progress.

"Your freckles are darker."

Rey's eyes opened in alarm at the sudden reminder.

_Kriff, I didn't think!_

"Rey?" Ben asked, catching onto the twist of embarrassment running through her thoughts.

"Are they?" she temporized, though she knew it wouldn't do any good.

"I _know_ these freckles," Ben insisted, raising his head. Dark eyes canted to search hers and his mind pressed insistently for answers.

Rey held out for a beat longer, but then released a rueful breath. Looking away, mortified to hold his gaze for this, she felt her face burn as she tried to explain without giving too many details.

“It’s nothing. Really, it’s perfectly normal according to the doctor,” she said hurriedly, darting her eyes back to gauge his reaction only to be caught by the intensity of it. Swallowing, she went on, knowing he wasn’t going to let her off the hook, “Skin… _some_ skin…well, it darkens. Apparently.”

“‘Some skin,’” he repeated, an eyebrow rising in suspicion at her cageyness.

“Mhm,” Rey hummed, very aware of how hot her face had become. “It darkens later in pregnancy, but then it goes back to normal later—you know, after the baby’s born. So, it’s fine. There’s nothing to worry about.”

_Please leave it at that…_

Ben watched her silently, mind turning over what she’d said and comparing it to something she didn’t quite catch. Heart in her throat, she waited him out. She’d started to consider ways to divert his curiosity when...

“BEN! Put me down! Why does everyone need to pick me up?!”

He ignored Rey’s outrage, carrying her across the room, determination and a very wicked sort of amusement filling his mind that gave her a tantalizingly bad feeling about this. Then she squeaked in surprise when he shifted her in his arms and she suddenly felt her rear land on a hard surface.

Looking down, Rey saw familiar black fabric. She immediately recognized the undershirt he’d stripped off earlier, but it took a moment of perusing the datapad and assorted file discs scattered off to the side to realize what the piece of furniture he’d placed her on was. The grain of the wood reminded her of a note he’d shown her with a sentiment written in a surprisingly graceful hand—this must be the desk she’d seen the first time he’d let her see through his eyes.

Rey looked back up at him with a challenging glare, indignant over being carried about like a sack of topatoes.

"At least I didn't let you bang your knees," Ben said tauntingly, then started pulling her shirt up.

As much as she loved it— _needed_ it—she made him work for it just to get even for his manhandling. Her hands shook with how badly her body was aching for him, and she thrilled with excitement as he won their tussle and the shirt went flying. Then he caught sight of what she’d been so flustered about.

Ben stared, taking in the sight of the flourishing curves of her chest. Rey would never be called voluptuous, but her figure had certainly gained a curvature that was practically sumptuous compared to the flat planes caused by her old life of deprivation—her life before Ben.

It wasn’t the curves that had him entranced, however.

Pupils blown wide and breath gone ragged, he moved in, tilting her back. Broad palms came up to cradle her shoulders as his mouth tasted the dusky peaks, flushed to a darker rosiness, just like her freckles.

He kissed and licked and teased her with his breath, winning helpless little pants from Rey. Then a groan broke from her throat when his lips closed around one breast and he began to suck.

"Force!" Rey gasped, overwhelmed by the wet suction that seemed to tug at her wanting core with each long, strong pull.

"Oh no, Sweetheart," Ben said, letting her go, his dark eyes smoldering down at her. "The Force has nothing to do with this."

Then he was laying her back onto the soft fabric covering the desk, mouth coming back up to close over hers. Feeling breathless and boneless, she could only lay there as she felt him pulling at the waistband of her leggings. When Ben had them off her, she tried to wrap her legs around him, but he prevented it.

Breaking the kiss, he held himself over her, and looked down into her own pleasure-blown eyes. Then he gave Rey a smile of pure sin.

Minds entwined as they both longed to be, he slipped his hands down to Rey’s hips, tilting her pelvis. She watched him in a trance, bewitched by the slow, seductive glide of his bare palms along her skin. The enchantment broke for both of them, however, when he began lowering himself to his knees.

"Ben, wait!" Rey cried, voice hoarse with alarm.

He stopped, straightening to draw close to her, fingers rising again to brush over her cheek.

"What is it?" he asked quietly in concern. His mind searched for what had her so upset about this, worrying he'd pushed too far in some way that he just couldn't make sense of. They'd done this before, and though the first time had been stressful, she'd had no trouble when he sought to bring her pleasure with his mouth in the months since.

"You aren't doing anything wrong," Rey told him, trying to calm herself enough to steady her breathing. She fiddled nervously, tracing the raised veins along the back of one of his hands. "It's just…I sort of…there's some…it's wetter. It's kind of…messy."

"Are you all right?" he asked. He regarded her calmly, thoughts easing now that he knew he hadn't scared her.

"Yeah, it started a few weeks ago," she admitted, eyes wandering, though she still stroked his hand for comfort.

"Okay," he said, nodding slowly. "That's normal, isn't it?"

Rey nodded, but then tilted her head, turning her eyes back to Ben's and touching his thoughts more deeply in inquiry.

_How would…?_

Then she spotted it—awake, often into the early-morning hours, anxiety he couldn't escape tightening within his chest as he lay alone in bed, compulsively researching when he wasn't puzzling over the vision.

_Physiological changes during pregnancy…stages of fetal development…nutritional guidelines pre- and post-delivery…forum debates over when to wean and start on formula…research into potential complications due to long-term malnutrition…physicians’ recommendations for how to support a new mother through the first few months after birth…_

This was the real reason he’d been so tired lately. Embarrassment forgotten for the moment, she rose up on her elbows, finding the fine red lines scored through the whites of his eyes.

_Force, he's trying so hard._

"Just how many tabs do you have saved on your datapad?" Rey asked, tilting her lips up slightly in an attempt to quash her own concern for the way he worried over her.

"A few," Ben dodged, though he didn't bother to cover the fib, allowing her teasing to lighten the moment.

"A few? A few dozen?" she pressed, her small smile growing as she leaned forward a little to bump the tip of his nose with hers. "Or a few hundred?"

He let her poke at him, relaxing further at seeing Rey drawn out from her discomfort in an effort to ease his. All the same, he moved the fingers on her cheek up into the fall of her hair, tucking it behind her ear, and nudged at her mind again.

"You weren't uncomfortable about this before," Ben pointed out gently, wanting to understand why she'd inexplicably become self-conscious with him again, especially if the issue wasn't new. After all they'd done together, and the fact that their intimacies had led directly to the slumbering spark of their daughter between them, he couldn’t quite make sense of it.

"Well, you weren't…going to…" Rey sighed as her smile slipped away. Kriff, why did she keep on letting herself grow embarrassed in front of him when there was no need? Finally, she just gave up and blurted, "You haven't been putting your face down there recently, so I wasn't especially concerned."

They looked at one another and when the corner of Ben's mouth twitched the tension of the absurd situation broke. They both started laughing.

"I appreciate the sentiment," he managed, firming his hold on her and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Gazing into her eyes, Ben continued to smile. His mind assured her that he wasn't repulsed by how her body was changing—quite the opposite, in fact.

"Let me?" Ben asked, one hand slowly trailing down along her body again, coming to rest on the curve of her hip. He angled his head just enough to press his lips against hers earnestly and then murmured against them, "Please."

Rey nodded and settled back on the desk, still uncomfortable, but trusting in his care of her.

Moving slowly, Ben pulled back and kneeled on the floor before her, arms slipping beneath her thighs and cradling her hips in a firm embrace. The incredible buildup of sexual tension they'd subjected one another to tonight was raging through him, hungry and demanding. With a will, he subdued it, holding himself back with that same resolute discipline learned through years of mastering the Force.

He pressed a kiss to the skin above one knee, carefully tugging her to the edge of the desk. When she lay fully open to him, insecurity tried to grip her, but he wouldn't allow it to take hold.

"Mmn, there it is," Ben hummed appreciatively. A small, satisfied smile reappeared across his lips at having found more of the pregnancy-flushed skin he'd set out to discover. He shot her a quick look full of conceit that would typically have her wrinkling her nose at him. After his display of heart-touching sensitivity, however, Rey gave him his moment of victory.

All at once, her anxiety faded, soothed away by the loving touch of the man whose mind cradled hers as tenderly as he held her body.

Ben really did revel in the fact that being with him had marked her body in very obvious ways, just like the purpling stains he sometimes left on her neck. The swell of their daughter was his crowning glory, but each little detail meant so very much to him.

Noticing the brightening of her thoughts, his mind invited her in closer. Letting his heated gaze wander, he ensured she caught his shamelessly arrogant thoughts. She found herself captivated by the way he looked possessively over the new fullness of her breasts, nipples blushing darker than their usual soft pink. He admired her loose hair, falling in fuller, shinier waves over her freckled shoulders, and the glow of her skin as her body ripened around the part of himself he'd planted deep within.

Rey was blooming.

He surveyed her appreciatively, openly revering the transformation caused by the approaching advent of motherhood…the condition _he_ was responsible for.

"So beautiful," Ben murmured, making her shiver as his breath brushed over the rosy flesh bared for his pleasure—to pleasure _her_. She was already damp from hormonal havoc, but was quickly growing wetter with something else entirely as he leaned in and kissed her.

He was slow and deliberate, taking his time and allowing her to relax as she followed his increasingly inflamed thoughts.

_**Do you know that I'm still amazed you would want me? Do you realize that—the power you hold over me? How much it means to touch you, to taste you, and make love to you?** _

_**That you're MINE.** _

Rey was beyond the ability to articulate what his thoughts did to her—that they were as evocative as his tongue tracing along her pulsing entrance, clenching helplessly in need.

 _ **You're perfect, Sweetheart,**_ Ben’s mind purred to her, a wave of love and lust washing along the length of the Bond for her. He punctuated the sentiment by stroking his tongue along the length of her core. His thoughts were heavy, letting Rey sense how he relished the taste of her— _because_ it was her. Then he reached that little pearl of needy flesh that hid itself away even as it craved his touch. Finding it, Ben kissed it and firmed his hold on her hips as he closed his lips over her, beginning to suck rapturously.

She arched helplessly, pressing up into his mouth, arms reaching above her head to grab hold of the edge of the desk.

Ben took his time, worshiping Rey with such exquisite devotion, as though it were his sacred charge to tend to even the most infinitesimal detail of her pleasure. His tongue beckoned her climax closer and she could feel the slight flutters begin, her body ready to give in to his patient persuasion. Rey held it off determinedly, though—she wanted more.

 ** _I want you, Ben. Please, I need you!_** she begged him silently, too overwhelmed by fighting off her burgeoning climax to speak.

The insistent pressure eased when he raised his head, but it didn't help her efforts to hold herself together as his torrid gaze bored into hers. He looked down at her like that for only a moment, but Rey would swear she could have come from the intensity of that stare alone if he'd made her wait any longer.

Ben rose, shoved his sleep pants down, and grabbed her hips in both hands. He drove into her in a sleek thrust that her body welcomed with a grasping embrace.

Rey instantly shattered.

Wave after velvety wave of euphoria lapped up through her and she gasped his name. It wasn’t merely in ecstasy, however. As extraordinary as the pleasure his mouth could bring was, nothing compared to having her Force-mate inside her, and her mind fixed on the barely restrained urgency of the hard shaft throbbing insistently within the grasp of her trembling flesh as she began her descent.

Struggling to recover, she opened her eyes and saw the coiled muscles, the tension running through his arms and flexing abs. He'd waited, fighting a battle against his own need now as he let her enjoy the rolling tide of bliss.

It was clear, however, that when her eyes met his her reprieve was over.

Loosing his grip on the Dark passion that came raging along the Bond, Ben tightened his hold on Rey’s hips and plunged forward. He set a greedy pace, already incensed after bringing her to a radiant climax once. He threw himself into the effort of pulling her back towards that pinnacle and claiming the dual ecstasy of sharing another with her.

"You have too many clothes on-n," Rey informed him, stuttering slightly with the hard collision as his hips snapped forward in a heart-stopping advance that left her barely managing to pull her mind back together before he did it again.

"Then maybe you should've taken...your chance to get them off me...when you had it," Ben huffed, voice roughened by effort and the strain of holding out for so long. He leaned over Rey so that the soft fabric of his sleep shirt rubbed her skin as he moved against her. Letting her hips go, he grabbed the far edge of the desk, bracketing her hands. The strength with which it allowed him to lunge into her made them both moan.

Rey wanted his skin, though, and now that he was within reach, she took full advantage. Releasing the desk, she tugged at Ben’s shirt, making him pause just long enough to yank it over his head. Triumphantly, she threw it aside and tasted his hot breaths as thrust after thrust drove them both closer to the edge until they threw themselves over it.

They clung to one another as they learned to breathe once again in the aftermath. Still gasping hard, Ben lifted his head enough to meet her eyes. He reached down and she heard wood slide on wood. Then he handed her a folded slip of paper, the edges slightly worn. He watched somnolently as she opened it.

Rey smiled at the familiar elegant scrawl and sought his lips to return the affirmation in full.

She loved the drowsy bliss of kissing Ben while his hardness slowly ebbed within her. Without the distraction of the raging fire they built between them, though, Rey was becoming decidedly aware of the unabating hardness of the desk beneath her.

Deeply attuned to her, Ben immediately pulled back, drawing himself out and lifting her into his arms again. He held Rey close as he carried her a few steps and then all but collapsed, the fine sheets of his bed catching them. They sprawled together, a sweaty but very satisfied tangle of limbs. For a while, they simply floated in the vibrancy of the afterglow amidst lazy kisses and wandering caresses with no aim but to enjoy the feel of skin on skin.

All in all, tonight had been incredibly productive, Rey figured, tracing the crater of the scar on his shoulder. Not only had they finally discussed Ben’s master plan for ending the war and begun to make plans for a future beyond it...she’d gotten two shirts out of him!

 _Maybe getting the better of a Dark Sider has its benefits after all,_ she thought with a grin, earning an amused huff from him.

“I’ve spoiled you, haven’t I?” he snarked, actually returning the gesture when she wrinkled her nose at him again. “Speaking of which…”

Ben held out his hand and called on a small surge of Force energy. Catching something, he handed it to her.

“You caught me unprepared last time, so I sent Mitaka a memo to find this while I was stuck in that karking meeting,” he said, settling back against the pillows with his arm around her. “Fortunately, Canto Bight ships goods in from all over the galaxy, so this was actually fairly easy for him to find.”

“There’s nothing for you to make up for, Ben,” Rey told him, though she knew he’d berate himself no matter what she said. He just couldn’t let go of a chance to provide for her, even if it was something simple and non-essential like this.

“Well, I have a crate of apples on-hand just in case, anyway,” he informed her with an unrepentant look, and she shook her head in amusement as she turned the fruit over in her hands.

The skin was a lovely blend of dark orange and light. Bringing it to her nose, Rey sniffed near the stem and smiled. The aroma was bright and, oddly enough, had a hint of heat she didn’t normally associate with fruit. It was like a drop of sunshine in her palm.

As always, Ben had followed her thoughts, and picking up on her impressions of this new offering, he smiled too. She looked up into his humor-warmed eyes, resigned to the fact that he would inevitably find her fascination with his gifts entertaining.

“I’m not making fun of you,” he swore, running his fingers over the curve of her belly. “You’re right, as it happens. It’s called sunfruit.”

Rey laughed, curling in closer to Ben’s side and rolling onto her back so she could lay with her head nestled in the hollow of his shoulder. Peeling it, she pulled a juicy crescent from within and popped it into her mouth.

It tasted like liquid sunlight. That tantalizing suggestion of heat she’d smelled burned lightly across her tongue like the sensation of sitting outside long enough to feel the mild scorch of a sunburn just beginning to form. Tangy juice balanced it, though, the flavor lingering as a sweet reminder.

“Not as sweet as you,” Ben said against her ear, his hot breath sending shivers down her arms as his mind told her what she had tasted like.

Rey gave him a poke in the ribs with a sticky finger. He coughed out a laugh, since she’d aimed for a spot she knew from experience was ticklish.

 _“And_ spicy,” he added, pressing his lips into her hair affectionately.

Pleased with his assessment, she pulled another crescent free and handed it to him. Piece by piece, they shared the sunfruit and when it was gone, she tossed the bright peel over onto her bedside table to be thrown away later. Then Ben pulled her up so that he could taste her juice-sweetened lips, delving between them in search of more.

“Have you gotten your fill of revenge, then?” Rey inquired after he’d set her free.

“Revenge? For the time being. I’ll never have my fill of you, though...” he answered, dragging a hand wickedly down her chest to cup her breast, teasing the blushing nipple with the pad of his thumb.

“Any more boring meetings on the agenda?” she asked pertly.

“Force save me, yes; but there are exhibitions and back-door dealings disguised as banquets planned as well. I’m dodging one right now, in fact. I can’t get out of any more without making one of Hux’s spies curious,” Ben complained with a groan. “Thankfully, I’ll be leaving in the next few days, so these karking sycophants might just survive it.”

Rey shook her head at his morbid humor, rising up on an elbow and running a fingertip along the bridge of his nose, over his kiss-swollen lips, and down to the uneven tip of his chin. As with every precious meeting, she felt the connection holding him there beside her beginning to unravel as his mind felt the strain.

“So, when do I get to see you again,” she asked softly and pulled one of his hands over to rest against her belly. “When do _we_ get to see you?”

“I don’t know,” Ben admitted with a sigh, palm pressing warmly into the swell of their sleeping daughter. “I’m sorry, Sweetheart. I’ll have to meet with Ap’lek and Ushar when I return to find out what Hux has gotten up to while I’ve been stuck in this gilded womprat-hole. Once they’re safely away and I can make sure the others are at their posts, I’ll let you know.”

It wasn’t much, and it twisted both their hearts that there was so little real certainty beyond their determination to be together. She pushed the disappointment aside, however, intent as always not to part from him unhappily.

She leaned down, brushing Bump against his hard stomach, gratified by the quick breath he took.

“Promise?” she huskily repeated her challenge from earlier this evening, slowly lifting a brow with a sultry invitation she’d never have thought herself capable of several months ago.

Rey watched the caf of his eyes consumed by a resurgence of Dark desire. She ensured Ben felt her satisfaction with the effect she was having on him despite the satiation which flowed through their languid muscles. He laughed quietly, as she’d intended.

“I really don’t deserve you,” he insisted, rising up on his elbows to claim her pleased smile.

Rey tilted her head, giving them both a deeper caress, and slipped a leg over Ben’s waist as she let him pull her back down into his arms. She looked forward to dreaming about this tonight—this kiss, the way he’d made love to her, the teasing banter, the bright flicker of joy that came from their baby at her Daddy’s presence...and most especially the newborn promise of the plans they’d made for the future they would both be fighting for.

Wrapped up in one another so completely, she let him give all that he wanted...and gave all that she wished in return.

**_Yes, you do._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **BTS Ramblings…**
> 
> **The Flagship Two-Step:** I've mentioned Ben's star destroyer, the _Steadfast,_ a few times, but sharp-eyed readers may have realized I'd failed to go over the reason he'd left his original flagship behind. I'll fess up…I actually didn't know about the _Galaxy's Edge_ storyline when I started writing ASTOS, so I'd just gone with the ship mentioned in TROS (especially because the name really suits what Ben has become, character-wise). For those who aren't familiar, I won't spoil more of the story than I already have, but it boils down to the rough outline I gave in this chapter ~ the _Finalizer_ was destroyed while under Hux's command during the Battle of Batuu when Kylo arrived to try and deal with the Resistance forces that had been hiding there after the face-off on Crait. As with a lot of side-bar canon material, though, I gave it my own spin!
> 
>  **Son Of A Senator:** We've finally gotten an inside look at Ben's view regarding the political situation in play, but if that part of the conversation made you yawn a bit, don't worry. That's pretty much the most in-depth we'll be going on the topic in ASTOS. The political dynamics Ben described are very, very, very simplified, as I'm not looking to make this story a political statement or go into any IRL issues. Galactic politics are mentioned because they need to be, but like Ben & Rey have said, it's not what they're meant for. KISS = Keep It Simple, Sweetheart. 
> 
> **Sunfruit:** If you're curious, sunfruit are native to the tropical regions of Corellia…where a certain beloved smuggler was from…who was the father of a certain beloved Dark Sider…and if you're noticing something of a running theme in Ben's choices of fruit to share with Rey, then well done, you! *wink*
> 
> Oh! And topatoes are a green fruit in the GFFA and the name just happened to work well for that line.
> 
>  **The Dreamers:** If you've read the _TROS Visual Dictionary,_ you're probably aware that the _Rammaghon_ only contains four myths. So yes, this bit is completely made up. I didn't go into too much detail regarding the 'The Dreamers,' but there is a real-world reference behind it. I _very_ loosely drew inspiration from the Chinese folktale, 'The Cowherd and the Weaver Girl,' which recounts a forbidden romance between a young couple who were separated and placed on opposite sides of the heavens. Once a year, however, the lovers were allowed to meet for a single day, and the feelings between them were reaffirmed. Does this sound like anyone else we know? I've always loved the folktale and couldn't resist including it in Ben & Rey's story somehow…
> 
>  **Meeting Across the Milky Way**  
>  Qin Guan, Song Dynasty
> 
> _Through the varying shapes of the delicate clouds,  
>  the sad message of the shooting stars,  
> a silent journey across the Milky Way.  
> One meeting of the Cowherd and Weaver amidst the golden autumn wind and jade-glistening dew,  
> eclipses the countless meetings in the mundane world.  
> The feelings soft as water,  
> the ecstatic moment unreal as a dream,  
> how can one have the heart to go back on the bridge made of magpies?  
> If the two hearts are united forever,  
> why do the two persons need to stay together—day after day, night after night?_


	14. Until My Last Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know I'm scared  
> And I know you're scared too
> 
> But the miracle is  
> that despite  
> The terrifying tragedies  
> that have plagued  
> our mending hearts  
> We are still trying  
> We are still telling each other  
> that we are worth the risk
> 
> In the midst of  
> catastrophes falling  
> all around us
> 
> ...we are still us."
> 
> Chrissie Pinney

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello & welcome back, dear friends!
> 
> Please know that I care about you all. Violence and injury are things that I know can hit some hard, but what occurs in this chapter and the other challenging moments in ASTOS are necessary for the journey Ben & Rey are on. _Star Wars,_ to me, is always and forever about love and hope, no matter how Dark the obstacles Reylo face. This belief is the foundation of all my work in this universe. 
> 
> I promise.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNING:** I want to give everyone a heads-up that this chapter contains graphic descriptions of violence & life-threatening injury.
> 
> So much love and thanks to **QueenVi** for alpha reading this chapter, and for giving it so much care despite having a migraine!
> 
> ♥ [ASTOS Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh) ♥
> 
> Much love!

"Is something wrong?"

Rey blinked and looked up at Rose, meeting her worried eyes questioningly.

"You look upset," her friend told her and nodded at the hand Rey was holding stiffly against her belly. "Everything okay?"

She hadn't realized she'd been staring off into the distance with a frown on her face and did her best to clear the heavy cloud darkening her thoughts. Her friends sat staring at her, expressions ranging from concern to readiness to drag her off to Kalonia...in Finn’s case, anyway.

"I’m fine," Rey said, giving them a reassuring smile. "Just lost in thought, I guess. Sorry."

"You're looking tired," Finn commented, giving her a gentle rub between her shoulder blades.

"You’re not keeping your Mum up at night, are you?" Kaydel asked, looking down at Bump with an eyebrow raised in mock severity.

"Ugh! Yeah, she's taken to kicking her heels right about the time I fall asleep," Rey said with a groan. The baby had a knack for finding her mother's ribs with regrettable accuracy.

"Sounds like you’re going to have a little dancer, there," Rose joked, making them all laugh.

"I'm delighted for her," she returned drolly. " Though I'd prefer it if she'd wait to start practicing her pirouettes until she’s out of range of my bladder."

Finn blushed at that, making the women surrounding him laugh harder. The noise drew a quelling glance from Commander D'Acy. They all looked at her apologetically, and she turned away to hide her good-natured smile.

"You guys are going to get me court martialed," Kaydel told them, straightening in her seat, though her eyes still crinkled with humor. They'd been keeping her company as she oversaw communications for Black Squadron's raid of the First Order's base on Kijimi that the Resistance had received an unscheduled tip-off about. It meant an extra shift for her, but with the informant's intel these routs tended to be easy, in-and-out jobs that required very little in the way of support. So, D'Acy usually let it slide when they sat and talked with Kaydel through the boring hour or two she was stuck at her station.

Rey tried to cover a yawn as they settled down again, but this time Rose's look was sympathetic.

"Maybe you should go get an early night," her friend suggested kindly.

She nodded, seriously considering the suggestion, though there was no guarantee she'd actually get much of a respite. Her daughter had been restless the past few nights, it was true. That was only part of the reason she'd been having trouble sleeping, however.

Since her last meeting with Ben, Rey had been feeling increasingly uneasy. It wasn't that she lacked confidence in him, but there was a cold, unshakable fear that had burrowed deep inside her mind when he’d told her his plans for disposing of Hux. She'd heard that hateful voice from the vision in her dreams, taunts and threats waking her, screaming helplessly into the night. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't recall what he said, cold talons tearing it all away as her mind fled to the safety of consciousness.

What he wanted and why he hated her and her family, Rey couldn't understand. She did her best to guard against the intrusion, meditating as much as she could with her mind fixed firmly on the comforting radiance of her Force-mate's star. All the same, those claws still managed to shred her defenses and leave her trembling, trying to soothe her frightened daughter as she lay awake, waiting dispiritedly for dawn to come.

"It’s a good idea, Rey," Kaydel said, pulling her attention back from the haunting grip of nightmares. "You're looking kind of pale. Maybe you could sneak out of your afternoon study sessions early for a few days to get some extra rest."

"Yeah," Rose agreed, perking up with a grin. "It's not like Nugbrain wouldn't _love_ the chance to have time alone with the Jedi texts."

"Would you ease up on Beaumont?" Finn complained, rubbing at his shoulder where living flesh connected to his prosthetic, a habit he'd picked up whenever he grew uncomfortable.

"Not when he treats Rey like she's a personal offense to his existence," she retorted.

"He's not fair to Rey, I know, but he's not a bad guy," he defended the scholar. "Besides, whether he likes her or not, he's still doing everything he can to help her with those translations, right?"

"That's true," Rey quickly agreed, not wanting this to become a point of contention between them, "and he _has_ been easier to work with since we…settled things."

Rose looked unconvinced, still annoyed by Beaumont's unkindness towards Rey over the fact that she was pregnant. All the same, she sighed and leaned into Finn's arm.

"Okay, fine," she told him. "I'll let up. But if he regresses, I'm showing no mercy."

"Fair enough," he said with a smile.

She reached down to take Finn’s hand, not the least uncomfortable with the feel of metal fingers clasped in hers. His lips twisted a bit with emotion, and he looked down at Rose with an intensity of feeling Rey recognized very well.

Kaydel rolled her eyes and mimed vomiting at the sappy display before turning back to watch her monitor. Rey did her best to hold back her laugh at the antics, shifting away to give her friends some privacy.

Personally, she was overjoyed that they'd found this kind of connection together. Rose had the biggest heart she'd ever seen in anyone, and Finn deserved to know what it was to be loved by someone who felt so strongly about him after the life he'd led.

Staring off into nothing, Rey stroked her belly contemplatively.

Finn forgave so easily, she thought with affection. He'd been through so much—taken from his family, abused, and forced to fight for a cause he didn't believe in. Yet, he _wanted_ to see the good in people, no matter who they were.

He'd not judged Rey by her scavenger's rags nor Rose by her mechanic's overalls. He'd even spoken up for a pair of Stormtroopers the Resistance had captured and convinced them to leave their lives of servitude to the First Order behind. Even now, one of them was on Kijimi as part of Snap's raiding party, and the other had volunteered to help out in the Medbay. After those successes, Poe had convinced Leia to let Finn pull together a team of people to get the word out that the Resistance was open to First Order defectors in the hope of convincing more to join up with them. It hadn't yielded any additional recruits yet, but Finn told her he had faith that more of them would be won over in time.

Perhaps it could be considered naïve, but Rey thought it was that kind of openness of mind that would be needed when the time came for her to persuade the Resistance to consider the notion of peace. Rebels fought because they had hope they could build something better, after all. This would be their chance.

She didn't fool herself into thinking it would be simple to make the case or that everyone would be convinced. Optimism was one of the first casualties when you were losing a war, and the will to forgive followed soon after. The Resistance was no longer the failing rebellion it had been in the aftermath of Crait, however. The spark of that once-bright hope had reignited, and though Rey now unequivocally knew they were no match for the First Order's might after what Ben had shown her, the will to persevere had found its strength once again.

There was the danger that such confidence could lead them to be more resistant to the idea of ending the conflict without actually defeating the enemy, but she believed in them enough to have hope. Looking up at her friends, across the room to D'Acy, and thinking of Leia, Rey believed they would ultimately choose the prospect of peace once they realized the offer was genuine.

Ben had told her that the majority of those who served the First Order weren't extremists and she knew the same was true of the Resistance. There were hotheads among their ranks, but even they had been persuaded in the past by the moderating voices of their leaders.

After all, the perfect example stood in the middle of the Comm Center, looking over the holomap with D'Acy.

Poe had once possessed the hottest head of them all. She'd heard all the stories of his foolhardy schemes and heroism from Finn—a daredevil living off the high of hurtling headlong into danger. Yet no one would think him the same man, now.

Having lost the Resistance’s entire bomber crew because of his refusal to weigh those lives over the chance of destroying a dreadnought, the former ace had been left deeply shaken. Kaydel had told her the details of the attempted mutiny against Admiral Holdo—a woman Rey was sad she'd never been able to meet, given her accomplishments in the flight from D'Qar. One of those achievements had apparently been the transformation of something within Poe that shocked his surviving friends.

Whatever he'd learned from that redoubtable woman, the experience seemed to temper Poe, and Rey had watched him pull the plug on high-reward missions that weren't worth the risk more than once. Now, there were even rumors Leia was considering promoting him, signaling a clear intent for the future of the Resistance by making him her second-in-command.

Yes, these men and women who led the fight for freedom might well be the ones who helped guide the galaxy along the path to peace.

Rey smiled, turning back to her friends as they continued to rag on one another, but their easy banter was suddenly interrupted by the blaring sound of a warning signal.

Everyone in the Comm Center turned to stare and Kaydel's face paled as she looked over her monitor.

"A First Order convoy's come out of hyperspace above Kijimi," she reported, then turned to face the gathered officers, expression carefully controlled.

"It's the Supreme Leader."

Rey sat up in her seat, a frisson of eerie premonition raising the fine hairs along her arms.

"Are you sure?" Poe questioned, leaning over the back of Kaydel’s seat to look for himself.

"The lead ship's IFF is chirping Ren's personal callsign. It's him," she confirmed.

"How did he know?!" Poe shoved his fingers through his curls, glaring at the blips on the screen.

"I don't think he's aware of our guys," Kaydel said, adjusting her settings to track the Supreme Leader's vessel. "It’s only a small party and they're flying TIEs, not that beast of a shuttle. I didn’t intercept any distress calls from the base, either.”

"Can't be a coincidence," Finn said, shaking his head in disbelief and meeting Poe's glance suspiciously. "You think that new intel might've been a set-up?"

"The timeframe the spy gave us _was_ more specific than usual and we weren’t due for a drop," D'Acy commented worriedly. "If they wanted us on Kijimi in time to meet with the Supreme Leader's arrival, then they've played us like a hallikset."

"Well, either way, we need to get Snap and his guys outta there," Poe said, setting his shoulders with a confidence born not of brashness but the knowledge that he had a responsibility to keep those who depended on him alive.

He marched back over to the holomap and Rey rose nervously to follow. She keenly regretted that Leia was absent, meeting with the commanders of their Mid Rim outposts via holo-conference in her quarters. As much as she wanted to see how Poe would handle high-stakes encounters, this was the last scenario she would have wished him to be tested by.

After a minute, Kaydel brought Kijimi up onto the main screen and they all watched the red blips as they headed straight for the First Order base, above which a squadron of X-wings was just breaking through the atmosphere.

"Get Snap on coms. Now!" Poe ordered.

"Already done," Kaydel answered as the crackle of a transmission came online.

"Snap, buddy, you read me?"

"Affirmative, P—uhh, Commander," the pilot who'd inherited command of Black Squadron confirmed haphazardly, still trying to acclimate to his friend's new role.

"You've got company coming," Poe warned. "Head to Point Oh-Five. It'll give you a clear opening for the jump to lightspeed."

"Woah, hey! Hold up," Snap exclaimed, doing away with the attempt at formal coms. "We can take 'em. Think of it—we could take down the Supreme Leader here and now."

"No!"

Everyone jumped at Rey's outburst, unused to having her involve herself. She’d made it a practice to keep out of any talk of strategy or mission planning, knowing that her relationship with Ben compromised her. She’d like to think she wouldn't let her bias hinder her friends, but she wasn't willing to hurt them by chancing it.

In this case, however…

"Is it really worth it?" she asked, trying to get them to ignore the adrenaline rush for a minute.

"Oh, it's worth it. After what that karking sadist did to our people, it's worth it," Snap answered immediately, some of the other members of his squadron registering support for their leader.

Turning to Poe, Rey tried reaching for the maturing sense of responsibility within him.

"Don't do this," she urged, taking his arm. When he took his eyes off the holomap to meet hers, she dared to hope she could convince him to back away from this fight.

"It's not worth the risk."

"What risk? Snap's right, we've got the drop on 'em," Poe argued, frowning at her in confusion.

"But it only took one of those ships to cripple the _Raddus,_ remember?" Rey reasoned, desperate enough to lean on his mind with a persuasive touch of Force energy.

"And the one who did it is leading them," Kaydel spoke up, her brows creasing doubtfully. "Maybe Rey's right. Ren nearly wrecked the fleet single-handedly."

"Our fighters aren't sitting defenseless in a hangar this time, though," Finn pointed out, turning his head to give Rey an apologetic glance with his good eye, "and there are more of us."

"I say it's time for some payback," Snap said, the static of the com unable to disguise the impatience in his voice. "Those TIEs are short-range flyers. I'll betcha anything he'd planned to use the base on Kijimi as a rendezvous point. If he's come all the way from Cantonica, then he's low on fuel and there are only four guards in his escort. When d'ya think we'll get a chance like this again?"

Looking back at Poe, Rey knew she'd lost him. The situation was just too good to pass up. He took her hand from his arm and gave it a small squeeze before letting her go.

His eyes focused fiercely on that red dot at the heart of the others once more. Squaring his shoulders, looking every inch the commander he'd grown into beyond the bars on his jacket, he addressed them all.

"Ren's good. He's damn good. But no matter how good he is, the Supreme Leader isn't invincible—the scar he hides behind that hunk of metal is proof of it."

Rey closed her eyes, stomach twisting.

"We _know_ it's there, though. We _know_ that coward can fall," Poe went on, leaning forward intently. "Permission to engage granted, Major…give him hell."

"On it!" Snap cried, cheers rising from the fighters at his back.

Rey fought to keep her breathing steady, unaffected. She had to use every shred of self-control she possessed to conceal the full horror of what she'd failed to prevent. That her Darkest moment had been used as a rallying cry only made her feel like she was complicit in what was to come, and she couldn’t stand it.

Even so, Poe had made his decision and, in spite of the way it tore into her heart, she had to respect him for it. She didn't think he'd respect her much as she made hers, however.

Rey didn't pause to weigh her conflicting loyalties, sending her mind racing out towards Ben.

Startled by her sudden presence when he felt her mind draw close, he gave her a brief flicker of acknowledgement, too distracted to offer much more. From the way he grimly held his center, gathering a shroud of Darkness about him, she could tell he'd already recognized the danger he'd flown into.

 **_You need to get out of there,_ ** she pleaded, not trying to hide her growing fear from him.

 **_It's too late for that,_ ** he told her shortly, focused on readying his fighter for the rapidly approaching confrontation.

She didn't need to see the holomap to know the Resistance had closed in on their target. Ben let her see the formation of X-wings spread out before him and she watched as they cut off his route to the planet below. Worse, the blockade also made plotting a viable trajectory to make the jump to lightspeed impossible, preventing any chance of escape.

Rey knew she should pull her mind back and leave him free to focus, but she couldn’t make herself do it.

 **_You don't want to be with me for this, Rey,_ ** he insisted, catching her concern.

 **_I'm not leaving you,_ ** she refused.

There was no time for him to try and convince her. The X-wings came into firing range and Ben turned his attention fully to the unavoidable fight just in time.

She watched the first laser blast hurtle towards him.

Banking sharply, Ben evaded the opening salvo easily and answered with a volley of his own. It unleashed chaos, red and green blasts lighting up the void above Kijimi, ships meeting in a deadly dance among the stars.

Rey placed her hands on the rim of the holomap, eyes fixed on the projected engagement, but her mind was lightyears away. Seeing Resistance fighters gunning towards her through Ben's eyes was a gut-wrenching experience and she had to swallow hard to keep from being sick. They weren't coming for her, after all.

No, they were fighting to bring down the man she loved…to kill him…

She choked off that line of thought, taking one hand from the table to rub the side of her belly for comfort. The baby stirred fretfully in reaction to her mother's distress, perhaps sensing the danger her father was in, but there was little Rey could do to reassure her. She was barely holding herself together as fear tore away at her efforts to appear untouched by what was happening in a room filled with those watching the holomap in anticipation.

Breathing deeply to try and remain centered, she could feel the excitement building within the people around her. It vibrated unnervingly along her skin, increasing her tension even as that looming sense of foreboding swelled up inside her chest.

Finn was right; it was a trap. The Resistance wasn’t the target, however.

Why hadn't either of them seen this coming? It seemed so obvious now that the trap had been sprung. She'd warned Ben that Hux wouldn't come after him personally. It was a horrifying irony that the means by which her Force-mate had sought to provide for her was weaponized against him.

 _You said he couldn't hide anything from you,_ she thought, keeping it to herself so as not to distract Ben.

Clearly, he'd been wrong.

"Karking hell! Looks like the Supreme Leader has himself a new toy." She heard Snap report as Ben threw his craft into an impossibly agile turn.

"What is it?" Poe asked, eyes fixed intently on that red blip.

"It's a new TIE—not that Silencer model he had before," the squadron leader reported, his astromech passing along a feed of fly-by images.

Rey frowned, looking more closely at the craft Ben was piloting. From the footage she'd seen, it was very similar to the one he'd used to take out the hangar bay aboard the _Raddus_ during the flight from D'Qar.

This one was sleeker, though. Faster. It could bank with greater precision and maintain speeds the X-wings just couldn't match.

That made it difficult to judge just who had the upper hand in this confrontation. The Resistance had the greater numbers, but the Supreme Leader's convoy was clearly better equipped.

_What happened to weakening the First Order?_

Rey couldn’t understand why he would have acquired this kind of tech, though she quickly became grateful for the upgrade.

Ben pitched and banked with a deftness she hadn't thought possible, even with the Force to guide him. He handily evaded laserfire and outmaneuvered the squadron's attempts to cage him in. Then he threw the new fighter sharply into a breathtaking roll, causing Rey to clutch at the edge of the holomap. When he righted himself, the tail of an X-wing was squarely in his sights and she felt his thumbs move to the firing controls.

 **_Don't!_ ** Rey cried out in horror, tugging insistently on his mind.

 **_They knew what they were getting into, Rey,_ ** he shot back furiously, locking onto the cockpit ahead as the pilot unsuccessfully tried to shake him.

 **_Just…just don't kill them,_ ** she begged, knowing it was unfair to ask when those he was fighting wouldn't hesitate if the roles were reversed.

She felt the muscles in his jaw clench as he ground his teeth. He cursed heatedly to himself, but when he fired it took out the X-wing's deflector shield generator instead.

"Tyce, get yourself outta there!" Snap shouted over the com. "If he taps you now, you're dead!"

Though their panicked voices filled her ears, relief flowed through Rey. She watched Ben veer off, setting his sights on the other attackers as his former target fled from him.

 **_Thank you,_ ** she whispered to him, wincing at the harsh burn of his anger. The situation was dire enough as it was. Sparing the Resistance as they fought to bring him down just complicated things further.

But he'd do it for her.

A second and then a third X-wing were sent limping away in the wake of the Supreme Leader's onslaught, each a hit away from destruction…but alive. A fourth had its laser cannon ripped right off with a wrench of the Force when it tried to dive his flank, and then the fifth Resistance fighter to cross his path found its laser blasts turned back, its shields decimated by the rebound of its own fire.

As Ben hounded a sixth ship, Snap shouted in disbelief, "We can't pin him down; we're outmatched!"

"Dammit!" Poe slammed his fist down on the rim of the holomap in frustration, pulling Rey's attention back from Ben. "Get yourself out of there, Snap. Ren's won this round."

The scattered swarm of green blips immediately began to break off, tracking away from Kijimi, slowed somewhat by the need to defend those whose shields had been crippled. She could hear Rose muttering about how long it would take to make all those repairs, but Rey would be happy to pull the extra hours for Ben's forbearance.

 **_Force, I love you,_ ** she told him, sending Ben's mind a wave of warmth for sparing her friends. He was annoyed, but her touch calmed him somewhat and he worked to stifle his anger as he ordered his men to make for the planet’s surface instead of chasing the fleeing squadron.

She pulled back from him with a last lingering caress, freeing him to deal with the aftermath of the skirmish.

"You were right, Rey," Poe admitted quietly, startling her when he put a hand on her shoulder. "I shoulda listened."

"You did what you thought was right, and no one died in the end," she offered forgivingly and, drawing a deep breath, dared to take a chance. She leaned towards him and when he met her gaze, she stressed, "Poe, _no one died."_

The significance of her words hit him, and he frowned.

"Ren spared them," he said disbelievingly. "With those new TIEs, he could've blown them all away, but…I don't get—"

"What the…?!" Snap suddenly called out, startling them both.

Everyone in the Comm Center turned to look back at the holomap.

Except Rey.

A sharp twinge of alarm sparked from Ben's mind and then blazing fury raged along the Bond, so potent it made her catch her breath. She tried to reach for him, but he was too furious, his mind a roiling mass of Darkness.

"What is it?" she demanded over the open com, not caring that she was superseding Poe's authority. "What's happening?"

"They're…they're attacking him!" Snap responded.

"Who's attacking who?" Poe jumped in, shooting Rey a questioning look.

"Ren. They're right on top of him!"

"Our guys?" Poe asked, a vein pulsing at his temple.

"No," Snap answered, completely bewildered. "His guards—they've turned on him."

"What?!" Poe shouted as Rey blanched, both shocked.

"They've penned him in. No way he can get clear to make the jump to lightspeed," Snap reported excitedly. "He's headed for the planet's surface. Should we go after 'em, make sure they nail him?"

"No!"

Everyone's eyes shot to the woman standing beside Rey in surprise.

Leia stood there, planting both hands authoritatively on the rim of the holomap and looking around her. Rey hadn't noticed her arrival, but someone must have gone to tell her Black Squadron was engaged with the Supreme Leader's convoy. When that deep gaze reached her, Rey saw the inner fire of the woman who'd fought to take down an empire and won.

"Withdraw, Major. Get your squadron out of there," Leia commanded, waving Poe to silence when he opened his mouth to intercede. "I don't want you caught in the middle of a mutiny—remember that one of them doesn't need laser cannons to tear your ships apart."

"Right away, general," Snap confirmed, not daring to argue with her.

“Rey,” Leia said, turning to regard her steadily. “Feel for the Supreme Leader and follow his lifeforce. Try to sense what’s happening.”

She met that steady gaze with trepidation. Her mentor had never asked something like this of her before.

“You can do that?” Finn asked her, eyes wide.

“Quiet,” the general ordered sternly, eyes still fixed on Rey. “Go on. I want to know the outcome of that fight.”

Did Leia suspect just how much of the Supreme Leader’s mind her student could sense?

Rey decided that at this moment, she didn’t care.

Nodding, she turned back to the holomap and centered herself. As the green blips raced away, making for a safe jump point, her eyes remained trained on the cluster of red making for Kijimi, heart in her throat.

Ben's power gave him an edge on his assailants, true, but equipped with new tech of their own the odds were significantly more even. His outrage continued to rise as they swarmed him and his pull on the Force strengthened to match it.

Trying to remain calm, Rey set her jaw and fought to reach Ben's mind again. Voices were raised in confusion all about her, some shouting, others arguing, but she shut them all out. Battling through the Dark tempest surrounding him, Rey managed to cry out through the Bond and he finally answered, pulling her in towards him.

Even as he strove to evade the barrage of his own guards, Ben drew Rey deeper into his mind and she began to find purchase amidst the turmoil. Just like flying into the eye of a storm, chaos surrounded them, but he anchored her.

Marveling despite their current crisis, Rey realized she’d felt the edge of this inner storm before, standing at Ben's back as he'd snarled in challenge at the charging Praetorians. He was feeding his rage into it, whipping the storm into a greater frenzy...but somehow giving it focus. Breathless in wonder, Rey felt the surge of strength it gave him.

Harnessed fury. Untamable, yet a source of extraordinary power that he gloried in.

Thinking of the night they'd faced the corruption of Mustafar together, she opened herself further and gave Ben everything she could. She tried to breathe steadily as he took what she offered without hesitation, her strength amplifying his.

Fueling his rage, Rey felt it as her own. It was…painful.

It was intoxicating.

Gasping, she tried to hold onto consciousness, too overwhelmed by the Darkness tearing through the Force. She wanted to soothe it, but she didn’t dare. Even the slightest shift in the balance of power within the Bond could undermine him.

She wasn’t certain she would even be capable of it in any case, as deeply as he’d delved into the abyss. So close to Ben’s consciousness in this state, she felt stifled nearly to the point of suffocation. It reminded her of that first night when he’d pulled her down into the Darkness more completely than she’d ever been. 

The shadows reached for her with cold malevolence, just as they had then.

Suddenly, warmth surrounded her, like strong arms catching her up in an embrace. It denied that predatory hunger for the Light within her, his own Darkness protecting the radiance he would never allow to be dimmed.

With Ben’s help, Rey was able to find some stability, though she clutched at his mind for fear of being dragged back into the maelstrom. Using his strength to center herself, she reached out and was able to see through his eyes once more. What she saw, however, made her throat constrict.

Deadly fire lit up the sky in a lethal conflagration as his ship tore through the frozen planet's atmosphere. Racing towards a continent far to the north, Ben made for a glacier-cut mountain range. He blocked one salvo after another, sending them back at his treacherous guards, catching one just as Ben banked sharply to avoid a jutting mountain peak. Another met his end when he didn't manage to turn in time.

Relying on Ben’s senses, Rey could feel the two remaining lifeforces continuing their pursuit. She heard him consider and discard several plans for dealing with them before he pitched into a steep dive between two mountains. He pulled up just in time to avoid crashing headlong into the river coursing along the ravine below, leading his pursuers into the maze of jagged stone.

 **_Outcrop!_ ** Rey warned, mouth dry as he swerved at the last possible instant.

Ben sent her a wave of thanks for the timely intervention and she held her breath as he passed the obstacle, waiting. Unfortunately, the two lifeforces following remained burning with murderous intent, avoiding the danger their prey had just barely missed himself.

He led them around tight corners, tried to split them up with last-minute course corrections, and made attempts to grab at their ships with the Force that proved impossible with them behind. Ben was too riled to feel his way blindly with any accuracy and though Rey tried to help, it did little good.

A red warning began flashing insistently on the dash and she tensed. Snap had been right—Ben was almost out of fuel.

This needed to end.

Casting about, she tried to come up with something. Ahead, the end of the ravine gaped wide, opening out into the clear night sky, treetops just barely perceptible in the distance.

 _Treetops? That must mean…_ she thought excitedly, an idea quickly forming.

Rey passed a suggestion to Ben. He didn't have time to think it over for himself but took her word for it, and as his ship broke clear of the stony maze he maneuvered into another sharp dive, racing along the waterfall.

She'd pulled off some heart-stopping maneuvers in the _Falcon_ , but still found herself holding her breath at the sight of the turbulent foam dead ahead of him. Much to her relief, though, Ben pulled up almost immediately.

When he’d brought the spacecraft about and the mouth of the waterfall came back into view, Rey felt a thrill.

The pursuing ships had overshot the mark, placing them squarely in Ben’s sights. In an instant, it was no longer a chase but a battle in which the faithless guards were pitifully outmatched despite having their Supreme Leader at a two-to-one disadvantage.

Ben's enhanced senses allowed him to gauge each movement with a precision Poe would be envious of, but that was only part of what had her in awe of her Force-mate’s spectacular talent as he leaned into the overclocked thrusters. In the cockpit, his powers were simply a complement to a mastery that had nothing to do with the Force.

 _You really are Han Solo's son,_ Rey thought affectionately, holding the words back but letting him feel the admiration watching him fly filled her with, even under such dire circumstances.

She sensed Ben smile, her sentiment raising his spirits as he sent the TIE into a roll as he charged forward.

 **_Showoff,_ ** she couldn't help snarking at him.

 **_It confuses their tracking,_ ** he defended himself, matching her tone.

Coming out of the stomach-churning spiral as he came within range, Ben didn't bother with his firing controls—a Dark hunger burned through his veins and he wanted a more satisfying revenge on the men who'd dared to turn on him. As volatile as his temper could be, Rey had noticed there were few things that actually made him seethe with genuine hatred.

Betrayal was one of them.

Triumphantly, he gathered the raging storm about him, her strength amplifying his, and lunged for one of the TIEs. He hurled it with a massive surge, and the ship went hurtling into the promontory above. It exploded with a concussion that sent rocks pelting alongside the flaming shrapnel to be washed away by the rapids far below.

The last of his former guards rushed for Ben, firing in a frantic barrage. Where there had been confidence and an unsettling voracity for violence before, she could sense the dawning terror that now suffused the wavering lifeforce with dread.

It was no contest.

Metal crumpled and duraglass shattered, the cockpit crushed in a giant, unseen fist of Force energy.

Whether it was the panicked grip on the firing controls or a last, vindictive attempt to take his target down with him, the traitor managed to get off one final shot before his lifeforce extinguished.

Ben reached out to shield himself. It was a reflexive counter he'd done hundreds of times, simple as breathing. She felt him pull on the Force, ready to catch the laser blast.

But not in time.

Flames of agony raged along the Bond. Rey screamed when it engulfed her, her voice rising to match his.

Then it ended with shocking suddenness.

Her heart cried out as she was ripped away from Ben, the flow of life and love she'd come to depend upon cut off.

There was only silence. Cold, heartbreaking silence.

* * *

Rey groaned as she slowly regained her grasp on consciousness, roused as her daughter tossed and turned inconsolably. The echoes of pain continued to throb through her head, not helped by the drone of voices filling the air around her.

She determinedly blocked out the distractions and immediately reached for Ben, stretching her senses to their limits and then pressing heedlessly past them.

She couldn't find him.

Lost for a moment between panic and devastation, Rey let out a low whine at the rising tide of unfathomable loss which sought to crush her soul…but caught her breath when she noticed the faintest flicker in the Force, like a star struggling to shine from behind dense clouds.

There it was, the barest pulse of life, unsteady and growing ever weaker.

Rey reached out for him but came up short with a sharp gasp when she encountered a solid barrier. He'd blocked her off again, she realized. This time, however, she had a horrible feeling it wasn't to hide his thoughts from her, but his pain.

She choked on a cry at his obstinance.

"Shh, be easy," a voice told her softly.

Lifting her heavy eyelids, Rey looked up and met a dark gaze full of heartache.

Gentle fingers combed soothingly through her hair. It took a moment for Rey to realize Leia was cradling her head in her lap…and that she was on the floor.

Blinking in confusion, Rey tried to sit up.

"Lie still," Leia said, laying a staying hand on her shoulder. "Let Kalonia look you over. You gave us a scare when you passed out."

Leia's words made her realize there was another pair of hands on her and, looking down, she saw the doctor carefully feeling the curve of her belly. Beeps came from the sensor beside her knee, but she looked up briefly to give Rey a reassuring smile.

It failed to ease Rey's tension, however.

**_Ben?_ **

He didn't respond to her desolate call, the barrier holding firm despite her attempt to reach past it.

"The baby seems to be fine, if unsettled," Kalonia said, releasing her patient and picking up her sensor to double-check the readings. "You need to rest, though, and I’d like to keep an eye on you for a few hours. Let's get you--"

"I'm fine," Rey interrupted, shaking her head in agitation, and getting her elbows under her to sit up. She scowled when a large hand pressed her back down.

"Hey, take it easy," Finn said. "Give yourself a minute, okay?"

"I said I'm _fine,"_ she insisted impatiently. She had precious little time and he was wasting it—they all were.

"I'll get her to the Medbay," Finn told the doctor, overriding her and reaching down to slip his arms under her shoulders and knees.

"NO!" Rey startled them all by shouting. Looking up to see the hurt in Finn’s eyes, though, she instantly regretted it and made herself soften her tone. "It's fine. I just…I really need to be alone right now. I'll rest and com you if I start feeling off, I promise."

"Do as she asks. Finn, get her to her room as quickly as you can," Leia stepped in and met her student's gaze. Touching her cheek, she quietly said, "Whatever you need to do, Rey—do it."

Rey's chest clenched at the vulnerability, quickly covered, in Leia's eyes. She refused to examine the underlying tremor in the older woman's voice that sounded like a hopeful plea right now, however.

Ben needed her and she _had_ to get to him.

When Finn hesitantly began gathering her into his arms again, she didn't resist him. He hiked her up against his chest and held her gently as he gave the general a nod.

He swept her through the base, calling out ahead of them to clear the way so no one would jostle Rey. Her stomach churned with anxiety for Ben, but it didn't completely overshadow her regret for yelling at her best friend when he’d only been trying to make certain she was all right.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as he carried her down her abandoned corridor.

"It's okay," he told her, giving her a light squeeze. "Just be careful with yourself. We're all worried about you, y'know?"

"Yes, I know," Rey said, overwhelmed by her friend's compassion. She really needed it right now, her heart bleeding at the prospect of what might have happened to her Force-mate.

When they made it to her door, Finn placed her carefully on her feet, waiting a moment to ensure she could stand on her own. Shaking her head at him with a helpless swell of affection, Rey stepped around him and undid her locks. She turned and gave him a hug before stepping into her room, though.

"I mean it," she told him. "Thank you."

"We're always here for you, Rey," he assured her, squeezing back. He was quick to let go, still overly cautious about touching Bump, but his hand remained at the small of her back to support her if she needed it.

He waited as she opened her door and slipped inside, giving her a small smile before he started back towards the Comm Center.

Leaning against the door after quickly resetting the locks, Rey made herself breathe deeply. She was going to need to be centered for this. Finn's words flowed through her mind, reminding her of a similar promise once made to her.

_I will always come back for you, Sweetheart._

"And I will always come for you, Ben," she said aloud, determination straightening her spine.

Rey hurried to the center of the room and readied herself. Before she could reach for her own, she had to take a minute to settle the baby, whose restless distress made it impossible to focus.

 **_Daddy needs us,_ ** she said to that spark of consciousness, soothingly caressing the feathery edge of her daughter's mind. **_Let me get to him, okay?_ **

The baby still shifted discontentedly but calmed enough to give Rey the mental space to concentrate. Finally managing to center herself, she aimed her mind at that impenetrable wall of silence. She threw herself against it, putting the full strength of her resolve, reinforced by the memory of Ben’s words, into the effort and willing him to let her through.

Rey felt the barrier waver, hesitate. She leaned into it with everything in her, letting his daughter’s aching fear for him join her own. Under the force of their shared emotions, the wall crumbled and she opened her eyes to look for him.

But when she saw him, she froze.

Ben lay collapsed against the crumpled wing of his TIE, dirt and tree roots cradling his limp form. There was blood everywhere and…

This was the first time she'd actually seen it since he'd had it reforged, barring the brief glance within the locus's vision. Her throat tightened as she stared into that inhuman visage, the chrome-plated visor made even more menacing by the veins of scarlet that traced glowing scars across the surface of the metal.

Rey startled back to herself when Ben gave a weary gasp, so filled with pain that it wrenched her heart to hear it. She shoved aside her feelings about the mask, dropping to her knees beside him, feeling for the catches she'd once seen him depress in order to remove the heavy hunk of metal. Finding them, she couldn't prevent a small jump as the hydraulic system sealing the helm released. She lifted it from his head and let it crash to the ground uncaringly.

The moment she saw Ben's face, Rey felt the horrible panic she'd been working so hard to suppress rise to the surface. He looked much as he had when she'd first pulled him away from Mustafar, though this time the pain riding him was imminently lethal. A deathly pallor drained his skin of all life, and his face shone with a sheen of sweat that plastered strands of midnight hair to his brow, the contrast horrifyingly stark. Glassy, dilated eyes looked up to her imploringly, the agony he was barely managing to bear up under undisguised.

"Rey," Ben rasped, barely able to get her name out. The effort was more than he had in him, and a racking cough sent his whole body into paroxysms. Pain scourged along the Bond, despite the shield he somehow continued to hold together in desperation to prevent it from reaching her.

She wiped the dribble of blood that escaped his lips with shaking fingers and seeing the smear of crimson over pallid skin that should be flushed with life centered her.

 **_I'm not losing you,_ ** she growled silently. **_I promised our baby a family and you promised me forever. Those promises aren't going to be broken!_ **

Determinedly, Rey began ripping at the remains of his tunic and the shirt beneath. She had never attempted something like this before—headaches and small lacerations were one thing, but to overcome the one true certainty of mortality?

She didn't even pause to consider it, however.

Giving the gaping wound a cursory glance, Rey settled beside him in the dirt and closed her eyes. She sent a trembling stream of Light along the Bond, calling for his Darkness to rise up to strengthen him. Rey used the failing brilliance of Ben's star to hold her wavering center and laid her hands over the ravaged flesh of his stomach. Blood seeped through charred, mutilated skin, but she made herself ignore the grotesque contrast.

Taking a breath, Rey reached for the Force, for every source of life she could find to gain the strength needed to do the impossible.

His abs suddenly tensed. Hands grabbed her wrists, breaking her concentration and dragging her away from the wound. Rey fought Ben's hold, growling in mounting desperation.

_You’re not abandoning me, too…_

Ben released her abruptly. She immediately reached for him to begin again, but then stopped, looking up in confusion when his palms pressed into her own belly. He didn't try to explain but gritted his teeth in effort.

A barrier of Force energy sprang up around her womb, shielding their daughter…and the bright spark of her lifeforce.

Realization dawned and Rey stared back at him in horror.

In her haste, she'd grasped blindly for the power she needed, and the closest source stirred within her.

_I almost…_

Rey’s heart felt clenched in a cold fist. It only drove her onwards, however, defiance at all the obstacles and interruptions that had sought to hold her back from her Force-mate stoking a fire at the core of her being.

Focusing past the pain and sickening fear, she pressed her hands to his stomach once again and delved deep, shuddering at what she found.

The damage was catastrophic. Ben had mitigated the momentum of the laser blast when he'd tried to deflect it, but his delayed reaction had horrifying consequences. 

Blood ran off-course from tattered channels, leaking into his lungs, and organs struggled to function while they slowly shut down. The rhythmic thrum of his heart staggered, dwindling, though it fought valiantly to continue on.

Undeterred, Rey pooled the power of the jungle beyond her window and, not bothering to wonder whether it would even work, stretched out for the vibrant life of the boreal forest surrounding the crash site and the river coursing below jagged mountain peaks.

It rushed to invest Rey with its energy from across the galaxy.

Heat grew beneath her palm. It radiated outwards in luminous waves over ashen skin, seeking past the wound, and spreading through Ben's devastated body. It flowed along ravaged flesh, tracing the intricate structure of mortal existence.

Growing ever more potent, it poured into rents and scorched tears, stemming the tide of blood until the barriers holding it to its natural course mended.

Ben coughed, though nothing stained his lips now, lungs clearing and filling with air. Rey remained focused, refusing to be distracted from her purpose even when a shaky hand cupped her face.

Warmth bloomed within him, an answer to her relentless stream of Light, and she intended to ensure it never left him.

Muscle stretched, ruptures knitting together to enfold ribs as fractures faded. 

Failing organs were coaxed to find their rhythms, the foulness of viscera clearing away while systems rediscovered their vital harmony.

The pulse of life thrummed beneath her touch, filling the Force around them, growing stronger with every beat.

It was the most beautiful song she’d ever heard.

Mind withdrawing cautiously when the final trace of scorching washed away in that restored flow, Rey felt the marred skin beneath her hand at last grow smooth. Dragging her heavy eyelids open, she gazed down at her splayed fingers, the flesh beneath them whole once more.

Ben tucked a sweat-curled lock of hair behind her ear, breaking her trance. She looked up and met those deep, dark eyes that waited for her with so much love.

"Let it go, Sweetheart," Ben murmured, voice barely a whisper.

She blinked, his words failing to register. Then he sent a wave of Darkness across their Bond and the Light within her responded to that touch with an incandescent flare of exultation.

They both gasped, shaken by the monumental power contained within her. She wavered on her knees, only now realizing how much strength she'd pulled into herself. She released it, the lifeforce of two planets flowing out of her in a rush.

It had taken only minutes, but fatigue dragged on her as though it had been hours. Rey couldn't even begin to fully grasp the enormity of what she'd done.

Curling forward beneath the weight of it—the battle, her near-loss of Ben, the miracle of how she'd saved him—she pressed her face into the unmarked skin of his stomach. She finally lost the battle to withstand the terror and heartache, and hard sobs tore their way out of her.

The baby stirred, overjoyed by the resurgence of her Daddy's lifeforce but unsettled by Rey's distress. She felt Ben work to calm her, slowly persuading their daughter to settle so her mother could catch her breath. Rey couldn't stop the torrent of suffering at what had almost been, however, the grief she didn't need to feel for the living man beneath her rising to enshroud her, all the same.

His hands did their best to hold onto her, fingers combing through her hair, still weak from the trauma he'd endured. Turning her head, she tried to press her cheek up into his touch, but it wasn't enough.

She wanted more of him. _Needed_ more.

With a breathy cry, Rey lifted her head and groped for the fastening of his trousers. It took her shaking fingers several infuriating moments to work it apart—almost tearing the clasp away in the process. He was half-hard from her fumbling and she immediately wrapped her fingers around the heat of his shaft as she freed him from the confines of his clothes, pumping with an impatience she couldn't help.

Ben's breathing went hoarse again, but by the way he threw his head back and the growing tide of need along the Bond, she knew it wasn't from pain.

Under her ministrations, Ben quickly rose to the task. With him breathing heavily beneath her, Rey tore her leggings off and climbed on top of him to position herself.

Head coming up again, his eyes met hers and held them as she pressed herself down, taking every throbbing inch in one, insistent glide. It stung, burned—her body more desperate than aroused.

Rey didn't care.

This wasn't about pleasure, and while they were always there, passion and desire didn't have much to do with it, either.

This was the pure and simple need to _feel_ him.

**_I almost lost you._ **

Rey's broken cry echoed through the Force as she settled into place, holding still for a moment just to bask in the incredible stretch of having him inside her. She closed her eyes so that she could focus on the hot, pulsing shaft, still swelling to fill her.

Unsteady fingertips brushed the curve of her neck then, and she cradled the back of his hand to press his palm into the skin he'd claimed for himself over and over. He gasped in effort, reaching just a little bit further. Ben’s fingers found the hollow behind her ear and Rey looked back down at him.

More tears welled in her eyes and she let them fall, placing her hand over the throb of his heart as she began to rock her hips. Soon, he strained to meet her, feeding the pain into his determination to give all that he could in return, just as he'd done to fuel his Darkness in battle.

They moved together in slow, uneven motions, the cadence of their lovemaking as ragged as their breathing. It didn't have to be beautiful, though. All either of them needed in this moment was proof that their hearts still beat to the rhythm that was theirs alone.

She'd not pushed his trousers down far enough and the fabric chafed the insides of her thighs with each roll of her hips. Before long, she could feel the skin grow raw, but she just pressed herself more firmly into him.

If she were sore after, or even bled, she'd be happy for it. The pain made it more real.

When she felt his peak draw near, Rey slowed her tempo and shifted. She helped Ben turn until she could settle beside him on the ground, twisting her pelvis enough for him to get some leverage. It would be easier if he could lay atop her, but with the seven-month bump between them it was impossible.

So, they made do. She held onto Ben's hips as he began to thrust, awkward but determined. It wasn't a comfortable position for either of them, though neither would choose anything else.

When Ben began to cry, teeth clenching as tears escaped down his face, she just held his reddened eyes with hers.

He grunted suddenly and his hips lurched into her roughly as his muscles clenched, shoving her back into a root. She didn’t notice the discomfort, though, and arched her neck at the sensation of wet heat spilling deep within her—his release, his love, the seed of the life they'd created. He gave it all to her unreservedly every time, but this meant more than carnal gratification possibly could.

Rey could feel him in her mind and her heart, but some things went beyond the Light and Dark tying their souls to one another. This was the most fundamental form of connection, reduced to a primitive coupling in the dirt. However, the crudeness of it possessed a wonder all its own, and after what they'd endured tonight, she wanted it more than any artful embrace.

Marked and mated—bound beyond mystical Bonds, she exulted in the primal glory of it.

Even after he'd reached his end, Ben continued to dig his boots into the turf beneath them, breath heaving with the effort. She felt drops of feeling shower lightly over her skin as he brought her to a brief, gasping climax.

Rey closed her eyes, memorizing the searing sensations like fingertips of flame running along her skin, his gravelly groan when she pulsed around him, and the turbulent wave which rolled voluptuously through her as her body eased into languor.

Ben remained hunched over her, staring intently down at her face, enraptured. When she opened her eyes again, she looked up to meet that exhausted reverence. Then her attention was caught by the mark on his face—the jagged brand of her anger that had been used to justify all of this. She cherished that scar, but with Poe's words burning in her mind, the sight of it tore at her soul.

She ran her fingertips over the perfect skin on his stomach that no longer showed so much as the barest trace of the wound he'd taken tonight…nor the one fired in vengeful anger as his father fell into the depths of the Starkiller months ago.

Setting her selfish regrets aside, Rey reached for his cheek, drawing on the wellspring of life about her again.

But Ben's hand caught hers, preventing her.

"Don't," he murmured, pulling her hand away from his face.

"But—" Rey began to argue, falling silent when he shook his head.

"Leave it," Ben said, adamant. He placed a weary kiss onto her fingertips. "I want to keep it."

"Why?"

He didn't answer with words. Instead, he let his emotions flow into her, his feelings about the scar filling her mind—there was the resignation of carrying difficult memories, yes, but it was utterly eclipsed by a sense of pride in bearing what he’d learned to see as a gift.

Rey saw impressions of herself, recollections of that night in the snow. There'd been fury and frustration, but also a passion he'd never known and could not make himself forget in the lonely months that followed.

He'd dreamt of her. The sight of his face in the mirror as he shaved constantly reinforced the growing desire to reach for her. He couldn't look at it without seeing her in his mind, even now.

Ben loved his scar because it was a piece of her, and as Rey drew solace from pressing her palm to the baby he'd given her, he found it each time he stroked his fingers down his cheek.

Hers did so now, breaking free of his loosened grip as she released her hold on the Force.

She'd had no idea.

He remained still under Rey’s touch, letting himself enjoy her light caress, especially now that she understood its significance to him. After a while, however, his arms began to shake, weariness weighing down on a body subjected to far too much torment.

Crawling out from beneath him, Rey put her arms around Ben to help him up, but she let go when he gasped harshly.

Frowning in concern, she wondered why he was still in pain when she couldn't find any sign of further damage she'd missed. The healings she'd done for herself rarely left any lingering aches behind, but then they'd been minor hurts, especially in comparison to the blast of a laser cannon. She would have to ask Rose if she still experienced pain from the gash on her hand.

Moving more carefully, Rey wriggled herself up under his opposite arm and got him into a sitting position. It was a bit of a task, given Ben’s size and the fact that every ounce of him was hard, heavy muscle. Bump apparently decided to make things more difficult, kicking Rey in the ribs while she struggled to shift him towards the large fragment of the TIE's wing again. She did her best to convince their daughter that Daddy was all right, even if he was gritting his teeth against phantom pain at the moment.

Rey remained tucked into his side once she had him leaning against the wrecked durasteel. She wanted to make certain he didn’t fall over without her there to catch him, though she also tugged Ben’s arm around her and snuggled in closer to his side, taking comfort from the feel of his skin, warm with life.

She felt him reach down to brush the baby's mind reassuringly, and Rey sighed in relief when their little spark finally settled, sparing her ribcage further battering.

Once his breathing evened out, she reached down to fasten his trousers. Ben was generally quite comfortable with casual nudity when he was with her, but she also knew he favored the strict orderliness of his uniform for more than the imposing figure he struck in it.

He took a deep breath, wincing at the flare of discomfort in the stretching muscles of his side, but Rey felt something in his mind ease. He'd been betrayed and shot out of the sky, further humiliated that his reflexes failed to save him in time. It had left him feeling something beyond embarrassment—vulnerability.

Ben hated feeling weak, but her gesture had given him a reassuring measure of confidence to hold on to.

Turning his head to look at her with gratitude, he leaned down to kiss her with a tenderness neither of them had been capable of as they'd fumbled together on the ground. Rey pressed into him, giving Ben every ounce of her passion, slowly reviving as she rested against the strengthening rhythm of his heartbeat.

Ignoring everything else, they let themselves take their time. This soft touch was as affirming as taking him into her body. Neither wanted to withdraw from the caress which held such a sacred sense of communion, absorbed completely in the vibrancy of the sentiments passed along the restored tether between their hearts.

Wrapped in Ben's arms, kissing him, and feeling his hand smooth gently over their daughter, it was so easy to want to leave everything else behind. He'd almost been taken from her tonight and the idea of returning to the fight, taking the risk all over again, was almost impossible to bear.

Rey pulled back and stared up at him regretfully, though. They'd learned to face the harsh realities together and they had to deal with this one now.

"Hux," she whispered, looking at the chaos that instantly bled into his eyes.

Fury. Humiliation. Pain. Worry. Hate.

And a blazing, implacable hunger for revenge.

Seeing it— _feeling_ it—she tried to calm him, hands smoothing over his skin even as her mind sent her Light to soothe the turbulent Darkness. It was difficult. Ben was tired and still in too much pain to have much control over his raw emotions, but she supported him until he regained his mental footing.

“I should have sensed this from him,” he growled, furious with himself. “There was nothing, though!

“Maybe he just saw his chance with you gone and took it?” Rey suggested, continuing to ease her stream of Light along the Bond for him. “We only received the intel on Kijimi today.”

“And all four of my guards just happened to be loyal to him?” Ben snorted. “No, this was meant to happen all along. The only thing he couldn’t be certain of was exactly when I’d leave Cantonica. Once he received my travel itinerary and knew which base I planned to use as a rendezvous point to meet my shuttle, he had all he needed.”

“But I thought your Knights were supposed to be watching him for that very reason,” she reminded him.

“They were,” he said, something menacing stirring in the shadows behind his eyes. “I intend to find out why they missed it.”

His expression sent shivers down the back of her neck. She didn’t envy Ushar and Ap’lek when their Master summoned them.

"What about the guards, though?" Rey asked, trying to ease him away from those Dark thoughts by keeping him focused on the questions that needed answering. "If Hux gave them the order to kill you, then why wait until now?"

"He probably wanted to take care of two problems at once," Ben answered with a sigh, embarrassment rolling through him as he allowed her to help him stifle his anger. "It would've been a dual-victory had he managed to get rid of me and simultaneously decimate the Resistance’s top squadron." He paused and fixed her with a stern look, "If that had been a real fight, they wouldn't have made it out alive, even if they _had_ managed to take me out."

She didn't doubt it, not after seeing what the First Order's new fighters were capable of. Even outnumbered, they would have easily torn the X-wings to shreds. The only reason his guards hadn't done much damage was because they'd been forced to keep up with their Supreme Leader's extraordinary maneuvers. Had the plan worked, she suspected they would have immediately turned to the task of eliminating whatever Resistance craft remained.

The “rebel scum” would be exterminated, and there’d have been no one left who'd witnessed First Order forces allow their ruler to be slaughtered. She shuddered at the malice behind such a conspiracy and shied away from contemplating it further.

"You had quite the shopping spree on Cantonica," Rey commented acerbically, changing tacks. Thinking of the impressive advancements she'd seen in his new TIE, she wouldn't deny that she was envious he got to fly such a masterpiece.

"That ship was developed by the First Order's engineers, not purchased from the arms dealers," Ben corrected her. "You'll be relieved to hear that those mods were made specifically for me. The ships built for the fleet are improvements on what was being produced under Snoke's directive, but they aren't equipped to that degree. Someone without the Force wouldn't be able to handle the sensitivity of the controls, anyway, so even when they tried to sneak a few out onto the line they just got themselves killed—the Resistance should thank me for cutting down on the opposition."

Her lips twisted and she gave him a look, telling him exactly what she thought of that. He just cocked a brow at her, beyond caring if his humor was macabre. At least he'd recovered enough to make the attempt at levity, she was glad to see. Despite the fact that they were huddled together in the dirt, both covered in his blood, Rey found it in herself to give him a small smile, treasuring the feel of his thumb running shakily along the hesitant curve.

"Why these new ships, Ben?" Rey asked, growing serious again. "A replacement for the _Finalizer,_ these new TIEs—why are you arming the First Order when the whole point is to do away with it?"

"We're subverting what the Order is now, not doing away with it entirely," Ben reminded her with a shake of his head. "Peace doesn’t mean an end to conflict. The galaxy will still need a military to defend it—a strong one. _That's_ what those ships are for and why the First Order can't be eradicated entirely. It's the best trained military force since the fall of the Empire."

Rey tilted her head consideringly. She'd not thought about the possible repercussions, and she had to admit it would be far easier for a new government to establish itself with an existing fighting force to maintain order. She wished such measures weren't necessary, but it was foolish to think otherwise.

There would be defectors and other First Order loyalists who might try to recreate the regime, not to mention the potential for the countless cartels, pirate gangs, and private militaries owned by those with more credits than morality to take advantage of a defenseless government. What remained of the Resistance fleet could never stand against such odds. She liked the thought of the First Order being turned to the purpose of protecting the galaxy it had spent so long oppressing, however.

Tracing the raised veins along the back of the large hand settled against her belly, Rey saw the wisdom of what Ben was trying to do. Not only would it provide a chance for democracy to try again where it had once failed, but it would have an arsenal to safeguard its first, fledgling efforts.

It was dangerous to deliver such might into the hands of those intent on establishing dominance, however well-intentioned, true. Thinking of the leaders she'd decided she believed in to bring peace about, though, Rey figured they would have earned that trust if they succeeded.

Sensing her acquiescence, Ben hugged her tightly into his side, resting his cheek briefly against her hair as though soaking up the feel of her.

"I have to go. I need to hail the base so I can get to my shuttle, and I can't afford to wait any longer," he said when he couldn’t justify dragging the moment out any longer, clenching his teeth as he released her and fought his way to his feet. When he wavered, Rey dove under his arm again and wrapped hers around his middle, letting him lean on her as he regained his sense of balance.

She wanted to tell him no. He could stay there in the frozen forest. She would find him, protect him, heal him further, and…and it would undo everything they'd been fighting for.

Ben needed to return.

He had to ensure the First Order knew their Supreme Leader still lived so Hux couldn't capitalize on his coup attempt. Who knew what chaos the general had already unleashed in the few hours since the convoy was attacked? Everything would fall apart if Ben didn't reassert his authority and the war would become the brutal bloodbath it had been before. His plan to purchase peace for the galaxy and their chance to be together would come to nothing if she made the selfish choice.

Rey had to let him go.

He watched her silently, waiting for her to overcome her inner battle. When she released a small, aching breath he lifted a hand to tuck that errant curl behind her ear again, fingers slipping back to that little dip he loved and stroking the delicate skin.

Rey stood quietly under his touch, taking in the comfort of those fingers, warm with the life she’d wrestled from the grasp of death. Her gaze rested in his, holding that silence, even within her mind. She allowed it to say all that she felt.

Giving her a small smile, Ben started to raise his arm from across her shoulders, but stopped with a jerk, hissing sharply in pain. Rey firmed her hold, supporting him until he grew steady on his feet once more.

Listening to his breathing even out, her eyes settled on something by her feet. Rey sighed and summoned the heavy metal into her hand with a small surge of energy. Pressing in close, she ran her eyes along the scars, jagged and red as the blades of his lightsaber. She turned it and met the hateful chrome gaze out of nightmare.

Except part of it was missing.

Looking closer, Rey realized some of the silvery detailing had broken away, the rest, nearly shattered. This wasn't from Ben's destruction of the helm months ago—she could see where fragmented pieces had been fused together by those red veins.

A hit like that would have dazed him at the very least, or knocked him out, if not…

The mask had saved him.

She let out a long breath, looking down into the face of memories long branded on her soul.

Rey hated it. She always would. Yet, running her fingers over the crater at the edge of the visor's rim, she admitted that she was grateful Ben had reforged it. Not only did it preserve his life long enough for her to get to him tonight, but it'd been doing just that all these months.

Hidden away behind it, he wasn't the coward Poe accused him of being. The majority of the galaxy knew the face of Kylo Ren only as this forbidding, lifeless stare. It kept his true face safe for when he could set it aside.

Because of it, they had a chance for a life without such masks.

Rey handed it back to Ben and he took it. He didn't put it on, for which she was relieved, instead setting it aside and letting it disappear from her sight.

"You need it," she murmured, conceding on this for his sake. "I can bear it…for you. It's going to be around for a while, anyway. I should get used to looking at it."

"What do you mean?" Ben asked, brows wrinkling in confusion.

"The vision…" she reminded him, sharing that chilling image of him wearing it as he struck out at a heart filled with radiance. The prospect of what it could mean terrified her, though she couldn't imagine him ever growing so Dark that he would do such a thing.

Perhaps, it was symbolic of something else? Even if it was, however, she failed to find a meaning for it that brought any consolation.

He raised a hand and tilted her face up until she met his eyes.

"A vision isn't a condemnation, Rey," Ben said quietly, then pressed his other large palm to her belly and held her gaze with furor. "But this is a _promise,_ and it's one I'll keep. As is this…"

Leaning down, he kissed her, and his lips renewed the vow of a future that had almost been stolen away from them.

"I suppose I owe you, now," he commented when they broke apart, pressing his forehead to hers and rubbing his thumb along her cheekbone affectionately.

"There's no owing, Ben," Rey denied. "Not between us."

"Oh, I think there is," he said and only then did she catch the glint of humor in his mind. He shook his head mournfully. "I don't seem to have any fruit on me."

She stared at him for a moment, and then huffed. Before long, it turned into something of a weak chuckle, and then he was smiling down at her as she laughed freely.

Stretching up onto her toes, Rey threw her arms around Ben's neck. She pressed into him as best she could manage with their daughter dancing happily between them, reveling in the feel of his enduring strength surrounding her. He'd nearly been assassinated, his body torn open by laserfire, and yet he stood tall as he held her close.

Claiming his lips one last time, Rey prepared herself to let him go, knowing, after tonight, that there was no guarantee everything was going to be all right. She had his promise, though, and he had hers. Whatever it took, whoever tried to stop them, and whether it took months or millennia, they would never stop fighting to find their way back to the home they’d made in one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is everyone doing all right? I know things became rather bleak and graphic, though I hope Rey managed to heal any hurt reading about Ben's wound caused. If you need to ask any questions about that scene or if you want me to unpack something about this chapter further, remember that my comments are always open for you. Be well!
> 
>  **Ben's Big Mistake:** A number of you voiced some doubts about Ben's master plan in the last chapter and it turns out you were right to be concerned. I'm sending high-fives to all of you for calling him out on his over-confidence! Best laid plans…
> 
>  **Jargon Shmargon:** I used a few terms in this chapter that may be a little technical or niche, so I wanted to be sure to share their meanings with you guys, if you're curious … **IFF** : Stands for 'Identification Friend or Foe,' and is a IRL radar-based technology developed during WWII which allows aircraft to signal that it's on the same side so as to avoid friendly fire ... **Callsign** : A codename pilots use to help identify themselves to one another ... **Hallikset** : This is a stringed musical instrument in the GFFA. Anyone who's played _Jedi: Fallen Order_ will remember it as the instrument owned by Cere that Cal used his ability for sensing the history of an object on for the first time…the same ability we saw Rey use very briefly (and without explanation) on the Sith dagger in TROS.
> 
>  **Focused Rage:** You know how Kylo is always snarling and stomping his foot when he fights in the films? There's actually more behind that than just his temper. He's using a Dark Side technique called 'focused rage' that allows him to channel all those powerful emotions of his in order to gain strength. Anger, fear, pain, grief, and even passion are all viable sources for him to draw upon, enhancing his abilities & aggression in combat. 
> 
> Psst! You know I don't like to give hints, but…this'll be important a little later on. *whistles innocently*
> 
>  **Heal What Has Been Hurt...:** I love the concept of Force Healing, and it makes perfect sense that Rey would be strong with the ability, given that her character, at her core, is all about compassion. However, as with so many things, I felt it wasn't presented very well in TROS. Background material explains that a Jedi draws on the power of life (their own or the energy of lifeforce around them) in order to fuel the healing. Okay, right. Makes sense! _But._ For something that is apparently one of the most complicated Light Side powers, Rey made it look...rather... _easy_ in the film. So, I set out to make it a bit more of a challenge than, 'I gave it a bit of my lifeforce and now I'll tra-la-la off about my day.' As extraordinarily powerful as Rey & Ben both are in ASTOS, some abilities do take quite a bit more effort for them. Sure, Rey can soothe her sore back or mend Rose's cut hand easily enough, but healing a mortal wound? Yes, that needed to demand more of her, I think.


	15. Whose Love Never Fades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "she was broken, i think it was  
> because she loved too much. and  
> she was always blind to the fact  
> that love too is sometimes broken."
> 
> r.m. drake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Halfway Point ~ well, chapter count-wise, at any rate! In celebration, I suppose this chapter should be something kinda…special. Right? Hmm. Let's see if what I pulled together here fits the bill!
> 
> Things got rather tense & graphic in the last chapter, and I hope you've forgiven me for putting Ben & Rey through all of that. There's a popular bit of writing advice ~ 'Throw rocks at your characters.' Well, I fired a laser blast at them, instead. So, while this chapter has an emotionally-demanding development in it, I've made sure to give them a big helping of sweetness to make up for the hard time I subjected them to. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> So very much love to **QueenVi** for returning to alpha the ever-living heck out of this chapter…I hope your heart rate levels out again soon!
> 
> ♥ [ASTOS Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLErgijixT3gWNKruxoIRuaRBHcaKtb3vh) ♥
> 
> Much love!

The water is like a mirror. It stretches off into infinity like a glistening sea of glass. Stars burn brightly over its surface, bringing forth life and abundance in an endless cycle set into motion long ago.

All that lives must die, but from the scattering of stardust is birthed a new hope.

Taking a breath, she steps in. As her skin touches the surface, she’s drawn into the celestial procession, her reflection placing her among the glittering heavens.

That’s of little consequence to her, however. The water is warm and she smiles as it slowly embraces her—her foot, her ankle, then rising along her leg.

The empty air around her is chilling, its heartless lashing against tender skin making her shiver. So, she eagerly dips her other foot in to escape the remorseless cold of the void.

She slips further into the water, longing for its heated depths. It welcomes her and reaches for her thighs, her hips, cradling her in its reassuring hold.

A sigh escapes her, and she closes her eyes to dream of a star-spun eternity, relaxing into the languid serenity of—

* * *

“Force!”

Rey’s strangled shriek broke the moonlit silence of her room. She bolted up onto her elbows, sending a pillow flying off the bed as her mind fumbled the rest of the way towards consciousness.

Then she collapsed back into the pillows, moaning.

Hot, wet waves lapped up through her, the dream brought vividly to life. There was no endless sea, however, and though she was warmed through despite the chilled breeze blowing in through the air cycler, the source of it was much more corporeal than any nighttime fantasy.

Firm arms wrapped around her hips, tilting them to lay her open for his ardent attentions. When her mind flared with awareness, one more kiss pressed into the blushing flesh he’d been teasing. Soft lips wandered upwards, the rich waves of his hair slowly coming into view beyond her belly.

"I wanted to thank you for saving me, Sweetheart," Ben murmured, trailing kisses over stretching skin, fragrant with the lotion she put on every night after returning from the ‘fresher.

Pushing aside black fabric as he went, dark eyes flicked up when he reached her distended belly button. He took in the blush on Rey’s cheeks and the way her breasts rose beneath the too-big shirt with each unsteady breath. A wicked satisfaction filled his gaze and he snared hers, holding her captive as she felt a light touch at her entrance…and then a thick finger pressed in deep.

Her body grasped onto him. Her own fingers grabbed for his hair, his shoulders, his back—whatever she could reach for a handhold. The look in his gaze told her she’d need it.

Pressing one more kiss to Bump, Ben rose on his knees and slipped the shirt over her head. Hungry gaze consuming the sight of her pleasure-flushed body, he made room amidst the plush nest of pillows and blankets she lay in. Then he planted a knee on either side of Rey so he could lean down and grab her parted lips in a greedy kiss.

As his tongue slipped into her mouth to caress hers in a passionate greeting, a second finger stole into her clenching heat.

Ben’s breath brushed across her face as he rumbled with amusement, pride burning in him at her helpless responsiveness to his touch. Rey felt the way he savored it when her hips began to move to meet each gentle plunge, his mind drawing hers in close so she could sense the intensity of his satisfaction.

He fell into a rhythm that was deliberately slow. When she tried to press up harder into his hand, he refused her encouragement to find a faster pace.

But then he rubbed the pad of his thumb into that desperate bundle hiding itself away with shy desire. Rey’s voice broke when she cried out, writhing against him as he fanned the flames burning beneath her skin to a heady blaze.

“Were you dreaming of me?” Ben asked huskily, fingers sinking deep with ease to pleasure luscious flesh far wetter than hormones could account for. When her only answer was a needy whimper, she heard the smug gratification in his voice as he breathed into her, “Ah, you were.”

Smirking at the state he'd so effortlessly worked her up into, Ben gave her swollen lips one more kiss before straying along her jaw. She felt him nuzzle his nose into the short lock of hair secreted away behind her ear when he reached the soft dip reserved for him alone. Rey arched her neck, giving him as much access as he wished, hoping her acquiescence would persuade him to reconsider the maddeningly steady tempo of his hand.

Her obstinate Dark Sider simply took sinful advantage of her submission, relentlessly working her with leisurely strokes.

Then a touch brushed, feather-light, over chafed skin, still sore from the awkward love they'd made in the dirt amidst the wreckage of near-catastrophe.

"Why didn't you heal these?" she heard him ask softly, voice vibrating against the delicate skin he lavished with sensual solicitude.

Beyond words, Rey couldn't respond. But then, she wouldn't have been able to answer his curiosity, even if she had the breath for it.

She'd intended to mend the wounded skin, but when she closed the Bond, leaving Ben to return to the First Order, she'd found herself unwilling to draw on the Light's healing touch. In the days since, Rey had stretched out for the Force more than once. She always found herself releasing it, however—every time she felt the raw burn as she pulled her leggings on, when water poured over the angry skin in the 'fresher, or her fingertips brushed along the edges of the welts as she lay in bed waiting for tortured dreams to make the memory she’d been clinging to seem real.

Ben’s mind cradled hers, wrapping Rey comfortingly in his steadfast love as he followed her confused, unhappy thoughts.

Not that he allowed her to consider the question for very long.

She felt the humid waft of his breath, the tantalizing graze of his teeth, and then she moaned again as he began to suck.

Rey was utterly lost in the maelstrom of sensation Ben stoked within her—awakening her body as he'd once brought forth the spark of power concealed within her mind, revealing the thread which bound their lives together. The suction of his mouth, the sleek thrust of his fingers, and slow, insistent strokes of his thumb flooded her senses.

Her mind grappled for purchase. The silken edge of Darkness wrapped around the Bond, reaching to enfold her Light as Ben himself held her body. It trailed in the wake of every thrust and exulted at the sound of each wrecked cry he won from her as he fought back her distress with determination.

Soon, a third finger pressed in, thumb stoking her with that same gentle cadence that sent waves of sparkling sensation up through her. When her muscles began to quiver around his fingers, Ben's teeth released her neck, and his face filled her vision.

It was difficult not to squeeze her eyes shut when the tide broke over her, but she held onto him, to those fathomless pools of feeling that she knew and loved. He anchored her, as he always did, and saw her through it even as he continued to pump into her, prolonging her ecstasy until she begged his mind for a reprieve.

Then, as Rey began to surface from the depths he’d drawn her down into, Ben pulled out of her grasp just a little… and curled his fingers.

Suddenly, a rush of liquid heat washed through her body. Ripples of sensation spread outward from that pulsing epicenter, a sudden, intense pressure building in an instant and then releasing in a helpless gush over his hand.

Rey threw her head back into the pillows with a soundless cry, losing the battle to keep her eyes open. Her mind lost itself in a golden haze, and she only barely caught the sharp hiss of breath through teeth that stirred a sweat-dampened curl against her cheek.

As the rolling waves tapered off, a weighted euphoria filled her, releasing her into sleepy bliss…though she quickly cast it aside.

Rey barely had her breath back, but even as delectable shivers continued to dance up along her spine, she was shoving herself up and knocking Ben over. Surprised, he fell back easily, his fingers slipping out of her to catch himself on the lumpy mattress. Rey climbed on top of him, yanking at his shirt to ruck it up.

Ben reached for her hips in excitement but stilled when her trembling hands pressed against his abs. His trousers, already straining after what he'd just done to her, tightened further with her fingers trailing over his flexing muscles. He didn't grope for the fastening, though, nor did he try to press up into her hot core.

"Rey?" she heard him ask, his mind nudging her distraught consciousness carefully when she didn't respond. "What's wrong?"

"You're still in pain. I don't understand it," she said hoarsely, frantically looking for any trace of the wound she'd somehow failed to heal.

The skin was whole, however—smooth and perfect. Deep within, she sensed only the vital flows and cycles of a body robust with health and virility.

Large hands wrapped around her wrists and squeezed gently, pulling her attention back from her worried search.

"Rey, stop," Ben told her, brushing along the edge of her consciousness with velvety warmth. "There's nothing left to heal. I only feel a twinge every now and then."

She wasn't convinced and he clearly read it in her expression.

“When you came, you…flailed your arms a bit,” he reluctantly admitted, eyes dropping briefly to her elbow.

“Oh,” Rey said softly, clenching her fists at the realization that she’d been the cause of the _twinge_.

Sighing, Ben sat up and pulled Rey more comfortably across his lap. One arm settled around her waist and his free hand caught one of hers. He pressed a reverent kiss to the fingers that, not long ago, had been covered in blood as she’d fought to preserve his life.

"You saved me," he told her, twining her fingers through his.

She closed her eyes, basking in the warmth of his skin and the renewed strength of his lifeforce as his mind held hers close.

"Now…" Ben said, shifting her in his arms. He took her hands and pressed them to the scabs on her thighs. "Heal _yourself,_ Sweetheart.”

She looked up again, eyes brimming.

“You don't need them now,” he whispered to her, grazing a finger lightly over the blooming lovemark he’d left for her instead. “I don't want pain and heartache to be the way you try to find comfort in thinking of me."

A tear escaped then, and he brushed it away. Force, how was it that he could read her so easily, even when she herself couldn't find the words to explain what she felt?

Ben pressed his lips to her forehead and Rey let him tuck her face into the curve of his neck as he helped her find her center. His touch resting warmly over her hands, she drew a wavering stream of energy from the jungle beyond her window, sending it downwards to soothe the red, angry skin.

Bump stirred restlessly at the feel of her mother's power flowing through the body she was cradled in. It was carefully directed away from the baby, the effort aided by her father once again erecting a barrier to safeguard her sleepy lifeforce.

A flutter of curiosity brushed against Rey's mind where it was joined with Ben's as she released the Force. Then Bump slipped into dreamy contentment, reassured that her parents were close and all was well once more. 

They both let go of the breath they’d been holding and looked down at the fresh, unblemished skin. Ben traced a small constellation of freckles appreciatively, but Rey raised a hand up to cup the side of her neck, pressing against it and enjoying the mild sting. She’d left it, choosing not to mend the bruised skin. Regardless of his words, this was a different kind of pain—the sort that gave pleasure in the memory of its making.

Tilting her head, she looked up at him in thanks. She still struggled to stem the flow of emotion but managed to find a smile when his caf colored eyes warmed at the trail of her thoughts. Pulling his face down, Rey kissed him, lips barely moving, the caress no less passionate for its simple sweetness.

When their mouths parted, she leaned her head into his shoulder, rubbing her cheek against the soft fabric of his undershirt. No tunic tonight—no gloves, either, more’s the pity. All the same, his state of partial undress allowed her to slip a hand beneath his hem without the fuss of that kriffing row of fastenings. Feeling magnanimous, she decided not to begrudge him the gloves, enjoying the smooth glide of skin on skin as his palms drifted over her back and hip.

Relaxing against him, Rey stroked her fingertips over his firm stomach contemplatively. Focusing intently for a moment on the new skin on her legs, she realized that though she wouldn’t call it discomfort, she felt a lingering awareness of the welts that no longer marked her. That Ben still felt pain despite being healed troubled her, but even after another examination, she couldn’t find the slightest remnant of that fatal wound.

Perhaps the body wasn't quite able to let go of what it had endured, even briefly—a memory of the torment the Force had spared it. Not harmful but a reminder of a reality they’d only barely escaped.

"Maybe," Ben commented, following her silent speculation with interest and she looked up at him.

Seeing that scholarly light appear in his eyes finally settled her nerves. Rey smiled at him again in amusement.

_Only Ben Solo would see his near-demise as an opportunity to contemplate the eternal mysteries of the Force._

Her humor quickly slipped away, though, when her thoughts turned to the reason they would ever have wondered about this in the first place. She held Ben's eyes gravely and regretfully watched the flicker of fascination disappear.

Betrayed and shot out of the sky by his own men, Rey had sensed the violent intent in his mind as they'd parted amidst the shattered remains of his TIE. They’d both known from whom the order had come, and she had no doubt what retribution his rage would demand.

"Hux escaped," Ben said shortly, muscles twitching as he clenched his jaw.

A cold fist clenched deep in her stomach and she reflexively tightened her hold on him.

"How could he have gotten away?" Rey asked, searching his eyes.

“He walked onto a command shuttle and jumped to hyperspace,” he gritted out, the hand on her waist smoothing jerkily over her skin in an effort to hold onto his temper.

Rey could sense the fulminating anger just beneath the surface. Images flashed through his mind—finally being picked up by a rescue party from the base on Kijimi, the explosion of fury at receiving word that the man who’d tried to assassinate him was gone, and the smoking scars branded into the wall of his shuttle.

She took a deep breath. Ben hadn’t lost control like that in a long time—not since they’d been together. When it came to Armitage Hux, however, she wasn’t certain even she was capable of tempering the deep hatred her Force-mate held for his rival.

She blamed Snoke for that.

Ben had been vague about his years of service alongside the general, but she’d gathered enough from his surface thoughts to know he and Hux were prisoners bound to walk a path through hell that could only ever lead to destruction…for one or both of them.

Rey swallowed hard at the thought.

This perverse sort of bond twisted inside Ben like a wound. There was only one thing that could heal that tattered part of his soul—and spare the countless worlds that Hux would gladly burn for the satisfaction of conquering the ashes.

"Did he cause any trouble before he found out you’d survived?" Rey prompted Ben, hoping to prevent him from getting caught in the trap of his anger and desire for revenge.

"No, that's the odd thing," he told her, frowning fiercely, though it was with confusion more than anger.

"What's odd?" she pressed, uncertain whether this was cause for relief or not.

"He left before the fight over Kijimi was even over—before I was shot down." Ben met her gaze. "He didn't even attempt to take control."

"Then why bother?" She stared at him, utterly bewildered.

"I don't know," he admitted, pulling her in close to his chest. "It's done him no good, though. I've seen to that."

"I take it his supporters have found themselves detained at the Supreme Leader’s pleasure?” She made a gambit for levity, hoping to help buoy his mind further.

"Those who didn't get themselves killed, yes," he said with a Dark twist of humor.

"They still fought for him even after he'd abandoned them?" Rey choked in disbelief.

Ben snorted humorlessly, lip curled in contempt.

“Fanatics will fight even when any hope of victory for their cause is lost,” he said disgustedly, raising a significant eyebrow at her. “Not so different from rebels.”

“A fanatic doesn’t fight for _hope,_ Ben,” she argued, laying a hand over their daughter and meeting his look with an intensity of her own. “Hope is for those who dream of making something better, not those who just want to destroy it all because they think it proves them right.”

Ben stared at her for a long moment, and then a smile began to tug at the corners of his mouth in admiration.

Rey reached a finger up to trace the generous curve encouragingly. She was happy to see him set his bitterness aside, feeling its grip on his mind ease away as he looked down at her.

His eyes dropped to her own lips. As she watched his pupils swell and felt the hardness beneath her throb with resurgent demand, heat stirred deep in her belly despite the afterglow that still flowed through her from his earlier ministrations.

Rey reined her ardor in, however. As much as she’d like to leave all thoughts of Hux behind and revel in the feeling of having Ben’s arms around her again, that unsettling premonition still pressed down on her.

"This isn't over," Rey whispered to him, drawing his eyes back up to meet the worry in hers. "Whatever he’s doing, wherever he’s gone, Hux _isn’t_ going to give up.”

_He hates you too much…_

"No, he won’t," Ben agreed, wincing. "I've sent my Knights to hunt him down, though. It was arrogant of him to make off with a command shuttle. Even if he somehow manages to stir up trouble, it won't take them long to find him."

He took a breath then and his mind offered an apology as he opened his mouth to ask her to weigh her loyalties once more.

"Rey, I need you to tell me if he contacts the Resistance."

Having passed them valuable intel for months, Hux might well turn to them for protection with his coup attempt in ruins. She frowned in concern. Surely, they wouldn’t feel indebted enough to forgive and forget. Not Hux…right?

_Force, I hope not._

It wasn’t worth the risk and Ben needn't regret asking for her help—not in this. Setting all other considerations aside, the fact remained that the Resistance had lost their informant with Hux's coup. So, ridding the galaxy of his virulent existence wouldn't hurt them.

Though, somehow, she thought it wouldn't matter even if the circumstances were different.

The memory of Ben's fury at the betrayal and the horror of what that laser blast had done…what it almost…

Rey shook herself inwardly. No, Hux didn't deserve their protection.

“I’ll let you know,” she promised him, leaning into his touch as he stroked her cheek in gratitude. Frustration with the whole debacle still grated on her, though, and she asked, "What happened to the Knights who were supposed to be watching him?"

"Ushar and Ap'lek are…contemplating their failures," Ben said, an edge of midnight in his voice that chilled her. "They didn't sense Hux's plans, nor did they realize he was making to escape. Karking _fools."_

"And you took them at their word?" Rey questioned in disbelief.

"No," he answered matter-of-factly.

She caught something as the shadows lashed in his gaze and reached for it.

_The Master doesn't believe us…pain…such rage…like fire…don’t, Master!…my mind...ripping my mind apart…such PAIN!_

She was pulled quickly away, a protective barrier coming about her mind as the screams echoed through her head.

Rey gasped when she came fully back to herself, barely registering the supportive embrace she was wrapped up in. He gave her time, holding that strong shield in place as he helped her find her center. When she could breathe evenly again, his intense gaze was waiting for her to meet it.

Yet again, she was reminded of what the man she loved was capable of—not in terms of power but how far he was willing to go to achieve his ends. It wasn't reassuring that what motivated him was the safety of their new family.

He watched her in silence, as he always did in moments like this. Waiting. There was no apology, no regret. He was long past either.

And she had rejected the right to judge him for it.

With a shaky breath, Rey raised her hand to his scarred cheek, accepting his sins…and her own.

**_My Kylo._ **

He roughly claimed her lips with an intoxicating passion. Fingers wrapped around her jaw and held her still for a fierce possession, Dark lust dominating her in a powerful surge along the Bond. The Light within her was quickly shrouded in the embrace of worshipful shadows and Rey sighed as she willingly parted her lips at his ardent demand, arching her back to press into the broad palm that had stolen up to grasp her tender breast.

Then the heavy haze of shadowed seduction receded.

At the soft sound of her submission, he released her and tore himself away. He turned his face to the wall and closed his eyes, breathing slowly while he wrestled with himself.

Slowly, the Darkness loosened its grasp on her Light, easing back across the Bond and drawing the resurgent luminescence into that special balance with adoration.

A deep line carved itself between his dark brows, but soon enough, Rey felt him win his inner battle.

When he looked at her again, she smiled into Ben's eyes.

She reached down to take the hands he held carefully away from her, placing them against her belly. Their daughter's lifeforce glowed brightly and Rey gave a small _oomph_ when the excitement was punctuated with a kick. She was happy for it, though, watching Ben’s mouth lift in a lopsided smile as he stared down at his hands, feeling the movements of that little life beneath his touch.

Rey sensed his mind reach out, trying to convince the baby to settle down so that her mother didn't end up taking a beating. It took some persuasion, but eventually those tiny heels stilled and the little spark slipped contentedly into peaceful slumber.

"You're a natural," Rey teased him.

Their daughter always greeted Ben's presence with joy, but he hadn't been given the opportunity to really interact with her the way Rey was accustomed to now. It was one of her deepest regrets…one she knew he shared.

Stroking his face, she tugged him down towards her and pressed a gentle kiss to his mouth. Ben curled an arm around her back to tuck her firmly against his chest again. One palm remained pressed to Bump, though, and Rey smiled against his lips.

 **_You’re going to be a wonderful father,_ ** she told him, mind cuddling close to the silken edge of his.

Ben pulled back enough to meet her eyes, and she let him feel her absolute belief that his daughter would adore her Daddy.

“I hope you're right,” he answered, far less certain.

He wanted so desperately to give his child a better life than he'd known. Rey could feel the promise he'd made to himself—that he would give anything to not only protect their daughter but her happiness. It affected him deeply to sense Bump's joyful spirit and there was a powerful, enduring love for her that had taken root in his heart.

"I already am," she said, cupping the back of his hand reassuringly.

Ben buried his face in her hair, an unsteady breath telling her how much that meant to him. She nestled herself comfortably into his heat, stroking his wrist and taking in that spicy scent with pleasure.

She tried to imagine what it would be like, raising their daughter. It wasn't going to be easy. Between the strong connection she already seemed to have to the Force and having to bring her up away from anyone who might discover whose child she was, then adding the fact that neither Rey nor Ben really knew what they were doing... 

She was nervous—scared, even. Rey tried not to think about the hours of labour that she dreaded with every fiber of her being, but what lay beyond. 

She was looking forward to it.

"We'll do it together," Rey promised him. "We’ll both be there to love and to teach her. She won't have to do this alone. And when the time comes, we'll help her figure out what the Light and Dark mean for her…just as we have for each other."

His arm tightened around her and she felt his lips press into her hair. She soaked it in, moved by the tenderness she’d never have thought she’d find in this life.

"And maybe someday she'll find someone to share that with, someone who can be _her_ balance," Rey murmured, a budding wish growing in her heart for the child sleeping beneath it.

Ben's mind flared with sudden irritation at that suggestion, and she pulled back to look up at him with an amused smile.

"What, don't you want her to find someone to love her…to have this?" Rey teased him, running her hand up his arm and slipping down his chest to press her fingers over his heart.

"Not for a _long_ time," Ben said, jaw hardening at the thought. "And Force help him if he tries touching her the way I do you."

Rey burst out laughing, throwing her arms around his neck, mischief and desire sparking in her mind.

"Oh, but I'd hate for her to miss out," she said huskily, stealing along his cheek and letting her breath stir the hair that fell against his ear, "You do the nicest things to me."

It got her the reaction she wanted.

Ben grabbed her and twisted, landing Rey on her back amidst the pillows. Then he rose and stood at the side of the bed, pulling her hips to the edge.

She bit her smiling lip as he planted a knee beside her hip and leaned down, curling himself protectively around Bump. Rey's mind very quickly moved on from the future safety of the galaxy's male population when Ben's face drew close, his darkening eyes fixed on her mouth.

"Do I?"

With that, he snagged her lower lip for himself, making Rey gasp as he grazed the delicate skin with his teeth. She threw her arms around his neck, claiming her prize even as she let him take all he wanted in exchange.

Ben reached down to hook her leg over his thigh so he could move in closer, teasing that well-loved flesh with his clothing. She arched her back with a muffled groan, electric sparks flaring up her spine. The sensitive tips of her breasts tightened against the softness of his shirt, aching for more.

For what seemed the hundredth time, the man was wearing far too many clothes!

Over-sensitized by the havoc he'd already wrought on her, Rey growled against his lips and grabbed for his shirt, determined to rectify the situation. The kriffing nerfherder did nothing to help her, though, deliberately catching the hem between her thigh and his hip as he shifted her. He even had the audacity to chuckle while she tried to fight both his weight and the now-significant obstacle of her belly with little success.

**_Ugh, you’re insufferable!_ **

His wicked amusement tickled her lips, rumbling deep in his chest and infuriating her further. Indignation stoked the flare of arousal and Rey couldn’t help rolling her hips to meet the hard bulge straining against the confines of his trousers. She triumphed as his breathing grew heavy.

Then she felt a hand release her hip…then wander downwards…then inwards…and then…

There was no warning.

Rey was too distracted to pick up on the faint swell of Force energy as the locks on her door were undone. Totally absorbed in the way Ben nipped softly at her lips, seeking to tease her into letting him delve for a deeper kiss, she missed the sound of quiet footsteps.

Both of them became suddenly and acutely aware of her when she dropped the barrier she'd used to conceal her lifeforce, however. It had as sobering an effect as though she'd fired off an ion cannon in the middle of the room.

Ben froze, his lips still on Rey's, but it was no longer the teasing caress he'd been plying her with.

She reached up to hold his face, knowing how terribly he needed her as the thing he’d striven to overcome, destroy, or forget for most of his life waited patiently to be acknowledged.

_Let the past die...kill it if you have to..._

Rey’s heart ached for him.

It wouldn't do any good to tear herself away and pretend Ben wasn't there. They both knew that the woman behind him couldn't just see Rey as she lay sprawled across the bed in an obviously compromising position, but the man pressing her down into the mattress with the weight of the body only she—of anyone in the galaxy aside from his Force-mate—could possibly perceive.

Ben looked utterly lost and tormented, but he let go of Rey and rose. He carefully blocked the sight of his lover’s freckled skin and held out a hand with a slight flexion of Force energy. Without turning or looking away from her, Ben handed Rey a shirt that she hastened to pull on.

Forcing herself to ignore her embarrassment at being caught this way and trying to fight down a flare of anger that _this_ was how this confrontation was to come about, Rey stood.

His eyes clung to hers, desperate and bleeding.

Supreme Leader, Jedi Killer, and the most powerful Dark Side warrior living, he was suddenly reduced to a broken little boy in the space of a heartbeat.

 **_I'm here, Ben,_ ** Rey whispered to him across the Bond, reaching out and wrapping him up in all the comfort her Light could offer. **_You're not facing this alone._ **

His hands flexed and she could hear his silent wish that he still had his gloves on. In only his undershirt and trousers, he may as well have been naked.

With a sense of facing something that had always ultimately been inevitable, Rey took one of his bare hands in hers and waited for him. He gripped her fingers like a lifeline.

When Ben finally found it in himself to turn around, she stood at his side.

Leia glanced at Rey's nervous expression for a moment, face inscrutable, but then her attention was captivated by the tall man in black. His hair and clothing were mussed from his lover's eager fingers, but she seemed to dismiss that detail. Those dark eyes—the mirror image of the ones she'd passed to her son—traced the breadth of Ben's strong shoulders, taking in the impressive physique of a battle-proven warrior, which had replaced the gangly limbs of the adolescent she'd once known.

Then, much to Rey's discomfort, Leia was caught by the sight of the jagged rent marking his pale face, age-veined hands clenching at the sight. Seeing her take a breath, Rey held her own when that searching gaze trailed upwards, following the deep track to meet the eye it bisected.

Rey could feel the electric jolt of that collision as though it had traveled along the fibers of the Bond to shock her.

"I thought it was about time we talked," Leia finally said. Her lined face was calm, but Rey noticed the slight tremor in the hands that she subtly slipped into the concealing folds of her robe.

Ben remained silent, frozen. His mind was desperately trying to shore up his emotions, left unguarded in what he'd thought was a private moment with his Force-mate.

Rey had to fight back that spurt of outrage again. She did the best she could to help him, and he grasped at her Light with a desperation he fought to hide. Unfortunately, he didn’t possess the gift of artifice. He knew it and frustration with himself added to his anxiety, his emotions crying out for her help through the Bond.

Feeling the pain crashing through him, she tried desperately to hold herself together despite her own shock—so that she could help him survive the crisis she could feel rapidly building within his mind.

"You're…well?" Leia asked him awkwardly, eyes running over his long frame again.

Standing tall, he showed no sign of the wound that almost claimed his life. Rey had known his mother must have sensed Ben was hurt—there was no other explanation for her words in the Comm Center after he was shot down. Still too afraid to risk everything by broaching the subject, even when she was almost certain her mentor knew something about Rey’s connection with Ben, she’d remained silent on the matter. And so had Leia.

Clearly, she’d been biding her time until he made his return.

The show of concern seemed to break the stalemate and Ben’s hand flexed in Rey’s as he glared down at the woman before him. She heard him tell himself his mother had no right to intrude, to ask questions…to _see_ him.

"Disappointed?" he sneered, immediately going on the offensive.

"Ben!"

 **_Don't, Rey,_ ** he begged her with silent anguish. **_I need you to be on my side._ **

**_I am._ **

Her reassurance helped bolster him, but at the same time she worried they were about to lose everything. This approach wasn't going to solve any of their problems. In fact, the Supreme Leader's belligerence towards the Resistance’s general was only working against their goal of eventually winning her approval to one day talk peace with the First Order.

 **_You have to see that,_ ** Rey urged, running her thumb over the side of his hand. 

He looked down at her, eyes telling her he didn’t want to.

She couldn’t blame him. This wasn’t the way Rey had hoped to begin winning the Resistance over, but the choice had been taken away from them. Ben could break the connection of the Bond and escape, but that would leave her behind to face this alone. His mind raged at having been so neatly outmaneuvered, but she felt his determination not to abandon her.

 **_I love you,_ ** she told him, caressing his mind. **_You’re strong enough for this—WE’RE strong enough for this._ **

He held onto her gaze a few moments more, reaching for her love and Light. She gave it, drawing comfort and courage from him in return. His eyes widened a little at that, surprised Rey would find comfort in him when he leaned so heavily on her presence. She offered a small, fleeting smile, letting what they shared strengthen them both.

Turning back, Rey noticed that their silent exchange had been observed with interest. Leia's eyes moved between them, clearly aware they were communicating.

"Of course I'm not disappointed," she said, answering him, unable to totally hold back the hurt in her voice. "I'm relieved you're safe. It means…everything."

Ben's throat worked, not knowing how to take this demonstration of maternal care.

Leia held his bewildered eyes for a moment, but when he couldn’t come up with a response, she turned instead to regard her student.

“Thank you for saving him, Rey,” she said warmly, trying but not quite managing a smile.

“So, you did know…about us?” Rey asked, though she supposed it wasn’t really a question any longer.

“I did,” Leia confirmed, her eyes kind as her student fidgeted with the large fingers clasped in hers.

“How?” Ben demanded, regaining his mental footing enough to interrupt. “How could you have known?”

"Do you really think I couldn't sense you slipping through the Force to visit Rey all these months?" Leia asked, an elegant eyebrow arching pointedly. Then a wrenching sorrow filled her eyes and her voice dropped, "Do you really believe I wouldn't be able to feel my own son?"

Ben’s jaw clenched at that and Rey curled her free hand around his forearm, doing her best to ground him.

Leia looked down at their joined hands, and when she raised her eyes again, the heartache had been eased by something softer.

"I didn't know what to think that first time," she went on. "Honestly, I wanted to see what you'd do. So, I kept an eye on Rey's lifeforce until you'd gone. I didn't sense any alarm from her and then she never said a word about it after. There didn't seem to be any unnatural influence on her mind. Then, when I felt you come back again, I decided to wait and see what came of it."

"You _risked_ her like that?" Ben glared, furious.

"I trusted her," Leia answered calmly, meeting the raging shadows in his eyes without fear.

"So, you knew _all_ along— _from the very beginning?"_ Rey broke in uncomfortably.

She'd lost count of the number of times she’d looked at her mentor and wondered whether their secret had been discovered. There’d been too many comments that sounded for all the galaxy like hints. Rey had grown ever more worried that Leia might have worked it out, perhaps even sensing the familial connection through the baby. Her mentor hadn't said anything explicitly, however, nor had she made a move to put a stop to it.

She was horrified at the realization that her lover's mother had known since their very first night together that Rey was seeing her son…seeing and _sleeping_ with him!

Leia broke off her staring contest with Ben to turn back to Rey, eyes dancing at her student's embarrassment.

_Oh, you’ve been looking forward to this, haven’t you?_

"Of course," she answered teasingly, but not unkindly. "I'll admit, I wasn't quite sure _what_ was going on…at first. Though, when I sensed this new little lifeforce beginning to glimmer within you, I figured I had a pretty good idea."

Rey's cheeks flamed and she turned her face into Ben's shoulder, mortified. He squeezed her hand in irritated commiseration.

"When I realized Rey was pregnant, I was concerned. I was angry at you—furious,” Leia said, disapproval flaring in her eyes as she cocked her head up at Ben. “I almost stepped in."

His muscles tensed at the rebuke, but he cut himself off before he growled back. Surprised, Rey raised her head and saw what had stalled his tirade.

His mother’s expression had softened. No, not just that. She was smiling, and in her eyes was something that completely undid him.

Pride.

"But then you kept coming, more and more often,” Leia continued. “Most important, though—Rey grew happier. Before she even told me herself, I realized that however it happened, this baby was made out of love."

"I didn't get her pregnant on purpose!" Ben raged, face reddening as he reached for the harshest interpretation of her words, unwilling to respond to what lay in his mother's gaze.

"I didn't mean to suggest that you did," she protested, voice rising for the first time in frustration. "All the same, you were pretty careless. You're a decade her senior; you should know better. You couldn't be bothered to use protection?"

"It wasn't Ben's fault," Rey rushed to step into the argument. "I got an implant, but it failed."

"Oh?" Leia lifted a questioning brow, eyes considering.

"I wouldn't do that to her," Ben bit out, still resentful. Then he added quietly, “I love Rey.”

There was a moment of silence as he stared his mother down, though the heat he sought to meet with a fire of his own had cooled.

"I know," Leia said quietly, bringing Ben up short again. She gave him a ghost of a smile and then continued in a calmer tone, no longer accusing, "I know you do. You've made that pretty clear over the past several months."

Rey looked up at him anxiously and he met her eyes, unnerved. They both jumped when they heard a warm, smoky laugh.

"Prenatal vitamins? A fresh supply of nutrient boosters? Lotion from Madame Txi'Kah's Boutique on Coruscant?" Leia ticked off each of the things Ben had arranged to be placed in First Order supply depots the Resistance was guided to target. Then she nodded towards the bed behind them astutely. "Not to mention that pile of bedding Rey's been secretly hoarding. Aarton may be rather negligent when it comes to controlling his language, but our quartermaster is meticulous when it comes to ensuring each bunk gets only _one_ pillow."

Rey swallowed hard, shifting guiltily.

She always hid everything of Ben's away the moment she rose out of bed each morning, just in case anyone entered her room while she was gone and discovered the illicit stash of superfine bedding that had no right to be in this rusty old Rebel base. With pillows strewn all over the bed and floor from their tumble, though, they couldn't very well be hidden now.

As flustered as being found out left her, however, the effect his mother’s teasing had on Ben was far worse. Rey could feel the humiliation seething in Ben's mind, fueling his frustration.

"Yeah, I’ve seen what your supply officer seems to think passes for a pillow," he sniped, earning a long look from Leia. “Everyone gets to suffer equally, then. Very democratic—an excellent way to acclimate your people to the glorious return of the Republic.”

"I didn't come here tonight to discuss politics," she said firmly, amusement slipping away.

"Why not?" Ben snapped back. "It's all you ever had time for, as I remember."

Rey bit the inside of her lip, seeing the slight flicker of Leia's eyelash—the only reaction she allowed to show. He noticed it too, and his mouth spread in a humorless smile at the demonstration of practiced self-control despite the nerve he’d touched.

"The consummate politician," Ben mocked her in disgust, ignoring the way Rey tried to temper him along the Bond.

“Very well. Have it your way,” Leia told him, raising her chin regally to face his challenge. “Tell me, then. How did the boy who _loathed_ politics come to join and then lead the most authoritarian regime since the Empire?”

"I didn't join the _Order_ , I joined _Snoke_ ," Ben corrected her, fingers practically crushing Rey's again. "I couldn't have cared less about his political agenda. I just wanted the power he promised—to master the Force and my own life."

He stopped suddenly, breathing heavily.

"Condemn me for that if you want, but at least he was willing to help me learn the extent of what I could do and who I could be," he grated after a moment, fixing Leia with a burning gaze that hurt Rey's heart to see.

"At least he wasn't _afraid_ of me."

Rey would never know how Leia withstood the blow of that furious accusation. She didn't shout back or flush with anger. There wasn't so much as an insulted huff.

There was just the flicker of pain that showed for only an instant in the estranged mother's eyes.

The tension along their Bond rose and Rey saw Ben struggle to swallow at the sight. He’d let it get too personal, treading far too close to something that she didn’t think either he or Leia was capable of discussing right now without crushing one another’s souls.

“I don’t care for politics any more now than I did then,” he began again, side-stepping the precarious path he’d almost led them down. “It’s the most expedient way to end this war, though. For the First Order’s vision to work the Resistance would need to be destroyed completely and that would take too long. You’ll be pleased to hear I’ve chosen not to pursue that strategy, which leaves us with democracy.”

“So, the plan of a new empire, new order, or whatever you’d had in mind, goes away just like that?” Leia questioned, regarding him in confusion.

“Not a karking chance,” Ben returned, and Rey sensed his perverse pleasure at the way his mother’s lips tightened at his language. “I may hate politics, but it’s how the galaxy will get put back together.”

"And where did you learn that?" Leia challenged him pointedly.

"From you," Ben answered, though the muscle in his jaw twitched at the admission. "But I learned something else from you, _Senator Organa._ I learned that democracy is all well and good, but it destroys itself when it doesn't live up to its own promise. You all lied to yourselves, thinking that just ignoring the Imperialists was going to make them go away. That can’t happen again."

"What would you suggest, then?" she demanded with a sarcasm Rey had never heard from her mentor before. "What would the Supreme Leader recommend we do with the leftover dregs of his regime—let them run for senatorial positions?"

"Yes," he answered in satisfaction, the corner of his mouth tipping up in a vindictive smirk that left his mother gaping.

"Palpatine's supporters—rabid Imperialists like your General Pryde or Brendol Hux's power-hungry son?" Leia all but choked.

"Palpatine is gone!" Ben flared, patience spent. "Pryde's past his prime and Hux will be dealt with soon enough. They don’t matter. That changes nothing, though. The _millions_ who served in their shadows are still here, still angry at what all those glorious promises the New Republic made did to them. You left entire generations behind because their views didn't suit your new galactic order. Of course they rose against it. _You_ did that. It was _your_ mistake!"

"And you'd have us, what…give them power? Control? Over the very systems they've been grinding beneath their bootheels for years?" she questioned in disbelief.

"Give them a voice."

Ben and Leia both looked over at Rey in surprise, her voice stalling the quickly-mounting argument. She met his eyes for a moment, then turned to regard her mentor. The tension vibrated in the air, the Force itself alive with the turmoil of the quickly-escalating confrontation. Rey tried to hold her center, reaching out to Ben with her Light again, hoping it would help him calm down.

From the way his emotions continued to overflow along the Bond, she didn't think it was doing much good.

"If they have a reason to work with you, then they won't need to fight a war to make their point," Rey said. "Give them a stake in the future of the galaxy—their future. It won't be peaceful, but at least there will be peace!"

"With _you?"_ Leia questioned, arching a brow shrewdly at Rey's choice of words.

Ben took a breath, ready to lash out again, but Rey rushed to get ahead of him, redoubling her flow of Light.

"With the Resistance," she clarified, taking a breath and trying to hold herself steady. With the brewing storm beside her, pressing harshly against her mind, she wasn't having an easy time of it.

"Which…you're no longer a part of, is that it?" Leia pressed, fixing her student with a weighty look.

"No. I mean, I am. _Now,_ " she fumbled, forging on even though she could feel the pressure infusing the Force with the chaotic emotions bearing down on them all.

It was pushing Ben further off-balance, his anger building like an inferno.

"The commanders who want a totalitarian regime have been dealt with," Rey explained her Force-mate's plan as best she could under the circumstances, tip-toeing around the finer details of just how those officers had been removed from their positions. "Without them, he'll be able to convince the more moderate leadership to consider an alternative to prolonging this war."

She took a step towards Leia, eyes begging her to listen and believe in what her son was trying to do.

"Ben will bring the First Order to the negotiating table—to make peace."

Leia's eyes narrowed, flicking to Ben consideringly. Rey tried to remain still, to wait patiently even if her heart was pounding under the twin strains of hoping her mentor would believe them…and that Ben wouldn't explode if she didn't.

 _"Can_ you convince them?" Leia finally asked him, and Rey took a deep breath, hope rising.

"I can," Ben answered stiffly, eyes hard. "I will."

"Peace," Leia murmured musingly, then she tilted her silvered head in question. "And what part does the Supreme Leader play in galactic peace?"

"He doesn’t," Rey interrupted again, stroking her fingers over Ben's tense forearm. "We aren't staying."

"Rey!"

 **_No, Ben! She needs to know. We won't gain anything by withholding this from her,_ ** she told him, looking up into his eyes with resolve. **_Peace won't happen without her help…nor will our future._ **

That last tore at him, but it was true. These weren't the ideal circumstances and she hated that he'd been backed into a corner like this, but they had no choice save to move forward now that the path had been laid before them.

"Just let you go?"

They both looked back to Leia, and Rey's breathing hitched at the frozen look on the older woman's face.

"Yes," Rey breathed nervously. "Kylo Ren will go into exile in exchange for ending the First Order's aggression and the galaxy can start afresh."

"And you'll disappear…followed by every bounty hunter and vigilante credits can buy," Leia remarked cynically. "Whether they're after justice or revenge, you'll never be safe."

"No, because all those bounty hunters and vigilantes will be chasing Kylo Ren," Ben broke in roughly, Leia's gaze sharpening at his words. "Not us."

"But then…?" she asked, emotion shining in her eyes.

He took a breath, but didn't speak. It was one thing to give this concession to his Force-mate, but Rey could sense the pain it caused to admit it to anyone else.

Especially to his mother.

Rey leaned against his arm, her mind supporting his as best she could. She sent a soft question along the Bond and though his eyes were haunted, he gave his permission with a stiff nod.

"Kylo Ren will be exiled," she told Leia quietly, unable to hold back a small smile, sharing her mentor's happiness at the words. "And Ben Solo will go free."

Leia didn't hide what it meant to her, hearing that her son would once again take that name—the name she'd given him. It was like watching the suns rise after a long night spent in fear that you wouldn't live to see the light again.

When he saw it, however, Ben looked away uncomfortably, unable to bear it.

Rey watched Leia's eyes fill with tears at the rejection, hurting to see a pain equal to the torment tearing away at the man beside her. Mother and son closed themselves off from one another once more, a barrier as strong as any the Force could make standing between them. 

She felt her heart break for them both, unsure what to do.

"You're willing to sacrifice your imperialistic ambitions—give up your chance of being Emperor?" Leia asked him, voice turning crisp.

"For Rey? For our daughter?" Ben bit out, not missing the test behind her question. A vein throbbed at his temple and his shoulders fell under the weight of it all.

"Yes."

Rey squeezed his hand, turning her head to press a kiss unashamedly into his shoulder. It had cost him to accept her own refusal to stand beside him as Empress, but it was infinitely more soul-searing to admit it to his mother.

"So, once this is over, you'll just…leave," Leia said slowly, looking at them with a worried frown. “Do you really expect no one to try to stop you? Will the galaxy be willing to accept exile for the Supreme Leader after all that’s happened— _should_ they?”

Ben grew still, though Rey felt the tension in his bicep. She held her breath, cold fear filling her chest.

"Are you going to stop us?" he questioned softly, dark gazes clashing. "Will you stand by and watch them execute me?"

Leia flinched as though she'd been struck.

"Never," she breathed, looking old and so very worn. "You're my child. I’d give my life for you."

The words were soft, but they filled the room as though she’d shouted them. Tormenting memories filled her mind. Ben and Rey flinched as a heartfelt plea echoed through the Force.

_I know every time you...every time you look at me you’re reminded of him..._

_You think I want to forget him? I want him back._

She felt Ben’s agony at hearing that gruff voice, even if only in a whisper of a memory.

"All I've wanted since the day we parted was for you to come back," his mother said softly, the painful reminiscence tucked away to spare them all.

Rey’s lips parted with emotion, affected by the open longing in Leia’s eyes. Then a smoldering rage began to stir on the other end of the Bond and she looked up at Ben, startled.

The Force shifted around them dangerously as Dark anger lashed in him, and Rey gasped when her attempt to soothe it was sharply repudiated.

"Since the day we parted...” he repeated in a voice like soft thunder.

Leia saw the change in him and searched his eyes with bewilderment.

“Yes, we— we missed you,” she told him, fisting her hands in the fabric of her robe, though it didn’t conceal the way they shook.

“You missed me,” Ben reiterated her words again in that same ominous tone. Then he raised his chin with a look in his eyes that made Rey shiver. His face tightened, lips pulling back to bare his clenched teeth.

“Then why did you get rid of me?”

“We didn’t!” his mother said, growing pale.

“You packed me off to Luke the moment you got sick of dealing with me,” he snarled, livid.

"We were trying to help you, to _protect_ you," Leia insisted, as though it were an explanation repeated more times than she could count.

"I was ten!"

Rey stared up at Ben. With a sickening sense of betrayal, her eyes turned disbelievingly to regard her mentor with new eyes.

She'd known Leia had struggled when she came to the decision that Ben needed his uncle's help to master his connection with the Force, and that she’d truly believed her twin was the only one who could help. She’d done it out of love and a desire to keep him from destroying himself with his own power.

But ten?

“I wish I’d made a different choice, that I’d found another way to help you,” Leia admitted, the lines of her face deepening with heartsick regret. “But I can’t unmake the past.”

Clinging to Ben, Rey found herself torn.

She was still shaken by the revelation that he’d been sent away so young. It was hard to forgive, knowing the agonizing sense of abandonment he must have felt—that she _knew_ he still felt.

Even so, looking into Leia’s eyes, she saw the tormented soul of a mother who ached for her child. Brushing her mind against her daughter’s, Rey couldn’t imagine the pain of enduring the icy glare Ben fixed Leia with now.

She had made mistakes, but Rey didn’t doubt Leia was telling the truth of her regrets. It wasn’t Rey who needed to be convinced, however.

The muscles in Ben's jaw rolled as he ground his teeth in frustration and with a startled breath, she felt the turmoil his mind was barely managing to withstand overflow. Horrified, she realized just how far his control had slipped.

It had all been too much—the shock of facing the woman who represented so much of what he hated about his past, pain and regret dredged up from where he'd buried it away in the hope of forgetting…and the whisper of longing neither mother nor son could silence.

_I don't want this! I won't let you do this to me—not again!_

Rey heard his mind's tortured howl, the ill-mended scars on his heart rupturing and bleeding anew under the weight of his mother's gaze. Releasing his arm, she reached up to touch his face, trying to get him to look down at her. She sensed the storm deep inside him, the Bond humming discordantly as her Light tried to soothe his Darkness, but it was no good. It was nothing like the fury she'd felt him command as he'd torn his way through the Resistance and then his own men.

This was chaos, untamed and unbalanced...and already breaking free.

Leia felt it, too. Her brows creased with fear…fear for him. As if on some impulse, long unpracticed but nonetheless instinctive, she reached up to touch her son's face.

But the sight of that hand outstretched towards him only made matters worse.

"You need to go," Rey told Leia worriedly, voice strained with the incredible effort of holding Ben together. She was desperate to give Ben the space he needed to let her help him rein in his emotions.

"Please, Leia!"

Leia remained standing there, however—frozen. In her expression, Rey could see devastation as she watched the son she'd brought into this life consumed by the hurt and hatred that had festered in him all these years.

Turning back to him, Rey put everything she had into overcoming the furious riot of Ben's Darkness. He was going to destroy himself. She wrapped her mind around his, not about to let that happen, her Light refusing to submit to its fiercely dominant mate.

They were evenly matched, however; and when he didn’t relent, she stood her ground, locking them together in a battle of will that could have no victor.

The Force raged around them, though it was nothing to the tortured discord tearing through the Bond. Light and Dark opposed one another in a violation of the glorious design through which their souls had been joined.

Then came another.

It was small. Fragile. It wavered, uncertain but undeterred.

A slight stream of Light reached out, seeking through the Darkness.

Rey felt Ben’s mind turn towards it, taken aback. He hesitated for only a moment…just long enough.

The baby had reveled in her father's company, enjoying his presence and missing him when he couldn't be with them. Only with her mother had she done what she did now, however.

His daughter stretched forth her fragile consciousness, reaching for Ben. It was difficult without Rey's mind guiding her, but she was determined. When she finally brushed against his mind, startling him, he turned his chaos-ridden eyes downward to stare at the rounded swell of the growing life. 

They all stood there, looking at Rey's belly, the Force surrounding them seeming to still in expectation.

Having captured his attention, the baby sent a soft wave of feeling to him—to her Daddy. It was filled with love, comfort, and Light. Such Light!

Ben's knees slammed to the floor, his shaking hands reaching out. Tears fell down his pale cheeks without care as that little spark of wondrous life touched his mind again, this time with simple affection, the fear and fury which had disturbed her peaceful slumber forgotten as the Darkness receded.

Overwhelmed by the love given so unconditionally, Ben pressed his face to the warm skin sheltering their baby and let himself go. His arms came around Rey, holding her tight, and she cradled his head against her.

Her lips trembling, Rey looked up to meet Leia's gaze, touched by the glistening tears that stood in her eyes. The women shared a moment of absolute understanding, and Rey saw the intense emotion laid bare before her.

She'd known it was there. She just wished Leia had unbent enough to say the words out loud to the one for whom they would mean the most. She was too much like her son, however. As Leia took a breath she seemed to tug on her emotions, tucking them safely away for the moment—but Rey knew.

With a nod of gratitude and affection, the older woman entrusted her feelings to the care of someone who would keep them safe until she and Ben were ready to face them. Having felt the unparalleled joy of her own child's love, Rey swore she would make certain that they would be one day.

_I'll help you. I'll help you both._

She didn't share a mental link with her mentor as she did with Ben, but Rey thought Leia may have understood the look in her eyes regardless. Her love for her son may have faltered at times with doubt and insecurity, and perhaps it had even failed them both when it should have mattered most—it had never lost its enduring strength, however.

The silvered head nodded to her once more before turning back to regard the man kneeling on the floor like a penitent clinging to the promise of absolution.

"My granddaughter seems to have decided enough has been said for one night," Leia said softly, as though unwilling to disturb the sanctity of the moment. “And she’s right.”

Despite her words, she lingered, waiting to see if Ben would say anything. Rey nudged his mind gently, but he didn't acknowledge his mother. At his refusal, Leia turned away, hiding the tears Rey nonetheless knew had finally slipped past her rigorous control.

As she reached the door, she stopped and turned to look back at them. Her eyes returned, as though magnetized, to rest on the dark head pressed to the future her son had created for himself.

"I'll take care of them," Leia told him, her lovely, resonant voice raw with pain she pushed aside valiantly. "They'll both be safe…I promise you that."

Shoulders stooped with sorrow, Leia stepped out. Then Rey heard her breath hitch in reaction to the nearly imperceptible words whispered huskily just before the door closed.

"Thank you."

Rey smiled through her own tears, not needing a connection to feel Leia's startled joy overflow at her son's words. It was only for an instant, but by the tremor of helpless feeling that passed through Ben's mind, she knew he'd sensed it too. Leia quickly controlled her emotions as her unsteady footsteps drifted away down the corridor, leaving them to the privacy she'd disturbed.

In the ensuing silence, Rey wove her trembling fingers through Ben’s hair.

 **_She feels like you,_ ** he told her through their Bond, too overwhelmed to speak. He looked up at Rey, a soul-deep sense of something she would almost call peace in the depths of his gaze. **_Her Light. It feels so much like yours._ **

**_She gets it from both of us, Ben,_ **she told him, thinking of the night he'd soothed her fears over the vision, wrestling his Darkness into submission to allow their joined Light to dominate the Bond.

Ben might admit the Light Side still claimed a part of his soul, but Rey knew he didn't really believe it belonged there. He used it when he needed to, which was typically to bolster her when her own strength to endure flagged. Otherwise, Ben seemed to make a habit of ignoring its existence with a stubbornness she suspected came from shame.

As firmly as he embraced the Dark Side and had no intention to ever turn from it, there was a part of him that held onto the memory of the boy who'd tried so hard to live within the Light.

There was a radiance in Ben that most would never see. Nonetheless, it was the source of so much of who he was, no matter how the Dark had shaped him in the years since he gave himself over to its cold embrace. The star she saw within her mind whenever she looked for him came from it, shining out for her with an eternal vow.

No, Rey was not the sole reason their daughter's lifeforce was filled with such Light.

Bump had inherited the best parts of them both—even their Darkness. And just as that meant this baby wasn’t condemned before she’d even had a chance to live, so too was it true of another, born three decades before.

Ben released a harsh breath, staring up at Rey with a shattered look in his eyes. She felt him slowly yielding to her conclusion, and smiled when the resistance finally gave way.

"Come on, Ben," she said coaxingly, hands leaving his hair to tug at his shoulders. "Come to bed with me."

He rose slowly, but hesitated when Rey tried to lead him back over to her bunk. She looked up when he stopped, mind questioning. Shaking his head, he tugged her a few steps and reached out to touch the headboard of his bed, making it appear before her.

With his hand at her back, she slipped into the silky sheets, his mattress admittedly larger and much more comfortable than hers. Watching him climb in next to her, however, she suspected his preference had more to do with separating himself from Rey's surroundings…too close to someone else he longed to feel far away from right now.

Once settled, Ben reached for Rey and drew her in against his chest. He held her tight, curling his long body around her. Close, secure, and huddled together with their baby between them, the muscles of his shoulders finally began to soften, releasing the tension.

Rey rubbed her nose against his chest and embraced his mind warmly with her own.

His palm moved in long strokes along her back, slipping down to follow the rise of her hip and then seeking upwards again to find the curve of her shoulder. On another night, his hand would have roved further. He'd have stolen beneath her hem to map each curve, worship the freckles the sun had dusted over her skin, and delve deep to find the intimate welcome that was always there for him.

Ben was far from aroused now, however. She didn't think he would be able to let go of tonight's stress enough to rekindle the flame—and perhaps that was for the best. Passion could be too simple an escape from reality. The fact that he didn't even try to lose himself in her body told Rey that he realized it too.

Just as Leia loved her son, Rey knew that Ben still cared about his mother. That’s why it all hurt so much. He denied it to himself, but he'd given her access to the full depths of his emotions far too often for him to hide it away from her.

Even with all those raw emotions laid bare, it didn't prevent him from trying.

"I'd never wanted to see her again," he said, voice rough.

"She loves you so much, Ben," Rey whispered, but knew she'd made a mistake the moment she’d spoken.

With a pained noise, he pulled away and sat up, swinging his legs off the side of the bed. Hunching over, he propped his elbows on his knees.

"Please, don't," he pleaded desperately, burying his face in his hands—hiding from himself even if he couldn't hide from her.

Rey shivered at his sudden withdrawal. Chilled by the night air without him to hold her, she watched Ben cave in on himself, aching for him.

Talking it over wasn't going to work, not right now. He had reached the limit of what his heart could bear. Pushing him further was only going to agitate him and lead to an argument that they'd both regret.

Sighing, she sat up and slipped across the bed to curl up against the warmth of his broad back.

"Okay," Rey murmured soothingly, kissing the nape of his neck as she reached her arms around his waist. "But it's not going to do any good to avoid it any longer. You know that, don't you?"

He released a heavy breath and dropped his hands to take hers, pulling her closer.

"Yes," he murmured, playing idly with her fingers. "But not tonight."

Ben's shoulders relaxed somewhat at her nod. She felt it as she pressed her cheek into the soft skin just above the collar of his shirt. They remained there, quietly allowing the silent reassurance passed through the Bond to ease the strain of a night that had been meant to be a loving reunion for them alone.

“Be with me, Ben,” she whispered against his skin. “Not the memories.”

Rey waited for him patiently and eventually he released another deep breath, squeezing her fingers before letting them go. She welcomed him with the tenderness she knew he needed when he turned back to face her.

“Then help me forget, Sweetheart,” he answered.

She cradled his face in her hands and rose on her knees to press in close.

“No, I won’t help you forget,” Rey told him, but as she leaned up to kiss him she promised, “I’ll help you move on, though.”

Ben’s hold firmed on her and his breath grew heavy, but still, his hands didn’t wander. Together, they let the quiet simplicity of joined lips be all that mattered. The galaxy was at war, their secret had been discovered, and they’d no idea how long it would take for their dream to come to fruition. 

Yet, all of that existed beyond the small pocket of space and time in which there was only a man and a woman who loved one another in defiance of any of it.

Rey felt a warm palm press against her cheek and when they broke away from one another, she turned her head and kissed it, too. His other hand snugged her into him more securely, Bump nestled against her Daddy’s hard stomach.

Looking back up, she smiled, running her fingertips affectionately over his scar. He gazed down at the curve of her lips, but his own didn’t lift to mirror her expression. It tugged at her heart, almost pulling the lines of her face down. She wanted so badly to see him smile for her again tonight.

Then she had an idea.

“You know...” Rey began, looping her arms loosely around his neck and giving him a considering look that nonetheless held a hint of flirtation.

“Know what?” he asked, eyes holding the faintest gleam of the lightheartedness they’d shared before tonight had been so spectacularly thrown off-course.

“We can’t fall asleep together...not unless I want a sore backside when you slip off, anyway,” Rey commented musingly. “And I think we’re both content to leave our clothes on for the time being. However, there _is_ something that would make the time we have left more enjoyable.”

Ben made a noncommittal sound, but she felt his mind grow eager, interested to hear what she wanted to propose.

She frowned as though giving the matter great thought, tapping her fingers along the back of his neck beneath the fall of his hair. Then she looked at him with grave seriousness.

“Didn’t you once mention something about having a whole crate of apples?”

He blinked, then his breath brushed over her growing smile as he gave a soft huff.

The crinkles flared out from the corners of his eyes, dimples grew around his upturned lips, and Rey watched delightedly when Ben threw his head back and laughed. She squeaked in surprise, though, when she unexpectedly fell over with him, landing amidst the soft sheets, a pile of pillows cradling them as he continued to shake with amusement.

 _He must be hoarding them these days,_ she thought, eyeing just how many pillows were strewn about them with a humorously raised brow.

“I’ve told you, I’m not taking any more of these,” Rey warned, poking her finger into his chest.

“No?” he asked, hilarity tapering off. He was still smiling as she shook her head at him, however. 

“Then you’ll have to take this, instead,” Ben told her, holding out his hand with a silent summons.

“That’s not an apple,” she commented when the bright blue fruit landed in his hand.

“You’ll get your crate of apples, Sweetheart, I promise,” he teased, offering her his gift. “I think you’ll enjoy this, though.”

Rey held it up to her nose, as had become her habit. She smiled at the scent that, for as many different flavors as he’d shared with her, she couldn’t think of how to describe. It didn’t matter, however, and though her mouth watered with the anticipation of tasting it, she moved instead to partake of a delicacy she’d savored many times and would never tire of devouring.

 **_I do,_ **she told him, nibbling his lips.

Ben pulled back suddenly and strong emotion flared in his eyes as he stared at her. She gazed back in confusion. She didn’t get the chance to ask what had affected him so powerfully, however, as his lips quickly reclaimed hers with a heady passion.

Pressing back into his kiss, Rey answered the intensity of his hope and longing with her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last!! To everyone who kept on asking about Leia, I would like to thank you so much for your patience. I've been itching to get to this chapter for ages! I know it's a long wait to _finally_ confirm just how much Space Mum knew about the shenanigans going on in Rey's room (a.k.a. EVERYTHING), but even if things got a bit tense, I hope you're happy to see her officially make her way into ASTOS.
> 
>  **A WHOLE Chapter With Ben!:** He was there with Rey right from the get-go ~ a rare treat! There's usually a lead-in with one of Rey's friends, but this time Ben decided to saunter right on in. I s'pose he just can't keep his hands off his Force-mate, huh? That big, ol' lug!
> 
>  **It's Personal:** Oh dear. Well, I don't think we could have expected Ben & Leia's first meeting to happen without some sparks flying. It took me a while to weave the confrontation between mother and son together ~ I knew I had to get it _right._ When I started to struggle, I went searching and pulled up some images from the scene in TLJ where Ben and Leia connect with one another right before the _Raddus's_ bridge is blown apart. It was so helpful to see those intense emotions as I let them guide me through this important conversation. I think it was vital to allow Ben the chance to vent, but at the same time, Leia deserved to allow her own hurt to matter too. There are no easy answers to the problems between them. They've worked up a lot of anger and pain, but at least they've finally faced one another. Now, even if she dislikes how it came about, Rey has the opening she needs to help them find some healing…
> 
>  **Sassy Space Mum:** On the subject of Leia…you just KNOW that she would have been tickled pink at having the opportunity to give her son and his girlfriend a hard time about trying to keep their relationship and…other things…a secret. Right? Right.
> 
> If you're sad about the way she parted from Ben & Rey, never fear. We'll be seeing plenty of her, and I have a good feeling about Rey's resolution to help them make peace. *hugs*


End file.
